


(if you should fall into my arms) tremble like a flower

by flowersmaze



Category: WTFock | Skam (Belgium)
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Come Eating, Crying, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Dom/sub Undertones, Exhibitionism, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, Kink Discovery, Kink Exploration, Kink Negotiation, M/M, Oral Sex, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, References to David Bowie, Rimming, Sander Driesen is Extra, Snowballing, Voyeurism, Watersports, slight humiliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:14:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 159,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24843625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowersmaze/pseuds/flowersmaze
Summary: Robbe’s not shy, and he’s used to Sander’s way of showing affection.But sometimes he just... struggles.Struggles to accept the attention. The love.Sander wants to give him everthing, and also to take everything, and several discoveries are made along the way.(a fic about control, love and Bowie references)
Relationships: Sander Driesen/Robbe IJzermans
Comments: 372
Kudos: 767





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> hi, welcome. I don't know how long this fic will be, but I wrote six chapters already. Let me know what you think in the comments, also kudos are always welcome. Thanks in advance to zaddyskam for indulging my initial prompts and encouraging me to write this mess. 
> 
> Fic title is from David Bowie's "Let's Dance".

It’s not like Robbe is shy.

He isn’t, can’t be, not after having to bare his soul time and time again to Sander, saying _fuck Chernobyl_ and other embarrassing stuff he sometimes can’t even believe he’s blurted out loud.

It’s not like Robbe’s not used to Sander’s constant need for physical contact, either.

Not after letting Sander roam his hands through his body, touching and holding him in a way he’s never felt before. Sometimes it feels like Sander is afraid that Robbe’s gonna disappear the second they’re not touching. Like he has to, _needs to_ touch, even in the smallest of ways.

Like rubbing his toes through Robbe’s leg under the table while they’re at Milan’s kitchen discussing Jens’ love life (more like he’s refusing to disclose anything about a certain blue-eyed boy and the boys are giving him hell for it). Like holding the sleeve of Robbe’s coat, eyes sleepy and drooping while he orders them coffee and a piece of cake at the bakery, tired but refusing to let Robbe go and find them a table (“you know if we sit we’ll never gather enough strength to get up and get to school in time”).

So yeah, Robbe’s not shy, and he’s used to Sander’s way of showing affection.

But sometimes he just struggles.

Struggles to… accept.

To receive the attention. The love.

The first time he truly felt Sander’s eyes on him, he thought he would combust on the spot, fueled by shitty gin and tonic. He just couldn’t believe someone – no, he couldn’t believe _Sander_ was truly giving him the double take, the full scan, the eye-fucking, the _I’m about to press you into the wall and suck the life out of you_ look. It’s not that Robbe thought himself to be ugly, he’s just never felt so vulnerable. Nobody’s ever looked at him like that on purpose, not bothering to hide it or pretend it wasn’t happening. Fuck, Sander didn’t even had the decency to blush.

And it never stopped either. Robbe thought he would get used to Sander looking at him that way, with intent, with something more than affection, something more than desire, but he never did. He knew Sander loved him, _he loved Sander, too_ , but Sander had such an open way of showing it, it made Robbe feel on display. Sander’s never afraid to open himself to Robbe, not after everything they went through.

Like right now.

They’re lying on the bed, naked and panting, Sander with cum still drying on his chest, and Robbe can barely look at him right now, trembling with aftershocks. Having Sander touch him always makes him slightly delirious, his own thoughts floating like they’re underwater. When he finally catches his breath and looks at Sander, the urge to moan again is strong, so he runs a hand through his own face.

Sander is lying down, his mouth still a little wet, looking at him. Just looking. Staring at Robbe’s face, his chest, his nipples. His bleached hair frames the pillow like a halo, and _oh god fuck_ it should not be so hot, _he’s staring at Robbe._

‘Hi’, Robbe says, still dazed.

‘Hello’, Sander replies, moving so he rests his body sideways, mimicking Robbe’s position.

‘Come here’, he says, pulling Robbe’s body close to his, and he shivers at the way his now soft dick is lightly touching the sheets, a thin line of cum connecting it to his leg, and Sander is still looking at him.

Time passes and Robbe is only vaguely aware that they’re supposed to get up, put on some clothes and meet the boys somewhere, have a couple of beers before going to Noor’s weird art expo (because there’s no way they’ll survive dealing with more than three weird art kids inside the same room without alcohol), but the details are… hazy at best.

It’s hard to remember anything when Sander keeps softly petting his chest and stomach like that. It’s even harder to think now that Sander touches Robbe’s dick, pressing his finger against the now flaccid skin before grabbing it. Not doing anything to it, just holding it in his hand.

‘Uh… what are you doing?’

‘Nothing’, Sander mumbles, like he’s not even aware he just grabbed Robbe’s cock.

‘Sander, ‘m sticky and gross…’, Robbe tries to free himself from the boy’s hold, but Sander just replies ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’, not moving his hand, and it should not be so mortifying, _he had your dick inside his mouth not even five minutes ago, goddamnit_. But there’s something so domestic, so raw about being touched without second intentions, just Sander holding his dick because he can, _maybe because he wants to_ , Robbe thinks, that it’s almost too much.

It feels like Sander’s cracking Robbe open, saying _let me see all of you_ , and it’s so strange that Robbe can’t even fathom the possibility. With a sigh, he twists himself free, sitting on the bed for a grand total of three seconds before getting up, much to Sander’s dismay.

‘Nooooo, come back’, Sander muffles a whine into the pillow.

‘We have to meet the boys, I think we’re already late, Sander’, he justifies, grabbing some clean clothes before moving towards the door, not daring to meet Sander’s gaze.

‘Can we at least shower together? To save water, you know’, and how can Robbe even think about refusing such an offer?

‘Sure, fine, let’s go’, he complies.

Not bothering with clothes (they finally had the apartment to themselves after almost a month of stifled groans and silent, intense sex), Robbe walks to the bathroom, trying and failing to ignore Sander’s gaze on him at all times.

‘I’m going first, before you use all the hot water’, he says, to which Sander snorts and replies ‘I do not! ‘s not my fault you don’t appreciate the blessings of hot running water, I have to make it count!’, which is true, the shower at Sander’s flat seems to have a mind of its own, alternating temperatures whenever it pleases, but still.

Robbe is already rinsing his body by the time Sander arrives at the bathroom, putting his phone in the counter before asking ‘Hey, did you see that they’re making a Bowie musical? I wonder what phase of his work they will use as inspiration, or if it’s like a biography thing…what do you think?’

And Robbe is thinking _I hope it’s the Ziggy Stardust phase, with all the glitter and colors and stuff_ , but as he grabs the towel and turns to Sander to reply, his train of thought is interrupted. Actually, his train of thought is completely derailed, crashed into a metaphorical wall. Because Sander is just standing, his back turned to him, his ass, _his perfect ass_ on display, as he holds his dick at an angle to pee.

And maybe he thought Robbe wouldn’t see, that he would still be showering, because that was something they hadn’t done until now. Piss in front of each other.

Which should not be a big deal, but it also is. It is a big deal precisely because Sander isn’t making it into a big deal. Because Sander is so chill, so open, that it only makes sense that he wouldn’t feel the need to shy away from peeing in front of Robbe, while the mere thought of doing the wrong thing, of being seen _like that_ is enough to make Robbe blush.

So Robbe can only stare, transfixed, as Sander groans, and it’s so much, his voice, the sound of his pee against the porcelain bowl, the way his legs are slightly folded so he can direct the stream a bit better. It’s so much that it takes a while to register that Sander is talking to him, is _looking at him again_.

‘What?’ Robbe finally says, still looking at Sander’s dick, the stream getting smaller now.

‘About the musical? What do you think?’

‘Oh, it’s gonna… gonna be good’ Robbe forces himself to answer, finally tearing his eyes away from the droplets of pee still leaking out of Sander, moving his sight up and oh. Oh God. Sander is staring at him, looking like the cat that ate the canary, trying _so hard_ not to smirk like the goddamn tease he is. At times like these Robbe wishes he could jump out of the window and just run away from every embarrassing thought he’s ever had, but alas.

‘Yeah, I think so, too. So, you done?’

‘Huh?’ Robbe tries to play innocent, like he didn’t just spend the last three minutes openly staring at his boyfriend’s dick while he pissed.

‘The shower, Robbe’, Sander smiles, amused, flushing the toilet and moving past him to turn on the faucet. ‘You said we were late already, so I’ll make this quick, just go change and we can leave in, like, five minutes’.

‘Yeah, okay’ he replies, trying to make his face stop burning like a house on fire, not daring to look at Sander inside the shower, not even acknowledging the fact that he’s hard, that he just got hard from seeing Sander pee.

Which reminds him, fuck. _Fuck._ He really needs to pee, and no, that’s not the time, he’s been cracked open enough as it is for one day. There is no way he’s going to pee in from of Sander right now, _especially not with a boner._

Pressing the base of his dick with his palm and cursing himself silently, Robbe puts his underwear and leaves the bathroom, already praying that he can run to the gallery’s restroom before the exposition begins. For once, he’s not aware of Sander’s gaze on him like a hawk, not aware of the small smile on Sander’s lips as he watches his flustered boyfriend leave.


	2. two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! Big thanks to everyone who read and left kudos/comments! Here's the second chapter, the story is going to be a slower burn than originally planned, but I promise it's worth it!

It’s half past midnight and Sander decides that there’s something wrong with his boyfriend.

Ever since they left the house, hurrying to catch the bus and maybe not get scolded by Jens for showing up late once again (“if you could stop sucking each other’s faces for two seconds maybe you wouldn’t be so late” “yeah, I don’t think that’s gonna happen”), Robbe had been jumpy, alert, like he needed to get somewhere soon. Like he needed to get away from something. Blushing when Sander touched his hand, which… okay, cute, but also a bit much.

Had Sander done something wrong? Was he being too forward? He knew not everyone got his… intense way, but Robbe had been different. Robbe accepted him, and cared for him, which just made everything different. It made Sander feel confident in his own skin, that such an incredible, sensitive, _hot_ guy like Robbe could love him and embrace all of his flaws. It made him want to give everything he had, and, in turn, to take everything Robbe had to offer.

They just arrived at the bar, Jens, Robbe and Noor violently discussing something involving face masks and oatmeal (maybe another ridiculous skin care routine video was coming), and Sander ordered beers for everyone and a soda for him, not wanting to mess up his medication. Robbe laughs and looks at Sander, who holds his gaze, smiling. Robbe looks down, timid, and seems surprised to see that Sander’s eyes never left his face.

Looking at Robbe is like looking at the sun, so bright, so fierce and warm, that it stings Sander’s eyes sometimes. But he can’t look away. Can’t possibly look away from this boy, from _his boy,_ and he knows it’s kind of creepy, the way he looks at Robbe all the time, the way his eyes scan every room until they settle on him, like they’re magnets, forever attracted to each other by some invisible force.

He’s seen the look in people’s faces when they catch their fingers interlocked under the table, or the way Sander likes to tug at the bottom of Robbe’s shirt when they’re in the middle of a crowd as not to lose him. But’s comforting to know that Robbe doesn’t mind, that he likes it, even. It makes Sander want to give him _everything._

And Sander saw the heat in his eyes the week before, when he caught his boyfriend staring at his dick while he peed. He chose not to say anything, but the feeling, the _need_ stayed at the back of his mind. Maybe he should talk about it with Robbe.

But not now.

Now, he’s not so sure what’s happening. Robbe has been agitated all evening, jumping from conversation to conversation, downing beers like it was nothing, which is a sign that he’s kind of antsy. Maybe his school project is not coming along so well. As usual, Robbe will forget to drink water and get a massive hangover tomorrow. With this thought floating around, Sander grabs a bottle of water at the bar and moves towards his boyfriend.

‘Hey’

‘Hallo’

‘Got you some water, you’ve been drinking nothing but beer since we got here’

‘Oh, thanks, you’re right’

‘Yes, I am’ Sander smiled, cocking his head, earning a smile from Robbe. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘Yeah, sure, why?’

‘You just seem kind of… anxious, I guess’

‘m fine’ Robbe mumbled, his finger tracing the seam of Sander’s shirt, moving up to rest at his neck.

‘Okay, cool. Drink your water’

‘Yeah, yeah, fine’ He complained, but did as he was told, unscrewing the cap and taking big gulps, Sander never taking his eyes off of him. As he pauses to breathe, Sander tilts the bottle, playful.

‘Drink the rest, I don’t want you to wake me up in the middle of the night to get you water’

‘The kitchen’s not that far away’ Robbe snorts, the water bottle now empty in his hand.

‘Yeah, but last time I did that I ran into Milan and that guy Benoit, and I wish I could unsee the things I saw’

‘Oh, God’

They laughed together, and Sander leaned to kiss Robbe, taking the bottle from his hand.

‘Gonna throw this away, be right back’

By the time he returned, Robbe was already deep in conversation with Noor again, which sparked just the tiniest bit of jealousy inside Sander, even though he knew things were settled and over between them (and the redheaded girl giving Noor bedroom eyes from across the table certainly thought so, too).

Maybe half an hour later, Sander kept getting distracted from his conversation with Moyo, catching some movement from the corner of his eye every so often. He finds the source of his distraction, and of course that it’s Robbe. Moving around in his chair, placing his elbows at the table and then taking them off, he seemed agitated, physically unable to remain in one place for longer than ten seconds.

This pattern continues for a while, and Sander tries not to laugh. It’s only after seeing Robbe twist his legs and mumble an excuse to Noor, running to the bathroom, that it clicks in Sander’s mind. So he follows Robbe.

The bathroom is small, and there are no individual stalls, just four urinals pressed in a row. Trying not to appear suspicious, Sander approaches Robbe, who’s unzipping his pants with a groan.

‘Hey, is everything ok? You just took off’

‘m fine, Sander’, Robbe replies, and Sander can tell he’s already blushing.

‘You sure? Ever since we got here you’re just so anxious’ He tries to keep the conversation going, testing the waters to see how far he’ll go before Robbe gets too embarrassed and shuts him up.

‘I just have to go’

‘Go?’

‘I really have to pee, Sander, so can you…’

‘Can I…?’ Sander replies, enjoying far too much the way Robbe’s voice falters before he speaks.

‘Don’t wanna do it in front of you’

‘What? Why not?’

's embarrassing'

'What?' He said, incredulous.

‘Sander, please…’

‘Alright, I’m going’, Sander turns away from Robbe, who sighs in relief, and turns on the faucet, washing his hands and, yet, he can’t look away from Robbe, not even through the mirror. From his position in the sink, he can see Robbe’s back in the mirror, sees the moment Robbe lets go, hears the stream hitting the urinal and his shoulders slumping, relaxed. It’s too much. He has to look, has to see Robbe’s face.

Not bothering to turn off the faucet, Sander walks slowly as not to disturb Robbe, not to scare him into hiding again. He moves until his body is almost flush with Robbe’s, his chin lightly touching Robbe’s neck, and _fuck_ , he will never stop looking at this boy. Robbe’s dick is supported by one of his hands, curved towards the urinal, a long, thick stream of pee washing down.

He doesn’t know if Robbe’s avoiding him on purpose or if he’s so relaxed from relieving himself that he doesn’t notice, but he still doesn’t say anything. It’s not until he feels Robbe smiling against his face that Sander realizes _oh, he knows I’m here, and he likes it_. This discovery is enough to send Sander’s thoughts into oblivion, and he grips Robbe’s hips to steady himself.

‘Sander’

‘…’

‘Sander…’

‘Hmmm?’

‘What’re you doing?’ Robbe speaks softly, sounding a little drunk.

‘Nothing’ Sander replies into Robbe’s neck.

‘Nothing?’ Robbe laughs softly, and Sander only finds strength to mumble ‘Mmmm’.

It feels like an hour has passed and Robbe is still peeing, the stream getting smaller now, and Sander cannot find it in him to feel ashamed when he looks this good, when he feels so soft and gold and perfect.

Knowing that Robbe knows that he is watching is making him feel like nothing’s impossible, like he can take over the world. Seconds pass and Sander notices that Robbe stopped peeing, but his hand is still holding his dick, now half hard and jutting a little.

‘Sander’

‘Hmmm’

‘We should get going’

‘Mhmm’ Sander replies, not moving.

They stay like that for a while, not moving, while Sander composes himself, gathers his breath, before mustering up some strength to let go of Robbe and _actually wash his hands_ this time. Robbe joins him in no time, quiet, the only sound is the water running.

Sander looks up and their eyes meet in the mirror, Robbe smiling, and Sander thinks _I want everything you can possibly give me. Every single thing._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, come scream at/with me on tumblr: https://bowiesmedusa.tumblr.com/


	3. three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my lovelies, things are getting more intense between these two. I highly recommend listening to 'Station to Station' when the boys do, I wrote the chapter with the song on repeat! Thanks in advance to my mutual viarose99 for the support and the laughs. Hope you all enjoy it!
> 
> Link to Station to Station: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY77zDzNmYw

It happens again.

They’re at the vintage thrift shop, browsing through the vinyl section, because Sander’s looking for a german copy of _Station to Station_. Robbe doesn’t exactly understand why Sander would want another copy of an album he already owns, especially when he doesn’t even have a record player at home, but his boyfriend is rambling a bit, saying _Bowie was so high and trippy when he recorded it, Robbe, the lyrics have tons of references to german stuff, I just know the german copy must sound extra amazing!_ , so Robbe entertains him, smiling along.

He leaves Sander for a while, distracted by the dusty collection of horror paperback books piled up in a corner, a sign that says _five books for $2_ beside it, which is a bargain if Robbe has ever seen one.

Doing these kinds of activities together feels like they’re on a date, like they’re two ridiculous teenagers (which they are) who blush at the mere touch of a hand (which they still do, sometimes). It’s good, it’s calm, and he likes the way he can feel Sander’s eyes on him from time to time, as if he’s making sure Robbe doesn’t go very far.

The afternoon was a bit cold, and Robbe is nursing the enormous cup of coffee they bought to-go at a bakery, enjoying the warmth spreading to his fingers. Sander had claimed they could share it, but hadn’t taken more than two sips before passing Robbe the cup and promptly forgetting about it.

He’s got his hands on a hardback copy of _The Stranger_ and is looking for a price tag when he hears his boyfriend calling.

‘Robbe, I found it!’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, come see’

As Robbe approaches him, he can see Sander carefully holding the large cardboard cover, a little worn at the edges but looking otherwise intact. David Bowie’s face stares back at them from what looks like the inside of a studio ( _or maybe it’s a spaceship_ , _Sander laughs_ ), the soundproof padding surrounding his profile, red letters above.

‘It’s a good looking record’

‘Yeah, he was a good looking man’

‘That he was’, Robbe agrees. ‘So, you’re gonna buy it?’

‘Woah, woah, not so fast! I need to check inside, see if everything’s here, maybe test it. Shit, do you think they have a record player here?’ Sander asks, eyes lighting up.

‘We can ask, this place looks like it hasn’t been touched since the 80’s’

Twisting around to grab at the side of the record, Sander presses at it carefully before slipping his long fingers inside, gently prodding to retrieve the black vinyl from its cover. His movements are precise, as if he’s afraid to scratch or stain the material, and Robbe watches, enraptured.

Finally, Sander pulls the vinyl, taking a look around, and reads the small words on the inside as Robbe finishes his coffee, trying to control his now erratic breathing.

Jesus, the sight of his boyfriend’s hands shouldn’t affect him so much, not now, _not here, goddamnit._ On a logical sense, he knew why that affected him, of course.

It’s because he knows what Sander’s hands are capable of, and just thinking about it, about his long, beautiful fingers doing all sorts of activities (rolling a joint, twisting in his hair, pulling at his dick, entering his hole) makes him blush, and maybe now he will have to add another activity to his list. Opening up a record.

Snorting at the insanity of the situation, Robbe follows the sight of his boyfriend, who’s speaking with the cashier, probably asking for a vinyl player, eager to test his newfound prize.

‘We can test it! I can’t believe I found it, you’ve got to listen, babe!’ Sander sound like a little kid at Kerstavond, desperate to find out which of the toys under the fireplace is his to play with.

Robbe tosses the now empty coffee cup into the nearest bin and walks with Sander, following the cashier, who takes them through a maze of books, records, old magazines, some decrepit pieces of furniture and even a piano, before stopping in front of an old phonograph that looks straight out of the 1800s.

‘All yours’ He mutters, before leaving, and Robbe wonders how they’re supposed to find the way back out, because fuck, he didn’t expect this store to be so big, and now he can’t barely hear any sounds to indicate the presence of other people here besides him and Sander.

Clearly not sharing his worries, Sander fiddles with the ancient record player, placing the vinyl carefully and putting the needle in the right position. Robbe makes a mental note to ask Sander when and how he learned to work a record player, especially a phonograph.

The weird, empty sound of the record begins, and then the distorted sounds pick up, like an airplane moving too close, like a spaceship, maybe, followed by the bass and guitar. Sander groans, the way he usually does when listening to Bowie, and Robbe doesn’t know which is better, the music or the sight of his boyfriend moving around to it, his head moving and body swaying from side to side.

Yeah, definitely his boyfriend.

‘God, everything sounds so much better on vinyl!’

‘Oh no, you’re not that pretentious type, right?’

‘But it’s true! Listen to this, it’s almost like you can feel Bowie singing here, in the shop’

Sander turns up the volume, echoes of the _thin white duke_ reverberating around, and it feels like time could stop right now, he wouldn’t even notice. Sander’s tapping his boot-clad foot now, looking at him and mouthing the lyrics. Robbe remembers how Sander told him that Bowie was deep into his drug abuse when he produced the album, and didn’t remember most of it afterwards, because he was so high during the process.

That’s how Robbe feels right now, slightly delirious, deep inside an empty, decaying shop, with David Bowie playing loud and this amazing boy staring at him, eyes burning holes inside his brain. He pulls him by Robbe’s front pockets, holding him close, and they kiss, moving slow, just enjoying the moment.

They finish the first song, which takes a long time, because it’s ten minutes long, and Sander lets go of him to work the player again, pulling the record.

‘It’s amazing, I’m buying it’

‘Great, how much is it?’

‘Don’t know yet, but I bet I can get a discount’

‘Really?’ Robbe eyes him, suspicious.

‘What, are you doubting my powers of persuasion?’ Sander cocks an eyebrow, teasing.

‘No, never’

‘Are you taking anything?’

‘Yeah, I saw some paperbacks before, the price was really good, I just have to find them again’

‘No shit, this place is a labyrinth’ Sander says, emphasizing the last word, and Robbe groans. ‘Get it? _Labyrinth?_ Like the movie-‘

‘I got it, you dumbass’ Robbe can’t help but laugh along, thinking how in the hell did he manage to fall for such a dork.

They walk around for a bit, Robbe finds the paperbacks and picks up some more books along the way, Sander still humming Bowie. As they’re approaching the cashier again, Robbe miscalculates the space around him and bumps his stomach against an old file cabinet, wincing in pain.

‘You ok?’

‘Yeah, just hit something’

‘Poor baby’ Sander coos at him and places his hand on Robbe’s stomach, massaging. Robbe’s about to thank him when his hand moves lower, and lower, until Sander is pressing the heel of his hand against Robbe’s stomach a bit harder.

Right above his bladder.

Wincing a little more now, Robbe tries to twist himself free, but the movement only brings Sander’s hand closer to his bladder, and he feels himself blush, noticing that the insane cup of coffee he drank earlier now swirled around inside him, ready to get out.

Fuck, he really needs to pee.

There’s no way Sander’s not doing this on purpose, he thinks, because he is now fully pressing his bladder, big hand splayed against Robbe’s lower stomach. Turning his head slightly, he mumbles.

‘Sander, I need to pee’

‘Mhmm’

‘Why don’t you go pay for our stuff while I go?’ Robbe offers, already feeling the painful tingle below his bellybutton.

‘No, I’ll come with you, just wait for me while I pay’

‘It’ll be fast, Sander, please’

‘I said wait for me, come here’

And Sander is tugging him along by the sleeve, looking entirely unaffected except for the glint in his eyes every time he looks in Robbe’s direction. Robbe is impatient now, twisting his legs as he watches Sander making small talk with the cashier, interrogating him about vintage record players and probably getting that discount he mentioned earlier.

Feeling on edge, Robbe pulls Sander’s jacket, eyes pleading.

‘Sander, come on’

‘Alright, I’m going’

Sander gives Robbe the packages containing his books and album, and tilts his chin in the direction of the bathroom at the side of the store. ‘Let’s go’.

It’s a single stall, made for one person at a time, but that doesn’t stop Sander from following Robbe along, locking the door behind them. Robbe looks around, trying to find some place to put the books, feeling about to burst now.

‘Sander, please, hold these while I go’

‘No’ He hears his boyfriend mutter from behind him.

What? Robbe doesn’t have time for this, he’s gonna piss his pants, but his hands are occupied, and he doesn’t trust the grimy bathroom floor enough to just drop his stuff.

‘Sander, I’m serious’

‘Okay, I’ll help you’, He complies.

With a sigh of relief, Robbe is about to turn around and place the books in Sander’s hands, but his boyfriend just snakes his hands around him, fiddling with the button and zipper of his jeans.

‘What are you doing?’ Robbe asks, feeling his face on fire.

‘m helping you. Put your hands down’

Feeling deeply embarrassed but also desperate to relieve himself, Robbe just plays along, and holds his hands at the sides of his body, trying to secure their purchases as best as possible.

Sander’s hot breath is at his neck while he pulls Robbe’s pants and underwear down just enough, stopping below the curve of his ass, sliding his hand and grabbing his soft dick. He holds it for a few seconds, rolling it in his palm before pulling it out and directing it towards the toilet.

He can’t believe this is happening, can’t believe he is letting his boyfriend hold his flaccid cock inside a tiny bathroom while he watches. It all feels very surreal, but he’s pulled back into reality when Sander’s other hand presses into his bladder again.

‘Jesus, Sander’

‘What?’

‘I need to piss’

‘Then piss’

‘I don’t know if I can, with you… y’know’ He admits, averting his gaze from where his boyfriend’s hand is holding his dick.

‘Yes, you can. Just go, Robbe, it’s okay, it’s just me’ The hand on his bladder is pushing harder, making his body flush with Sander’s back and, _oh fuck fuck fucking fuck_ , Sander is hard. The tingling returns with full force now, and Robbe can feel it coming, can sense the ache for release, so close now.

‘Sander…’

‘I’m waiting, Robbe’ His tone is more serious now, almost a command. ‘Just pee, it’s alright, I’m right here’.

Sander’s hand presses one last time and then he’s pissing, sighing at the feeling of relief, the long stream splashing against the toilet bowl, his boyfriend’s big hand guiding him.

Robbe feels his body sagging, the pressure from holding for so long finally disappearing. He’s moving slightly back and forth now, and his hazy brain registers some faint murmurs that sound like _that’s it, baby, there we go, so good_ , until he realizes that Sander is grinding into him.

‘Sander?’

‘Mmmmm’ He just hums, one hand holding Robbe, the stream of pee getting smaller, and the other still pushing into his stomach, but moving with intent now, effectively grinding his hardness into Robbe’s naked ass.

As the final drops are leaking from his cock, Sander moves his hand and palms at the slit, catching the remnants of pee, but not moving further. Robbe feels deeply relaxed, his weight being supported almost completely by Sander, and just lets his boyfriend do what he pleases.

It doesn’t take long before Robbe hears the telltale signs that Sander is about to cum, his thrust getting more erratic, hand still holding his wet dick into a loose grip. He buries his nose into Robbe’s hair, mumbling a string of _oh oh oh oh fuuuck_ and then he’s coming, soiling the inside of his pants.

They stay in this position for a while, Sander’s breathing coming back to normal, Robbe trying to make sense of what happened.

Finally, after what it seems like an eternity, Sander removes his hand from Robbe’s stomach, holding his hip instead. The hand holding his cock works naturally, shaking the final drops of pee into the toilet before moving to tuck Robbe back into his pants. He pulls his zipper up and closes the button, kissing Robbe’s neck.

‘You okay?’

‘…Yeah’ Robbe answers, feeling dazed.

‘Good, let’s go’

And then Sander’s turning around, opening the bathroom door and gently guiding Robbe by his arm until they are both outside. Robbe can only stare as Sander washes his hands in the small sink, ears turning pink as he notices the dark spot at the front of his jeans.

‘Got everything?’ Sander asks, as they reach the shop’s door.

‘Uh, I think so’

‘Give me the bags, I’ll carry them for you’

‘ _Now_ you want to carry them?’

‘Yeah, I figured your arms could use some rest’ Sander’s eyes are twinkling, burning, as he takes the bags from Robbe’s hands, and he feels like he could float the entire way home.

It seems like opening a record is no longer his new favourite use of Sander’s hands, and he mentally adds another feature to the list. _Rolling a joint, playing with my hair, opening a record, holding my dick while I pee._

He is so, so fucked.


	4. four.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello my lovelies, sorry about the size of this chapter, I got very excited and it got out of control LOL The smut is finally here with full force! Thank you all for the support, it means a lot to me, let me know what you think in the comments. Enjoy!

Four.

The night was calm, the chilly air helping to cool down Robbe’s blazing thoughts. He was quiet the whole walk home, feeling Sander’s eyes on him like a blanket, like a bonfire.

Two weeks have passed since the incident at the vintage shop, _if you can count the way Sander almost ate me up in the bathroom an incident_ , he thinks, and now his thoughts are more or less subdued.

Okay, Sander saw Robbe peeing, held him while he did it, and the world didn’t end, that was good.

Sander still wanted him, didn’t think he was a creep or mocked him or anything.

Not that he was expecting to be mocked or teased ( _or maybe wanted to be teased? Oh god oh god don’t go there don’t think about it oh it’s too much_ ), but in his mind it was still a lot, to know that Sander saw him, really saw him, and still wanted him.

But Sander also hadn’t said anything else, hadn’t done anything more.

Granted, they didn’t have a lot of opportunities to be alone together since then, Robbe busy with school, Sander taking multiple classes at once, hoping to finish his semester sooner so they could get away, maybe even travel somewhere.

The fact that the flat never seemed to be empty also didn’t help – when it wasn’t Zoe cuddling on the couch with Senne or gossiping with Jana (and Jens, who seemed perfectly happy tagging along for some reason, camera in hand), it was Milan and his endless string of hookups, moving around the flat at weird hours of the day.

So no, they didn’t have the chance to really talk about whatever it was that had happened.

But now Sander was walking him home, having met him at the park where he was helping the boys with the next broerrs vlog, which consisted of ranking cheap beers.

And by helping them he meant finishing the beers after Jens, Moyo and Aaron each took a big swig and judged the flavor, price and color from worst to best.

Surprising no one, most of the beers looked bad and tasted even worse, but hey, free beer.

Robbe stayed out of the camera range for the most part, but Jens insisted he appeared after the fourth beer, when Robbe got hiccups that were loud enough to be picked up by the mic.

That was the state in which Sander found him, laughing and hiccupping at the park, so he just stared at him, pulling him up from the park bench and they left, ignoring the boys’ complaints.

Robbe held Sander’s hand tight, feeling the breeze and sobering up a little more with each step, heat radiating from his boyfriend’s shoulder bumping into him.

‘Are you hungry? We can stop at the kebab place around the block, you know when we get home we’ll be too sleepy to get up’ Sander asks, tracing Robbe’s hand with his thumb.

‘No, ‘m fine, already sleepy’

‘Yeah, I’m not surprised, you drank a lot’

‘s’okay, I just need to drink some water and go to bed’

‘That’s all?’ Sander smiles, eyes fixed on Robbe’s lips.

‘Hm?’

‘That’s all you need tonight?’

‘Think so’ Robbe replies, trying to sound innocent, but he was still a bit drunk, so his brain-to-mouth filter might be off just a little.

‘Nothing else?’

‘Do you have something in mind?’

‘I can think of some things I still want’ Sander said, sounding amused.

‘Mmkay’

They arrive home in silence, dropping their coats and moving around the flat in unison, the movement already familiar.

Sander gets two glasses of water for them in the kitchen, and Robbe puts toothpaste on both their brushes when he leaves the shower.

Then, going the opposite ways, like a dance, Robbe drinking the water, Sander washing up and brushing his teeth, and by the time they meet again in the bedroom, it feels like they’re pieces in a machine, working together and moving in synchrony, never far away from each other.

‘Hi’

‘Hey’ Robbe replies, sitting on the bed, wearing only his shirt and boxers.

‘C’mere’ Sander motions, placing a bottle of lube in the corner of the bed, and pulls Robbe to sit in his lap. ‘You good?’

‘Yeah’ Robbe sighs, kissing Sander softly.

The kiss is tender and lazy, even when Sander places his hands on Robbe’s thighs, caressing up and down, and Robbe places one hand in his hair and the other holding his back, pressing their chests together.

Robbe sighs, opening his mouth, and Sander takes the opportunity to lick into his mouth, slowly, like they have all the time in the world.

Soon enough Robbe is panting, the kiss nothing more than wet lips and tongues meeting in the air, and he can’t resist the urge to grind into Sander’s lap, already hard.

Sander groans, snaking his hand inside Robbe’s shirt, long fingers dancing around until they find a nipple and tug, earning a quiet moan from Robbe.

The other hand joins soon, twisting and playing with the other nipple, and Robbe moans a little louder, pulling at Sander’s hair.

Being so responsive made him embarrassed, but also meant that Sander could read him like a book, completely attuned to his body, knowing exactly where to touch and feel to drive him mad.

Sander helps Robbe out of his shirt, the slow grind making him delirious with want, feeling the way Sander’s cock rubs against his own every time he moves. Robbe’s breath stutters when he feels Sander’s hand snaking down his back, moving around the seam of his boxers before going inside, his fingers stroking one cheek, then moving down, down the cleft of his ass to rest close to his hole.

‘Sander…’

‘Hm?’ Sander replies, not moving his hand, not doing anything but place lazy, scorching kisses on Robbe’s jaw and neck.

‘Please…’

‘What do you want, baby?’ He asks, the other hand stroking his hair, gripping at the nape of his neck, and Robbe can’t speak, can’t even think, can’t do anything but grind into Sander’s lap, still a little drunk, feeling hot and dazed.

‘Anything, please, just – just touch me’

‘Sshh, it’s okay, baby, ‘m gonna take care of you, okay? I’ve got you’ And it’s already too much, the way Sander touches him so softly, speaks to him so softly, and still manages to make Robbe feel like every nerve ending on his body is on fire.

Having Sander talk to him like that brings something from inside Robbe that he didn’t knew he needed, a tangible desire to be cared for, to maybe, _just maybe_ , give in to Sander the way he truly wants to, completely, without fear of judgement.

Dislocating himself from Robbe to lay him on the bed, Sander then moves around to take off his boxers, placing a pillow under his hips and taking off his own boxers, and Robbe thinks he should be used by now to the sight of Sander naked, sprawled on top of him, panting and staring, but he’s not.

He’s not used to it, and it’s a lot, he can’t breathe properly, moaning Sander’s name.

‘I’ve got you, baby, it’s okay, be patient, I’m here’ Sander mumbles into his neck, hands roaming everywhere, before moving his mouth down, latching to one nipple and sucking, licking until it’s red and sensitive and Robbe can’t contain the volume of his moans.

Sander never stops, his gaze a flame scorching Robbe from the inside, making him feel open, exposed, hyperaware of his every move, and his mouth keeps moving, open and licking his stomach, inside his bellybutton, down the soft trail of hair below. Robbe moans and tries to control his breathing, but Sander is relentless.

‘You look so good like this, baby, so soft and beautiful… I love you so much’

‘Hnnnng, Sander, fuck, please, fuck’ It’s all Robbe can reply, feeling his cock leaking into his stomach, red and aching to be touched, and feeling Sander’s dick bumping against his leg as he keeps moving down, not touching him where he wants the most, but moving his mouth to the junction of his hip, biting softly.

Robbe groans, hands moving to pet at Sander’s hair, pulling and trying to move his head towards his dick, but Sander just presses his hand hard into Robbe’s hip, pushing him into the bed, while moving lower, spreading his legs with both knees and diving down.

‘Oh, fuck, oh God Sander, fuuuuck’

‘I know, baby, I know, I’ll get there, it’s alright’ Sander coos at him, nosing into his groin, placing soft kisses between Robbe’s legs, his balls and taint, and _fuck_ , Robbe’s going to combust with desire.

This has been such a strange day, he feels like every word out of Sander’s mouth is going through a filter, and entering his brain in floods of _I want you, give yourself to me, you are safe with me_ and even though it’s a lot, it’s also exactly what he wants, and he likes that it’s a lot, _likes to be overwhelmed_.

Daring to look down, Robbe can only moan intelligible words as he sees his own cock red, leaking precum onto his stomach, still untouched, and Sander below, pushing his legs up until he is completely exposed, his ass up and open, hole fluttering around nothing.

Blushing even further, more than he thought possible, Robbe tries to stay still as Sander keeps staring hungrily at him, licking his lips, before finally speaking.

‘Fuck, Robbe, you look so good like this, spread out for me’ And Robbe can only stare, frozen, as Sander’s voice fades in and out of his mind, fingers holding his thighs open. ‘Gonna make you feel so good, you want that? Wanna come while I eat you out?’

Robbe can only nod, burning up, and sobs loudly when Sander finally lowers his mouth, placing a soft kiss on his rim before licking a long stripe from the crack of his ass to his balls.

Moving like a starving man, Sander kisses his hole, opening his mouth and licking into him, giving the filthiest of kisses, pressing his tongue against the little hole, trying to get inside.

The feeling of Sander’s mouth on him makes Robbe want to push away and press himself at the same time, so he grips Sander’s blond hair with one hand, trying to regain his composure.

He feels a crescendo of pleasure that threatens to spill, and it gets almost painful, the way his hole twitches around Sander, one thumb now pushing inside and holding him open, the slow movements of his tongue in and out, providing pleasure but not enough relief.

He wants Sander to do something more, lick him faster, finger him, fuck him, _anything really_ , but he seems just fine taking his time, moving his thumb, mumbling praises into Robbe’s leg, now snaking one hand to pet his dick.

He sighs, thanking every god in existence, but the action proves to be even more torture; Sander just touches the wet head of his dick softly, circling the tip and collecting precum, rubbing it between his fingers, tongue still fucking into him without mercy.

Robbe closes his eyes, breathing hard, frustrated, and entirely unprepared for the sensation of two slick fingers pushing into his hole, slow but firm, and _oh god fuck fuck fuck_ they’re the same fingers that touched his dick, Sander is using his precum to ease the glide, is fucking his precum inside of him.

And it’s so much, the steady rubbing of Sander’s fingers, his tongue licking around the rim, his other hand pressing against his thigh, and his voice, _his fucking voice_ murmuring softly ‘You taste so good, baby, you’re so pretty, I can’t wait to see you cum, spill all over yourself, so fucking hot’.

The loving, slightly teasing tone of Sander’s voice is what does it.

The orgasm takes Robbe by surprise, making his muscles contract, toes curling and his hand grasping Sander’s hair, and he can only moan and arch his back as his dick spurts ropes of cum across his chest and stomach, untouched.

Sander’s fingers are still inside him, his voice a background noise that turns his insides into molten lava, whispering something that sounds faintly like _yeah, you’re so good, come for me, there you go_ , not moving anymore, but not releasing the pressure either, and his hole clenches involuntarily around Sander’s fingers.

It feels like several minutes have passed (it could very well have been only ten seconds) but Robbe’s breathing gets less frantic, more controlled, and his legs feel so heavy, he knows that he will need help to move around for the next minutes.

He looks down and meets Sander’s gaze, burning holes inside his mind, smiling, his pupils dilated and dark.

‘…Hi’

‘Hello’

‘…Jesus, man’

‘Feeling alright?’ Sander asks, one hand easing his thighs down into the mattress, the other still under Robbe’s body, two fingers inside him.

‘Yeah, fuck’

‘Good’ He smiles, moving up a bit to press a chaste kiss to Robbe’s lips. ‘m gonna fuck you now, is that ok?’

‘Yeah, yeah’

Robbe sees that Sander is still hard, the head of his cock looking red and swollen, glistening, but other than that he looks calm, kissing Robbe slowly, nosing and peppering kisses all over his face before easing his fingers out.

‘Is this position good? Think ‘m gonna need to prep you a bit more’

‘My legs won’t survive another round like this’ He states, wincing at the slight movement.

‘It’s okay, turn around for me, c’mon’

Sander turns Robbe around and places the pillow under his torso, allowing him to relax his legs and letting Sander take control, spread his knees a bit with his hands before moving to grab the lube.

Still feeling a bit dazed, Robbe sighs at the cold sensation from Sander’s lubed fingers pressing again at his entrance, massaging the rim before pushing inside, now moving with intent, faster.

‘Let me know if it’s too much, okay? I know you’re still sensitive’ Sander says, kissing his back, angling the fingers a bit more, and Robbe nods, holding the pillow, trying to focus on the feeling of being spread open, Sander’s fingers almost touching his prostate before retracting, and he applies more lube, puts another finger.

The fit is tighter now, but also so good, and Robbe knows his boyfriend must be losing his patience, because he moves his hand a little faster, twisting the fingers and curling into Robbe.

‘Sander, ‘m ready, get in me’

‘You sure?’ He asks, knowing how Robbe can get overwhelmed after an orgasm, not wanting to hurt his boyfriend.

But Robbe only nods, mumbling ‘Yeah, get in me’, and that’s all the encouragement he needs before pulling out his fingers and squirting lube, spreading it along his dick and directing it to Robbe’s ass.

He slides just the head into the hole slowly before pushing inside in a long, firm movement. They moan in unison, Robbe holding the pillow against his torso, feeling so full, surrounded by Sander everywhere, his body pressed against him, hot breath on his neck, kissing the side of his face before moving in and out of him in deep thrusts.

His cock is hard again, rutting against the mattress everytime Sander grinds, but the friction is light, not enough to make him come.

Not that it matters right now, because Sander is moaning, a string of _oh god yeah fuck Robbe fuck you’re so hot god_ whispered against his hair, one hand supporting his weight on the bed, the other moving to hold Robbe’s body, pressing against his hip and resting below his bellybutton.

The thrusting pushes his body forward, the hand pressing more firmly now and oh.

Oh fuck.

Robbe needs to pee.

Sander’s hand is digging into his bladder, and he curses himself for drinking so much beer (and water) before, because now they need to stop so Robbe can pee. Great.

‘Sander, wait’

‘Hm? What’s wrong?’ He asks, moving in small thrusts now.

‘I need to pee’

‘Can you hold just a little? ‘m really close’

The feeling of fullness inside his ass and now the fullness of his bladder are making him sweat, and he knows that if he asks again, Sander will let him go, will wait until he relieves himself and returns, but he also wants to see how far he can take this… Wants to test.

Test how it would feel to control himself for Sander, to let the pressure and the pleasure and the _shame_ overtake him.

Trying to move around a bit, Robbe wills himself not to blush so profusely.

Because the thought of holding it, of _trying so hard not to piss_ , especially while hard, can be a lot.

He wonders, briefly, if Sander would keep talking to him, teasing, and he blushes again at the realization that he wants that.

That he likes it.

Likes the thought of Sander teasing him, taking and taking, making him squirm, likes to _feel embarrassed and praised and teased, and likes to hold his pee for Sander._ Breathing hard through his nose, Robbe squeezes Sander’s hand.

‘Okay, I can hold’

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah… I want to’ He admits, feeling his face and chest on fire.

‘Yeah? You gonna hold it for me until I cum?’

‘Mhmm’ And Robbe can feel Sander smiling against his neck, pulling him closer, releasing the pressure a bit.

‘Come here, let me sit up a bit’

Sander moves them around again until he’s half kneeling, half sitting on the bed, with Robbe on his lap. The position allows Sander to push deeper into him, the angle making his dick press against his prostate with every thrust, and Robbe moans.

‘Sander, fuck’

‘Yeah, I’m so close baby, you feel so good’

Sander pumps into him harder, faster, his hand returns to Robbe’s stomach, and the pressure is much more intense now, the urge to just _let go_ making him shut his eyes, hands moving to pull at Sander’s hair behind him.

‘Sander, it’s too much, fuck, I can’t’

‘It’s okay baby, you can do it, I know you can do it, you’re doing so good already, so hot like this’

The air feels so heavy around the, the tension almost palpable, and Robbe starts shivering, the tone of Sander’s voice and the feeling of his dick moving into his ass making him desperate, and he knows his own cock must be leaking again.

Sander moves his other hand, petting his hair and face, whispering ‘oh god, you’re so perfect, so tight’ and thrusts one, two, three more times and he’s coming, spilling deep inside Robbe with a loud moan.

To Robbe’s surprise, he doesn’t stop moving, keeps thrusting his dick in and out of Robbe’s ass a bit slower now, making his cum leak out just a little.

Sander removes his hand from Robbe’s face and finally, _finally thank fucking god_ , touches his aching, wet dick, the other hand still pushing into his bladder.

He closes his hand more firmly around the head, pressing down in lazy, agonizing pumps, and Robbe shudders, tries to move faster, can’t decide if he wants to push into Sander’s dick or his hands.

He’s on the brink of pain, the urge to pee being slowly replaced by the need to come.

‘You’re gonna cum again, baby?’ Sander asks, hand moving a bit faster now, and Robbe knows he must look like a train wreck, a blushing, sweaty mess, with come leaking out of his ass, and maybe he’s drooling, too, feeling more and more aroused with every filthy word that comes out of Sander.

‘Mmmm fuck’ He moans.

‘Gonna cum for me? Gonna cum with my dick inside you, pushing my cum into your pretty hole, so nice and deep, yeah?’

And _fuck shit fuck_ that’s exactly what he wanted, and Robbe can barely think right now, his thoughts replaced by a forest fire, the only thing is his mind is Sander’s voice, teasing him.

He can feel precum dribbling from his dick, tears forming in his eyes, and the sensation only makes him harder, the notion that _Sander is gonna fuck him until he cries_ , which shouldn’t be so hot, but it is.

Sander’s hand is stroking him quicker, slick, and Robbe is about to beg when Sander speaks, his tone fully teasing now.

‘That’s it baby, fuck my hand, I know you can cum again, yeah? Look at you, so pretty like this, holding your pee for me, so good. Wanna see you cum, c’mon, cum into my hand, Robbe’.

He can’t believe the filthy words coming out of his boyfriend’s mouth, never thought he would get to have this, but they’re just right, going straight to his dick and he can’t hold it anymore, tearing up as he comes.

Loud sobs escaping his mouth, Robbe looks at Sander’s hand still moving at his cock, spurts of come coating his fingers, the white hot pleasure making his body tremble.

He’s feeling oversensitive already, sniffling, but is kept suspended by the feeling of fingers circling the head of his dick, playing with the remnants of come that dribbled.

Having sex with Sander is always incredible, but he never thought it could feel like this, like his entire body is about to float away, the boy underneath being the only thing grounding him into reality.

As his mind returns from its orgasm-induced haze, he realizes Sander has slipped out of him, and now they’re lying sideways on the bed, bodies parallel.

Robbe’s face is wet with tears, and he has come on his chest, his stomach, leaking out of his ass.

The pillow now is also stained, and his mind faintly register that he will need to do the laundry tomorrow, but that’s a problem for future Robbe.

He feels Sander breathing at the back of his neck, humming content, and now that the desperate need to come has faded away, he is left with the pulsation of his bladder, a reminder that he’s still holding, still hasn’t pissed.

Slowly, he stretches his legs, trying to make them feel less like jelly, and moves to sit in the bed, wincing at the soreness of his ass, the squelching sound of lube and cum leaving his hole. Sander places a hand on his back.

‘Staaay’

‘I gotta pee, Sander, can’t hold it anymore’

Looking around the floor to try and find his boxers, Robbe glances at Sander, who’s smiling, face sleepy. He tosses him a shirt ( _clean yourself, I’ll be right back_ ) and moves towards the bathroom, trying to be as quiet as possible.

Not that it would make any difference now, since he’s pretty sure whoever could be in the flat definitely heard his moans, but he could live without the scolding from Milan.

Robbe sighs in relief at the sight of the toilet, barely managing to put the lid up before holding his dick, the intense stream of piss pouring out of him.

One minute more and he would have peed all over himself, maybe even over Sander, and _fuck, jesus christ, not the time, don’t think about it_ _too much_ , he thinks, and his cock would have twitched with interest if he didn’t felt so utterly exhausted.

They really need to talk about this… intense thing that’s happening. It’s good, great, but still, he has to know what Sander wants out of this.

It’s almost too good to be true, having a hot, caring boyfriend who also just happens to find out his… interests and put them into practice, turning him into a total mess without expecting anything in return.

Grabbing a washcloth, Robbe cleans his chest, stomach and gets out of his boxers to run the wet towel under his balls, removing the remains of lube and semen that trickled down his thighs.

He looks in the mirror, touches his neck, red and raw from Sander’s mouth and chin moving over it, tucks his tousled hair behind one ear, and leaves, padding softly, praying once again that he doesn’t run into any of his flatmates.

Closing the door softly behind him, he tries to think of a casual way to approach the subject, even though there’s absolutely no way to be casual about this.

Even thinking about it makes him blush.

_Hey, just so you know, I really like that you make me so embarrassed that I feel like crying until I come, can you please keep doing that like you did tonight, maybe forever? Also I kinda want you to force me into peeing myself._

Yeah, such a normal conversation.

But apparently Sander has spared him from further embarrassment, because he’s already deep into slumber, hair fanned against the pillow, his mouth slightly open.

Robbe can’t decide if he’s relieved or even more apprehensive, thinking maybe it would have been better to speak before and get it over with. Tomorrow, he decides, and his head had barely touched the bed before he’s falling asleep.


	5. five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello folks, I'll probably be updating the fic on wednesdays, I have some more chapters lined up but I'm always open to new ideas, I still don't know how long this fic will be.  
> This chapter has some much needed kink discussions. Thanks for all the support!

It was so warm. Warm and bright everywhere. That was the first thing Sander’s mind registered when he woke up, feeling heavy and comfortable under the blankets. Stretching and blinking a few times, other sensations were slowly trickling into his mind.

Distant words that seemed to drift from the hallway. The clink of metal against porcelain. The sound of traffic and cut-off conversations from people in the street, slipping through the half-opened bedroom window.

The soreness on his thighs, from holding himself into some uncomfortable positions for quite some time the night before.

Then, overpowering all the previous things, came the warmth emanating from Robbe’s body beside him. He was laying on his stomach, mouth slightly open, the golden chain hanging loose from his neck.

After staring at Robbe’s eyelashes and faint freckles for a little while, something else caught his attention.

Robbe’s neck was dotted with purple and red bruises that looked suspiciously like the exact shape of Sander’s mouth.

Memories of the previous night invaded his brain, and he shifted in bed, content.

He couldn’t believe his luck sometimes, really.

The fact that Robbe felt so safe with him, displaying such an incredible amount of trust in Sander, in his ability to make Robbe feel good, and accepted, and desired, it never managed to make him feel excited and also a bit apprehensive.

They still had to discuss this properly.

With a groan, he got out of bed wearing nothing but some sweatpants and was planning to talk to Robbe after his trip to the bathroom, but was intercepted by Senne and Milan in the kitchen, talking in whispers and looking very amused with themselves at the sight of Sander.

‘Good morning’

‘Hey, man’ Senne greets him.

‘Want some coffee?’ Milan asks, already pouring him a cup.

‘Uh, yeah, thanks’

They stand in silence for a while, Milan seemingly distracted scrambling some eggs, Senne with his back against the counter fiddling with his phone, and Sander drinking the coffee, still sensing something weird was going on.

Finally he hears Milan’s voice, not turning around to face him.

‘So, pretty rough night, right?’

‘What?’

‘I gotta say, I’m very happy for my baby Robbe, can’t think of someone who deserves a good dicking more than him. Well, other than me, but still’

And Sander’s face is on fire now, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him whole.

Laughing a bit, Senne speaks.

‘We, uh, heard you guys last night’

Oh, shit.

Robbe’s gonna kill him.

‘I didn’t think anybody was home, sorry’ He scratches his neck, half embarrassed and half amused, now.

‘Yeah, we were planning to go out, but Zoe got some terrible cramps, so we huddled in her room to watch Legally Blonde and eat some ice cream’

‘You, too?’ Sander stares at Milan.

‘My Grindr date stood me up’ He explains with a shrug.

Sander is about to apologize again, when he hears rustling behind him.

He turns and sees Robbe, wearing boxers and a shirt that Sander recognizes as belonging to him. His hair is still plastered on one side of his head, and he eyes the room, suspicious.

‘Um… good morning?’

‘Morning’ All three of them reply at the same time, Senne and Milan snickering.

Sander offers Robbe his own cup of coffee.

‘Want some?’

‘Thanks’

Robbe takes a sip before speaking, already sensing the awkwardness in the room.

‘What’s going on? You guys are looking very weird’

Senne must see the desperation in Sander’s eyes and tries to deflect, but he barely has time to speak before Milan cuts him off, waving his hands dramatically in Sander’s direction.

‘I was just complimenting you dashing boyfriend for his sex abilities. Not that I would know about them firsthand, but I’m guessing that he must be a _beast_ judging by the noise coming from your bedroom last night’.

He was already used to Milan’s bluntness, and his comment was a clear compliment, but Sander couldn’t help but feel incredibly self-conscious.

Not for himself, exactly, but for Robbe, fearing his reaction to the _very public_ acknowledgement of their activities.

He felt how everything was still so new, so raw between the both of them.

They barely knew how to navigate around these new discoveries by themselves, were in the trial-and-error stage, if he had to name it.

Granted, the errors were few and far between, but the trials never seemed to stop coming, something new to be explored every day.

But, surprisingly, Robbe only groaned, rubbing his face with one hand, and moved past Sander to grab a piece of toast.

‘Jesus, Milan’

‘What?’

‘Can we please…not do this?’

‘We _can_ , but you will need to hide these hickies first, you lucky boy’ Senne smiles and prods Robbe’s neck with one finger.

‘And here I was, thinking you couldn’t embarrass me any further’

‘I’m your designated parental figure, it’s part of my job, Robbe’ Milan chirps in.

‘No, it isn’t’

‘It kind of is’, Senne pointed, and Milan fixed him a look that screamed _I told you so._

‘You guys are not my parents, what the fuck?’

‘Yes we are, and would you please keep quiet? I was trying to sleep, god’ Zoe mutters, entering the kitchen, and Sander wonders how so many people can fit into such a cramped space.

Trying to stifle a laugh at the ridiculously domestic scenario in front of him, he meets Robbe’s eyes, scanning his face for any signs of discomfort, but finds nothing.

His boyfriend just shrugs, grabs his hand and starts moving, walking away from the conversation.

‘Okay, we’re going’

‘Please, keep quiet this time!’ They hear Zoe shouting from behind, but neither of them bother to answer.

Closing the door behind him, Robbe laughs and scratches his stomach, shirt riding up.

‘Sorry about that, you know how Milan is’

‘Yeah, I know, it’s okay. I just didn’t know everybody was home last night’

‘Yeah, me neither’

A beat of silence passes between them.

‘So… you’re okay with it?’ Sander asks, sounding a bit uncertain.

‘With what?’

‘Your flatmates heard us… You know. Fucking’

‘Yeah, I got that’

‘You’re not embarrassed?’

‘I am, but… it could be worse’

‘How so?’

‘It’s just – just... Milan took me in when I was going through a bad time, like, a really bad time.

I feel like he’s already seen me at my worst, fuck, we’ve seen each other at our worsts. He cleaned up my vomit from the bathroom floor, took me to the doctor when I couldn’t even speak and thought my head was about to split open, which turned out to be a nasty ear infection, and he helped me clean the gross gunk that was leaking from my ear while Zoe forced me to take the medicine that she paid for …

I’m not gonna admit it to him anytime soon, but he really is like a parental figure to me. So yeah, it could be worse. They’re gonna tease me about it for a week and then go back to complaining when I don’t unload the dishwasher or something.

Also, I can’t even count the amount of times I’ve ran into Milan in different degrees of nakedness walking around the flat or had to sleep with noise cancelling headphones when Senne is here, so this is just a small amount of payback.’

Nodding, Sander can’t help but feel amazed and proud of his boyfriend.

Robbe might be young, but he already had to deal with a lot, and it makes him relieved to know he has a good support system, that he knows he’s not alone, doesn’t have to be alone.

However, Robbe’s looking at him with vulnerable eyes, and Sander can almost see how hard his boyfriend is thinking right now.

‘Did you think I would be embarrassed about last night? That I would be ashamed?’

‘No, I…’

‘Are _you_ ashamed of the things we did? Was it too much?’

‘Robbe, I -‘

‘I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, we don’t have to do that again, sorry’

‘Robbe, stop talking’

_Maybe discussing this would be easier if Robbe managed to look him in the eye for longer than ten seconds without blushing_ , Sander thought.

Taking a deep breath, he motioned for Robbe to sit on the bed beside him, and rubbed his thumb over the knuckles of his boyfriend’s hand.

‘So… I feel like we should discuss this’

‘…Yeah’

‘I’m not embarrassed by what we did, or ashamed. It was amazing, you’ve made me feel so good. Was it good for you?’

‘Yeah, it was’ Robbe admits, cheeks tinged with pink.

‘That’s good, but…’

‘But?’

‘I’m not going to pretend that it’s not a lot. It _is_ a lot, and it feels like we don’t talk about it. I don’t want us to keep doing stuff and not acknowledging it’

‘I don’t know how to talk about this’

And he knows that it might be awkward to discuss their newfound kinks in the light of day, feels sort of clinical.

Sander takes another deep breath, trying to mentally prepare himself for the worst, because _maybe Robbe is just playing along, just doing that to entertain him,_ but he needs to know where they stand.

But he also knows that, if they manage to push through this initial discomfort, it can get so much better.

The more they talk about it, the less he will have to tiptoe around Robbe, and they can do this together. They can learn together, and it will be so good.

‘I want to do everything to you, _with you_ , but I know I can be intense. I need to know that you want this, that you’ll let me take care of you. I like taking care of you, fuck, I love to, but I don’t want to overwhelm you’

‘… Maybe I want to be overwhelmed’ And it’s barely a whisper, almost like Robbe’s talking to himself, but Sander hears nonetheless.

‘What?’ He blurts, stunned.

‘I said’, Robbe gulps, ‘Maybe I want to be overwhelmed’

‘Do you really?’ Sander asks, and maybe _that’s_ pushing too far, maybe now he’s doing it on purpose, seeing how far he can push Robbe before he runs away, _praying he doesn’t run away._

‘Sander, please. This is so embarrassing, but I’m gonna say it anyway. Sometimes you can be too intense, but that’s one of the things I like about you. I like that you’re all over me, like the way you tease me. I like that you push me around, I like that it’s… too much sometimes’

Wow, he did not see that coming.

‘That’s … great’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yes. But we need to establish some way of communication, so I know how much you can take. Because I’ll probably make you uncomfortable at some point, you know my tendency to fuck things up – ‘

‘Stop saying that’ Robbe cuts him off, ‘If anything, I’m the one afraid to fuck this up. What if I do the wrong thing, or one day you find out that I’m a freak who likes perverted stuff?’

‘But I like that you’re a freak who likes perverted stuff’ Sander teases.

‘Sander, I’m serious’

‘Look, I love you. There’s nothing that you could possibly do to freak me out.’

‘You don’t know that’

‘Then tell me. Tell me everything, and I can decide for myself. Let me take care of you, let me give you what you want, please. I want to do this. Fuck, maybe I’m the freak for enjoying this’

‘Enjoying what?’

‘This… Pushing you around, making you embarrassed, touching you when I’m not supposed to… all of this. I like seeing you lose control, _giving me control_. I feel like giving, but also like taking, y’know?’

‘Yeah, I got that alright. I like it too.’ Robbe gives him a smile, fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

And Sander feels almost lightheaded, entirely too pleased with the conversation. Just like he thought, it’s getting easier by the second to talk about their desires.

‘See? We can do this. We can talk about this.’

‘Okay, we can’

And then they don’t. Robbe just smiles at him, daring him to push this further, forcing him once again to move the topics along.

Because that’s what he does, he pulls them outside of their comfort zone, leaves them floating until they can find their footing again.

After what feels like twenty seconds, Sander breaks the silence.

‘So… about that’

‘What?’

‘You know… the piss stuff’ Jesus, he really needs to work on his brain-to-mouth filter. Robbe just laughs.

‘You’re ridiculous. Piss stuff?’

‘Yeah, I don’t know how to say it, I liked seeing you pee, alright?’

‘Really?’ His boyfriend asks, face lighting up, and it gives him some more courage to keep talking.

‘Yeah, I just… You look so good, trying to control yourself, y’know, holding it. I just know it feels good when you finaly pee, you get all relaxed and soft.’

‘…wow’

‘Yeah’

‘What else?’ He hears Robbe ask in a small voice.

‘Huh?’

‘What else do you like about it?’

‘Um…’

A hot wave of embarrassment flushes through him, but now that they’re talking about this, he might as well get it all out.

‘I like that you get desperate. I’d like to see you… lose control, y’know, wet yourself, or get me wet, anything, really’

‘You want that?’

‘Only if you want it, too!’ Sander quickly replied “We don’t have to do stuff you’re not comfortable with’

‘…Okay’

‘Is that a yes?’

‘Yes, I’d like that, too’ Robbe answered with a smile, his face incredibly red.

‘Is there anything you want, too?’

‘I don’t know…’

‘I’m sure you know’ Sander teased, feeling more at ease ‘You can tell me anything, it’s okay’

‘Maybe… I’d _likeyoutopissonme_ ’ He mumbled, so low and fast that Sander couldn’t catch everything.

‘Baby, use your words’

‘I’d like you to piss on me, too’

‘Oh, fuck. Yeah. Yes, I’d like that’ Sander replied, his dick twitching at the thought ‘And then I can fuck you, while you’re all wet’

‘…Wow’ Robbe sighed, his big eyes staring at him.

Fuck, he didn’t meant to say that last part out loud. Feeling himself blush, Sander tried to crack a joke.

‘Yeah. Like I said, I’m the freak’

‘No, I… I like it, too’

‘Yeah?’

‘I like everything’

‘What’s everything?’

‘Watching you piss. And holding it when you asked me to. I like that you want to push me around a bit.’ Robbe blushes again, or maybe never stopped blushing, because his face has been red ever since they started having this conversation.

‘You also, um, cried last night’

‘Yeah, I know’

‘Is it bad that I liked it? Like, is that too weird?’

‘No, it’s not. I felt really good’ Robbe never seems to stop surprising Sander.

‘You did?’

‘Yeah. I wasn’t expecting to cry, it definitely took me by surprise, but it also felt good, y’know, to let myself go like that’

The confession makes Sander even more curious, and he can’t help but ask.

‘What was it that made you cry?’

‘I think I was already on edge, and you were saying all those things to me, and I was trying really hard not to pee, and it all became too much, but, like, in a good way. I just didn’t know how to deal with it’

‘I didn’t push you too far?’

‘You kinda did, but… it was alright’

Hearing those words, knowing that they were on the same wavelength, that this push and pull was just as good to Robbe as it was to Sander, that he was _more than willing_ to let him take control, made him feel like smothering his boyfriend with kisses, hold him forever, keep him sequestered inside the room until they died.

‘I just don’t want you to do anything you’re not truly comfortable with, okay? Maybe we should have like, a word or something, use colors, I don’t know’

‘A word? Like a safeword?’ Robbe asks, eyes twinkling, looking much more relaxed than he was ten minutes ago.

‘Yeah, for when it really gets too much, or if you want me to stop. So we say it and we can stop everything’

‘That sounds good, actually.’

‘I know, I’m smart.’ Sander smiles, cockily, which earns him a shove from Robbe.

‘Dumbass’

‘So, what’s the word?’

‘Uhh…Ziggy.

‘Ziggy? Sander snorts.

‘Yeah, I think David Bowie is the only thing that can get your attention during sex’

‘Well, it will definitely kill the mood, so that’s good’

Robbe stares at something behind his boyfriend, eyes glazed for a moment, like he’s trying to remember something.

‘Maybe… We can also use the colors, y’know, like traffic lights’

‘Green for good, yellow for maybe, red for stop?’

‘Yeah, just so I don’t scare you’

‘You think you’ll be the one to scare me?’ Sander laughs now, pulling at his boyfriend’s waist to bring him into his lap.

‘We don’t know that!’ Robbe pouts, and Sander kisses him.

‘Robbe, that’s a good idea. We’ll figure it out. It’s okay’

‘Okay’

They stay like that for a while, intertwined, Sander playing with the end of the golden chain around Robbe’s neck, his breath hot into his bleached hair.

Sander snakes his other hand inside his shirt to pet Robbe’s back, moving in circular motions, and feels his boyfriend relaxing over him, limbs splayed.

Kissing his collarbone, Sander can’t resist, has to be absolute certain, needs to know, also likes to make his boyfriend squirm, so he asks again.

‘So… we’re really doing this?’

‘Yes, you want it, right?’

‘Hell yeah, I do’

‘Good. C’mere’ Robbe pulls lightly at his hair, directing his head to where he wants it the most, kissing Sander.

‘I love you’

‘I love you, too, baby’

They kiss, and kiss, and kiss, and lie back in bed, still tangled. _I can’t believe he is mine. I feel so happy I could cry_ , Sander thinks, and lets the feeling wash over him.


	6. six.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello folks! The smut is back in this chapter, and will be here for every chapter because I'm weak like that. Thank you all for the suggestions and ideas, keep them coming! Let me know what you think, and thanks again for the support. Enjoy!

The truth is, talking about something might be easier than doing it.

Like studying, for example.

Robbe knows he has to study, he needs to focus on the French assignment that sits currently in front of him if he plans on getting some decent grades and graduating anytime soon.

And he wants to graduate, desperately. Can’t wait to jump into the real world, start working, too, so he can gain some financial independence and feel less guilty everytime his phone pings with a message, his father saying _hey, just sent you this month’s rent money, let’s meet for coffee again next week!_

He also knows he has all the tools necessary to make the most of his study session right now: good lighting in the room, notes scattered across the table along with textbooks, pens, and, most valuable of all, Yasmina.

How he managed to make Yasmina feel so sorry for him that she felt the need to assist him a week before the exams is beyond him.

Maybe she saw the desperate look in his eyes when mr. Thieroux passed him his graded exam, shaking his head in silence, which usually meant he had flunked.

Nevertheless, he had her support, albeit a little forcefully, scolding at him whenever his gaze wandered to his phone or to the movement he heard coming from the kitchen.

Said movement, however, was not the reason why he wasn’t able to concentrate.

It wasn’t the noise (he once managed to ace a test running on two hours of sleep, courtesy of Zoe and Senne fighting and also making up in the adjacent room the night before), or the smell of delicious food wafting around (although he was hungry).

No, the reason he hasn’t been able to focus for the past hour is Sander.

Sander, who is in the kitchen with Senne, making dinner for the kollektiv.

Three hours before, he had just left the shower when his phone buzzed. Yasmina was already on her way, so he had to be quick. Toweling his hair, he saw it was a message from Sander.

_Sander: finally free for the day!_

_Robbe: that took a while, did she make you go in the basement again?_

_That_ being a Dead Nature drawing exhibition Sander was helping organize, having lately been promoted to being his teacher’s assistant.

The position was his dream, honestly; helping ms. Lou (a tiny, pretty funny but also incredibly demanding woman) with whatever she needed, whether it was arranging the room for classes, calling some curators for help with her research or helping her buy art supplies at the store.

In return, his teacher gave him full access to all the art rooms in the building, and would personally review his work each week, giving him pointers.

Also, she would carry him to various art exhibitions, make him shake hands with big collectors and introduce him everywhere they went as _this is my protégé and also handyman, mr. Sander Driesen,_ which Robbe knew gave Sander the biggest professional hard-on.

It also meant that Sander was busier than ever, and they spent the past weeks having to meet each other in the strangest hours of the day; in the early morning before they went to class, in the arts and crafts section of a bookstore, where Sander was sent to find a specific type of paper for a project, or very late at night, when they were both exhausted and only had enough energy to kiss for a bit before falling asleep.

_Sander: yeah, but I remembered to bring a flashlight this time_

_Robbe: great, can’t have you tripping into things LOL_

_Sander: excuse you, I didn’t trip_

_Robbe: yes you did_

_Sander: I just didn’t see the cables on the floor, they weren’t supposed to be there_

_Robbe: sure whatever you say babe_

_Sander: anyways_

_Sander: I’m free, can finally see you_

_Robbe: I wish_

_Robbe: I’m supposed to study with Yasmina today_

_Robbe: She’s gonna help me with french_

_Sander: oh shit you’re right_

_Sander: you better pass this exam mister_

_Robbe: I’ll try_

Frowning at the prospect of passing the rare opportunity to see his boyfriend, Robbe tried to think of a solution.

_Robbe: why don’t you come here anyway?_

_Sander: we both know you won’t be able to study if I’m there, babe_

_Robbe: but I wanna see youuu_

_Sander: I know, wanna see you too_

_Robbe: so come_

_Robbe:_ _J_

Robbe waited for Sander’s reply, knowing he wouldn’t resist. He was putting on a shirt when his phone buzzed.

_Sander: fuck, you’re impossible_

_Sander: gonna run home to take a shower then I’m coming over_

_Robbe: oooh yes_

_Robbe: I knew you wouldn’t resist_

_Sander: shut up_

_Sander: I love you_

_Robbe: love you too_

Grinning like a madman, Robbe started gathering his school supplies, hoping to finish most of the stuff he needed before Sander arrived, so he would have his boyfriend all for himself.

It seemed like everything was going his way, for when he sat on the couch in the living room the doorbell rang, and he heard Senne buzzing Yasmina into the building.

He arranged his things on the coffee table, and was flipping through his latest (flunked) test when she appeared.

‘Hey, Robbe’

‘Hallo’

‘You ready to do this?’

‘Yeah, might as well get it over with’

However, their talk was interrupted by Zoe, who stormed out of her room at the sound of Yasmina’s voice.

‘Thank god you’re here, I need your help, right now!’ She said, eyes red, looking quite desperate, with a towel wrapped around her head.

‘Uhh, I came to help Robbe with his french test’

‘Later, please hurry’ Zoe muttered, already turning back, obviously expecting Yasmina to follow her.

Robbe could only stare, taken aback by the conversation.

‘I’m sure it will only take a minute’ Yasmina whispered apologetically, and, dropping her bag on the couch, went after Zoe.

What had just happened?

Groaning, Robbe slumped on the couch, hoping whatever it was that Zoe needed would actually take a minute, instead of the usual full hour it always seemed to.

Senne popped from the hallway, and asked in a hushed tone:

‘Is Yasmina with her already?’

‘Yeah, they’re in the room’

‘Oh, thank fuck’ He said, relieved.

‘What’s going on?’

‘Zoe was retouching her hair and I tried to help her, but I think she bought the wrong dye color because her hair got this weird shade of…green?’

‘What?’

‘Yeah, I know. Anyways, thank god Yasmina is here, Zoe was only getting angrier the more I tried to help her.’

Nodding, but still confused, Robbe couldn’t help but think that, no, this would not take only a minute. Fuck, he really needed to study before Sander arrived.

‘Think I’m gonna make the dinner, see if it helps calm Zoe some’

‘Yeah, I mean, it won’t hurt’

What was supposed to take a minute turned out to take several; in fact, forty-five of them.

Robbe was close to giving up when he heard Zoe’s door opening, and the girls’ footsteps coming to the living room.

Yasmina must have done something right, because Zoe’s hair didn’t look green.

Well, it didn’t look blonde, either, more like a dark grey color, but she wasn’t crying or yelling at anyone, so he considered the whole thing a success.

‘Sorry I stole your study buddy’ She mumbled.

‘Yeah, don’t mention’

‘We can start now, all is well’ Yasmina smiled, sitting down beside Robbe and finally opening her bag to grab the textbooks.

They were fifteen minutes into their revision when the doorbell rang again; Robbe knew it was Sander.

Once again, he heard Senne buzzing him in, and cursed himself for knowing he still had a decent amount of work ahead.

‘Hello’

Robbe tore his eyes away from his notebook and was greeted with the sight of his amazing, hot boyfriend.

Dressed in a more casual fashion, he took off his bag and coat, and Robbe noticed his hair was still a bit wet from the shower. Removing his boots, Sander came closer to the couch and pecked Robbe on the lips.

‘How’s the work coming along?’

‘We’ve had an emergency, but it’s going good now’ Yasmina replied.

‘But I think we’ll be here for a while, babe’

‘That’s okay, I can wait’ Sander pressed a hand into his hair before retrieving it. ‘Senne asked me to help him make some dinner, he mentioned something about an angry girlfriend…?’

‘Yeah, that was the emergency’

‘Oh, right. Well, you two continue what you’re doing, I’ll be in the kitchen’

Sending Robbe a final smile, Sander left the room, and he tried (and failed) not to stare at his boyfriend’s ass, clad in black, loose sweatpants.

 _God, this is going to be harder than I thought_.

Thirty minutes have passed without any interruptions, and Robbe is thinking that maybe it won’t be so late by the time they finish, and he actually understands some things now, although his pronunciation is shit.

However, his train of thought is interrupted by Sander, who simply places a large glass of water in front of Robbe.

‘Drink’

Fuck.

 _Fuck, not now, don’t think about this now_ , he willed himself to no avail.

Cursing himself for developing a quasi-Pavlovian response to any request coming from Sander, he simply mumbled ‘Thanks’ and grabbed the glass, downing half its content in one go.

His boyfriend seemed to be having none of it, because he only stared and said ‘All of it’.

And now Robbe knew it wasn’t a request, but a command. An order.

_Fuck._

He barely registered Sander offering some water to Yasmina too, to which she declined, and promptly emptied the glass.

Smiling, Sander took the glass from his hand, muttered a ‘Good’ and left again, leaving Robbe dazed and now sporting a semi in the most inappropriate of times.

So yeah, Sander was the distraction.

And he knows he needs to study.

But, like he said, some things are easier said than done.

Taking a deep breath, Robbe tried to focus on the grammar tips in front of him, but his mind kept being flooded with the image of Sander, the tone of his voice when he asked him, _no, when he ordered him_ , to drink.

Maybe ten minutes later, he’s a bit calmer, and is halfway through reading a description of the French Riviera when another glass is placed right beside the paper; looking up, he meets Sander’s eyes, and he’s staring at him with intent, trying not to smile.

‘Drink up’

‘I just had water, babe’ He tries to argue.

‘Don’t want you to get dehydrated. C’mon’

Sander eyes the glass, then eyes his boyfriend, and Robbe doesn’t try to fight it anymore.

With a sigh, he picks up the glass and drinks, trying not to focus on the slight discomfort below his bellybutton now.

He knows it won’t be long before he needs to pee, but somehow, he doubts that’s gonna happen anytime soon.

‘Dinner will be ready in a few’ Sander says, picking up the glass again. ‘Will you stay, Yasmina?’

‘Yeah, I think so’

‘Great, we might have accidentally made enough food for ten people, so, I hope you’re hungry’

With that, he left once more, and now, _now_ Robbe was truly fucked.

If that’s what Sander has planned for the night, forcing him to drink glass after glass of water until he’s bursting, this will be so hard.

He will get so hard.

Fuck, how is he supposed to pay _any_ attention to his work when he knows that Sander _knows_ he’ll be squirming soon?

The answer to that is, of course, he doesn’t pay attention.

They go through a couple more texts, but Robbe can barely focus, his eyes glazing over the words. He’s hard, because Sander is ordering him around (in front of people, no less) _and_ making him hold his pee.

By the time Senne announces that dinner’s ready, Robbe can’t stay still, bouncing his leg.

Sander had brought him another glass of water, and maybe he saw the desperation in his eyes, because he just said ‘Last one, babe, promise’.

Still, he stared at Robbe while he drank, pupils dilated and dark.

They’re still gathered around the coffee table, this time to eat.

Robbe’s books were moved around to make room for the food, and Sander wasn’t lying when he said they made too much; the amount of pasta and salad was enough to prevent them from cooking for the rest of the week.

Robbe was quiet, breathing through his nose and forcing himself to eat, forcing himself to think about anything other than the fact that he was still half hard and painfully close to giving up and running to the bathroom.

His bladder was uncomfortably full, and Robbe tries to stay as still as possible, every movement only adding up to his despair.

Sitting beside him, Sander was seemingly unaffected, discussing hair colors with Zoe and Milan ( _yeah, I made the same mistake once, it took three weeks for my hair to look less green_ ).

Every once in a while, he looks at Robbe, using his free hand to touch his thigh, and Robbe jumps at the movement everytime.

Honestly, this dinner could not be over soon enough. Once they’re done with the food, Robbe is about to drag Sander to the bathroom, so that they can figure out what to do about his _situation_ , but before he has the opportunity, Milan speaks.

‘Well, since the boys have so graciously made us dinner, I think is only fair that we wash the dishes, Robbe’

‘What? I didn’t force them to cook’ He says, exasperated.

‘Yeah, but the food is good, and I want them to keep coming back to cook. Boys, you know you’re always invited to Casa Milan, right?’

‘You’re just saying that because they didn’t burn down the kitchen’ Zoe laughs.

‘True, and also it’s great to have some eye candy in the house’

‘I basically already live here, Milan” Senne replied.

Everybody laughs, but Robbe is dying inside. How is he supposed to hold any longer?

He considers faking a stomach ache and making a beeline for the bathroom, but feels Sander’s eyes on him, and also his hand, holding Robbe’s wrist.

‘It’s okay’, he whispers, eyes fixed on Robbe, ‘You can do it.’

‘I really can’t’

‘What’s your color, babe?’ Sander asks, his thumb massaging Robbe’s wrist.

‘Green’

‘You sure?’

‘Yes’ Because he doesn’t want to stop just yet, ‘But I don’t know if I can hold it for too long’

‘Yes, you can, and you will. I’ll keep you company, just a little longer’

Robbe knows he can use his safeword anytime he wants, but he also wants to be good for Sander.

He knows that the more he holds, the better it will be when he finally lets go, and he’s already half hard again at the thought.

‘Okay’, he replies, and takes the plates from the table to the kitchen.

Milan is already rinsing the dishes, and Robbe thanks whatever entity was responsible, because putting his hands on warm water would only worsen his situation right now.

Opening the cabinet and holding the dish towel, he waits for Milan to pass him the plates and silverware.

‘Can I put some music?’ Sander offers, phone in hand.

‘Yeah, of course’

At least Sander is keeping his distance for now. Even though his presence alone stirs something hot in Robbe’s gut, the space between them means Sander won’t be able to push him further.

Or so he thought.

The first riffs of _Under Pressure_ fill the tiny kitchen, and Robbe turns to Sander, face red and flushed. He’s fully smirking now.

‘Oooh, of course it’s Bowie’ Milan smiles, moving from side to side, still facing the sink.

But Robbe can’t feel his legs. And he thinks his face must be so red now. Sander is looking at him and mouthing the lyrics, and they never fitted any situation better than now.

_‘Pressure, pushing down on me, pressing down on you, no man asked for’_

Yeah, he feels the pressure, alright. The eye contact makes him squirm even more, and averting his eyes proves to be even worse, because he looks down and finds that Sander is very hard, dick tenting through his sweatpants.

He looks up again, and his boyfriend, still looking at him, mouths silently ‘You’re doing so good’, which manages to make this less and also more difficult.

Robbe feels on the verge of screaming, but he doesn’t say anything, just let the sensations wash over him, moving mechanically to place the silverware inside the drawer, along with the plates Milan stacked on the countertop.

He can physically feel Sander’s gaze on him, and it’s verging on the other side of too painful. He breathes through his nose again, thinking _I can do this._

He vaguely hears when Yasmina pops her head through the kitchen to say goodbye, can’t even reply to thank her for the help earlier.

Finally, after what feels like a lifetime, but must have been no more than ten minutes, they’re done with the dishes, and Sander fiddles with his phone, making the music stop, sending him a heated look as Milan leaves the kitchen.

‘Babe, weren’t you going to show me that movie you were talking about?’ He says, tilting his chin in the direction of the hallway.

‘Uhh, yeah’, is all he manages to say, relieved, because it’s time, _jesus fuck thank god_ , Sander is finally going to let him piss.

They move in silence, trying not to catch the attention of Zoe and Senne, who are still sitting in the living room, watching reruns of something, and Robbe locks the door behind them when they finally enter the bathroom.

He has barely turned around before being crowded by Sander, who pushes him against the door with a kiss, hands roaming around.

Robbe sighs, welcoming the touches, but also feeling on the verge of tears, bladder tingling. Sander pushes his tongue inside his mouth, pulling at his waist with one hand, but Robbe soon breaks the kiss.

‘Sander, fuck, I really need to piss’

‘I know, baby, I know, you were so good today’

‘Is it alright if I…’ And Robbe can’t believe he’s practically asking his boyfriend permission to pee, but this makes Sander’s eyes go soft, and he’s directing Robbe towards the toilet bowl.

‘Of course, yeah, you can go’

Robbe has barely put the toilet seat up before he feels Sander’s hands on him, unzipping his pants, pulling them down his legs along with his underwear, and the cool air of the bathroom hits his cock.

He holds it to get a better angle, but Sander slaps his hand lightly, mumbling ‘Wait’.

‘Sander, what the fuck, please’

‘Just a second’

And then he hears movement behind him, and the solid press of Sander’s very naked, _very hard_ dick against his ass.

Sander snakes a hand to hold Robbe, the same way he did in that dusty thrift shop, and Robbe shudders.

‘Okay, you can let go now, baby’

That’s all the encouragement he needs, and he groans at the sensation of finally letting go, the intense stream of pee leaving his body.

He knows this must look very weird to anyone else, but it actually makes him feel safe, secure. Having Sander hold him while he releases feels like being taken care of.

Feeling at ease now, Robbe realizes that Sander is moving against him, slowly grinding his dick into his ass, leaving a wet trail of precum between the cheeks. His other hand pets Robbe’s hair softly, before moving along to tug at his ear.

He’s almost done peeing when he feels Sander shudder behind him; his hand moves back into his hair, pulls at it lightly, and then he feels Sander muffling a moan into his neck, grinding with more force before coming.

They sigh in unison; Sander in pleasure, his come spilling over Robbe’s ass and slowly dripping between his cheeks, and Robbe in relief, finally done, the last drops of pee being pushed out of him by Sander’s hand tugging at the head.

Sander is still petting his hair, and he feels his breath along his ear when he speaks.

‘You have no idea what you do to me, fuck. You were so good today, I felt like bending you over the coffee table’

‘Fuck’ Robbe mumbles, and Sander’s hand is still tugging at his dick, half-hard now, slightly wet at the tip. He twists his hand around, still speaking, and Robbe feels sparks of pleasure traveling up his spine.

‘I couldn’t stop thinking about you, you were closing the cupboard and all I wanted to do was suck your dick right there, in the kitchen’ Sander says, and Robbe feels his cock jump at the mental image, which was _not something he’s ever thought about before_.

However, his boyfriend notices it, because he increases the speed of his hand, using the precum to ease the movement, and continues speaking.

‘Oh, would you want that? For your friends to see you there, getting your cock sucked in your kitchen? You want them to see you spill in my mouth, baby?’

Robbe shivers, trying to stifle a moan, already feeling close, and Sander’s filthy words are definitely making him get there faster than he thought possible.

The thought of being caught like that wasn’t something that usually got him turned on, but the way Sander described it, combined with the slick sound of his hand jerking him off, was enough to send him into oblivion.

‘Sander, ‘m close’ He warned. Sander kept the same pace, mumbling praises into his ear.

‘C’mon, come for me, you did so good today, baby. I got you, come for me’.

Those words send Robbe into a frenzy, and then he’s coming all over Sander’s hand, chest heaving, feeling like he just ran a marathon.

His body trembles with aftershocks, and he faintly registers Sander’s murmurs, saying ‘that’s a good boy, you’re so pretty, I love you so much’.

Trying to steady his breathing, Robbe slumps against Sander, their hips glued together by a mixture of come and sweat.

‘That was…wow’

‘Yeah, I know’ Sander says, kissing his ear. ‘You okay?’

‘Yeah, more than okay’

‘Great. I bet your flatmates are wondering where we are’

‘Oh, shit, you’re right’ Robbe laughs, suddenly remembering their situation; half naked inside the bathroom, with four other people only a few meters away from them, separated by a very thin wall.

Robbe bends over to get some toilet paper, passing it to Sander so that he can clean them. He feels the gentle scrape of the paper against his ass, then moves to pull up his pants.

Sander is smiling as he cleans his come-stained hand, and he smiles, too. _I hope this feeling never goes away._

They wash their hands in silence, and Robbe opens the bathroom door carefully, hoping not to catch anyone’s attention.

Luckily, all of his flatmates seem to be pretty engrossed with whatever it is that they’re watching, so they move to Robbe’s bedroom on their tiptoes.

‘You want to watch something?’

‘No, let’s just chill here. I missed you’ Sander mumbles, already laying on the bed, and motions to Robbe.

‘Get in here and cuddle me’.

‘Of course, baby’, and he’s smiling, feeling safe and secure. Nothing can hurt them there, as long as they’re together.


	7. seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, my lovelies! Thank you so much for all the support, both here and on Tumblr, and thank you again for all the suggestions, I love your minds! This chapter is huge, I'm sorry, I got carried away!
> 
> *TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains use of safeword and descriptions of anxiety*
> 
> It doesn't get too bad because I can't make my boys suffer for long, but still, be warned. All of the anxiety symptoms came from my own personal experience, and also from what I've studied in college (I'm a psychology major), so it might not be a universal depiction, but it is accurate nonetheless.  
> There's no watersports in this chapter, but still A LOT of smut, and we don't kinkshame anybody in this house. As always, reviews are much appreciated, let me know what you think! Enjoy!

Sometimes it feels like the universe is trying to push him into having an episode.

Feels like whatever god, entity or creature responsible for his fate just enjoys watching him struggle, lose focus, fumble over himself.

Sander just had the shittiest day possible.

His alarm didn’t ring this morning, so he woke up later than usual and had to run to catch the bus, cursing the weather, the people, and, most of all, himself.

He arrived at school a bit later than usual, and was met with the scolding gaze of ms. Lou, who promptly sent him to fetch her some coffee, pastries and a new batch of oil paint to restock the classroom.

As mundane as the task was, it made him slightly frustrated for having to walk even more.

Any other day and this wouldn’t have bothered him, but he was hungry, sleepy, a bit cold and, in his haste, had forgotten to put on his beanie, which meant his hair would get greasy and matted.

_Great._

The bad days were rarer now that his mood was stable, thanks to the medication, therapy every week and, of course, Robbe’s support.

But that doesn’t mean they didn’t happen.

Sometimes, Sander still felt the urge to lock himself away, when he felt like the metaphorical rug was swept from under his feet.

And it wasn’t the symptoms that made him angry, the way food would taste like ashes or he would suddenly realize he hadn’t slept for the past three days, drawing and walking around, on edge.

It was the lack of control.

It was the fear of knowing that, no matter how hard he tried to maintain a steady schedule, eat three meals, sleep for a good amount of time each night and take his medication, his brain could _still_ betray him any time it wanted.

Sander was so afraid of doing the wrong thing, or not knowing when to stop himself if he was having an episode. Afraid of hurting the people around him.

Afraid of hurting Robbe.

In the afternoon, he forced himself to eat a sandwich during his short break, fiddling with his phone, and smiled for probably the first time that day when he got a text from Robbe.

_Robbe: missing you_

_Sander: me too, babe_

_Sander: I shouldn’t have left my bed today_

_Robbe: why? What happened?_

_Sander: feels like the world is trying to take me down today_

_Sander: nevermind. Just tired I guess_

_Robbe: it’s okay, baby. Anything I can do to help?_

_Sander: idk_

_Robbe:_ _L_

_Sander: it’ll pass eventually_

_Robbe: can I stop by to see you later?_

_Sander: if you want to_

_Robbe: ofcourse I want to_

_Robbe: what kind of question is that?_

Sander smiled at that, amused by his boyfriend’s ability to read him like a book.

_Sander: okay_

_Sander: I gotta go now_

_Robbe: ok, see you later my love_

_Sander: see you later. Love you_

This day couldn’t end soon enough.

The rest of the afternoon passed without much stress, but Sander could feel the beginning of a headache coming, the back of his head pulsating as he washed the paint brushes on the enormous sink behind the classroom.

As he was arriving at the bus stop, his phone rang, and Sander thought that it must be Robbe calling him, but he saw his father’s name at the screen.

‘Hey, papa’

‘Hi Sander. Are you still at school?’

‘No, I just left, ‘m waiting for the bus’

‘Okay, I’m just calling to let you know I’m going to your aunt’s house, your cousin David broke his arm and she needs me to drive them to the emergency’

‘What happened? Is everything okay?’ Sander could feel his heart pounding inside his chest.

‘Yeah, he just fell from the monkey bars, don’t worry too much about it. I think your mother might still be at the hospital, she can take a look at him, too’

‘Right’ He answered, feeling a bit less nervous.

His mother was the head nurse at the pediatric ward of the general hospital, so she would make sure his cousin got all the care he needed.

‘I don’t think we’ll be getting home anytime soon, so you should grab something to eat before heading home, okay?’

‘Yeah, okay’

‘If you need anything, just call me’ And Sander hated how everyone in his life seemed to be cautious around him, as if they were worried he was going to snap again.

‘I will. Thanks for telling me, papa’

‘No problem, I’ll see you later. I love you’

‘Love you, too’

Sander forced himself to take a deep breath, trying to rearrange his thoughts. Everything would be fine, if he could just go home and stay quiet.

Before that, he stopped at a coffee shop, buying a soup to go, because he knew he would not be in the mood to cook anything later.

On his way home, his phone buzzed again; this time, it was a message from Robbe.

_Robbe: hey_

_Robbe: I’m taking a shower then I’m coming over, okay?_

_Sander: okay, I’m almost home_

_Robbe: see you soon <3_

_Sander: <3_

Closing the door behind him with a sigh of relief, Sander tried to listen to any sound that might indicate that his parents were back.

‘Mama?’ He called out loud, but the house was silent and quiet.

That made him walk slowly toward his room, feeling the weight being lifted off just a little.

He tried not to pay attention to the whiteboard on the hallway, ignoring the huge letters ( _SANDER’S WEEK_ ) that seemed to scream at him at days like these.

Finally, he was alone.

He just wanted to take a shower, eat something and wait for Robbe, hoping to spend some time with his boyfriend before his own thoughts got the best of him.

Sander moved by muscle memory alone, his mind reeling and pounding as he washed his hair and scrubbed his body.

Toweling his hair dry, he found some pain medicine in the bathroom cabinet, and popped a pill from the packet, hoping it would ease his pain before Robbe arrived.

He was almost done with his soup when he heard the doorbell.

‘Hi, baby’

Sander could almost cry at the sight of Robbe’s face, body sagging with relief at the prospect of finally spending some time together and distracting himself.

Before he knew it, he was throwing himself against him, breathing hard into his neck.

‘Hey, hey, I’m here, it’s okay’ Robbe said, his hands firm against his back.

He allowed himself to hold Robbe a little tighter, before letting him go and pulling him inside by the hand.

‘Did you eat already?’

‘Yeah, Zoe made me eat before I left, sorry’

‘It’s okay, I had some soup’

Robbe takes off his backpack and coat, moving to sit on the couch, but Sander just shakes his hand.

‘Where are your parents?’

‘Dad had to take care of some family stuff, my little cousin broke his arm’

‘Shit, is everything okay?’ He asked, concerned.

‘I think so. C’mon, let’s go to my room’

‘Okay’

They walked in silence, the pain inside Sander’s head easing up a bit, and Sander tried to clear his mind.

Seeing Robbe sat down on his bed, his small feet dangling close to the ground, he suddenly felt the urge to _take, take, take_.

Maybe that’s what he needed.

As if he was reading his mind, Robbe looked at him and spoke.

‘Are you feeling better?’

‘Not really’ He shrugged.

‘Wanna talk about it?’

‘Can you distract me?’

‘Distract you?’ Robbe asked, eyes glinting as Sander walked closer to him, moving until his stomach was in Robbe’s face. ‘How?’

‘I’m sure you can think of something’

Forcing himself to smile down at him, Sander cupped the back of his head, pulling it closer to him, and refrained from moaning when he felt Robbe’s breath through the fabric of his thin shirt.

‘I know just what you need’

Robbe lifted his arms, pushing one hand inside Sander’s shirt, touching his belly and tracing his hipbone, before moving to unbutton his pants.

With a sigh, Sander removed his shirt, throwing it behind him, and lowered his body to pull Robbe’s shirt as well, feeling himself growing more and more impatient.

They detached themselves for a moment while Robbe took off his own pants, and was about to touch Sander again before he rasped.

‘You underwear, too’

Robbe only nodded, and soon they were both naked.

Sander groaned, his mind a mess of desire and overlapping thoughts, and he willed himself to concentrate on something else, _anything else_ , like the feeling of his boyfriend’s mouth engulfing his cock.

 _I think this is what I need,_ he thought, pushing his hand into Robbe’s soft brown hair.

Trying to ignore the thunder beating of his heart, he felt Robbe’s hands move around to touch his hips, pull him forward.

Sander let out a loud moan, looking down to see Robbe lapping at the tip of his cock, moving his mouth along the length before doing the same movement backwards, licking along the underside before swallowing him back again.

 _Push into him_ , his brain supplied, and before he could process the thought too much, his hand was moving closer to Robbe’s mouth, thumb tugging at his lips so he would open his mouth a bit more.

His other hand cupped the back of Robbe’s head, and suddenly he was pulling him closer, burying his dick deep inside Robbe’s warm mouth.

His breath stuttered with pleasure, and he felt Robbe gag a bit around him, his throat trying to accommodate the length of his cock inside.

Releasing the pressure on his head, Sander looked at his boyfriend, who was now gasping for air, his lips shiny and wet.

His eyes glinted at Sander’s direction, and he wasted no time before moving, swallowing Sander’s dick again.

The movement was easier this time, Robbe already expecting the intrusion, but he held his breath nonetheless, Sander could feel the way he was trying hard not to cough at the feeling of deepthroating his boyfriend.

His brain was producing all kinds of images, visions of Robbe choking on his dick as he came down his throat, his eyes shiny and face wet with tears.

Soon, he was working on an intense rhythm, moving Robbe’s head, almost fucking his mouth, pushing deep inside before retreating, keeping only the head of his dick inside, then going all the way in again.

_Why do you like to hurt him?_

The thought invaded his mind before he could stop it.

The pleasure was intense, but, soon, his brain was being bombarded with overlapping concepts; he thought was hurting Robbe, but he could also see that the boy was hard, his cock wet and jutting against his stomach, still untouched.

_This is bad, you’re hurting him, and he loves you too much to say it._

Was he really hurting him?

Soon, he couldn’t focus on the hot, intense feeling of having his dick sucked, feeling his breath coming in short gasps at the mere idea of hurting the person he loved the most, simply because he was a freak who needed control over everything.

 _That’s what it is, he doesn’t want you to do this_ , and he couldn’t stop his train of thought, feeling more and more out of control.

 _Fuck, I can’t do this, what’s wrong with me?_ Sander thought, suddenly overwhelmed, and his eyes were blurry with tears, but Robbe wasn’t looking at him, wasn’t stopping. He just kept going deeper and deeper, and Sander _knew_ he wasn’t breathing properly, but, then again, so wasn’t Robbe.

His mind was hazy, and he felt as if he was underwater, but the bad kind, the kind where he couldn’t breathe and everything felt out of focus, and he only felt bad and guilty and intrusive and _wrong._

He tapped Robbe on the shoulder, tried to pull him by the hair, but his strength was gone, replaced by anxiety, and he realized he was shaking.

Suddenly, his brain conjured what he thought he would never do, the magic word that was meant only for emergencies.

Robbe would be mad, but he had to do something.

‘Ziggy, ziggy’ He blurted out, trying to control his breathing.

Robbe’s eyes opened wide, and he immediately let go of Sander, mouth leaving his cock in a quick motion.

‘What’s wrong? Are you okay?’

‘Stop, just… stop’

‘I’m sorry, whatever I did, I’m sorry. Talk to me’ Robbe asked, stroking his arm in slow movements.

‘Why do you do that?’

‘What?’

‘Why do you let me hurt you?’ Sander felt on the verge of tears, not knowing how to articulate his thoughts.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘You keep letting me do these things to you, it’s wrong’

‘Sander, I’m not following’ Robbe rasped, confused, his voice rough from the deepthroating.

‘I almost cut off your breathing twice, Robbe, something could’ve happened’

‘Yeah, but it didn’t. I wanted it, babe’

‘You’re just saying that because you want to be good for me, but I could push you too far, ‘m gonna hurt you’ Sander said, and the tears were flowing now, because he didn’t know how to stop this train of thought.

‘Baby…’

‘And I didn’t even kiss you when you arrived, I just pulled you into the bedroom and made you suck my dick, what kind of boyfriend does that?’

‘Sander, just breathe’

‘But – ‘

‘Breathe with me, c’mon’

‘Robbe, listen – ‘

‘Hey, do you remember our game? Minute by minute?’

‘…Yes’

‘For the next minute, we’re just going to breathe, okay?’

They took deep breaths, Robbe leading and Sander trying to follow.

His brain was a mess, but Robbe just kept breathing in and out, and he kept very still, his ragged breath getting calmer. After a few minutes, he spoke again.

‘Do you feel like you are having an episode?’

‘What?’

‘Does this feel like the beginning of an episode to you?’ Robbe repeated, and that caught his attention.

Still trying to control his breathing, Sander forced himself to think about his symptoms. He could usually tell when he was about to have an episode, especially a depressive one.

The way his brain would shut down, nothing made sense, the world seemed gray and dull. They usually happened after a hypomanic phase, though.

Thinking about the last time he had an episode, what it felt like, something clicked.

This didn’t feel like an episode, he was just… overwhelmed.

He had a bad day and didn’t know how to deal with his own feelings.

‘No, it doesn’t’ Sander answered, sniffling.

‘Then I need you to shut up and just listen to me’

He nodded, and Robbe took a deep breath, holding his hands tightly.

‘Sander, you were not hurting me. Do you think I would ever let you hurt me?

Everything we do, everything I ask for, it’s because _I want to_. I would never do anything just because you want me to, if I don’t feel comfortable doing.

We have our safeword, and I’m glad you used it, because that means we know we can stop anytime we want to. _I know this, Sander._ I know you won’t hurt me, I trust you enough to know that.

I also know my own limits. Do you trust me to know that?’

Sander only nodded again, feeling slightly taken aback.

‘Good. I know this thing we have can be pretty intense, but I want to. Do you want it?’

‘Yeah’

‘I knew you weren’t feeling good, so I wanted to give you control. _I like_ to give you control, Sander, because I love you. I love you, and I know you won’t hurt me. At least, not on purpose, right?’

‘Never’ He quickly said.

‘Good’

‘Yeah’

They stayed in silence for a while, Robbe making circles on Sander’s hand with his thumb, their legs touching from thigh to ankle as they sat in bed.

‘Talk to me’

‘I just… I’m afraid that someday I’ll do something or say something that’s too much. That I’ll lose control and not notice it. That I’ll hurt you and you’ll be too scared to say it, or that you won’t say it because you don’t want to make me feel bad’

‘Sander…’

‘I’m scared that I’ll do something that’s gonna make you run away from me’ He admitted quietly.

Robbe just stared at him, smiling softly.

‘There’s nothing you can do that will drive me away, you know that. Worst case scenario, I’ll tell you that I don’t want to and we move on from there, alright?’

‘Alright’ He replied, feeling calmer. ‘I just had a really shitty day, ‘m sorry’

‘I know, love’

‘Sorry I used the safeword’ Sander mumbled.

‘Don’t apologize, it’s okay. You can use it anytime you want’

‘You, too’

‘I know’ Robbe smiled ‘I love you’

‘I love you, too’

Sander twists his hand free, almost throwing himself against Robbe, enveloping him in a crushing hug that pushes them both down against the mattress.

He feels the relief wash over him, his boyfriend’s words echoing inside his head. He’s so lucky, _so lucky_ to have found him.

‘Did you really like it?’

‘Huh?’

‘When I… fucked your mouth. Did you like it?’ He mumbles against Robbe’s neck.

‘Yeah, I loved it. It felt really intense but I liked it’

Sander can’t see him like this, lying on top of him, but he just _knows_ Robbe is blushing, ‘Did you like it?’

‘Yes’

‘Yes?’

‘Yeah, the way you were just, so focused, trying to stay still’

‘Mmmm’ Robbe replies, his hands firm around Sander’s back.

The feeling of warm skin against him was soothing, having Robbe’s beautiful, soft body beneath him on the bed.

They kept quiet for a moment, Sander fiddling with the angel on Robbe’s chain, his smell and presence all around him, enveloping like a hug.

The conversation made Sander feel exposed, like a live wire.

Robbe’s fingers tracing circles on his neck, his golden legs parted to accommodate Sander’s weight, all of these small things were helping him get back to reality.

This was okay.

They were okay.

Somehow, this realization seemed to lift a weight off his chest. That they were in this together, for the good and the bad.

Maybe Robbe was reading his mind, because he whispered.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, are you?’

‘Yeah, just, you know, lying here naked, with a hot guy on top of me’ He teased ‘I’m perfect’

‘Perfect?’ Sander poked him in the ribs.

‘Well, it could be a little better, but I’m not complaining’

‘A little better, huh? How?’ He asked, holding Robbe’s hip, feeling his cock getting hard, trapped between their bodies.

‘I seem to recall we were doing something a while ago…’

Feeling grateful for his boyfriend’s ability to keep teasing him, to make him believe that all was good, Sander pushed his hips lightly against Robbe, not enough to bring them any relief.

‘Sander…’

‘Mmmm’

‘You want to pick up where we stopped? We don’t have to, if you don’t want’

‘No, I… It’s okay. I want to’

‘You sure?’ Robbe asked, kissing Sander’s collarbone.

Sander feels lighter now, and the heat in his stomach is being rekindled.

‘Yeah, I’m very, very sure’

‘Love that’

His boyfriend laughs, and then they’re kissing again.

It’s slow and passionate, Sander trying to pour out the love and admiration and _devotion_ he has for this boy through the kiss.

He knows just what he wants from Robbe, and it’s entirely too much, but his mind feels fuzzy with desire now, his cock pulsing at the thought of what he’s about to ask.

Robbe lifted one of his legs, the heel of his foot digging against Sander’s thigh, and he’s grinding harder into him, little sounds escaping his mouth everytime Sander’s tongue flickers against his.

Breaking the kiss, Sander places a hand on Robbe’s chest.

‘Babe, can we keep doing what we were doing before?’

‘You want me to suck you off?’

‘Yeah, but… I want you to follow what I say, okay?’

‘Okay’ Robbe answered with a smile, blushing a little.

Even though this position was great, Sander knew they needed to move if he wants to do what he has planned, so, reluctantly, he pushes himself off Robbe’s embrace.

‘C’mere, switch places with me’

They adjust the positions on the bed, Sander sitting against the headboard, and motions to Robbe, who lies flat on his stomach, already eagerly nosing Sander’s dick.

‘I don’t want you to go so deep again, okay?’

‘But I don’t mind, Sander, I told you – ‘

‘I know, baby, I believe you’

‘Then why – ‘

‘Robbe, are you going to do as I say?’ He asked, trying to sound more serious, and was rewarded with the sight of Robbe’s blushing face, smiling.

‘Yeah, sure’

‘Good boy’

That made Robbe visibly shiver, his ears turning pink as he licked at the head of Sander’s cock.

Sander won’t last, he knows that, but that wasn’t the point. This wasn’t about him anymore, it was about showing Robbe how much he wanted _everything_ the boy had to give him.

Stroking his dark hair softly, Sander moaned at the feel of Robbe’s wet, hot mouth enveloping his cock, sucking at the head before going deeper, and had to refrain himself from pushing into him.

Robbe seemed focused, one of his hands touching Sander wherever it could reach, his hip, stomach, playing with the trail of hair under his bellybutton.

‘That’s it, baby, you’re so good’

His boyfriend only moaned, the sound being muffled by the dick currently in his mouth, and the vibrations sent jolts of electricity straight to Sander’s groin.

‘I’m really close, don’t stop’

Those words seemed to urge Robbe to bob his head faster, his other hand fondling Sander’s balls. Breathing hard through his nose, Sander knew he had to give his instructions before he lost the ability to form a coherent sentence.

‘Robbe, don’t swallow, okay?’

His movements faltered a bit and he looked up, meeting Sander’s gaze.

‘Do you trust me?’

Robbe nodded, sucking the head of his cock a bit harder, almost as if he was saying _of course, you idiot_.

‘Good, then do as I say, please’

Not daring to close his eyes, he let the pleasure wash over him, his body on the verge of release, and kept looking at Robbe, who was grinding slowly into the mattress.

His dick was probably hard and leaking against the sheets, the friction being just enough to keep him hard but not enough to bring him any relief.

‘Look at you, so pretty like this, you like that?’

The words urged Robbe, and he moaned again, his hand now touching the base of Sander’s dick where his mouth couldn’t reach.

‘Fuck, I’m gonna come’

Using all of his strength (which was not much, honestly), Sander moved back a bit, leaving just the tip of his cock inside Robbe’s mouth, and held his hair firmly between his fingers, keeping his head still.

Seeing the way Robbe got soft and pliant at the grasp of his hand only made him more delirious, and he couldn’t help but moan as he felt himself tip over the edge, his dick shooting ropes of come inside Robbe’s red, hot mouth.

His body went rigid with pleasure, the muscles contracting as Robbe kept suckling at the tip of his cock, looking at him, and Sander thought he would be smiling if he didn’t have a dick in his mouth right now.

With a sigh, he pulled Robbe firmly, but slowly, by the hair, making him release his dick with a pop.

Sander helped him to his knees on the bed, and crossed his own legs to face his boyfriend, who had his mouth closed.

Robbe looked so good like this.

_I love him so much._

‘Did you swallow?’

Robbe shook his head with a small smile. Sander looked down his body and confirmed his thoughts; his dick was hard, red and wet at the tip, beads of precum threatening to leak.

‘Good. Show me’

Sander didn’t think it was possible, but Robbe managed to blush even further, the redness spreading to his neck and chest as he stared at his boyfriend.

‘Open your mouth, baby, let me see’

Finally complying, Robbe opened his mouth slowly, careful not to spill anything, and Sander would be hard again if he hadn’t just come.

Robbe looked straight out of a dream.

His hair is disheveled, eyes shiny, and inside his red, open mouth, Sander can see his come resting on Robbe’s tongue, along with saliva threatening to spill out.

‘You look so good like this, baby, all wet’ He groaned, and Robbe only moans, his full mouth stopping him from making any comments.

‘I know you can’t speak right now, so if you don’t want to do what I’ll ask you can just pinch my leg, okay?’

He nodded, closing his mouth. Moving Robbe’s hand to rest it on top of his thigh, Sander made him kneel up on the bed, so that his face was above him.

‘I want you to do something for me now’

He takes a hard look at Robbe and, raising his arm to touch Robbe’s chin, he says:

‘I want you to spit in my mouth’

Robbe looks a little dazed, face twisting in disbelief, but Sander doesn’t miss the way his cock twitches at the request, so he repeats himself, more commanding now.

‘Robbe, I want you to spit my cum inside my mouth’

He thinks he heard his boyfriend moan, but his mind is too focused to notice properly. If he doesn’t ask for this now, he’s afraid he’ll never have the courage to say this again.

‘After that I’m gonna blow you, and I want you to tell me how good I’m making you feel’

This time, he definitely heard Robbe moan, and can see that his eyes are a little unfocused, the blush spreading down to his chest.

‘I want you to cum inside my mouth, too. And then I want you to see’

Robbe closes his eyes, his face and chest slightly sweaty, and a drop of precum escapes his very hard, red cock.

‘You can pinch my thigh if you don’t want to. After that, your mouth will be free and you can use the safeword anytime, you know that’

Time stood still as none of them moved, Sander looking down now, with his legs crossed, his hand on Robbe’s chest now.

Robbe, kneeling above him, mouth full of cum and spit, processing all the information his boyfriend just dumped on him.

 _It’s too much, he’s not gonna do it, I freaked him out, this is it, fuck this is it_ , kept replaying inside Sander’s head, as he forced himself to stay calm and just waited for Robbe to pinch his thigh.

But nothing happened.

Robbe’s hand just softly petted his thigh, making small motions, almost soothing.

Willing his eyes to focus again, he traveled his gaze from Robbe’s hand to his arm, then his chest, being distracted by the sight of his _still hard, still leaking_ cock, and moved up, up, until it reached Robbe’s face.

Robbe was smiling at him, his eyes glazed, and he was breathing hard through his nose.

Not daring to speak, afraid of ruining the moment, Sander decided to let Robbe take the lead, to see what he would do next.

Robbe just brought his hand to Sander’s face, caressing his jaw for a moment, before he moved his thumb over Sander’s bottom lip.

Oh. _Oh._

His thumb moved with more intent now, as he forced Sander to open his mouth. _Holy shit, this is happening. He’s gonna do it fuck fuck fuck_.

Sander can only stare, doesn’t want to miss a moment of this, as Robbe holds his jaw softly, tilts his own head down, and he’s moving almost as if someone else is pulling his strings.

Robbe looks into Sander’s eyes one last time, as if waiting for permission, and Sander nods once.

Everything seems to move in slow motion; Robbe puckers his lips, opening his mouth just a little, and lets a string of come and saliva drip down, down, to Sander’s inviting tongue.

Sander hums in pleasure, his eyes never leaving Robbe’s, and waits until he’s done, liquid pooling inside his mouth, mixing with his own spit.

It’s a strange, heady feeling, that fills him with warmth and _love_ , knowing that his boy is giving him what he wants.

He touches his boyfriend’s dick and finds it warm, wet with precum and it juts forward at the attention, as Robbe sighs.

Finally, Robbe closes his mouth, wiping it with one hand, and Sander knows this is a lot, but he’s still openly staring at Sander.

Tearing his eyes from Robbe, Sander only shifts back, grabbing Robbe’s hips forward and opening his mouth just enough to slip his dick inside, careful not to spill anything.

Robbe shudders, already looking on edge, and Sander lets himself just enjoy the moment; his mouth full of cock and spit and cum, his beautiful, caring boyfriend shaking above him.

It feels comforting, having him inside his mouth like this, not moving, just touching.

Robbe is moaning, one hand caressing Sander’s bleached hair, and he finally pleads.

‘Sander, please, do something, please’

Finally, Sander moves, setting an unforgivable pace from the very beginning.

He knows it will be too much for Robbe, too much pressure and sensitivity, but he also knows that he likes this, that Robbe is letting him do this.

 _This is it_ , he thinks, _this is the control I wanted._

He bobs his head, not being able to move his tongue too much without jostling the amount of liquid inside his mouth, and dares to look up, hoping to see Robbe’s face.

His boyfriend already looks wrecked, his face flushed, hair a mess and his eyes are shining; Sander knows he’s tearing up, but still not crying. That comes later, _hopefully._

One of Sander’s hands move further back, grabbing his ass, and his fingers slowly trace the inside of one cheek, teasing.

‘Fuck, you feel so good’ Robbe moans, his hand resting on Sander’s bleached hair ‘I can’t believe I did that’

Sander hums, the sound going straight to Robbe’s cock, and he tenses above him.

‘Sander, fuck, I’m really close, please don’t stop’

Moving his other hand to Robbe’s ass too, he spreads his cheeks a little, and his finger dips inside, brushing dry against his hole.

Moaning a string of _fuck fuck fuck oh god sander fuck,_ Robbe shivers, coming inside Sander’s mouth.

Sander knows he’s hard again, his dick chubbing up ever since Robbe held his mouth open to spit inside, but he keeps his focus on the writhing boy in front of him, waiting until his moans get higher and he softens a bit.

He moves his head back, still looking at Robbe, forcing himself not to swallow anything yet. He knows he’s forcing aftershocks into Robbe’s body now, his dick too oversensitive.

Sander forces himself to keep still, waits until Robbe’s dick is done twitching, until he’s softening inside his mouth.

By now Robbe has tears threatening to stream down his face, and he looks red, and sweaty, and beautiful, _beautiful_ , the most beautiful thing Sander has ever seen.

He can’t believe this boy loves him.

He releases his dick with a pop, and the sound makes Robbe look at him. Sander holds his gaze, knowing Robbe won’t look away.

Knowing he’ll want to see.

Slowly, he opens his mouth, and Robbe lets out a small sob, looking at the inside of Sander’s mouth, now full of both their loads and saliva.

Now, Robbe is crying.

Crying and smiling at the same time.

Sander lets him look for a few seconds more, and then he closes his mouth, swallowing everything, and Robbe’s eyes are still tearing up a little.

Finally able to speak, Sander gets up and pulls Robbe towards him, guiding them to lie together on the bed, showering him in praises.

‘That was perfect, you were perfect, baby, always so good to me’

Robbe is silent, but Sander can tell he’s stopped crying and is just enjoying the closeness, the comfort of being held and cared for.

‘I love you, I love you so much, I love you, Robbe’

A few minutes pass, and they’re lying in bed, Sander moving his hand in circles on Robbe’s back, their legs intertwined. The air is cool now, the sheets still slightly damp with sweat but not uncomfortably so.

‘Are you with me, Robin?’ Sander calls, to check if his boyfriend is still awake.

‘Yeah, I’m here’

‘You okay? Talk to me’

‘m good, just… Too much’ Sander can feel him shrugging.

‘I know, love, I know. Did I go too far?’

‘No, I mean, yeah, just’

‘Just?’

‘It felt so surreal, to do what you asked me to. I didn’t think you would, y’know, actually do that’

‘What, open my mouth for you to spit?’ He teases, and knows that Robbe is blushing, face hid in Sander’s neck.

‘Sander, Jesus’

‘It’s okay, baby. I can’t believe I had the courage to ask you’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, I can’t really explain why I wanted to do that, but I just… I guess it was a way of taking what I wanted from you, but, giving you control, too, y’know?’

‘I get that’ He nods.

‘It just felt so overwhelming, like, the way you knew I was having a bad day, and you gave me control’

‘Yeah’

‘That’s the most incredible thing anybody’s ever done for me. Allow me to know what I want and let me take it. You’re incredible’

‘But I feel like you give me so much, too, babe. You make me so happy’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah… maybe that’s why I cry when we have sex sometimes’

‘Oh yeah?’ Sander said, teasing, ‘it’s so good it makes you cry?’

‘Stop, oh my god’

‘What?’

‘You’re so weird’ Robbe shoved him, laughing.

‘Yeah, but you love me, right?’

‘I do, I really do’

That was all that mattered. They were in this together, he wasn’t alone anymore.

If anyone had told him that one day he would find someone who truly understood him, who made him feel seen and heard and safe, maybe Sander wouldn’t have believed.

He believes now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kids, there's nothing wrong with using your safeword, it exists for a reason! Again, communication is key!


	8. eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my lovelies! The chapter that many of you have been asking me for is finally here, a shower scene! Let me know what you think, and again, thank you all so much for the support!
> 
> I recommend reading this chapter while listening to Absolute Beginners, by David Bowie. I wrote the chapter with this song on repeat, and it is mentioned towards the end of the chapter, too.  
> link to the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCJLOXqnT2I
> 
> Enjoy!

Robbe is melting out of his skin.

The night is so warm and humid, a quiet Sunday, and Sander had invited him to sleep over, as his mother was picking up the night shift at the hospital to cover for her friend and his dad was away on a business trip.

They cooked dinner, after Robbe had insisted they must eat something other than croques, and Sander made them some chicken rice instead.

Robbe was constantly surprised by his boyfriend’s skills, because the food tasted great, and they had managed to not burn down the kitchen.

After washing the dishes and watching _The Man Who Fell To Earth_ for the seventh time ever since they started dating (Sander mumbling the lines under his breath ever so often, and Robbe trying not to laugh at his boyfriend), they planned on smoking a joint and going to bed, already dreading the arrival of Monday.

However, once they got inside Sander’s room, hands started roaming around, one kiss turned into five, which turned into a heavy makeout session right against the door.

Next thing they knew, Sander was on his knees sucking Robbe’s cock and touching himself through his pants, and they came in record time, sweating and laughing.

It must be close to one in the morning, now, and Robbe is melting out of his skin.

Sleeping after their endeavor proved to be futile. They were sleepy, but had given up on trying, too warm to do anything but stay still and wait for the night to cool down a bit.

Robbe is sitting in bed, propped up against the wall, reading _The Stranger_ and listening to Sander’s steady breathing below.

Sander’s lying sideways, his head on Robbe’s lap, and his sketchbook lies discarded on the bed, a drawing still unfinished.

They’re both only in their underwear, having taken shirts and pants off before going to bed, but are still sweaty.

Sander’s hair is a bit damp, clinging to his neck and the side of Robbe’s leg where they meet, and Robbe’s underwear is sticking under his ass a little, but not enough to make him uncomfortable.

Every now and then, the sound of a car passing floats through the open window, breaking them out of their stupor, but the house is silent otherwise. It feels like they are the last two people on the planet.

Moving at a slow pace, Sander twists his body to reach his nightstand, grabbing the joint and lighter, before returning to his initial position, lying against Robbe’s legs.

He lights up the joint and takes a hit, passing it to Robbe, who puts his book down to smoke. He exhales the smoke and gives the joint back to Sander, using his now free hand to pet Sander’s hair.

They smoke in silence, moving only to pass the joint back and forth and take swigs from a giant bottle of water (that Sander brought to the room after they had sex).

Once in a while, one of them will flick ashes into an empty bowl of ice cream that rests on top of Sander’s nightstand.

‘Fuck, it’s so hot’

‘I know, I feel like I’m melting’

‘We should probably try to sleep, though’

‘I can’t, it’s impossible’ Sander says, groaning.

His hand is on Robbe’s thigh, one finger tracing slow circles, the other holding the almost finished joint.

‘It should not be so hot, this is ridiculous’

‘I know, right?’ Robbe mumbles, eyes closed. The ceiling fan above them does almost nothing to stave off the heat and humidity, and Robbe is beginning to feel the telltale need to pee, but it’s still bearable, and he doesn’t want to move right now.

‘I think ms. Lou will ask me to participate at her friend’s art installation’

‘Really?’

‘Mmmm’

‘What’s it gonna be about?’

‘I don’t know for sure, but she’s going through a Marina Abramovic phase lately, so it might be something with self-perspective inside the piece’

‘What?’ Robbe asks, brain slightly dazed because of the heat and lack of sleep.

‘You know, the artist is also part of the art, interacts with the art, stuff like that. I’ll show you tomorrow’

‘Oh, right. That’s great, babe’

‘Yeah, as long as it’s not _Imponderabilia_ or something like that, I don’t know’

‘What’s that?’

‘Let’s just say I don’t like the idea of being naked in front of 50 people’

‘You can always refuse, right?’ Robbe asks, eyes still closed.

‘Yeah, but, also, it would be a great opportunity…’

‘It would, but you shouldn’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with just because some big artist is asking you to’

‘You’re right’

After that, they stay in silence for a while, and Robbe can feel his boyfriend overthinking; knows he feels conflicted over the prospect of possibly having to decline such a great invitation.

With a sigh, he tries to console him.

‘Maybe she just needs you to pour some paint over her or something, baby’

‘That would be fun’ Sander laughed, sounding more relaxed.

Quietness falls again, and Robbe’s trying not to think about how hard he needs to pee, the urge finally making him squirm a bit.

Sander tugs at his arm, saying ‘it’s the last one’, and pulls Robbe’s face towards him, taking a big, final drag of the joint.

Robbe opens his mouth, smiling, and waits while Sander passes the smoke between them, their lips touching, Sander’s warm hand on his chin.

After all the smoke has been consumed, Sander presses his mouth more insistently against Robbe, tongue slotting inside his mouth, and they kiss, moving languidly against one another.

Sander moves to sit upright, breaking the kiss only to discard the leftover bits of paper from the joint inside the empty ice cream bowl, and then returns with full force, moving his hand to touch Robbe’s nipple, teasing.

Robbe moans and motions to grab Sander by the hair, his book falling off the side of the bed, and it’s just right, the movement, the touch, the warmness that makes him feel like they’re simmering inside a hot pot of soup.

Every part of his body that Sander touches comes alight with pleasure, the sensations being intensified by the thin layer of sweat that covers him now, and Robbe’s panting, wanting more, more, more.

As Sander touches his hip, trailing along to feel Robbe’s dick over his boxers, something flickers inside his brain, and he grabs Sander’s hand, eyes lighting up and daring.

‘I have an idea’

‘That’s always good’ Sander whispers teasingly into his mouth, barely breaking the kiss.

‘Let’s take a shower’

‘Ooooh, that’s a great idea’

‘Yeah?’ He asks, playfully.

‘Yeah’

Breathing a little bit easier now, Robbe disentangles himself from Sander, grabbing a fresh pair of boxers and a shirt from inside his backpack, watching from the corner of his eye as Sander moves around him to fetch some clothes for himself.

They’ve barely entered the small bathroom before Sander is crowding him, breath hot and insistent on the back of his neck, and Robbe sighs, thankful for the fact that they’re alone right now.

Moving in unison, they take off their underwear before stepping inside the stall, hands everywhere. Sander slides the glass door shut, snaking a hand around Robbe’s chest to turn on the shower.

The slow, fervent way Sander kisses will never fail to make Robbe weak in the knees.

He holds his boyfriend’s bleached white hair firmly with one hand, grounding himself, and lets the other hand explore the hard planes of his back, the curves and freckles that Robbe loves so much.

‘We haven’t done this in a while’ Sander says, moving his head to mouth at his neck.

‘I know, I missed it’

‘I know it’s not an expensive shower in a five-star hotel, but…’ Sander’s voice is muffled by the sound of the shower.

‘Hey, I don’t need a five-star hotel. Just you’ Robbe replies, ‘We could be under the rain for all I care’

‘Oh, some rain would be nice’ His boyfriend groans.

‘It would be so nice’, and then they’re laughing.

Robbe will never get tired of making his boy laugh.

He wishes he could record the sound, make it his ringtone, the sound of his alarm in the morning, the soundtrack of his life, Sander’s laughter forever inside his head.

‘Can I wash your hair?’

‘Sure, yeah’

Sander turns around and a sigh escapes his lips, body relaxing as Robbe uses the bleach-safe shampoo to wash his hair, massaging the scalp gently, making sure no suds get in his eyes.

Sander hums and almost throws his head back, letting the cold water flow across his chest, still looking a bit sleepy, but actually refreshed for the first time in several hours.

The motion would be enough to lull him to sleep if they weren’t in the shower, and if Sander’s cock hadn’t also liked the movement, getting half-hard already.

‘Get under the water, let me rinse it’

Turning back around so he’s facing his boyfriend, Sander closes his eyes and lets Robbe clean his hair, his hands blindly touching Robbe’s chest and stomach, rolling a nipple between his fingers.

Robbe moans, hands faltering a bit, but he combs his fingers through Sander’s hair, and grabs the conditioner from the shelf to apply, loving the opportunity to wash his boyfriend (quite literally) with affection and care.

‘Let me put some conditioner on you’

‘Oh, right’, Sander says, still touching him, hand now roaming lower, almost grabbing his dick.

Robbe shudders and loses his grip on Sander’s white hair, now slick with conditioner.

He can feel that he’s getting half hard, desire simmering low inside him, but the urge to pee is overshadowing the hot touch of the hand stroking his cock slowly.

He can feel that Sander is hard, too, can feel the heavy, warm weight of the cock against his hip when his boyfriend moves closer, trailing kisses along his neck and down to his chest.

Trying to suppress a moan, Robbe shivers as Sander places a kiss just below his bellybutton, and his mouth is open, about to envelop Robbe’s dick.

He knows the pressure would be so nice, Sander’s impossibly hot mouth enveloping his dick, but he also can’t hold it anymore.

‘Sander…’

‘Mmmm’

‘I have to go’

‘Go where?’ He asks, but he’s smirking, staring openly at Robbe’s cock, which means he’s gonna make Robbe say it, make him beg for it.

This conversation isn’t new, nor is the rush of adrenaline that surges through Robbe’s veins at the thought of what they’re doing.

Sander likes to tease him, Robbe likes to be teased, and Sander _knows_ that Robbe likes it. Revels in it, really.

Sander knows which buttons to push, what things to say to reduce Robbe into a mess, which is _exactly what Robbe wants_ , as they’ve discussed it before.

They’ve discussed their kinks, how far they’re willing to go (or not go), and Sander knows that it’s okay for him to test their limits.

So he knows that, as long as he doesn’t use their safeword or any color other than green, he’s basically giving Sander free access to do whatever he wants to.

‘I need to pee’

‘Mmkay’ Sander answers, but is still touching his cock lightly, just holding it, ‘How close are you?’

‘Really close’

‘Oh, so it hurts when I do this?’

And then his hand leaves Robbe’s dick, moves to press against Robbe’s lower stomach, and _fuck, yeah_ , it hurts.

Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath, trying very hard not to piss.

‘Yeah, it hurts, Sander, please’ He says, one hand pressing down the base of his dick.

‘Can’t you hold it?’

‘I’m trying, I’m trying, but it’s too much’

‘Too much?’ Sander asks again, mouth trailing along his bellybutton, tongue teasing, and Robbe nods and dares to look down, already feeling close to bursting.

When he looks at Sander, he feels like his breath has been punched out of him.

Sander, kneeled down in front of him, is jerking himself, hand moving in slow, steady movements against his own hard cock, from the base to the tip, catching some precum and spreading it with the repetitive movement.

The notion that not only Sander is entertaining Robbe’s fantasy, but he’s also getting off on it, is enough to make his bladder tingle, almost on the other side of too painful.

‘You want to pee?’

‘Yeah, please’ He pleads, close enough to beg for it.

‘It’s okay, you can go, baby’

‘But… but…’

‘Yeah?’ Sander smiles, eyes looking up at him, blinking slowly.

He looks almost innocent, if Robbe didn’t see the way he’s stroking himself, daring him to struggle, testing to see how far he can push Robbe until he bends.

‘You’re… there’ Robbe points, and Sander just looks at him, the hand on his cock going faster now.

‘Yes, I am. And I’m staying here’

‘But I’ll – ‘

And Robbe can’t even finish his sentence, because Sander’s other hand presses _hard_ again over his bladder, and the stream leaves his dick, trickling down a bit before getting more intense.

Once again, Sander’s taking him to new levels of intimacy, of discovery.

Robbe can only close his eyes, moaning as the multiple sensations cascade over him: the relief of finally letting go, the feeling of Sander’s hot mouth on his hip and stomach, the warm hand holding his dick down as he pees, the burning shame because all of this is happening.

Because _he likes it._

‘Oh, fuck’ He says, overwhelmed in the _best_ way.

‘That’s right, baby, just let it all go, you’re so good, it’s okay’ Sander whispers, and Robbe can hear the slick sound of his hand still moving, still jerking himself off.

‘Look at me’

When Robbe looks down again, he sees that the stream of piss is going straight at Sander’s chest and groin, and _fuck jesus fuck fuck fuck,_ Sander looks straight out of a wet dream.

His eyes are wild, scanning Robbe’s face, and the trail of hair going down to his dick is wet, wet with Robbe’s piss, because _Robbe is peeing on him_.

‘You like what you see? You like to piss all over me? To mark me as yours?’ Sander grunts, tongue moving to dip inside his bellybutton.

He’s looking close to orgasm, and Robbe only nods, head hazy.

This is completely new territory for both of them, never having done so much before.

Robbe still can barely believe this situation is actually happening, really.

‘You’re so hot, baby, so good, I love to feel you getting me all wet, fuck’

The stream is getting smaller now, splashing over Sander’s cock and thighs before getting washed down the drain, which is something that Robbe never thought he would get to see outside of his wildest fantasies, and his dick juts a little at the sight.

He hears Sander moan, punched out sounds getting mixed with the noise of running water, and then Sander is coming in thick strips, landing on the tile close to Robbe’s feet, mixing with the pee and the water from the shower.

He listens to Sander’s hard breathing as the final droplets of pee are released from his dick, feeling very overwhelmed with everything that happened.

‘You okay, baby?’

‘Yeah’

‘That was so good’

‘Yeah’ Robbe says, still stuck in place, back against the wall, and he realizes that he’s hard when Sander gets back on his feet and touches his dick with a come-stained hand.

‘C’mere, let me take care of you’

Robbe only nods, coming closer to his boyfriend, placing his head on the crook of Sander’s neck.

‘Sander, please, please touch me’ He’s fully begging now, past the point of embarrassment.

‘I’m here, my love, it’s okay’

Sander moves his other hand to make circles on Robbe’s back, comforting, while he keeps up the pace on his cock, finger digging into the slit before moving again.

Robbe would be embarrassed to admit that he’s already very close, but he’s also painfully aware of the fact that everything that happened would have been _more than enough_ to make him come untouched.

Sander moves his head, kissing Robbe’s ear, and the entire situation is so comforting, so full of love, that he almost feels like crying.

The juxtaposition of the tenderness in Sander’s touch and the memory of what they were doing a minute earlier makes his head swim.

Sander just keeps touching him, reassuring, but his hand moves faster.

‘I love you so much, baby, you’re the best thing I’ve ever seen in my life’

These words send Robbe over the edge, an orgasm that washes slow and hot over him, and he comes with a broken moan, feeling his muscles tense up before slumping against Sander.

He feels heavy, body completely relaxed, and lets himself be manhandled around as Sander washes his body gently, careful, singing _Absolute Beginners_ under his breath.

Before he notices, they’re done showering, and Sander is picking up the towel to dry his body.

‘Step out for me, please, let’s go’

‘I can do it, it’s okay’, he mumbles, picking up the towel.

‘You sure?’

‘Yes, Sander’

‘Alright’ Sander smiles, grabbing his own towel.

They get dressed and brush their teeth, moving around like they always do, aware of each other’s presence, and Robbe only smiles, listening to Sander’s low pitched voice singing _as long as we’re together, the rest can go to hell._

As they walk back to the bedroom, Robbe thinks he must still be under the effect of Sander’s spell, because he continues to hear sounds of water, like gentle tapping against the walls.

However, he’s broken out of his dream by actual water; it has begun to rain, the blazing heat finally being washed away, and they hurry to close the windows before the floor gets soaked.

Lying in bed, his body now refreshed and intertwined with Sander’s, Robbe feels sleep finally catching up, and closes his eyes, touching his boyfriend’s hand over the covers.

‘Thank you’

‘For what?’ He hears Sander speak into the pillow.

‘For being so good to me. For understanding me so well. For giving me so much’

‘You don’t need to thank me, baby. Thank _you_ , for allowing me to be the one that gets to have you’

‘I love you’, Robbe says,

_‘I absolutely love you_ , baby’, and Sander’s reply is the last thing he hears before falling asleep, thinking _he is the one._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Imponderabilia' is a performance by Marina Abramovic, one of my favorite artists. She performed it for the first time in 1977, with her then partner Ulay, here's a link to a recording of the piece: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDM7WJxbXNY


	9. nine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello kids, here's another chapter, hope you enjoy it! I still don't know how or when this fanfic will end, but there's still at least five or six chapters already written, so keep your ideas coming, I love to hear them! <3

Sander loves pushing Robbe around, making him squirm, tease him until he’s begging. He loves feeling in control, cool and collected.

But Sander’s also competitive as hell when he wants to be.

Which is how he’s found himself currently inside a bar, bursting at the seams, breathing hard through his nose to stop himself from pissing his pants.

In retrospect, it was his own damn fault.

-

‘It’s a formal event, mr. Driesen, so I expect you to dress accordingly’

‘I don’t think I even own a suit, ms. Lou’ Sander tried to argue, but he knew it was worthless, there was no stopping his teacher when she committed to something.

The current something being that she decided Sander would be her escort to a fancy art party, held at the huge museum downtown.

Any other day and he would be thrilled, but he was absolutely sure she forgot to mention it had a dressing code.

Not that he had a problem with going to the event, but he was supposed to meet Robbe and the rest of their friends later at a bar, to celebrate the end of Robbe’s midterm exams.

There was no way in hell that he would survive going to a bar looking like a penguin inside a formal suit.

Also, he _really_ didn’t have a suit, only some button-down shirts that his mom forced him to wear on special events sometimes.

However, it was already half past seven p.m. and his teacher just stood there, eyeing Sander and his leather jacket with a half amused, half impatient stare.

‘Nonsense, I refuse to believe you don’t own a suit’

‘Well, it’s true’

‘Then follow me, I’ll do something about this’

Turns out, doing something about it meant that ms. Lou dragged him to the costume rooms of the drama department, walking like she owned the place and ripping clothes from the racket, tossing them in Sander’s general direction.

Sander knew the drama kids would kill him if they ever found out he was traipsing around the rooms like this.

Lucky for them, it was already late, so the halls were empty, but he doubted anyone would have stopped his teacher, either way.

‘Wear this, get changed and let’s go, I don’t want to be late’

Grabbing the clothes, Sander could only look at her, exasperated. _Is this really happening?_

‘Can I at least wear my boots? I don’t wanna leave my shoes here until Monday’

‘Okay, I’ll concede it’

Sander huffed, feeling the slightest bit relieved, and waited until ms. Lou went down the hallway to change his clothes.

They didn’t actually fit him correctly, but it was the best he could do in the time they had. The dark grey button-down shirt was a bit loose on his chest and shoulders, but it didn’t stink or scratch, so he considered it a victory.

The black suit pants fit him better, snug around his waist and ass, if a bit short around his ankles, but his black combat boots went over the pants, so it wasn’t noticeable.

He put his leather jacket back on and went to meet ms. Lou. She scanned him up and down, sighing.

‘That will have to do, I’m afraid. Let’s go, Sander, the cab is already waiting’

The museum was three blocks away from the bar, so Sander decided to leave his bike at school. He could always take the bus tomorrow and pick it up.

They were on their way to the event when he felt his phone buzzing inside his pocket.

_Robbe: how’s the event?_

_Sander: we’re almost there._

_Sander: you won’t believe what she did this time_

_Robbe: what, are you serving tables or something?_

Stifling a laugh, Sander tried to imagine the earful he would get later, when everyone saw him dressed like _this._

_Sander: you’ll see_

_Sander: are you already at the bar?_

_Robbe: no, we’re pregaming at jens_

_Robbe: I’ll let you know when we get there_

_Sander: okay. Love you_

_Robbe: love you <3_

The event went on fairly well, and Sander actually enjoyed walking with ms. Lou, listening closely as she described each piece they walked past.

He felt a bit out of place at the beginning, but it wasn’t too weird, and soon he realized people didn’t look twice at his direction.

Every now and then, Sander would check his phone, hoping that Robbe was already at the bar with the boys, so that he had an excuse to leave sooner.

The party was quiet but had plenty of drinks and food, which he fetched at his teacher’s request. She made sure he ate some, too, and made him drink some champagne ( _that’s how you socialize, Sander, bear with me_ ).

However, he knew he had to drink a glass of water for each glass of champagne, otherwise his medication would be even more screwed up, which _no, thank you_.

Because of that, the mere two glasses of champagne were followed by two cups of water, and he was yet to find a bathroom inside the museum.

Ms. Lou was tugging at his shirt and arguing with someone about the merits of contemporary portraits when his phone buzzed again.

Opening the message, he saw that Robbe had sent him a photo. Sander smiled at the sight of Robbe, beer in hand, and spotted Jens, Noor, Moyo and Jana in the back.

_Get your ass over here, sexy_ , the caption read, and that was all the encouragement he needed. He loved art, and he loved meeting people and seeing important stuff, but he was also tired as hell and wanted to see his hot, amazing boyfriend.

‘Ms. Lou, will you need me to do anything else tonight?’

‘What?’

‘I’m supposed to meet Robbe – ‘

‘Yes, yes, you can go, Sander. I still expect your assignment on my desk by Tuesday, okay?’

‘Of course’

‘You can wash these clothes and return them next week, I’ll explain the situation to Werner’ She said, and Sander would laugh at the notion of his teacher calling the _head of the theater department_ by his first name if he wasn’t afraid to be scolded.

‘Yes, thank you, thank you so much, ms. Lou, tonight was great, I’ll have the paper ready’

‘I know’ She smiled, ‘Go meet your muse, I’ll see you on Monday’

Sander collected his jacket by the reception and tried not to run, afraid that he would rip the pants in his haste.

The bar was close to the museum, and, when he arrived, his eyes didn’t have to scan around to find everyone. The laughter and cheering reached his ears from the distance, and he mentally prepared himself for all the teasing.

‘Hallo’

‘Robbe, you didn’t tell me this was a formal event’ Moyo laughed, as soon as Sander removed his leather jacket, revealing the formal shirt underneath.

‘Fancy man, you clean up nice, actually’ Jens teased, giving him eyes across the table.

‘Thank you, it wasn’t my choice, believe me’

‘It suits you, dude’

Sander didn’t have to look in Robbe’s direction to know he was staring at him; he could feel the heat in his gaze even from the small distance.

He walked towards him, finally making eye contact, and couldn’t help himself, Robbe always looked so good.

He loved how everyone knew Sander would want to sit beside Robbe, so they left the chair beside him purposely empty.

He loved that they could move as a unit, never too far away, that Robbe’s body would instinctively move towards Sander’s when he sat down, their knees already touching.

He kissed Robbe twice, his hand reaching for the golden chain around his neck, touching it lightly. Robbe grabbed his other hand, holding it firmly between his own.

‘Yes, it does suit you’ Robbe mumbled, almost as if he didn’t want the others to hear.

They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment, but were interrupted by Noor’s voice.

‘Is that from the theater department?’ She asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

‘It was ms. Lou’s fault, she wanted me to go with her to some fancy art exhibition, but I didn’t have a suit’

‘Jeez, she really bosses you around, huh?’ Noor teased, and he huffed in amusement.

‘What can I say, it’s the price I pay’

Robbe couldn’t take his eyes off him, and he felt his cheeks getting warm at the constant, almost physical feeling of Robbe’s gaze.

‘Hey babe, like what you see?’ He teased, hoping to make Robbe blush, but only received a blazing smile.

‘Very much so’ Robbe said, eyes glinting.

‘You know, these clothes are actually kind of uncomfortable’

‘Oh, yeah?’

‘Yeah’

‘In that case, you should take them off’

Sander huffed out a laugh, looking around to make sure nobody else had listened to Robbe’s blatant flirting. He wanted those words to be _for him only._

‘What are you drinking?’

‘Just beer’

‘Cool, I’ll grab you another’ Sander said, his eyes mischievous, and Robbe seemed to caught what he was trying to convey instantly.

‘You’re not drinking tonight?’ Moyo asked

‘No, I already drank some champagne and a lot of water back at the party’

‘Ooooh, fancy’

‘Have some more water, babe’ Robbe said, teasing. _What was with him tonight?_

‘I’m pretty full, actually’

People were talking all around them, but now Sander couldn’t focus on anything else but the warm feeling of Robbe beside him, his eyes twinkling like they always did when he wanted to completely destroy Sander.

He watched as his boyfriend took a big swig of his beer, then moved his mouth to speak closer to him, his lips ghosting over the shell of Sander’s ear.

‘Everytime you drink some water, I’ll also drink something’

‘What?’ He asked, feeling slightly delirious.

‘I’ll be full very soon, and then I won’t be able to hold it anymore, baby. Do you want that?’

_This boy is trying to kill me_.

He couldn’t believe the things Robbe was saying, but he knew he wanted them all the same.

Nodding, he stood up, but not before checking to see if he hadn’t popped a boner yet at the mental image of Robbe trying desperately not to pee.

Sander moved quickly to the back of the bar, asking for another beer for Robbe and a bottle of water for himself.

He knew he was on his way to be full himself, but he wanted to do this. _He definitely could do this._

He walked back to their table at the speed of light, unscrewing the cap of the beer before giving it to Robbe.

This night would be so good.

An hour into their night, they were currently discussing the merits of Vine versus TikTok, but Sander had only managed to laugh and play for so long before he felt an unpleasant tingle on his lower stomach.

Robbe still looked fine, _better than ever, actually_ , mocking Jens about his ridiculous idea of actually filling the skateboarding pool with water.

‘Are you insane? We’ll never be able to skate there again’

‘Yes we will, we can say it’s for an art project’

‘No art project will be enough to justify damaging public property, idiot’ Robbe laughed.

‘Say that to your boyfriend’ Jens mused, ‘Last time I checked, your dumb face was still all over that wall’

‘Well, he was good enough not to get caught’

‘And we’ll be, too!’

‘Jens, the city _can and will_ sue your parents’ Noor interjected, pointing at Jens’ direction with a french fry before ranting about municipal laws and the amount of loopholes she researched before starting to spray paint public stuff.

Sander would be a bit impressed, if he wasn’t so painfully aware of his own condition.

Every now and then Robbe looked at Sander, his eyes glinting, and took a swig of his beer, which meant that Sander also had to drink.

He was very full, close to being uncomfortable, but his gaze didn’t waver, and he tried to give Robbe the same cool, unaffected stance.

At least nobody seemed to have caught on to their twisted drinking game, as they chatted oblivious.

But now Sander wondered how Robbe actually managed to do this.

They had been there for an hour and Sander already felt on edge, bladder tingling uncomfortably, and the tightness of his pants certainly didn’t help.

_I can do this,_ he told himself for the seventh time that evening, and turned to Robbe.

‘Are you okay with walking home? I left my bike at school, unfortunately’

‘Yeah, no problem, but you want to leave already?’ Robbe asked, daring him, as if he was asking _are you going to tap out now? Do you give up?_

‘No, not right now’

But the truth was that Sander didn’t knew how much longer he could take, and the thought was not only making him suffer, but was actually making him hard.

Everytime his gaze met Robbe’s, he felt a shiver run down his spine. Sander had never seen Robbe look at him like that.

_Fuck, is that how I look at him?_ He thought, and the realization sent another rush of adrenaline through him.

It was like Robbe knew what he was doing to him, like he was pushing him along, saying _you see how you make me feel everytime?_

They were on their second round of drinks (Robbe had drank his beer painfully slowly, thankfully) when Robbe tugged on Sander’s sleeve, pulling him closer to whisper in his ear.

‘How full are you?’

‘Not that full, actually’ He lied, trying to smirk.

‘You sure?’

‘How full are _you_?’ Sander asked.

He hoped Robbe would say he was full, that he was already in pain, that he was fucking desperate and they should leave immediately so that he could relieve himself.

‘I’m full, but it’s alright, I can still hold it’

_Jesus fucking Christ_ , Sander thought, _this boy is going to be the death of me._

So, yes, the situation in which Sander currently found himself was his own damn fault.

Sander spent a long time trying not to move, breathing slowly through his nose, focusing all of his energy into not pissing himself and also not getting hard right there at the table.

Both things were proving to be incredibly hard, since Robbe wouldn’t leave his side, hand on his thigh the entire night, not pressing, not pushing, not doing anything, just making sure that he was there, that he _knew_ Robbe was watching him close.

It was close to two in the morning when the gang decided to end the night and go home, Noor making Sander promise he would send her some of his old art history homework so that she could study.

He could barely focus enough to talk properly, and with each hug the boys gave him, the urge to piss only seemed to increase.

Looking at Robbe, he saw that he was flushed, laughing and glowing and _incredibly hot_ , but seemed unaffected otherwise.

‘You ready to go?’ Robbe whispered.

‘Yeah, please, let’s go’

They said their goodbyes and started the walk back to the flat, Sander still trying not to show how close he actually was to giving up.

His dick would be _way_ harder inside his jeans if he wasn’t already on the edge of pain, trying to walk faster, to get Robbe home faster so that he could relieve himself and they could do something about the tug in Sander’s lower stomach.

He wasn’t even thinking about Robbe’s desperation anymore, too caught up on his own.

They were halfway from the flat when Robbe twisted his hand to put his arm across Sander’s back, moving closer to ask him:

‘How full are you?’

Sander was a strong boy, but this was going beyond his abilities.

Not being able to lie any longer, he groaned.

‘Pretty fucking full’

‘Yeah?’

‘Jesus, this is torture, how are you still okay?’

‘I’ve had more practice than you, remember?’ Robbe teased, laughing, and held him closer ‘Can you hold it until we get home?’

‘I guess’ Sander mumbled, starting to get impatient, ‘It’s not like I’ll piss myself in the middle of the street’

However, he didn’t miss the way Robbe’s steps faltered a bit at his words; looking at him, he saw that his face was flushed under the street lights, his eyes enormous.

_Was that what he wanted? For me to not be able to hold it?_

The sudden realization made him smile, and now he had to know, he _needed_ to know.

‘Is that what you want?’

‘Huh?’ Robbe said, as they resumed walking.

‘Do you wanna see me lose control?’

‘I mean… You’re the one who said this was torture’

‘I did’

‘I don’t want to see you in pain’ He said, but the tone of his voice was anything but innocent.

Sander didn’t trust himself to speak, too turned on and desperate. He didn’t actually think he would pee himself here, in the open, but now the idea was in his head, and _fuck, it sounds really nice._

They were around the corner from the flat, and every part of Sander’s body was on fire, his senses on overdrive from having to hold himself. Robbe kept his hand around his back, their sides always touching.

When Robbe stopped to get his keys, Sander saw the opportunity to finally get his hands on him.

Crowding him against the door, Sander pushed his hand inside Robbe’s shirt, touching his chest and colliding their faces together.

The kiss was far from gentle, nothing more than breathing into the same air together, but neither of them cared.

Sander thought he was finally getting his act back together, enjoying the way he could feel Robbe’s hard dick against his hip.

His breath caught in his throat when Robbe pushed his hand into his stomach, pressing lightly.

Fuck.

So _that’s how it feels_.

The pressure on his bladder was light, but Sander felt like passing out. After spending the whole night shifting around and trying to ignore the need for release, he was at his wit’s end.

‘Fuck, Robbe’

‘What is it?’ Robbe asked, his hand massaging circles into Sander’s lower stomach.

‘I’m really close’

‘I know’

Sander could feel the way Robbe’s cock twitched against him, as he let out what must have been an undignified whine. He was about to beg, to scream, just wanted to rut against Robbe as he relieved himself.

All of his dirtiest fantasies were swimming around inside his head, he knew he just needed a little push before he _finally_ broke down and pissed.

Suddenly, Robbe retrieved his hand.

‘C’mon, let’s get inside’

‘But…’

‘Now, Sander’

They took the final steps up the stairs and towards the flat in a hurry. Robbe all but pushed him inside, and they were laughing, but Sander could still feel the tension and the possessive way Robbe grasped at the back of his shirt.

When he closed the door behind them, Sander bent down to unlace his boots, wincing at the movement, as Robbe toed off his own shoes.

‘Where’s everyone?’ He asked, not wanting to be caught in _this position_ by Zoe or Senne, or, worst of all, Milan.

‘Sleeping, I guess’

He was about to run into the bathroom, his face on fire, but Robbe still wouldn’t let him go.

‘Robbe, please’

‘Please what?’ Robbe asked, as his hands skirted around the edge of his pants, pulling his shirt from where it was tucked under to roam free across his back.

Sander felt like melting into the ground, wanting to do everything and nothing at once. He couldn’t decide if he wanted to rut against Robbe or run straight into the bathroom to relieve himself.

‘Please what, baby?’ Robbe repeated, hands splayed against his back.

‘Please, I need to piss’

‘But I want to suck you first’

Sander could only groan; he knew he wouldn’t be able to hold long enough for that.

‘I’m dying here, Robbe’ He laughed, feeling hysterical.

‘What’s your color?’

If Sander’s cock jutted forward at the sound of Robbe’s voice asking that, nobody had to know.

He only had time to blurt out ‘Green’ before Robbe was grabbing him by the hand and towards the bathroom.

Thinking _yes, finally, thank fucking god_ , Sander started to unbutton the tight pants, sighing at the slight relief from the friction against his dick.

He heard Robbe lock the door behind them, and was about to open the toilet lid when he heard rustling behind him.

‘Wait’

As he turned back, he saw that Robbe had already taken off his shirt, and was unbuttoning his own pants.

Sander stared, mouth slightly agape as his boyfriend stood in front of him, clad only in his underwear, clearly hard. He could even see a wet stain at the front, a sign that Robbe was already leaking precome.

Robbe then moved his hands, unzipping Sander’s pants and sliding them to his knees along with his boxers. His dick was already half hard, but he was too strung up to do anything about it.

Sander felt like crawling out of his own skin as Robbe touched his cock, mouth moving to kiss his neck.

‘Robbe, I really, _really_ have to piss’

‘Does it hurt?’

‘Yes, it hurts’ Sander replied, exasperated.

‘Then maybe you should let go’

_This must be a dream. I’m dreaming. Am I dead?_ Sander thought, because the next thing he saw was Robbe kneeling in front of him, mouth dangerously close to his dick.

He stared while his boyfriend kissed his hipbone, one hand still holding his cock, pointing it down, and Sander almost felt electric shocks when the tip touched Robbe’s neck.

‘Let go, baby’

‘What?’ He asked, stupidly, his brain unable to function properly.

‘Now, Sander’

Almost as if by command, Sander could feel the first drops of piss escaping his dick, trickling down Robbe’s neck.

Robbe kept looking at him, and now that he started, Sander could only moan loudly in relief as the stream got stronger, splashing against his boyfriend’s chest, wetting his nipples before trailing down his abs.

Sander didn’t break eye contact, not wanting to miss the way Robbe’s mouth opened slightly, breathing out a sigh as the piss soaked through his underwear, revealing the shape of his dick, hard underneath the wet fabric.

‘Fuck, oh, fuck’ he groaned, and his face must be on fire, realization hitting him all at once; this was the exact scenario they had been before, but the roles were reversed.

Not too long ago, he was the one kneeled down, watching as Robbe pissed all over him. Never in a million years he thought he would be able to do this with someone, didn’t even knew he _wanted it_.

‘You look so good like this’ Robbe croaked, his free hand moving to palm himself through the wet boxers.

The stream was getting smaller now, and Sander knew they were soaking the bathroom, knew that they would need to mop the floor afterwards, but he couldn’t care less right now.

‘You’re amazing’ He said, carding his hand through Robbe’s hair, and he didn’t miss the way Robbe flushed at the compliment, eyes shining as he smiled.

He was almost finished, only a light trickle escaping his dick when Robbe spoke again.

‘Can I suck you now?’

_I’m definitely dead. I’m dead and this is heaven_ , he thought, nodding.

Sander let out a loud groan at the sight (and feeling) of Robbe’s tongue licking up and around his dick, pressing light kisses before speaking.

‘I’ve been waiting all night to do this, you’re so hot when you’re desperate’

Robbe’s hand was still holding him at the base, guiding Sander’s cock towards his open mouth, sucking at the wet tip.

The suction pulled a few more drops of pee from him, and Sander gasped at the feeling, but Robbe either didn’t notice or didn’t care enough to stop, because he just kept looking at him, his mouth moving.

Sander was hard, impossibly hard, and pulled at Robbe’s hair more firmly, trying to stave off his orgasm. _Yeah, like that’s gonna happen_.

Silently praying everyone at the flat was already deep into slumber, Sander grunted, feeling weak at the knees, and just close, so close to coming.

‘Fuck, Robbe, fuck, I’m close’

With that, Robbe increased his pace, and, from the corner of his eye, Sander could see that he had somehow rid himself of his underwear, his cock red and curved against his stomach, shiny with Sander’s piss.

The sight of Robbe, still wet, and the steady pressure of his tongue swirling at his dick were too much, and, before he could warn Robbe again, Sander was coming.

His vision went white as he moaned a string of nonsense, feeling his abs clench in pleasure, cock shooting ropes of cum inside Robbe’s mouth.

Feeling like he was about to collapse, Sander let his body sag, kneeling on the wet floor against Robbe, moving to touch his cock. He pulled Robbe’s face close, kissing him hungrily, and was rewarded with a mouthful of come that Robbe still hadn’t swallowed.

They spent a few moments like that, swapping saliva and semen back and forth, before Sander moved back, tilting his head down so that he could spit on Robbe’s cock, easing the slide of his hand.

Robbe let out a long moan, immediately grinding into his closed fist, twisting his head back and exposing his beautiful, golden neck at him, which might have been the best thing Sander had ever seen in his life, _fancy art exhibitions included_.

‘You look so good, god, you’re so wet’

Robbe was now panting into his mouth, not even trying to hide his desperation, hips moving faster as he rutted into Sander’s hand. His own hands were gripping Sander’s shoulders, as if he was trying to steady himself.

‘Come for me, please, I wanna see you come, baby’

‘Fuck, Sander, please’

‘I know, I know, you can come, please come for me’

Robbe’s body went rigid against his, and Sander couldn’t look away as he moaned, his come painting their chests.

The sight would be enough to get him hard again if he wasn’t so exhausted, the tension he carried throughout the night having finally been released.

Instead, he just held Robbe in his arms, feeling the contrast between their warm skins and the cold, wet tile beneath his knees.

He felt Robbe sigh, his breath ghosting over his neck, and, for the millionth time that day, couldn’t help but think _god, I love you so much,_ so he said it.

‘I love you’

‘I love you, too’

‘Mmmm’

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah, you?’

‘Okay. My knees will be fucked up later, but…’

‘Yeah, don’t mention it’ Sander laughed, wincing as he stood up.

He held his hand for Robbe to help him get to his feet, and started to remove his clothes, in desperate need of a shower.

Sander laughed even harder at the realization that he hadn’t even taken off his pants, which were now wet at the knees, his shirt soiled with come and piss.

Fuck.

Those clothes were not even his.

As if Robbe could read his mind, he touched his shoulder and said:

‘Take off these clothes, I’ll put them in the washer now’

‘That would be great, thank you’

‘There’s a rag in the cabinet below the sink, you can start cleaning the floor, I’ll be right back’ Robbe said, putting his wet underwear back on (even though Sander didn’t really see the point in that) before tiptoeing out of the bathroom.

By the time he came back, Sander had already cleaned the floor, washing the rag in the shower before spraying the tiles with some disinfectant he had found, hoping the lavender scent would be enough to cover the possible smell of urine.

‘All done, let’s get in the shower’ He called, already twisting the faucet.

‘I’ll be right there, let me pee first’

Sander let the hot water wash through him, and didn’t even bother to hide his amusement as he watched Robbe finally relieve himself, his body wet and tacky, covered in drying come.

Robbe wasn’t looking at him, but he must’ve felt Sander’s stare, because he just laughed.

‘Don’t look at me like that, I’m not strong enough’

But Sander knew that was as further from the truth as possible; his boyfriend was the strongest person he knew. Strong enough to hold his ground, strong enough to know what he wanted, and strong enough to take it.

Sander could feel the muscles in his face hurt a little from how much he had smiled and laughed through the day, but he still couldn’t help but tease.

‘Oh, baby, you’re very strong’

‘Shut up’, Robbe croaked, joining him in the shower, and their bodies were close together once more, like magnets, forever attracted to each other, never too far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raise your hand if you've been personally victimized by the thought of Sander in formal clothes o/


	10. ten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello kids! can you believe I was able to write ten chapters of something??? Amazing! Hope you enjoy this chapter, things get pretty... intense.   
> I feel like I say this every week, but it's true, things will keep escalating, that's the pace of the fic. Anyways, let me know what you think! Again, thanks for all the love and support! <3

‘I thought you said your teacher would give you some rest this week’ Robbe said, looking at his boyfriend from the bed.

They were trying to cram as much school work as possible in one day, since Sander’s parents were home, and the possibility of them doing anything remotely sexual was slim.

Sander’s parents were amazing and caring, and Robbe could see that Sander got a lot of his personality from them (Sander’s dad had blasted Queen in the morning, only to be scolded by his wife, and the boys laughed as they heard their bickering).

Initially, Robbe thought spending time with Sander’s parents would only serve as a reminder of all the things he didn’t have; a painful jab at the weird relationship he had with his (mostly) absent father, his (now recovering) distant and mentally unstable mother.

As the time passed, however, the awkwardness faded, and left him feeling actually comfortable.

Sander’s parents weren’t overprotective, and the only thing that could be considered out of the ordinary in their house was a whiteboard on the hallway, _SANDER’S WEEK_ scrawled on top in enormous letters.

The board displayed the days of the week, and stickers on the left started at 7 a.m. and ended around midnight.

Robbe could see that the board was updated constantly, serving as a planner of sorts, where vague descriptions of Sander’s activities could be found.

Some descriptions looked old, like they hadn’t been erased in a while, such as _take meds!!!_ or _therapy (Wednesdays only)_. Other things were written in a different color, like _do the laundry_ or _call your aunt (birthday)_.

The second time he went to Sander’s house, while looking absentmindedly at the board, Robbe’s heart leapt out of his chest as he read the latest scrawling at the bottom.

_Emergency contacts if I’m away: 112 – ambulance_

_0312 78 64 88 – Robbe_

(Later, his teacher’s number was added to the list, written in red marker _0312 94 82 67 – ms. Lou_ )

He knew that being emotional because he was listed as one of Sander’s emergency contacts was ridiculous, but he felt emotional all the same.

Later, Sander explained him that his parents didn’t care where he went, as long as he wrote it down first and was home by curfew. In that case, if anything were to happen to him, they knew where to pick him up (or start looking for him). It was also a good way to make sure he had a consistent routine.

Keeping a consistent routine was the reason they were currently doing homework on a friday, instead of going out with their friends.

They had been there for quite some time, Robbe doing homework and Sander on his bedroom floor, paint and brushes spread around.

‘She _is_ giving me the week off, but this piece is due soon and I want to finish it now so we can finally do something other than stay inside all the time’

‘You don’t see me complaining’, Robbe smiled, perfectly content with the prospect of cuddling with his boyfriend without having to set an alarm to remind them of the outside world.

‘Well, I’m going to take you to the movies, and you said we’d visit your mom, too, remember?’

‘Mmm, okay’ He conceded, unable to resist the flashing smile Sander gave him.

It was late afternoon, and the setting sun filtered through the window, giving everything a golden tint.

Robbe was feeling warm and happy, and had managed to actually finish most of his homework without getting _too_ distracted by Sander.

Although, that might have been because Sander had to work on his stuff on the opposite side of the room, canvas and paint spread on top of a giant plastic sheet that covered the hardwood floor.

They had spent most of the day working in silence, only being interrupted by the quiet chatter of Sander’s parents coming from the kitchen occasionally, or to have some lunch before returning to their activities.

However, now that Robbe was almost done with his work, he found more often than not his focus drifting away, gaze being drawn to the curve of Sander’s neck, or the way his hair was sticking at every direction, the white a stark contrast to the dots of red and purple paint that Sander smudged whenever he ran his hands through his hair.

Robbe was enraptured as he watched Sander paint, his things sprawled on the floor on top of the plastic sheet.

He was wearing only a pair of sweatpants, and Robbe could see that Sander’s arms were also covered in small dots and smudges of red paint.

‘I’m almost done with the first layer, gotta let it dry for a bit, then we can find something to eat’ He heard Sander say, still facing the canvas.

Robbe closed his notebook and got up from the bed, careful not to spill any more paint on the sheet.

‘I’m gonna get some water, you want some?’

‘I’m good, thanks’

He slid the door closed and walked to the kitchen, wondering vaguely if it was _too weird_ that his body reacted a bit too much whenever he drank water now (or went to the bathroom, although that was mostly when Sander was with him).

_This is insane_ , Robbe thought, laughing to himself as he filled a mug with water.

His train of thought was interrupted by the sight of Sander’s parents walking into the kitchen.

‘All done with studying?’

‘Almost, I’m just waiting for Sander, now’

‘Well, we’re going to my friend Meike’s house, it’s her birthday today’ Sander’s mom said, grabbing a bottle of wine from the fridge.

‘Oh, that’s great’

‘There’s some leftover pasta in the fridge, and a frozen pizza, too. If you boys decide to order some food, the menus are on the last drawer, okay?’

‘Thank you, mr. Driesen’

‘Robbe, we’ve talked about this’ Sander’s mom motioned at him, her keys jingling, ‘You can drop the ‘mister and missus’, we don’t mind. It’s just Lisa and Adam, okay?’

‘Okay, I’m sorry’ He said, sheepish.

‘He’s apologizing for being polite’ Sander’s dad – _okay, Adam,_ said to no one in particular, laughing, ‘Sander is right, you’re too nice’

‘Are you sleeping over?’

‘I don’t know yet’

‘Well, just remind Sander to lock the windows later, okay? We’ll probably won’t be home until after midnight’ Lisa said, already halfway out the door.

‘I will. Have fun!’

‘Thank you, Robbe. Good night!’

He heard the door being locked from the outside, feeling a mix of emotions he couldn’t describe properly.

The thought that he could ever be this happy, that he didn’t need to try so hard on a Friday night to be appreciated, _to be loved_ , filled him with warmth and spread around his body.

He gulped the water down and set the mug in the sink before returning to the room.

Sander sat on the floor, closing the tubes of paint and stopping occasionally to swirl his paintbrushes inside a glass of water, seeming oblivious to the outside world.

He was so beautiful. _I love him so much_ , Robbe thought, leaning against the doorframe, enraptured.

‘Hey’

‘Hello’ Sander smiled at him, that blinding smile that screamed _home_.

‘Are you done?’

‘Yeah, now it just has to dry. Hey, your phone rang’

‘Oh, okay’ Robbe said, walking up to Sander and sitting down on the floor beside him. ‘Your parents just left’

‘Yeah, mama said something yesterday about her friend’s birthday’

‘Mmmm’ Robbe replied, his face nuzzling into Sander’s neck. He loved breathing him in, his warm, clean scent.

Sander absentmindedly carded his fingers through Robbe’s hair.

‘Hey, baby’

‘You look so good when you’re concentrating’

‘Are you saying I don’t usually look good?’ Sander complained, laughing, and tugged at Robbe’s hair lightly.

‘You always look good, idiot. I’m just saying you look _very good_ ’

‘Very good as in hot?’

‘Yes, very hot’ Robbe mumbled into his neck, kissing at the junction.

It didn’t take much to get Robbe going these days, especially when it came to Sander. Just a more heated gaze or touch was enough to make him feel ablaze.

And here, finally alone with the expanse of Sander’s golden skin right in front of him, nobody could blame him for wanting to touch, to feel, to kiss his boyfriend.

‘Eager much?’ Sander asked, hand reaching to touch his hip.

‘Fuck, yeah, I couldn’t stop staring at you’

‘Well, you’re here now’

‘Mmhmm’ Robbe replied, curling his hand around Sander’s thigh.

‘And I’m here’ Sander’s voice was almost amused, now.

‘Yeah’

‘Yeah? What do you want, baby?’

Sander tugged him by the hair again, forcing him to look him in the eye. His other hand moved with intent, squeezing his hip before reaching down, down, close to where Robbe was already hard.

‘What do you want?’

‘I wanna fuck you’ He blurted, not thinking about it too much.

Sander smiled, capturing his mouth in a searing kiss, tongue immediately delving inside and licking into him.

They kissed, hands roaming around, and before he knew, Sander had already unzipped his pants, hand reaching inside to touch Robbe’s dick.

Robbe moved away from the kiss to take off his shirt, their movements fast.

Robbe felt slightly delirious, his chest on fire as he kissed down Sander’s body, feeling the soft trail of hair on his chest and below his bellybutton.

Sander was already reaching for the lube under the bed, where it was tossed and had stayed ever since the last time they had sex.

When Robbe looked at the lube in Sander’s hand he realized their desperation.

‘Do you wanna get on the bed?’

‘No’

‘No?’ Robbe asked, mouth close to Sander’s dick.

‘No, I want you to fuck me on the floor’

‘Fuck, yeah, okay’

Robbe moved around to take off Sander’s sweatpants, along with his underwear. Sander only said ‘you, too’, so Robbe knelt on the floor to push his own pants off.

When he got closer to Sander, the boy was already holding one of his knees over, pulling it against his chest, laid open for Robbe to watch.

‘Fuck’

‘Is this what you want? You want to open me up?’ He asked, unabashedly, and Robbe’s entire face and chest felt on fire with a mixture of desire and eagerness as he uncapped the lube.

‘Yes, yes please’

Even though Sander was the one being breached, Robbe’s body shuddered at the feeling of two of his fingers pressing against Sander’s hole, the soft, _impossibly hot_ skin giving underneath his touch.

He kept pushing his fingers in and out, massaging and prodding, while Sander flushed and writhed beneath him.

‘You feel so good, fuck’

‘Think you can take another?’ Robbe asked, his ring finger already tracing around the rim, touching the soft pucker that stretched around.

‘Yeah, do it’

Robbe applied more lube, retreating his fingers a bit before easing all three inside Sander’s ass.

Sander was already covered in a thin layer of sweat, his dick red and hard against his stomach, and he moaned when the pads of Robbe’s fingers pressed against his prostate lightly.

‘Oh god, please, just fuck me’

Robbe gripped hard at the base of his dick, trying to stave off his impending orgasm, hoping he would last enough to feel Sander coming, clenching around him.

He squirted another dollop of lube, coating his dick and spreading the rest on Sander’s hole.

Robbe couldn’t take his eyes off of Sander as he lifted his other leg up, as he laid there open, his hole wet and exposed, ready for Robbe to enter.

He was snapped out of his reverie by Sander’s impatient tone, and laughed as he felt Sander’s hand petting his thigh, trying to pull him closer.

‘Robbe, I thought you said you wanted to fuck me’

‘I do, calm down’

‘Hell no, get in me’

So Robbe did.

Using one hand to guide him towards Sander’s entrance, Robbe used the other hand to catch his weight as he laid on top of his boyfriend, the head of his cock sliding inside.

Sander breathed out loudly, mouth opening in a beautiful, perfect O shape. They stayed still for a moment, Robbe trying to adjust to the tightness around him.

His boyfriend, however, seemed to have other plans, because he soon put his hands on Robbe’s hair, tugging at it.

‘All the way or no way, baby’ he said, and twisted his hips around, trying to get all of Robbe’s dick inside of him.

‘God, you’re impossible’ Robbe huffed, finally pushing all the way in one swift move.

They moaned in unison as they laid there, Robbe buried deep inside Sander’s ass, his ankles twisting around his back, and Sander pulled him by the hair for a kiss.

With every movement, Robbe heard the plastic sheet crinkling underneath them, sticky with paint and Sander’s sweat.

Robbe started moving, thrusting in and out in slow movements, afraid of coming too fast, distracted by the way Sander’s tongue explored the inside of his mouth.

With every thrust, Sander grunted into his mouth, one of his hands moving to grip his ass.

‘Fuck, you feel so good’

‘You too’

‘You fill me up so well’ Sander croaked, and Robbe couldn’t help but moan.

‘If you keep talking like that ’m not gonna last’

‘Oh, c’mon baby, don’t you wanna know how good you make me feel?’

‘Oh my god’ Robbe laughed, thrusting deeper into Sander in the hopes of making him go silent, but it was useless.

‘I want you to know how you fill me up so good, so deep inside, I can’t wait to see you come’

‘Sander, please’

Robbe was close, so he slowed down his movements, wanting to make this last longer, wishing he could feel Sander coming around him.

He kissed Sander again, finally shutting him up, and it was better, but also worse.

Better, because now Sander’s dirty talking had ceased, so he thought he would last a bit more.

Worse, because now Sander pushed his tongue inside Robbe’s mouth, taking and taking the way he wanted, and that _definitely_ wasn’t going to make him last.

Sander kissed like he did everything in his life: intensely, and with purpose.

He held Robbe by the back of his head as their mouths moved together, not giving him time to breathe or to think about anything but the way his tongue delved inside and licked Robbe’s.

They broke the kiss after a while, mouths moving apart but still connected by a long string of saliva. Robbe felt on the verge, his body screaming for release.

‘Fuck, I’m really close’

‘Look at me, Robbe’

Sander licked his lips and crossed his ankles around Robbe’s back, urging him. Being like this, connected, as close as two humans could possibly be, Robbe didn’t even know where he ended and Sander began, their sweat mixing with the friction, bodies sticky and almost glued together.

He adjusted his hips, earning a moan from Sander, who was still writhing against him.

‘I wanna see your face when you come inside me’

‘Oh god, Sander, fuck’

‘C’mon baby, come for me. Fill me up’

That was all it took for Robbe. He thrusted hard, his movements erratic, and soon enough he was coming.

Robbe moaned loudly as his dick pulsed inside Sander, his body trembling, feeling the pleasure wash over him, urged on by the wet heat and the way Sander keeps staring at him, teasing him, moaning _yeah, that’s it, come inside me, so good_.

He pulled out after a while, his dick oversensitive, but can’t take his eyes off of Sander: his chest is glistening with sweat, one of his nipples still caked in red paint.

Sander’s cock was hard, leaking against his stomach, a trail of precum drooling from the tip and pooling into his bellybutton.

He still had his knees against his chest, and Robbe was mesmerized by the way his hole fluttered, red around the rim and inside, as Robbe’s come started to leak out.

Moving almost as if by instinct, Robbe pushed three fingers inside Sander’s ass, fucking the cum back into his body, which made him moan out loud.

‘Fuck, you’re amazing, god, please don’t stop’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, I love that, feeling your come inside me’

Robbe kept twisting his fingers in and out, as he eased one of Sander’s legs down onto the ground so that he could touch him.

He hoped Sander was close, because now that he was sated, he felt an unpleasant pressure on his bladder.

‘Are you close?’ Robbe asked, hand closing around Sander’s hard cock, but he had barely held it before Sander slapped his hand away.

‘I wanna come like this, just with your fingers inside me’

‘Fuck, are you sure?’

‘Yeah, please’

Robbe was already gone for Sander at any given day of the week, and begging only made it worse.

He moved around a bit so that he was kneeling over Sander’s left leg, while the other was still being held up by the boy, and kept the movement into Sander’s ass.

Sander, being the tease that he was, couldn’t help but use his free hand to touch Robbe’s dick, now soft and wet against his leg, which made Robbe shiver with sensitivity.

‘Sander…’

‘I wanna touch you’

Robbe was feeling his bladder tingle a bit; not so much that he had to stop what he was doing, but enough that he felt restless and knew he would start fidgeting soon.

Even as Robbe pushed his fingers against Sander’s prostate, his boyfriend’s gaze never faltered, and he looked like sin personified.

It was during times like these that Robbe cursed Sander’s excessive attention to him, the way he almost seemed to be able to read his mind.

His mouth was open, breath coming out in pants as he kept staring at Robbe like he was the best thing he had ever seen.

The attention made him fidget even more, and he opened his knees further, his soft cock now resting against Sander’s hip. The plastic crinkled underneath them with every movement.

‘Fuck, you’re so good, baby’

‘Are you close?’

‘Yeah, ‘m close’

Sander was still holding his dick, and the soft touch, combined with the sinful noises he was making, were enough to get him half hard already.

‘Please, come for me’ Robbe pleaded, blushing at the thought of having to blurt out his discomfort.

It was getting easier the more they did stuff together, but it didn’t mean it still wasn’t too much sometimes.

Like now.

But he knew that Sander wouldn’t let it slide so easy, that he had to tease him.

‘You in a hurry?’

‘No’ He blurted out, fucking his fingers a bit faster in an attempt to distract Sander.

‘Then what’s the rush?’

_Jesus fuck, even when I’m fucking him, he’s gonna make me say it._

Taking a deep breath, Robbe looked him dead in the eye, fighting the urge to close his eyes and run away, embarrassed, as he said.

‘I have to pee’

‘Really?’ Sander said, and Robbe didn’t miss the way Sander’s cock twitched, another drop of precum dripping onto his stomach.

‘Yeah’

They were silent for a beat, the only sound in the room was the squelching from Robbe’s lubed fingers still moving inside Sander’s hole, swirling his come around.

Then, as if he had been waiting the whole afternoon to say it, Sander said:

‘You can pee right now’

‘What?’

‘Just do it, Robbe’

‘Your room will get wet’

‘No, it won’t, there’s plastic everywhere’

Robbe’s head was swimming, his movements faltering at the thought of doing what Sander was asking him to.

‘Sander…’

‘Please, baby, please piss on me’

‘I can wait’ He said, looking down, feeling himself blush, and knowing it would be futile to deny it.

As much as he wanted to, there was still a part of him that screamed in mortification, with shame and desire, at the possibility of fulfilling his fantasies.

‘I want it, Robbe. Do you hear me?’

Sander’s voice was rough, almost desperate, and he was still holding his dick.

He sounded like he was on the verge of coming, but still holding back, still determined to drive Robbe up the wall.

‘Baby, look at me’

When Robbe met his gaze again, he saw determination in Sander’s eyes.

‘I want you to piss on me, now, please. I want you to get me wet’

‘Fuck’ Robbe sighed, and knew he was past the point of arguing.

‘Just like this, c’mon, keep moving your hand inside me’

Robbe would never understand how Sander could say such filthy things without blushing, without feeling embarrassed.

Not that he was complaining, _not at all_ , but the unfiltered way Sander expressed his desires would for sure drive him insane someday.

Taking a deep breath, Robbe tried to concentrate enough on the feeling inside him, willing himself to let go.

It wasn’t easy, especially because he wasn’t so full to the point where it was painful to hold (even though he knew that this was probably because he was used to holding his pee, now)

Besides that, he also kept moving his fingers, didn’t want to miss one sound that escaped Sander’s mouth whenever he pushed against his prostate.

Sander kept looking at him, and he closed his eyes, trying not to think about Sander’s hand on his dick in a sexual way, but in a _he’s holding my dick for me while I pee_ kind of way.

Which might end up more sexual, but he had to try.

Robbe realized that if he paid attention to the way his fingers were breaching in and out of Sander’s ass, he relaxed more and more, so he decided to keep his gaze fixed on Sander’s hole, the stretched rim looking puffed around his fingers.

Soon, he could feel the first drops of piss escaping his dick, and he _felt_ more than he saw Sander’s reaction; the way his boyfriend’s body shuddered underneath him, the plastic sheet moving as it was sticking to his sweaty back.

When the stream got stronger, Robbe dared to look, and he was delirious, could only think _fuck, I can’t believe I’m doing this_.

Because his dick was still half hard, the stream of piss was hitting Sander across his chest, spraying his nipples and streaming down to collect at the dip of his stomach.

‘Fuck, don’t stop, I’m so close’

Robbe nodded, didn’t have strength or coordination enough to do anything but fuck his fingers faster, then, pressing them inside as deep as he could, rub them against Sander’s prostate in a merciless motion.

At that, Sander moaned even louder, and the hand that was holding Robbe’s dick moved a bit, guiding him upwards.

‘It feels so warm, it’s so good, Robbe’

‘Sander, oh my god’

Robbe was breathing hard, his face on fire, because now the stream of piss was hitting Sander’s neck, close to his chin, _dangerously_ close to his mouth.

His boyfriend looked out of his mind with pleasure, hips thrashing as Robbe jabbed into his prostate.

Slowly, Sander twisted his head down and opened his mouth, and it was at that moment that Robbe thought his own heart would burst out of his chest.

‘Oh, fuck’

Sander moved his hand a bit more, the stream of piss now hitting his tongue, which was sticking eagerly out of his mouth.

Robbe thought he heard Sander moan, but his body felt as if it was underwater, all of his senses dulled out and numb.

He could only feel the tips of his fingers against the softness of Sander’s prostate, the tightness of him being only thing still tethering him to reality.

Robbe couldn’t look away from Sander, who had his eyes closed, his lips and chin wet with pee, and he only moved his mouth to grunt, sounding wrecked.

‘Don’t stop, fuck, fuck, I’m coming, oh god’

As he trembled, he stuck his tongue out again, convulsing as his mouth caught the now weak stream of piss.

Sander came with a loud noise, and Robbe watched, enraptured, as his cock spurted untouched against his chest, ropes of cum mixing with his piss, Sander’s body shaking, making the plastic sheet squeak.

Robbe kept his fingers buried inside Sander, pressing into him a bit to milk another string of cum out of his body.

He was almost done peeing now, only small dribbles squirting out, splashing into Sander’s softening dick.

Carefully, he retreated his fingers, moving around to sit. He winced as he felt wetness underneath him, and quickly looked around to make sure the floor was still dry.

Lucky for them, the clear liquid was gathered around Sander, who was _very_ wet. The bedroom floor seemed clean, at least.

Time seemed to still around them.

‘Fuck, you’re gonna kill me someday’ Sander said, half laughing, half moaning.

‘Not if you kill me first’ Robbe replied, relieved and also still a bit hazy.

‘We made a mess’

‘Yeah, we did’ Robbe was beginning to feel a bit self-conscious.

Sander seemed to sense it, because he sat up, the wetness trailing down his body and dripping on the plastic.

‘Hey, it was amazing, okay? I loved it’

‘Yeah?’

‘Fuck, yes, you’re the hottest thing I’ve ever seen’ Sander said, flashing his stupidly blinding smile.

‘Shut up’ Robbe laughed, ‘I love you’

‘I love you. Now let me find a towel so we can remove the plastic after’

‘Let me get it, you’re too wet’

‘There’s one in the bathroom, the yellow one’

‘Okay, don’t move’

Robbe got up, trying to move around the house without touching anything, and quickly retrieved the yellow towel.

‘Here’

‘Great, let me clean this up and I can rinse it in the shower before putting in the washing machine’

‘Wow, you really thought this through, huh?’ Robbe asked, squinting his eyes.

‘Of course, been thinking about it for a while’

‘Sander!’

‘What? Can’t I fantasize about my hot boyfriend?’

‘I guess’ Robbe laughed, incredulous.

Sander was using the towel to soak up the wetness, and it worked really well. They moved in unison, taking the towel to the bathroom, then lifting the (now mostly dry) plastic sheet, folding it over the open window of Sander’s room.

He came back with some disinfectant and paper towels, and they wiped the surface, looking at the street lights in silence.

‘C’mon, let’s get in the shower’




Once Robbe came back to the bedroom, he remembered Sander had mentioned something about his phone ringing.

Fetching his phone from the bed, he saw three missing calls from Zoe, so he quickly dialed back.

‘Finally, my god’

‘Hi, Zoe, chill’

‘Yeah, hi’

‘You called?’

‘Yes, Robbe. Are you coming home for dinner?’

‘No, I’m still at Sander’s house’

‘Oh, okay. Still studying?’

‘No, we’re done for the night’

‘Right’ He could hear Zoe sigh, ‘Well, let me know if you’re sleeping over tonight, okay?’

‘Okay…? Is everything alright?’

‘Yeah, of course, why?’

‘It’s just… You’re on full _mama_ mode’ Robbe laughed, a bit confused.

‘Oh, shut up. I just made a lot of food and thought you’d come to eat with us. And I always worry about you, you know that’

‘I know, it’s okay’ He said, amused.

‘Well, text me, okay?’

‘Yes, Zoe’

‘See you tomorrow!’

‘Bye, mom’

‘Shut up’ She laughed, hanging up the phone.

‘All set’ Sander asked, returning from the laundry area, ‘Was that Zoe?’

‘Yeah, she wanted to know if we were going home for dinner’

‘Oh, right’

‘She’s so protective sometimes’ Robbe said, lying down on the bed.

Soon Sander joined him, crawling under the covers. He rested his head against Robbe’s shoulder, smiling.

‘Well, she cares about you. They all do’

‘Who?’

‘Y’know, Zoe, Milan, Senne. Also Noor, and the boys, and your mom and dad’

‘Yeah, I guess’

They were quiet for a bit, and Robbe couldn’t help but comment.

‘Your parents are really nice to me’

‘Oh god, they love you. If it were up to my mom you’d be here every weekend’

‘Really?’

‘Why do you sound surprised?’

‘I don’t know, I’m just not used to people caring so much’

Sander disentangled himself from Robbe, sitting on the bed and holding Robbe’s face between his hands. His grip was strong enough that his cheeks were squished.

‘Well, get used to it. Because you are so loved, baby’

‘Oh, god, you’re so sappy’

‘Yes I am. I’m also hungry’ Sander said, and Robbe laughed, ‘Did mom said anything about food?’

‘She mentioned a frozen pizza, and some menus on the last drawer…?’

‘Great, think I’ll order some sushi for us’

Before Sander got up from the bed, Robbe pulled him by the hand, feeling the sudden urge to just say what he wanted, without fear.

‘What?’

‘I love you so much’

Sander’s smile was brighter than the sun.

He was a galaxy, he was the entire universe beaming down at him.

‘I love you, too. Now let’s go get food’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: Sander's therapy is on wednesdays because that's also my therapy day, I usually update the fic before or after my session (:


	11. eleven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, lovelies! Here's your remider to check the tags before you read the fic, in case there's stuff you're not comfortable with. Now I have some ideas for how the story will end, but still no rush to get there hahahaha  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter, let me know in the comments ;)

_Man, I wish I could get drunk_ , Sander thought, not for the first time that day.

He’s with Robbe and the boys at Jens’ house, playing FIFA and drinking before going to a bar.

When Robbe had asked him to come, he hesitated at first, not wanting to intrude. Sander likes the boys, and the boys like him, but he knows they don’t share too much stuff in common.

First it was the video games.

Maybe that was just Sander being a pretentious art kid, maybe it was because he prefers some _real life action_ instead of computer generated ones, but he’s just never been that interested in video games, content with just watching the boys play, thank you very much.

He already drank one beer, knowing he’ll have to stick to water for the rest of the night, even though he wished he could be drunk enough to endure the rest of the conversation.

Aaron is now telling something involving his attempts at some new stuff with Amber the day before, boasting about _stamina_ and _performance_ like he’s talking about a car race.

 _I definitely did not sign up for this,_ Sander thinks, as he tries to tune out the conversation, not very keen on knowing details about his cousin’s sex life.

He just sips his water, hand darting to play with Robbe’s necklace, like it always does.

He doesn’t know when it started, but somewhere along their time together, he and Robbe developed some habits, small things they do when they’re bored or can’t stand still.

For Robbe, it’s usually fiddling with the sleeve of Sander’s leather jacket, or poking at the soft, creased skin of his elbow, his warm hand touching just because he can.

For Sander, it’s playing with Robbe’s necklace; touching the pendant, fixing the chain, twisting it around his finger, feeling the contrast of the metal against Robbe’s warm, golden skin.

They did this at anytime, anywhere. In the beginning, Robbe looked at him with a confused, fond expression, asking _what are you doing?_ even though he already knew the answer.

After a while, he began to notice Robbe doing similar things, reaching out to hold and tug at his clothes, in a _touching but not touching_ way.

Now, it’s commonplace, they hardly ever notice it, almost like an involuntary reflex, like biting your nails or scratching your neck.

These tiny things help them feel closer, connected, made Sander more grounded, in a sense.

Sander just watched, now, as the boys played FIFA, cursing loudly and laughing. In between matches, Robbe drank two beers and was close to finishing the third, along with a full glass of water that Sander had made him drink.

Bumping his into his shoulder, Moyo spoke.

‘Sander, you should play the next match with us’

‘Uh, I think we’ve already established that I suck at FIFA, no need for me to humiliate myself some more’

‘Yeah, but that means Aaron can beat someone for once’ Robbe mocked.

They kicked each other playfully, and Sander could see from the corner of his eye that Robbe was starting to fidget a little.

He was bouncing his knee, adjusting himself in his seat every so often, which Sander knew meant that he wanted to pee and would soon get antsy.

Sometimes, Sander worried that Robbe could actually read his mind.

Worried that his most insane and perverted thoughts were being directly broadcasted into his boyfriend’s head, because he would take one look at Robbe and find that the boy was already staring at him, knowingly.

Like right now.

Robbe looked at him, and it was a look that said _yes, I’m getting full, but I’m not doing anything about it and you know it_.

Sander released the necklace and pushed his hand up, carding it through Robbe’s hair.

He knew he was probably staring at him for an uncomfortably long time, like some kind of predatory animal sensing weakness.

‘Are you sure?’ he asked, needing the verbal confirmation, because, as much as they were always in sync, it gave him the safety he craved.

‘Yes’ Robbe replied, flashing him a smile, cheeks going red and beautiful.

‘Sure about what?’ Jens asked.

The question seemed to burst their bubble, and served to confirm his thoughts.

They had indeed spent quite some time staring at each other, enough to catch Jens’ attention, who was eyeing them suspiciously.

‘Nothing’ Robbe replied, averting his gaze, ‘Shouldn’t we get going to the bar?’

‘Yeah man, let’s go, the girls are probably already there’, said Aaron seemingly oblivious.

-

It was Amber’s idea to come to this bar, a change of pace from the usual hole-in-the-wall, slightly grimy bar that they usually went to, a place that screamed _college kids_.

This place had a more grown up atmosphere, with leather seats and an actual, vintage jukebox in the corner.

The bar was quiet, the loudest chatter coming from the girls’ tables. Sander didn’t know when or how Amber had found this place, but he loved it.

Upon their arrival, Robbe took one look around and smiled at him.

‘This place looks like you’

‘I know, it looks really cool!’

‘I was going to say it looks old, but, y’know…’ Robbe teased, earning a playful poke at the waist.

They were deep into conversations now, Sander occasionally bringing them beer and water, taking in the cool ambiance of the bar.

Other than their group of friends, only a couple of other tables were occupied, people who looked older than them, who seemed cooler.

Sander has his hand under the table, touching Robbe’s thigh. It was a firm, yet soft touch, meant just to feel him close.

Sometimes he wondered how other people perceive him, and his connection with Robbe.

They must seem unable to be separate for more than five minutes, and sometimes they get lost in their own world a little _too much._

However, that doesn’t excuse the way Jens keeps looking at him across the table.

_What was his deal today?_

During the bus ride, Sander got distracted talking with Moyo, who seemed eager to find out more about his college’s dance program.

The bus jostled them around, and Sander made sure, like he always did, to keep his hand around Robbe’s waist, holding him firmly in place.

Jens kept casting glances, eyes darting to Sander’s hands, to their bodies, closer together than they probably should have been in a public transportation.

He was looking at them like he knows Sander is intense, and that Robbe lets him get away with it.

And now this.

Every once in a while, Sander takes a sip from his water and finds that Jens is looking at him, staring at Robbe’s hand on his arm, on his own arm, hand disappearing under the table to grip Robbe’s thigh.

He’s not too obvious, still talking to his friends and joking, but Sander is nothing if not observant, so he’s quick to feel the boy’s gaze on them.

Sander knows Jens is Robbe’s oldest friend, and that the boy is protective of him, but this is a bit much.

After waiting a while, Sander holds Jens gaze across the table, a bit annoyed; _what’s the big deal?_ Why is he staring at them so much?

Jens quickly looks away, laughing at something the girls said. Sander can feel warmth radiating from Robbe, sitting beside him, and he can’t help but grip his thigh a bit harder.

Robbe is so full now, he can tell by the way he gets clingier and almost whiny, fiddling with the edge of Sander’s leather jacket, looking at him with his big puppy eyes.

He doesn’t seem to notice anything is out of the ordinary, voice hitching everytime Sander squeezes his leg some more. Sander kept talking as though nothing was happening, but his hand snaked up, higher on Robbe’s thigh.

He was getting closer to his crotch, and he heard Robbe’s sharp intake of breath, breaking his sentence a bit.

Sander just looks at him, asking ‘Green?’ in a low voice, to which Robbe replies ‘Green’, blushing.

Trying to look unaffected, Sander just keeps moving his hand, fingers tracing the seam of Robbe’s pants, going up and down a bit before resting on his dick, that was already half hard.

Jens was still looking at them every now and then, as he answered something Yasmina had asked, but now Sander couldn’t help but think _I’ll give you something to watch_.

He kept his hand still, holding Robbe’s cock under the table, and lucky for them, the bar was dark enough (and the table was big enough) that no one would suspect anything if they weren’t _looking for something_.

After a few minutes, Robbe seemed to realize Sander wouldn’t move his hand, and tried to regain his composure, taking big gulps of water.

Moyo and Aaron were now deep into a discussion with the girls, and Jens seemed to be trying his hardest not to lose track of the conversation entirely, eyes darting between them and the rest of the table.

Well, at least it did the trick, and made Jens stop staring so hard. In fact, now he wasn’t staring at all.

Robbe now had his face hidden in Sander’s neck, a bit overwhelmed by the attention, and also trying not to moan and push into his hand right there and then.

Laughing at Jana’s remarks, Sander knows it won’t be long before Robbe gets uncomfortably full, so he decides to take pity on him, or something close to that.

He leans to whisper in his ear: ‘Babe, you wanna go?’

Robbe nods, blushing, and Sander wastes no time before getting up and moving to the bathroom, Robbe’s footsteps hitting the wood floor, not far behind.

He knows their friends must be hollering and teasing them, but frankly, he’s too oblivious to the rest of the people around.

Thankfully, the bathroom is empty, so Sander pushes Robbe into one of the stalls, locking the door behind them.

Their lips lock in a hurried kiss, Robbe already moaning into his mouth, and he’s so soft, so pliant, melting into Sander’s embrace almost immediately.

Sander pushes him against the wall, grinding their bodies together, and he can feel Robbe’s dick through their pants, now fully hard.

_Okay, maybe I won’t take so much pity._

As they’re kissing, Sander picked up a faint sound by the door, but got quickly distracted by Robbe’s lips moving, trailing scorching kisses along his jaw and neck.

‘I thought I was going to die out there, god’ Robbe laughed, hips grinding into Sander.

‘What do you want, baby?’

‘I don’t know’ Robbe mumbles into his neck, licking his pulse point, and Sander’s dick juts at the feeling, digging into Robbe’s hip.

He knew Robbe was trying to distract him, and _goddamnit, it was working._

‘Yes, you do. C’mon, tell me’

‘Sander…’

‘You’re very full, right?’

‘Yeah, but I’m really, really hard, I don’t think I can pee right now’

 _Oh, that’s just perfect_ , Sander thinks, taking the opportunity to rile him up some more.

‘Then maybe you should come first’

He didn’t miss the way Robbe shivered in his arms, face flushed and beautiful.

‘Yeah’

‘Yeah?’ Sander asked, teasing, his hands already moving to unzip Robbe’s pants.

‘Yes, please’

He did not expect Robbe to be begging already, but it was a welcome sight nonetheless.

‘You want me to suck you?’

‘No, like this’ Robbe pleaded, moaning low as Sander lowered his pants and underwear, moving to touch his hard, leaking cock.

Sander kept rutting against his hip, dick hard and leaking in his pants, but also determined to make Robbe come (and pee) before he got any release himself.

His mouth found the soft skin of Robbe’s neck, and he licked a long stripe before closing his mouth in a loud kiss, hand jerking Robbe’s dick, going up and down, thumb digging into his slit, catching precum before easing his way down again.

‘’s dry’ Robbe winced, and Sander retrieved his hand for a moment, letting a string of saliva drop, before resuming his ministrations.

The movement earned him a louder moan from Robbe, and Sander was quick to shush him, but it seemed like Robbe was having none of it, because he said, not bothering to whisper:

‘Talk to me’

‘What do you want me to say, baby?’ Sander asked, hyper aware of the way his voice was reverberating around the empty bathroom of a cool, quiet bar.

‘Something, anything’

 _This boy is everything I ever dreamed of_ , Sander thought, shuddering.

‘You want me to tell you how good you feel? How hot it is to see you fall apart like this?’

‘Oh, fuck’ Robbe moaned, one hand gripping Sander’s shoulder, the other pressing at his hip.

‘Mmm, that what you want? You look so good, holding yourself for me. You’re always so good to me, aren’t you?’

‘Yeah, wanna be good’

 _Wow, that’s new._ Sander knew he liked to tease and joke, but this was probably the first time he heard Robbe state so openly that he _wanted_ to be good for him.

Maybe it also had to do with the way Jens was looking at them earlier, but those words filled him with a primal, almost overwhelming sense of pride and possessiveness.

Increasing the pace of his movements, Sander kissed Robbe’s cheek, reassuring the boy.

‘You are, you’re so good, baby, the best’

‘Yeah?’

‘Fuck, yeah, you’re so good to me, only for me, right?’

‘Sander, ‘m close’ Robbe moaned, hips chasing the movement, almost fucking into Sander’s closed fist.

‘Yeah? You’re gonna spill all over my hand, baby?’

Now that Sander got the hang of it, nothing seemed too weird to say, and he knew his words drove Robbe insane.

‘I think I’ll lick my fingers after you come, get to taste you, you taste so good’

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck’

Their noises echoed in the bathroom, Robbe’s short, high moans, the slapping sound of Sander’s hand moving, jerking Robbe, their loud breaths mingled together.

‘That’s it, baby, come for me, you’re so hot. After you come, I wanna see you pee, okay?’

‘Will… will you, _fuck_ , hold me?’ Robbe asked, voice strained, and Sander couldn’t believe how much he loved this boy, this incredible man that put so much trust in him.

‘Always, baby, I’ll always hold you’ Sander replied, unable to look away from Robbe’s face, strained with pleasure. ‘C’mon, come for me, Robbe’

Robbe’s body trembled as he came, mouth open in what must have been quite a loud moan, made even louder by the echo inside the bathroom.

Sander was quick to caught most of it with his hand, still moving around his dick, milking the orgasm out of him.

‘Fuck, I need to pee’

He barely had time to do anything before Robbe was moving around him, opening the toilet lid in a hurried motion that echoed like a gunshot in the empty bathroom.

The music and chatter from the bar was faded and distant, seeming oceans away.

Sander stood beside him, holding his now mostly soft dick, and sooner than he expected, Robbe relieved himself, pee hitting the bowl in an intense stream.

Robbe sighed, tension leaving his body, the movement already something they were used to by now, but still no less exciting.

‘You were so good, baby, I’m so proud of you’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, you held for a long time, you’re getting better at this, I get impressed every time’

‘Shut up’ Robbe said, laughing a bit.

‘It’s true! You’re way better at this than me’

The stream was getting smaller now, and Robbe looked incredibly relaxed, resting his head against Sander’s neck.

He was still hard, straining against his pants and into the side of Robbe’s hip.

Sander knew he was filthy, knew that desire and love and affection clouded his mind and made him say and do things most people wouldn’t understand.

He knew that what they had was unusual and maybe even weird to everyone around them, but whenever they were together, in their little world, nothing seemed wrong or strange.

Nothing else mattered but the two of them.

Without giving it much thought, Sander moved his hand slowly along the length of Robbe’s dick, let the head rest on his palm, catching the last trickle of piss that dripped down, letting it slide down his hand.

‘What ‘re you doing?’ Robbe asked, smiling lazily.

‘Cleaning my hand’

‘Mmmm’

Sander tried not to laugh; both of them knew he wasn’t cleaning his hand, the pee was not enough to wash away the cum, now sticky and wet on his palm and around his fingers.

Robbe held his head back up and leaned to the side, eyes twinkling mischievously.

‘I thought you said you were going to lick your fingers’

If it was possible for Sander to get any harder than he already was, he would burst the seam of his pants.

Lifting his hand up, he looked Robbe in the eye, surprised but pleased.

‘Yes, I think I did, didn’t I?’

‘You did’ Robbe said, voice low now, almost a whisper.

Not daring to break their eye contact, Sander brought his hand to his mouth, licking his palm.

He could taste Robbe’s come, along with a watery, slightly bitter taste underneath, that he knew was his piss.

It wasn’t the most flavorful combination, but the look on Robbe’s face as he licked his hand clean was enough to make it taste like the best delicacy in the world.

‘What does it taste like?’ Robbe asked, voice high.

Before Sander could answer, his boyfriend bent his body forward, clashing their mouths together.

He immediately felt Robbe stuck his tongue inside, eager to taste himself, and Sander obliged, mind hazy as he let Robbe explore.

Sander began to rut slightly against Robbe’s hip as they kissed, moving his tongue along and feeding him his own spunk.

After a while, Sander broke the kiss, breathless, mouth not going very far before saying:

‘You taste so fucking good’

Robbe’s hand was already tugging at the button of Sander’s pants when a noise inside the bathroom brought them out of their moment.

The sound wasn’t too loud, but it was enough to startle them, something that sounded like one of the stalls being opened, followed by quick footsteps and the creaking of the bathroom door being opened, then shut again.

Sander was breathing hard through his nose, Robbe’s hand digging hard into his waist.

‘I think someone was here’

‘Do you think he heard us?’ He asked, face incredibly red.

‘I have no idea’ Sander replied, trying not to spook Robbe too much.

The jumpscare, however, made his erection flag down, and reminded him that they were still very much in a public bathroom, and had been in there for a long time now.

‘We should probably head back, though. People must have thought we died in here’

‘But what about you?’Robbe asked, hand still at the waistband of Sander’s jeans.

‘We can finish this later, okay?’

‘Okay’

The bathroom was empty when they left the stall, and they washed their hands (and mouths) in silence, stifling their laughter whenever they caught sight of each other through the mirror.

Once they cleaned themselves up and returned to the table, Zoe had arrived with Milan and Senne, and they latched on to Robbe, as expected.

‘You saw me earlier today! You see me every day, jesus’

‘Hush, that’s no way to speak to your parents’ Zoe scolded, patting Robbe’s arm.

 _At least nobody suspected anything,_ Sander thought, trading silent looks with Robbe while greeting Senne with a hug.

Their friends were now discussing the first season of Ragnarok, trading conspiracy theories back and forth.

However, now that Sander knew the kollektiv was empty, Sander just wanted to leave the bar and walk Robbe home, so that they could finish what they started at the bathroom without any interruptions.

Sitting beside Robbe, his hand went back to the necklace, touching it to distract himself while Senne defended Laurits as a probable Loki for the next season.

‘I’m just happy we might finally have a canon gay Loki for once, like, Marvel should catch on!’

‘With the straight white men funding the movies? I don’t think so, honestly’ Robbe argued.

Everyone at the table was talking over each other, and Milan bent his body forward, moving his hands wildly to prove his point.

‘Trust me, they went far enough with Captain Marvel, and it was so subtle but the nerds still got pissy’

‘Yeah, what’s up with this bullshit? She and Maria were clearly a couple, right?!’ Moyo interjected, looking at the boys for backup.

‘I mean, sure? I just thought she was hot, man’ Aaron replied, laughing.

‘But when we were at the movies, I remember Jens saying something about them as a couple, wasn’t it?’

Robbe looked around, looking for Jens so that the boy could prove his point, but he was nowhere to be seen.

‘Where’s Jens?’

It was only then that Sander remembered his weird silent staring contest with the boy earlier. _I must have spooked him, jesus._

‘He went to the bar a while ago to get more beers, but still hasn’t come back’ Jana said, legs resting on Luca’s lap.

 _Oh, thank god._ The last thing Sander wanted was to get into a fight with Robbe’s best friend, so at least he knew that Jens hadn’t run away after possibly having witnessed his forwardness earlier, too weirded out by the fact that his best friend’s boyfriend was _chronically incapable of keeping his hands for himself._

‘Well, he needs to come back soon, I’m thirsty’ Moyo complained, to which Robbe replied, laughing: ‘Go get your own beer, lazy!’

Sander’s fingers tightened around Robbe’s necklace, an involuntary reaction at the thoughts that crossed his mind.

‘I’ll get the beers, calm down, people’

Before getting up, he leaned to whisper against Robbe’s ear.

‘I’ll get you some water, okay?’

Robbe only nodded, flashing him a smile, and Sander moved to the bar, thinking _this night is far from over._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sander is a menace and I blame wtfock entirely for making me love him. Also, these chapters just keep getting bigger, sorry, I get carried away!


	12. twelve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello kids! last chapter caused quite the controversy, and I'm sorry to say that it won't be solved anytime soon lol  
> this chapter is absolutely a fever dream, soft and kinky and cuddly because that's what the boys deserve, and also I'm posting just after finding out that season 4 drops on saturday???? I'm absolutely freaking out, yes please and thank you!  
> anyways, hope you enjoy, let me know what you think! <3

It was late, later than he expected, and Robbe desperately wanted to sleep.

The wind was streaming through the curtains, filling the living room with a cool breeze, and Robbe felt soft and warm all over.

If he could just close his eyes for a little bit, just to rest for a while, then he would go back to his assignment, and no one would notice.

‘Robbe!’

He jumped, his eyes opening quickly, and groaned at the sound of the boys’ laughter around them.

‘Wake up, idiot, we’re almost done’ Aaron warned, jabbing his arm with a pencil.

‘Just one minute, please’

‘Only five more questions and we’ll be out of here’

‘Alright, I’m awake, I’m awake’

_I’ll never let the boys in charge of another assignment ever again_ , Robbe cursed himself, trying to focus on the paper in front of him.

It was around two in the morning and his eyelids were closing against his will.

Jens had forgotten to tell the boys about the group history assignment they were supposed to present for class that Friday.

After a lot of pleading and arguing, their teacher had been kind enough to let them send the work via e-mail later, as long as it had ten extra questions prepared and answered about their chosen subject.

Because of that, Robbe, Aaron and Jens were working ever since they got back from school, splayed in the living room of the kollektiv with computers and books around them.

Zoe had come and gone with Senne, both of them walking around the apartment collecting clothes, which meant they’d probably be away until Monday.

Later, Sander had arrived from college, bringing food and drinks for them, like they had arranged earlier.

He ate his pizza and watched as Robbe bickered with Jens about the assignment, although he refused to help the boys with their work.

‘I don’t know what you guys are doing, but I’m just here for moral support’

‘If by moral support you mean you making heart eyes at Robbe why we’re trying to study, I don’t really see what’s the point’ Moyo said, scratching his head.

Robbe blushed, realizing that was exactly what Sander meant by moral support.

_And it works every time._

‘Hey, let him stay, moral support is always good, man’ Aaron interjected, looking at Sander.

Their dinner was over soon, and Sander said goodnight, grabbing his bag and heading to Robbe’s bedroom to sleep.

‘Don’t take too long’ He pleaded, giving him puppy eyes.

‘I’ll be there soon, I hope’

As it turned out, _soon_ didn’t come soon enough, and, as the hours went by, Robbe’s mind drifted away, wishing he could be asleep in Sander’s arms.

Somewhere around midnight, Moyo’s computer had rebooted by itself, so they spent a good thirty minutes waiting for it to restart, flipping through their books and drinking Red Bull in hopes of staying awake.

Now, it seemed like everyone else in the world was asleep except for them, no sounds coming from the street, everything empty and quiet.

Yawning, Robbe cursed himself _again_ at the thought of his boyfriend, sleeping peacefully in his very bedroom, so close yet so far away.

‘Alright, that was the last one’

‘Thank fuck, I’m so done’ Jens sighed, rubbing his eyes.

‘I know, at least we can still get the grade, I need to get rid of this class quick’

Robbe only nodded, fighting to lift his body from the floor, picking up books and notepads.

‘See you guys on Monday’

‘Wow, no thank you? No ‘oh, let me know when you get home’?’ Jens asked, feigning offense.

‘I think you’re all grown up enough to get home safe, but okay, let me know when you’re home’

‘Let’s go, Robbe’s just dying to fall into Sander, you all know it’ Aaron laughed, pushing Moyo toward the door, ‘And he’s right, too, Sander treats him good’

‘How would you know that?’

‘Have you seen the way they look at each other? I don’t think I ever saw Amber look at me like that, it’s like they’re about to jump each other right there’ He replied, fiddling with his backpack.

Robbe didn’t even try to argue; it was true and they all knew it. He didn’t think they were so obvious, but hey, what could he do?

‘Okay, since you’re all experts, can you please leave so I can go to bed _with Sander and finally jump him?’_ He joked, hoping to scare them into finally leaving the apartment.

It obviously was the right move, because they were already halfway out the door, Jens blushing profusely and hardly looking Robbe in the eye as he muttered ‘See you on Monday’.

Sighing in relief, Robbe moved in silence through the living room, collecting empty glasses and pizza boxes and taking them to the kitchen.

As he cleaned everything, he could see a faint light coming from under his bedroom door.

_I thought Sander would be asleep._

Robbe brushed his teeth with his eyes half closed, mind blissfully empty and already dreaming of Sander’s embrace.

As he opened the door, he was greeted by the sight of Sander, still awake.

He sat with his back against the headboard, wearing only his underwear, and the light from the desk lamp gave his face a soft glow. Sander was distracted, tongue poking out between his teeth as he drew something in his sketchbook.

Robbe took off his shirt, speaking low as not to spook him.

‘Hey, baby’

‘Hi’

Sander lifted his head, smiling at him. He closed his sketchbook and grabbed a pillow, holding it as he now watched Robbe slip out of his pants and climb into bed.

‘Done with everything?’

‘Yeah, why are you still awake?’ He asked, resting his head on Sander’s shoulder.

‘I was waiting for you, then I started drawing and got distracted’

Robbe nudged his leg, silently telling him _it’s time to go to bed_ , as he often did. Together, they arranged the pillows and laid side by side, pushing the covers down to get more comfortable.

Robbe loved the fact that they already had a sleeping routine, that they had _different sides on the bed_ , which was so domestic.

‘You need to sleep’

‘But we don’t have school tomorrow, we can sleep a bit more’

‘Yeah, but you need a consistent routine, and that includes a regular - ‘

‘Regular sleeping schedule, I know’ Sander cut him off, huffing.

Sander rolled to his side, facing away from Robbe, and pulled his arm so that he could hold him.

_Alright, tonight he wants to be the little spoon,_ Robbe thought, his arms already around Sander’s waist, face buried in his neck.

‘Hey, ‘m not scolding you’

‘I know, it’s just…’

‘What?’

‘I don’t like to sleep without you next to me’

Robbe opened his eyes slightly, heart almost bursting out of his chest with love. He took one of Sander’s hands and squeezed it.

This was also something they usually did; hold hands, play with each other’s fingers until one of them fell asleep first. Most days it was Robbe, lulled by the sound of Sander’s heartbeat and his scent all around him, twisting Sander’s ring around his forefinger.

‘Sander, we sleep apart most days of the week’

‘And it’s bad enough as it is!’ He laughed, his back warm against Robbe’s chest.

Sander kept playing with Robbe’s fingers, touching them with his hand, caressing the knuckles back and forth.

He could feel himself on the edge of slumber, comfortable, his nose in Sander’s hair, inhaling the scent of his shampoo, mixed with sweat and something chemical that might have been paint.

‘Okay, I’m here now’

‘Mmkay’

Sander held Robbe’s hand close to his mouth, kissing his palm and the soft skin between his thumb and forefinger. Silence fell between them, the comfortable kind of silence that made Robbe feel safe and enveloped in warmth.

Robbe was in a state between awake and asleep, feeling his body relaxed and heavy, and couldn’t help but giggle when Sander kissed the tips of his fingers.

‘That tickles’

‘Sorry. Can I try something?’

‘Sure’ Robbe mumbled, mind clouded with sleep.

He jumped a bit at the feeling of something warm and wet around his thumb. Slowly, he realized Sander had taken his finger into his mouth, and was now licking it.

It was interesting, feeling but not actually _seeing_ what Sander was doing.

He could feel his teeth scraping a bit at the knuckle, the pad of his thumb reaching the roof of Sander’s mouth as he closed his lips around and sucked.

‘That okay?’

‘…Yeah’ Robbe said, slightly breathless.

‘When I was a kid I used to suck my thumb, it helped me calm down when I was too restless’

Sander’s voice was muffled by his thumb, and the vibrations in his voice traveled through his arm and went down his spine, leaving a tingling sensation.

‘Mmm’

‘What?’

‘Is that why you’re always chewing on something?’

‘Yeah… I guess I got used to having something in my mouth. I know it’s weird’

‘’s not weird, baby, it’s okay’

‘Really?’

Sander turned around to face Robbe, as they lay side by side on the bed.

He looked soft and small, his eyes half lidded and Robbe’s thumb still inside his mouth, his lips wet around the finger.

‘There’s nothing about you that freaks me out, okay?’

‘Okay’

Sander hummed around his thumb, tongue moving a bit, caressing the pad of Robbe’s finger, and Robbe felt a shiver run down his spine.

The feeling of Sander’s mouth sucking on his thumb was starting to remind him of the feeling of Sander’s mouth _sucking on his dick_.

His cock stirred in his underwear, mind drifting away to his memories.

Opening his eyes a bit, Robbe moved his thumb back, taking it off Sander’s mouth with a pop.

Sander gave him a confused look, but said nothing as Robbe moved his forefinger to touch his lip.

He moved as if on a trance, half asleep (and now half hard), and traced Sander’s lips with his fingers, first the top and then the bottom lip, feeling every ridge, the curve of his smile, his perfect cupid’s bow.

Almost as if by instinct, Sander opened his mouth, looking at Robbe in a way that seemed to say _you can do whatever you want, you can put as many fingers as you want inside me_.

Robbe couldn’t help it, too far gone for Sander to deny himself from giving in to his curiosity.

Slowly, he placed a finger on top of Sander’s tongue, peeking out of his mouth, feeling the soft muscle, and moved sideways, tracing his teeth.

Sander’s breath hitched as he placed one hand on Robbe’s hip, pulling their bodies closer. He could feel Sander’s dick hard against his hip, his own cock poking Sander’s stomach, bodies separated only by the thin layer of their underwear.

Robbe kept exploring his mouth, loved the contrast between Sander’s sharp canines and the soft skin inside his cheek, wet and warm as he ran two of his fingers through.

He could see that Sander’s pupils were dilated, his breath coming in short bursts as Robbe slid a finger under his tongue, feeling the tissue there, before tracing the roof of his mouth.

There was something so intimate, so vulnerable in what he was doing, exploring Sander’s mouth, just because he wanted to, _because he could_.

His boyfriend just looked at him, saliva pooling in his mouth, as he waited for Robbe to finish his inspection, like a kid at the dentist who knows they’ll get a lollipop if they sit still.

‘You’re so soft’ He blurted out, before he could think about it.

Sander gave him an open smile, the corners of his mouth moving up, his beautiful, perfect teeth closing around his fingers.

‘Yeah?’

‘Mmm’

Robbe still had one finger inside Sander’s mouth when he felt the boy pull his head closer, clashing their mouths together.

The kiss was slow and languid, and Robbe felt like Sander was exploring his mouth the same way he had done with his fingers. Sander moved his hips against Robbe’s, grinding into him while his tongue circled his lips.

‘Open your mouth’

Robbe moaned low, doing as Sander asked, the hand that had been inside Sander’s mouth now playing with his nipple.

‘Keep your mouth open, just like this’

His breath stuttered as he felt Sander kiss him, trying to keep his mouth open like he asked. Robbe wasn’t so sleepy anymore, but still didn’t feel fully awake, the sensations around him making everything feel like a dream.

Sander moved his tongue against his, then retrieved it. He could feel the wetness around his lips, knew he was probably drooling, but tried not to move his mouth.

Robbe moaned and just moved his hips against Sander’s, feeling the head of his cock caught in the waistband of his boxers, leaving a trail of precome on Sander’s stomach.

His eyes fluttered at the sensation of Sander’s tongue moving along his teeth, at the roof of his mouth, on the inside of his cheek.

_Am I already dreaming?_

His cock was begging for attention, the friction between them being good, but still not enough to bring him to orgasm.

‘Sander, please’

‘What do you want?’ He asked, biting Robbe’s bottom lip.

‘Clothes, off’

In a swift movement, Sander’s hand was tugging at his boxers, pulling them off and then returning to do the same to his own.

‘Think you can come like this?’ He asked, rubbing the wet length of his cock along Robbe’s own, hitching a leg to place his ankle around Robbe’s thigh.

_I might come in the next minute_.

‘Yeah’

Sander then returned his attention to Robbe’s mouth, cradling his face with one hand, sucking on his tongue.

Robbe was now moaning, every sensation bubbling inside him and he didn’t know he could want someone this much.

His boyfriend moved like he was trying to consume Robbe, take everything he could at the same time. His tongue delved inside Robbe’s mouth, eager and overwhelming. Their hips were moving together, in an uncoordinated motion, just two bodies seeking release, not really caring how or when.

‘Can I suck your finger again?’ Sander asked, hand snaking down to close around both their cocks.

‘Yeah’

Robbe touched Sander’s bottom lip with his thumb, feeling on edge, and couldn’t help but moan at the sight of the digit disappearing inside Sander’s mouth, being enveloped in the wet heat.

‘Sander, ‘m close’

‘Me too, me too’

Sander moved his hand faster, jerking their cocks together, the friction delicious.

The leg around his hip pushed him closer, the heel of Sander’s foot digging into his ass now, and Robbe lost focus of anything that wasn’t Sander.

The boy was all around him, inside him and out, his presence and touch feeling overwhelming and all-encompassing.

In times like these, Robbe understood the intense look in Sander’s eyes when they were in line at the supermarket, pulling at his shirt and never letting Robbe get too far.

He knew that _this_ was what Sander wanted; to take him, to hold him, to be one with him.

It was too much, of course.

Robbe loved it.

‘Put more fingers’ Sander pleaded, his hips stuttering.

Robbe removed his thumb and placed his middle and ring finger inside Sander’s mouth, which were promptly sucked with fervor.

He could see small beads of sweat forming in Sander’s temple, his hair tousled as he stared at Robbe with the heat of a thousand suns. He moved his fingers in and out of Sander’s lips, feeling the tight suction around them, the way Sander hummed with his mouth closed.

‘One more finger’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, please, I’m gonna come’

Nodding, Robbe inserted his forefinger along with the others, already slick with saliva, moaning at the strange feeling of his fingers breaching Sander’s mouth.

His boyfriend moaned, a loud noise that reverberated around his hand. Sander was no longer sucking on Robbe’s fingers, his mouth open and wet.

Moving by impulse, Robbe pushed his fingers deeper into Sander’s mouth, touching the back of his tongue, and he saw Sander’s eyes rolling back, his hand moving erratically now.

‘You like that?’

‘Please, please’ Sander pleaded, his gaze never leaving Robbe’s face.

Robbe felt close, so close to coming, but the sight of Sander losing himself like that was too good to miss.

‘You look so hot like this’

‘Fuck, Robbe, fuck fuck, I’m gonna come’

Twisting his fingers around, Robbe moaned at the scorching sensation of Sander’s mouth, his hand, his entire body glued to him.

‘Come for me, baby’

That was all it took.

Sander groaned, mouth closing to suck on Robbe’s fingers again as he came, glowing, sweating, _beautiful_.

His body shivered as spurts of come landed on his hand, their cocks still sliding together.

Robbe hadn’t even come yet and already felt oversensitive, every cell in his body screaming Sander’s name right now, aching for him.

Slowly, Robbe removed his fingers from Sander’s mouth, damp with saliva, and touched Sander’s nipple, making the boy shudder and laugh.

‘Oh god, ‘s too much’

Sander released his grip on their cocks, his hand slick with cum, and twisted his body forward slightly, so that he was almost on top of Robbe, his other hand resting above the pillow.

‘You’re amazing’ He said, kissing Robbe’s lips.

‘Sanderrrrr’

‘What is it, baby?’

Robbe moaned as Sander’s sticky hand circled his cock, touching it with the tip of his fingers, before moving along his length to grip at the base.

‘I’m close’

‘You wanna come?’

‘Yeah, I want to, please’ He sighed, feeling his body tensing with every touch.

‘Shh, I’m here, it’s okay’

Robbe was sure he was having an out of body experience.

He didn’t feel in control of his own body anymore, oversensitive and delirious. There wasn’t one part of his body that wasn’t being touched by Sander, his slender frame glued to him from shoulder to toe.

Sander’s body felt like a cloak, like a second skin, warm and protective.

He kissed Robbe, mouth invading his space like it belonged there, because it did.

_He belongs with me, inside me._

Moaning into his mouth, Robbe canted his hips forward, trying to match the speed of Sander’s hand, sticky with semen and moving on his cock, bringing him to ecstasy.

‘Fuck, fuck, Sander’

Sander broke the kiss, moving his face away to stare at Robbe, his eyes big and attentive. Robbe noticed, dazed, that a string of saliva connected their lips together, almost breaking with their movements.

He lifted his arms, twisting them around Sander’s neck, trying to bring him closer, to keep them connected.

Looking at Sander’s mouth, he opened his own mouth, not knowing if his boyfriend would catch on to what he was thinking.

He just looked at him, licking his own lips, daring Robbe to say what he wanted.

_I need him inside me._

‘Sanderrrr’ Robbe moaned, tugging on his hair.

‘What?’

‘Please’

‘What do you want? Tell me’ Sander pleaded, the hand around his cock moved faster.

‘Lick my mouth’

Robbe barely had time to open his mouth again before Sander was on him, tongue licking into his mouth, caressing him.

His whole body felt on fire, Sander’s thighs bracketing his legs on either side, the hand by the pillow moving down to tug at Robbe’s hair, making him moan even louder.

Sander released his mouth again, but it still wasn’t enough.

‘More’

‘What?’

Robbe only had the strength to open his mouth again, tongue sticking out. His cock was probably leaking precome, he felt his balls tight and heavy, body thrumming with tension.

Sander eyed him with a smirk for a second, until finally, _finally_ , he tugged at Robbe’s hair again and spit into his mouth.

_I see why he asked for this, why he wanted me to do it_.

Moaning, Robbe felt the saliva touch his tongue, dripping slow until he closed his mouth and swallowed.

‘You like that? You like when I spit into your mouth, baby?’

Robbe could feel his orgasm approaching, his entire body seemed to vibrate. He only opened his mouth again, silently asking for more.

Sander spit again, this time a bit landing on his cheek, which he promptly licked and pushed into Robbe’s tongue, and that was all it took.

Body convulsing, Robbe moaned a string of _fuckfuckfuckSanderohmygod_ as he let his orgasm overtake him.

Everything inside him felt golden and hot, molten lava cursing through his veins as Sander kept milking his cock, come landing on his chest and stomach.

Robbe’s body felt heavy and sticky, and he could barely keep his eyes open anymore.

At some point, Sander had moved around and was now beside him, come stained hand still holding his now soft dick, just staring, like he always did.

‘Oh my god’

‘I know, it was amazing’

Robbe sighed, wincing at the feeling of drying cum on his body.

‘Sander, where are my boxers?’

‘Uh… I don’t know, somewhere on the floor’

‘Find them, we need to clean up’

Sander released his dick, twisting his body to look for the underwear. Robbe could feel that he was about to fall asleep, the activities of the day and now the orgasm being more than enough to make him exhausted.

His eyes were already closed when he felt Sander rub his stomach with a piece of fabric that must have been his underwear, cleaning him up.

‘Already sleeping?’

‘Almost’ Robbe mumbled, hand searching blindly for Sander, ‘Where ‘re you?’

‘I’m here, it’s okay’

Soon enough, he felt the mattress dip again, and Sander’s arms were around him, pulling his body closer.

‘I thought you said we needed a good sleeping schedule’ He mocked, kissing along Robbe’s temple.

‘Shut up’

‘I love you’

‘I love you, too. G’night’

The night was quiet and warm, and Robbe was finally where he wanted, in Sander’s embrace, where he belonged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: I used to suck my thumb/bite my nails as a kid and it still took me forever to realize I have an oral fixation (:


	13. thirteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my babies, how are we doing with wtfock back in action? so far, I'm very intrigued and still curious as to how this season will play out (also, wtfock please give me sander picking robbe from school, I'm begging you). Anyways, this chapter starts dealing with the whole Jens debacle... please be kind to the boys (and to me). Hope you enjoy, let me know what you think! <3

If anybody were to ask Sander if he was a jealous person, he would probably say no.

He had his own friends, and he knew that he and Robbe were different people, with their own lives, and that their pasts brought them some baggage and that was okay.

But sometimes it was hard to remember that. Somedays, all he wanted to do was lock himself up in a room with Robbe, away from everyone and everything, so that nothing could keep them apart.

He felt a bit embarrassed about his possessive thoughts, but he knew they were fleeting, not anything that would make him act out.

It was a Tuesday and Sander was waiting for Robbe in front of his school, smoking and watching as people walked on by. The past two weeks had been insane and hectic for him, so he barely had time to see Robbe.

His teacher assigned him to help some students with their work, as part of his assistant duties, which meant he spent long hours at college, not leaving until it was dark outside. As much as it was fulfilling, it was also very tiring, and left him little time to spend with his family, and even less time to see his boyfriend. Because of that, he escaped whenever he could, making use of his lunch break to grab his bike and run to meet Robbe, even if for a few minutes.

As he leaned against the wall, cigarette on his lips, Sander caught sight of his boyfriend leaving the school building with Jens, both of them gesturing wildly and shoving each other.

He already knew about the crush Robbe once harbored for Jens, back in their first year, and he also knew that they were way past that, no hard feelings.

Still, sometimes his mind wandered to places without his consent, and he caught himself trying to picture a younger Robbe, chasing after his best friend, happy with whatever crumbs of affection were thrown his way. His heart tightened at the mere idea of Robbe suffering for unreciprocated love, even if it was irrational, because Robbe reminded him every day that he was so happy he could cry. How could Jens not have seen him, _this perfect, happy, amazing boy craving for attention?_

Taking a long final drag of his cigarette, Sander called out for his boyfriend.

‘Hey Robin’

The blinding smile Robbe flashed him was enough to make him weak at the knees, the way he walked faster and threw his arms around Sander with such confidence, because he knew Sander would be there to catch him.

‘Hi, I missed you’ Robbe mumbled into his neck.

Forgetting about the world around them, Sander grabbed Robbe by the waist, pushing their bodies closer and kissing him. He felt Robbe smile into the kiss, his stomach doing backflips the way it always did when they were together, even after all these months.

He disentangled himself from Robbe as he could feel people looking at them, glued to one another in the middle of the street. Not letting go of his waist, Sander turned to greet Jens, who was still stuck in place, staring at them.

‘Hey, man’

‘Thought you forgot me for a bit’ Jens said, hugging him with a smile.

‘Sorry, just haven’t seen my boy in a while’

‘Well, I’ve seen him enough, just take him away, will you?’ He mocked, receiving a shove from Robbe.

‘You’re not coming with us? I thought you said you needed ideas for the next vlogs’

As much as he wanted to spend some time alone with his boyfriend, Sander wouldn’t straight up reject Robbe’s suggestion, so he decided to remain quiet.

‘Sorry, we can discuss this another time, I don’t want to be third wheeling you guys’

‘You won’t, it’s alright man’ Sander finally interjected, trying to ease the tension.

‘We promise not to embarrass you by making out in your face’ Robbe said, patting him on the shoulder.

Jens just stared at them, mouth opening and closing like a fish, and Sander would’ve laughed, but he could sense something was off. Finally, the boy spoke, his face a deep shade of red.

‘I have to go’

He immediately turned around, leaving Sander dumbfounded.

‘I’ll text you later’ Robbe shouted, receiving only a hand movement from Jens, who hadn’t turned around or stop walking to reply.

That was, by far, the strangest interaction Sander had ever had with any of Robbe’s friends, and that was including the awkward hug he exchanged with Aaron on Christmas.

Jens was usually the most chill around them, he never looked uncomfortable when Sander joined them to do anything, or tried to ask too many intrusive questions about their relationship or his mental condition.

However, he’s been noticing the boy acting weird for a while around them, especially whenever he touches Robbe or gets too heavy on the PDA (which happened quite often, and who could blame him for wanting to melt against Robbe?).

If he thinks hard enough, he can trace this behavior back to that night at the bar, where Sander had, _not so subtly_ , put his hand on Robbe’s dick under the table and kept some weird staring contest with Jens, until the boy averted his gaze.

That day, they didn’t see Jens for a good while once they returned from the bathroom, but when he came back to the table, the boy acted as if nothing had happened, talking and laughing the same as before. And he had stopped staring at Sander and Robbe.

Now, as they walked to the sandwich shop nearby, he was intrigued once more.

‘Is something wrong?’

‘I don’t know, he seemed fine to me, Jens’ weird like that sometimes’

‘Yeah, but he was like, extra weird now’

Robbe shrugged, bumping his shoulder into Sander.

‘He probably just got tired of seeing us make out all the time’

Maybe Jens had actually seen him grab Robbe’s dick at the bar. _Fuck, so much for not traumatizing people_.

‘Did he say anything?’

Trying not to panic at the prospect of causing a rift between their friends, Sander placed his hand on Robbe’s back, leading him towards the line that was already forming outside the shop.

‘No, but it was the same thing when he and Jana broke up, he was all over the place, looking for a girl to forget the other and running off instead of talking about the fact that he still stalked Jana’s Instagram’ Robbe said, scratching his neck absentmindedly and looking at the menu in the back wall.

Sander sighed and realized Robbe probably didn’t notice his staring contest with Jens the other day, too busy trying to keep quiet at the table.

_I should probably tell him._

The more he thought about it, the weirder it looked; how would Robbe react when he knew Sander had thrown all caution to the wind and actually touched him _while knowing_ someone was probably watching? And that said someone was his best friend?

Granted, he wasn’t sure Jens had actually seen anything, but his intentions remained. He wanted Jens to see them, because there was a part of his brain that constantly wanted to parade Robbe around, yelling _do you see this boy? Can you believe he’s mine?_

Chewing on his chicken sandwich, he tried to figure out a way to bring the topic without sounding too paranoid.

‘You know, Jens seemed a little weird the other day’

‘What day?’

‘When we were at his house playing FIFA, well, _you_ were playing FIFA and I was watching. And then we went to the bar’

‘Oh, right. Weird how?’

_He’s gonna hate me._

‘He kept staring at me. At us, I don’t know’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, and at the bar, too, he was looking at us’

Silence fell between them, as Robbe took a sip from his soda can. Sander could feel heat creeping up his neck as he contemplated just blurting out his suspicions.

‘I think he saw when I… touched you under the table’

Robbe’s eyes bulged as he tried not to spit soda everywhere, chest heaving as he stared at Sander. He said nothing and just waited for his boyfriend to catch his breath, preparing himself for the worst.

‘Sander, what the fock’

‘I’m sorry! He kept staring at us, I thought it would make him stop! And it did! I should’ve told you, but you said ‘green’ so I just kept going, I didn’t think he would actually see anything!’

Squinting his eyes, Robbe laughed, blushing.

‘Don’t give me that line, I know you better than that’ He tugged lightly at Sander’s hair, ‘You would bend me over the table for everyone to see, if only you weren’t afraid of getting arrested for public indecency’

‘Hey, don’t threaten me with a good time’

Robbe snorted at him, scratching his nose in silence before he lifted his head, suspicious.

‘Wait, how do you know if he actually saw us?’

‘Because his face got, like, really red and he stopped looking at me’

‘Oh’

‘I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna make things weird between you two’

Objectively, Sander knew he should have told Robbe sooner, made sure that he was okay with his weird approach to the situation. But Robbe didn’t look mad, or angry, or even upset.

Actually, he fell strangely silent, his cheeks red and _pretty, so pretty_ , as he fiddled with his napkin.

‘Talk to me, Robin’

‘It was a fucked up tactic, but I’m not angry at you’

‘No?’

‘You know you could have just asked him, right? Asked him not to stare at us so much?’ Robbe shot him a look that screamed _you have dumb ideas but I still love you._

‘I know, my mind just… went somewhere else’

‘Yeah, no shit. Maybe that’s why he got so embarrassed at the mention of us making out in front of him’

‘I can talk to him, I’ll apologize for making him uncomfortable’

‘No, I’ll talk to him’ Robbe replied, holding Sander’s hand, ‘I don’t really mind if he saw anything’

‘You don’t?’

‘No, the boys are chill, they didn’t bat an eye when I told them about our lockdown stuff’

‘You told them that?’ Damn, Robbe just kept surprising him every day.

‘I mean, they were talking about being horny but still not getting any, and I couldn’t exactly relate, so…’

‘And they were chill?’

‘They joked about it for a while, but yeah, they were chill’ Robbe replied before taking a sip from his soda.

‘Yeah, but still, I didn’t wanna make Jens uncomfortable’

‘Sander, do you have any idea how many times I had to watch Jens making out with Jana right in my face? One time I came _this_ close to actually seeing them having sex’

‘Oh my god’ Sander laughed, brushing his hand across his face.

‘I can talk to him, he’ll get over it’

‘Again, I’m sorry’

‘I know, it’s okay’

Even though things were cleared up now, Sander still felt a small tug at his stomach whenever he thought about (possibly) being caught by Jens. He tried to brush the feeling, cracking a joke to lighten the mood.

‘You didn’t notice him staring at us?’

‘Not really’ Robbe mumbled, blush still high on his face.

‘Jens’ face was so red, I bet he would’ve came in his pants if he kept looking at you’

‘Oh’

If Sander could describe Robbe’s face in that moment, he would probably say his boyfriend looked hazy, the kind of hazy like when they smoked some good weed, and everything seemed soft and ethereal.

However, he was too stunned at the realization to say anything, caught up in the way Robbe’s eyes were glossy and unfocused, a small smile playing on his lips.

_Did he like it?_

‘Robin?’

‘Hm?’ He seemed to have returned from his daydream, looking at Sander with half-lidded eyes.

‘What is that smile?’ Sander teased, already having some idea to where this was going.

‘… Nothing’

‘Robbe… do you like the idea of people watching us?’

Sander felt like his own face was on fire, and he prayed nobody was paying them any attention inside the shop, because he must look a mess right now. The conversation had started as a way of clearing up the air between them, but had quickly turned into a _completely_ different direction.

‘Robbe?’

‘I don’t know… maybe in theory?’

_This is not the time or place to have this discussion, jesus_ , Sander thought, holding Robbe’s hand and gulping the last of his coke straight out of the can.

‘It’s okay, we can talk about it later, okay?’

‘Alright’

Taking a deep breath, they began arranging their things to leave, probably already late for class, although Sander doubted he would be able to pay much attention to anything else that day. As they walked back, Sander brushed Robbe’s hair, mind still reeling from their conversation.

‘Will you go to my place tomorrow? My parents will be away’

‘Yeah, I’ll go’ Robbe flashed him a blinding smile, all dimples, ‘I’ll try and talk to Jens’

‘Let me know how it goes, then we can talk about it’

‘I will’

As tempting as it was to just stand in the middle of the street holding each other, Sander disentangled himself from Robbe, pushing his shoulder with a smile.

‘You’re late for class, go’

‘Okay, I’ll talk to you later’ He mumbled between kisses, ‘Love you’

‘Love you too’

Stepping onto his bike, he found his previous jealously was soon being dissolved, being replaced with something different, something he still couldn’t name, but that felt hot and twisty inside his gut.

-

‘Do you want people to know I’m the only one who gets to have you?’

Robbe only nodded, eyes glazed and half lidded. They had barely started and he already looked gone, damp curls sticking to his head, sweat making his neck glisten under the lights.

They were in Sander’s bed, alone at last, the only light in the room coming from the bedside lamp, casting everything in a soft yellow glow, making Robbe look like he was made from pure molten gold.

Sander wanted to devour him.

It was an ugly, possessive and primal thought, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true.

He twisted his fingers inside Robbe, searching for his prostate.

‘Tell me’

‘Huh?’

‘Tell me I’m the only one’

‘You’re – fuck, you’re the only one’ Robbe moaned, his cock weeping precum onto his stomach.

‘Would you want him to see you like this? See the way you spread out so beautiful for me?’

‘Fuck, Sander’

Sander ducked his head to kiss Robbe’s body, sticking his tongue into his bellybutton and licking the precum that leaked there.

The movement ripped another moan from his boyfriend, who was almost shaking against the mattress.

‘Answer me, baby’

‘What?’

Moving his hand back, Sander applied more lube before pressing against Robbe’s hole, inserting three fingers and trying not to move any further, his silver ring almost disappearing inside.

He felt like taking Robbe apart, piece by piece, until he was nothing but a bundle of overexposed nerves, sensitive and blissed out, just waiting for Sander to do whatever he wanted.

‘Would you want Jens to see you like this?’

‘I… I don’t know’

‘It’s okay, you can be honest’ Sander cooed, fucking his fingers into Robbe’s hole in a torturous pace. ‘Would you want him to know what I’m doing to you now?’

‘Sanderrrrr’

‘I bet you liked that he saw us in the bar, right?’

Moving around so that he laid in front of Robbe, Sander used his other hand to spread the boy’s thighs, so that he could see the way his fingers sunk into the wet heat of Robbe’s ass.

Robbe was panting now, hands gripping the sheets beneath him.

‘Sander, please, I’m gonna cum’

‘No, you won’t’

He moved quickly, gripping the base of Robbe’s cock, feeling the way it pulsated under his hand.

‘Oh, fuck’

‘You won’t come until I say so, okay?’

‘Fuck’s sake, you’re gonna kill me’

‘What’s your color, baby?’ He asked, tapping at the tip of Robbe’s cock with one finger, teasing.

‘…Green’

‘Good. You’re doing so good, you look so good like this’

Sander stilled his movements, taking his hand off Robbe’s dick completely. He heard the boy sigh, a pretty, high sound. Not for the first time that night, Sander thought _I’m so happy you’re mine._

‘You still have to answer me. Did you like that Jens saw us?’

‘Maybe’ Robbe mumbled under his breath, so low that Sander almost didn’t catch.

Curling his fingers inside Robbe again, Sander moved so that he was kneeling on the bed.

‘Speak a little louder’

‘Yes, I liked it’

‘Mmm, why is that?’

‘I like that people know you take care of me’

_Fuck, this boy is going to drive me crazy someday._

‘Of course, baby, I’ll always take care of you’

Robbe was blushing profusely, his face a deep shade of red that went down to his neck and chest.

He looked so good.

Sander watched as he opened his eyes a bit, hand searching blindly until it reached his cock. Breath hitching in his throat as Robbe tugged at his dick, and Sander could see his own cock red and hard against his hip, still untouched.

‘Sander, fuck’

‘It’s okay, I’m here’

‘Fuck me’ Robbe whispered, the grip on his dick a bit firmer now.

Before Robbe could protest any further, Sander removed his fingers, wiping them on the bedsheets.

As he reached for the lube, he felt hands moving up his legs, touching his hips; Robbe was impatient and getting desperate, just like he wanted.

Wasting no more time, Sander positioned himself at Robbe’s entrance, the blunt head of his cock pushing against his hole, so tight that he held his breath.

‘Sander, I swear to god’

‘I’m getting there’

‘Fuck. Me. Now’ Robbe gritted through his teeth, feet moving to lock behind Sander’s ass, the motion pushing him forward and deeper inside his hole.

He moved at a slow pace, sliding into Robbe in a steady movement, allowing himself to feel every ridge and curve of his boyfriend, reveling in the sounds he was making.

‘You’re so beautiful like this’ He couldn’t help but say, unable to think about anything that wasn’t Robbe.

‘So are you… so focused’

‘Hmmm’

‘Your face does this thing…’ Robbe sighed, as Sander moved in and out of him, trying to keep the feeling for as long as he could. He could feel the sticky remnants of precum leaking from Robbe’s dick smearing at his stomach, gluing them together.

‘What thing?’

‘Your forehead scrunches, you - fuck, you squint your eyes’

‘That sounds weird, baby’ Sander laughed, and the movement jostled him inside Robbe, making both of them moan in unison.

Robbe lifted his arm to touch Sander’s face, tracing his fingers between his eyebrows, down the curve of his nose.

‘You’re beautiful. The most beautiful man I’ve ever seen’

‘You’re so sappy’ He laughed.

‘You love it’

‘Oh yeah?’

Sander picked up the pace, peppering Robbe’s face with kisses. He didn’t know what he had done to deserve this boy, but damn it if he wasn’t happy about it.

He could feel the urge to mark Robbe, to _do something_ that would remind him that they belonged together, that this was his life, and this was his boy.

The face Robbe made when he twisted his hips in a different angle means Sander found his prostate, so he focus on that for a while, mouth moving to suck hickies on Robbe’s chest. He feels on edge, desire unfurling inside him as he kisses Robbe’s glistening neck, licks the sweat off his body, thrumming with pleasure.

‘You think Jens would get hard seeing you like this?’

‘What the fock’ Robbe moaned, half-surprised and half-delirious.

‘You’re so hot, he would just be dying to get his hands on you’

It took him a while to come to terms with this idea, not because he thought Robbe wanted to do things with other people (he didn’t), but because Sander knew that some desires could sound good inside one’s mind, but get lost in translation once brought into the real world. He just didn’t want to push Robbe too far.

However, once they started, Sander was on a roll.

While he knew his conjectures were purely abstract and neither him nor Robbe had any actual desire to have sex with Jens, he also knew that the prospect of being watched by people got them going, _got Robbe going_.

And Sander was nothing if not indulgent of his boyfriend’s every desire.

‘I bet he would jerk off watching you get fucked like this’ Sander teased, moving against him in a quick pace.

Suddenly, Robbe’s legs released their grip onto Sander’s ass. _Had he gone too far?_ Stopping his movements, he lifted his head to look at the boy’s face.

‘Robbe?’

‘I wanna ride you’

_Jesus fucking Christ._

‘Fuck, okay’

Sander placed his hands against the mattress, lifting his body away from Robbe’s and trying to twist them around. As they moved, his cock slipped from inside Robbe, both of them whining at the same time.

Robbe all but pushed Sander on his back, a slender leg moving fast to straddle his hips, like he had done so many times before, like he had done the first time they hung out at his room, discussing multiverse theories and grasping at each other, desperate for another touch.

Sander moaned at the feeling of Robbe’s hand behind him, reaching to hold Sander’s slick cock to his entrance, sliding down in a fast movement.

‘Robbe, fuck’

He was a vision, glistening and glowing in the soft bedside lamp light. Sander moved to hold Robbe’s hips, guiding the lazy twist of the body on top of his, the tight wet heat enveloping him.

‘You’re so hot’

Robbe moaned, hips moving faster, up and down, sinking himself on Sander’s cock, his own dick red and bobbing against his hip with the motion.

‘Sander, ‘m close’

‘How close?’

‘Right there, right- fuck, really close’ Robbe mumbled, eyes closing as he bounced faster.

Suddenly remembering what they were doing in the first place, Sander held Robbe’s hips tight, stilling his movement.

‘Wha-‘ Robbe moans, a high whine escaping his lips as Sander snaked a hand up to grip the base of his cock.

‘Don’t come yet, baby’

‘Sanderrrrrr’

‘Just one more, okay’

Robbe wiggled on top of him, trying to weaken his resolve, but Sander just pinched his thigh lightly, a playful smile on his lips.

‘Your color?’

‘Green, just fuck me, please’

‘I will, I will’

Placing his hands on Robbe’s hips again, Sander canted his hips upwards, drilling into Robbe deep. He was so close to coming himself, but he wants – no, _he needs_ to see Robbe losing himself to pleasure before he gets to come. Robbe’s hand moved, teasing his own nipple, fingers playing with it and twisting, and Sander groans loud, overwhelmed with desire, _in awe_ of this bold, incredibly sexy man who keeps surprising him.

‘Think you can keep going after you cum, baby?’

‘Think - fuck, think so’ Robbe moaned, still making no moves to touch his leaking cock.

‘Good. I wanna see you come all over me’

‘Oh, fuck’

Sander taps at Robbe’s cock with his fingertip, making slow circles on the head, slick with precum.

‘You want that?’

‘Yes, yeah, I want that, please, Sander’

‘And what else?’ Sander knows he’s about to break Robbe, knows that at this point his boyfriend is so gone that his walls crumbled down and he lost his brain-to-mouth filter.

He grips Robbe’s dick, making a loose fist around it, moving mostly to watch the way it slides against his palm. He’s still fucking into Robbe in a slow, deep motion, in and out, in and out, dick reaching inside and pressing against his prostate before pulling back.

‘Wanna pee on you too’ Robbe replied, his voice high and strained, and his eyes were fixed on Sander’s hand.

Feeling his cock twitch inside Robbe at the confession, Sander tightened his grip, resolve finally crumbling.

‘Yeah? You wanna get me wet?’

‘Wanna do everything, you can get everything’

‘Fuck, Robbe’ Sander groaned, impossibly hard, and tugged at the boy’s cock faster.

Robbe moaned, face twisting in pleasure as he clenched around Sander, orgasm creeping up.

‘You look so good, want everyone to see how good you look on top of me, you want that?’

‘Sander, ‘m gonna cum, please, let me cum’

‘Do you want Jens to see you come all over me?’

His pace was erratic now, and Sander could see Robbe’s chest heaving, clearly overwhelmed. He only nodded, hand twisting in his own hair.

‘It’s okay, baby, you can cum now’

He tugged at Robbe’s cock a few more times and then he was coming, body shaking as his orgasm rushed over, thick ropes of cum landing on Sander’s stomach as Robbe moaned, his mouth open in a perfect O shape.

Sander could feel Robbe’s hole clench around his dick, fluttering as he rode out in pleasure. His hand stills on Robbe’s dick, holding it as the last drops of cum leak out.

‘You’re so hot, I love you’ He breathes out, hand digging into Robbe’s hip, the shadow of a bruise already forming there.

His whole body was tense, screaming for release as he kept pushing into Robbe, holding him against his hips. Robbe’s cock was soft in his hand, and he scrunched his face, sighing.

‘Love you too’

Sander can see that Robbe is on the edge of oversensitive, eyes glazed and unfocused, but he keeps rocking on top of Sander, his breath coming out in a low whine.

‘You close?’

‘Yeah, very close’

‘Can I go?’

‘Go?’ Sander asked stupidly, blinking at him.

‘Can I pee? I said I wanted to pee’

His mind blanks for a second, barely believing his own ears; his boyfriend’s newfound boldness was something that never ceased to amaze him.

‘Yeah, you can pee, baby’

Without pausing his movements, Sander watched as Robbe’s cock dribbled, a weak stream of piss leaking out, almost looking like it was being pushed out of him by the pressure of Sander’s cock inside.

The warm liquid splashed over his chest, mixing with Robbe’s cum and dripping onto the sheets, the sensation sending shivers down Sander’s spine, bringing him closer to the edge.

Sander felt like he was melting out of his skin, his moans mixing with Robbe’s, who was whining with relief and soreness, probably already past the point of oversensitive and venturing into pain as Sander pounds faster into him.

‘m gonna come, fuck, fuck’

Robbe’s cock gushed out the remnants of piss as Sander’s orgasm crashes, holding himself deep into his ass with a long moan.

His body feels heavy and relaxed, liquid cooling on top of him and around as he tries to catch his breath, noticing absentmindedly that he’s still holding Robbe’s soft dick, wet with cum and pee.

‘Wow’

‘I know’ Robbe mumbles, wincing as he moves to pull away from Sander, collapsing on the other side of the bed with a _thump._

Resting on his side to spoon Robbe, Sander trailed his hand down, touching the soft hairs on his leg and reaching his hole, carefully circling one finger on the wet, puffy rim.

‘Sanderrrr’

‘What?’

‘You’re impossible’ Robbe huffed, but didn’t slap his hand away.

‘Mmmm’

Sander pushed the finger inside just until the first knuckle, feeling his come leaking out as Robbe clenches.

‘You feel so warm’

‘You know I don’t actually wanna have sex with Jens, right?’ His boyfriend mumbled, damp strands of hair tickling Sander’s nose, ‘It’s just the idea of being watched’

‘I know, baby, don’t worry’

‘You’re the only one I want, always’

‘And you’re the only one I want, too, forever, always, until I die’ Sander breathed into Robbe’s ear, finger wiggling deeper inside his hole, making Robbe squirm.

As expected, Robbe slapped his hand, sitting on the bed with a laugh.

‘We need to change the sheets, Sander’

‘Mmmm’

‘I’m serious, I don’t wanna soak up the mattress’

‘Yeah, yeah, get started and I’ll fill the washing machine’

They moved in unison, stripping the mattress bare and balling up the sheets, Sander reaching out inside his cabinet to pull fresh ones.

While unfolding the sheets, Sander caught a glimpse of Robbe’s chest and stomach, littered with hickies and a bit red from the friction, and the sight filled him with that sense of pride, possessiveness, but in a good way.

Seeing him like this, exhausted and tousled and _maybe a little bruised_ and knowing that he got to have this man all to himself? As long as he could have this, he didn’t care who watched them.

_Let people know I’m his and he’s mine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... this isn't over just yet! hahahaha


	14. fourteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello babies! this chapter is all talk and no smut, because the boys need to learn to communicate (as we can clearly see in s4), hope you like it! Let me know what you think ;)

_Why did I agree to do this?_

More often than not, that was what went through Robbe’s mind whenever they were filming a new vlog.

It was also what he thought now, as he sat on the ground, taping his shoes to his skateboard, and considering how he would possibly talk to Jens and breach the topic of _hey, you might have seen Sander grab my dick in public in the middle of a bar, no hard feelings?_

The whole week, whenever they were at school or at the skate park, Jens acted like nothing happened, talking and teasing him the same way as he always did, and it was easy to fall into their usual patterns, slapping each other playfully and not think about the accidental exhibitionism his friend potentially witnessed. Some days, Robbe starts believing that Jens didn’t actually see anything, just got weird in front of him once or twice due to the newness of his best friend being gay _and_ having a boyfriend.

He tried even harder not to think about how, ever since Sander suggested that Jens got turned on from seeing them together, the _entirely abstract idea_ of doing stuff in public was slowly crystalizing itself inside Robbe’s mind. Not necessarily with Jens, because that had the potential to get weird _so fucking fast_ , but the risk of being caught, the thrill of having to keep their movements to a minimum, desperately chasing pleasure while hoping people wouldn’t see… yeah, that got Robbe going.

Still, Jens cracked jokes, they planned a new broerrs vlog, the one he’s currently preparing himself for. It involves trying to tape their shoes to the skateboards and seeing how fast and far they can get without falling.

Robbe already knew they wouldn’t get very far before falling, and that the whole thing is a stupid idea, but almost all of the vlogs start with exactly that, bad ideas. However, after Robbe falls for the second time, his hip and ribs stinging, they call it a day and hit the burger place that opened close by.

The boys start comparing bruises as Jens still has the camera on, hoping they got some nasty cuts to show for wow factor. Moyo got a bad scrape on his arm, Jens fell on his ass twice, the back of his jeans is caked with dust and the fabric is already on its way to open up, back pocket frayed around the edges.

Robbe lifted his shirt to show the damage, and the boys _oooooohhh_ in unison at the green and purple bruise that started forming close to his ribs. Nothing too painful, Robbe knows he gets bruised pretty easy, but it doesn’t look good, his improving skating skills having prevented him from getting scraped lately.

‘Dude, what’s this?’ Moyo asked, poking a fading, circular red bruise the side of his stomach.

This one had nothing to do with skating, and everything to do with Sander. Feeling his face heating up, he slapped Moyo’s hand away, laughing.

‘What do you think it is, dumbass?’

‘It’s a hickie, oh my god!’ Aaron exclaimed, shaking Robbe’s shoulders, ‘Man, Sander is horny as fuck, you keep getting marked all over’

‘C’mon, it’s not that bad’ Robbe scoffed as Jens turned off the camera, eyes bulging at the sudden change of subject.

‘Sander also had a hickie on his neck last week, I saw it when we went to your place to do that French thing’ Moyo said, conspiratorial.

_What the fock?_ Robbe scoffed in his mind, confused at the sudden attention, but glad that the boys were still as stupid and curious as he remembered from when he dated (tried to, at least) girls. He took a sip from his soda, shrugging.

‘Yeah, so? It’s not like you guys don’t do that with girls too’

‘We’re not judging you man, good for you! I wish I was getting some on the regular too’

‘Yeah, maybe I should ask Amber to give me some hickies’ Aaron stared at the empty air, possibly thinking about the idea.

As Robbe smoothed his shirt down, his phone buzzed inside his backpack. Thankfully, he remembered to empty his pockets before giving in to Jens’s stupid idea and consequently hitting the asphalt with his skateboard _still stuck to his shoes._

One message was from his mom, reminding him to _bring Sander again next time he comes visit, she loved him and wants to know him better!,_ and a message from Sander.

_Sander: I think I left my hoodie in your room_

_Sander: can you bring it to me tomorrow?_

_Robbe: my hoodie now :D_

There was no way he would give that hoodie back, not as long as it still had Sander’s scent all over it, soft and cozy and perfect for him to slip into before going to bed. If he couldn’t have his boyfriend to cuddle, the hoodie would have to stay.

_Sander: robin, no_

_Robbe: only if you give me another one_

_Robbe: it smells like you_

_Sander: damnit you’re cute_

_Robbe: I know <3_

_Sander: okay, you win this one_

_Sander: have you talked to him?_

_Shit._ Ever since Robbe had offered to talk to Jens about the incident at the bar, Sander nagged him constantly, determined to dissipate the awkward mood between them.

Looking up, he noticed that Jens was quiet, staring at the point in his stomach that Moyo poked, the hickie now covered by his shirt. His face was red and he seemed absent from the conversation the boys were having. Actually, he hadn’t said anything about the hickie either, only placed the camera on the table after turning it off.

_Huh. Maybe he did see something._

Robbe moved quickly, texting Sander a reply.

_Robbe: I’ll talk to him right now_

_Sander: shit, okay, good luck._

_Sander: love you_

_Robbe: love you too_

As they finish their burgers, Robbe stayed silent on their walk back, waiting until Moyo and Aaron got ahead of them, already bickering, to bump his shoulder on Jens.

‘Hey, you alright?’

‘Yeah, why?’

‘You got quiet back there’ Robbe said, trying to ease into the idea of _I know you probably didn’t meant to, but did you by any chance saw my boyfriend grope me under the table?_

‘Feeling guilty for getting me all scraped?’

‘I didn’t force you to get on the board, man’ Jens shot back at him, defensive.

‘Hey, calm down, I’m joking. What’s going on with you?’

‘Nothing’

‘Jens, for fuck sake. You’re being weird, and just not today. As soon as the boys mention Sander you go silent, and last week you just took off without saying anything!’

The other boys were already out of sight, so Robbe held Jens’ arm, taking a deep breath to gain some courage.

‘Sander said he’s been noticing you staring at us. What’s going on?’

‘There’s nothing going on, Robbe, just leave it’

‘It’s not nothing. Listen… Did we do anything to make you uncomfortable?’

‘What?’ Jens blurted, laughing nervously, the same way he always did when trying to get himself out of a situation. _Guilty._

‘The other night, at the bar… Did you see anything?’

‘What?’ He asked again, face incredibly red.

‘Sander is very persuasive when he wants to, so I’m sorry if you caught sight of us… doing stuff’

_God, this is so embarrassing, I should have let Sander do this, he even offered!_

Jens scratched his neck, looking at the ground, at the cars passing by, at the girl that walked her dog across the park. Anywhere except at him.

‘Yeah… that was a surprise’ He mumbled, laughing.

‘We didn’t meant for anyone to see’ _Lies,_ Robbe thought, ‘and I’m sorry it made you uncomfortable’

‘It’s just… Sander seems to be all over you’

‘What do you mean?’

‘He’s always around you, or touching, even when he’s not with you, you have… hickies and stuff. Seems a bit possessive to me’

‘Oh’

Robbe knew people could see his relationship with Sander as something too intense, but he never thought about it like this.

‘It’s fine’

‘How is it fine, Robbe?’ And now he sounded a bit more forceful, almost worried.

‘It’s nothing I don’t like or ask for, Jens. And it’s not like he pushes me around and I just let him’

‘It’s not?’ Jens eyed him, suspicious.

‘No! I mean, kind of, but he only does what I ask him to, or allow him to do’

‘Well, how am I supposed to know this? You never tell me anything about you and Sander’

‘I do!’ Robbe replied, half-offended now, but Jens only snorted.

‘You really don’t, Robbe. Whenever we’re talking about girls or sex, you always laugh and joke around but never say much, except that you guys are _great_ and _you’re so happy_ ’

‘Well, what do you expect? Details?’

‘What?’ Jens asks, dumbfounded.

_Can’t believe I’m having this conversation right now._ Robbe sighed deeply and ran his hand through his face.

‘Do you really want to listen to me talking about gay sex? _about me being pounded into the mattress?_ ’ Robbe was trying to be blunt on purpose, testing to see if it would make Jens uncomfortable and recoiled like before, but the boy only blushed a deep shade of red and laughed.

‘Okay…? Is that what you like?’

‘I mean… not only that, but yeah’

Jens stopped walking,

‘Look, forget I asked, I didn’t mean to make _you_ uncomfortable’

‘It’s alright’ Robbe replied in a small voice.

Jens’ face was red again, a deep flush that traveled down to his neck.

‘Is this why you’re being weird around us?’

‘Uh…Yeah. Sorry’

Robbe thought about pointing out how incredibly flushed Jens’ face was, hair disheveled as he ran his hands over it constantly. He looked like he got hit by a bus, which was a bit concerning.

‘We’ll stop doing stuff in public, I promise’

‘Yeah, as if _’_

‘We will! It’s not like we do this all the time’

‘How would I know?’ He mutters, still not looking at Robbe.

‘By sneaking around, like you did’

‘You’re the one who keeps fucking in public!’

Although the words were meant to sound harsh, Jens practically stuttered them out, laughing, and Robbe snorted, trying not to laugh, too. _I’ve never seen him this awkward around me._

‘Not in front of everyone! And not on purpose, it just… happens’

‘…Oh’

‘You just saw _that_ because Sander was being a little shit and didn’t tell me you had been staring at us across the table the whole night’

Jens fell silent, mouth slightly open. _Wait…_

‘You _were_ staring at us, right?’

‘…’

‘Jens?’

‘Yeah, sorry… you guys just seem glued together sometimes, it’s hard not to look’

Robbe never thought this conversation would be so weird. Actually, he never thought he would ever have this conversation, but here they were.

‘Does that also make you uncomfortable?’

‘No! It’s just… you seem confident together. Both of you’

‘What?’

‘C’mon, don’t make me say it’

‘Say what?’ He asked, getting more confused by the second.

‘You guys look good together, okay?’

Oh.

_Oh, that explains the staring, then._

Silence grew between them as Robbe tried to absorb his friend’s confession (and also tried desperately not to think about Sander’s words, about how _Jens would come in his pants if he saw them like that)_. Of all of the things he expected Jens to say, this was definitely not it. Still, he’d take it.

‘Well, no one’s forcing you to stare, you creep’ Robbe joked, now embarrassed for entirely different reasons.

‘Okay, sorry’

‘And you don’t need to worry about my sex life, it’s all good in that department’

‘Robbe, I meant what I said, you can talk to me about this stuff. And with the boys. Fuck, I mean, you’re gay and you still spent an ungodly amount of time pretending to be interested when we talked about girls, so now you should at least get to brag about stuff you actually like’

They looked straight ahead, to the point where Aaron and Moyo were only two dots in the middle of the field, the air crisp around them in the late afternoon.

‘Yeah, I see your point’

‘Besides, I’m pretty sure Aaron spent a good hour last week arguing with Moyo about which of you guys could tell him what’s the _big deal about anal_ and trying to guess if you were a top or a bottom, so… they’re cool with it’ Jens muttered, laughing.

‘Oh, god’ Robbe snorted, trying to picture how he’d explain anal, of all things, to his friends.

‘Again, sorry for staring at you’

‘It’s alright, just… we’re cool now?’

‘Yeah, we’re cool’

‘And you won’t start blushing whenever Sander comes close?’

Robbe was sure that Jens tried very hard to form a coherent sentence, but what came out was mostly a jumble of _I mean, sure, I don’t blush, it’s not – shut up!_.

Trying to stifle his laughter, Robbe patted him on the arm.

‘Okay, cool’

Jens still looked a bit on edge, almost as if he was trying not to burst into laughter or as if he was trying not to _scream out loud,_ but Robbe supposed it was only normal after this insane conversation. As they reached the park, he pulled his phone to text Sander.

_Robbe: all good now_

_Robbe: crisis avoided_

_Sander: he’s not mad at me?_

_Robbe: no, it’s chill_

_Sander: okay, great. Meet me at school?_

_Sander: I’m almost done with class_

_Robbe: sure_

_Robbe: be there in a sec <3_

_Sander: <3_

Adjusting his backpack, Robbe turned around, ready to talk to Jens, and saw that the boy was already looking at him.

‘Was that Sander?’

‘Yeah, I’m gonna meet him at his school, you wanna come?’

‘I’ll pass’

Trying not to frown, Robbe punched him in the shoulder.

‘Ow, what was that for?’

‘I thought things were cool!’

‘Hey, chill, it’s cool, I just got other stuff to do, you know?’ Jens laughed as he ruffled Robbe’s hair, the same way he always did. ‘Can’t be walking around you guys whenever you want’

‘Asshole’

‘See you tomorrow, idiot’

‘Yeah, see you’ Robbe replied, already looking sideways before crossing the street.

-

An hour later, Robbe found himself leaning against the wall of Sander’s school, having run into Noor on her way out of a class.

He hadn’t been lying when he told her she was the coolest girl he knew. She really was, and he was glad that they managed to stay friends after the weird relationship (if he could call it that) they had at first.

She was funny, easy to talk to, and wasn’t afraid of telling him exactly what she was thinking. _Actually, that kinda sounds like Sander_ , he thought, watching the flickering glow of her cigarette.

_Huh, I really am gay._

‘It’s not my fault he was my secret Santa!’

‘Still, I can’t believe you found him a Bowie shirt before I did’

‘I’m sure you gave him some _good stuff_ , too’ She said, waving her eyebrows at him with a laugh.

‘Yeah, I did’

‘Did what?’

Robbe turned around at the sound and was met by Sander, walking towards them with a smile. _God, I love this man,_ he thought, not even feeling ashamed of admitting how happy he was to see him.

‘We were discussing presents’

‘And how great Robbe must be at _giving presents_ ’ At this point, Robbe was sure they weren’t talking about actual gifts, but that wasn’t important.

‘Oh, you’ve given me _many_ great presents’ Sander smiled, releasing a puff of smoke from the cigarette he nicked from Noor’s hand, ‘Ready to go?’

‘Yeah’

They hugged Noor goodbye and left, Robbe’s hand finding the pocket of Sander’s jacket, his other hand still holding the skateboard.

‘So, how was it?’

‘You were right, he _did_ saw you touch me under the table’

‘Oh, shit. Sorry’

‘You already apologized’

‘I know, but I didn’t thought he would see anything’ Sander replied, still sounding like a puppy that fell from the moving truck. Who could resist? Definitely not him.

‘It’s okay, it’s all settled now’

One of the wheels of his skateboard kept bumping against his bruised skin, so Robbe tried to adjust it without releasing his grip on Sander’s jacket, to no avail. It was an awkward maneuver, one which Sander was quick to notice.

‘Here, let me help’

‘What?’

‘I’ll carry your skateboard, it won’t bump against my bag’

‘You sure?’

But Sander was already picking up the skateboard, flipping it under his arm with a smile.

‘Yes, Robin’

As they walked, Jens’ words echoed inside his mind.

‘You know, I finally caught Jens staring at me today’

‘Oh?’

‘Yeah, I fell and bruised my ribs, and he saw that mark from when you almost _sucked my skin off_ ’

‘Don’t act like you didn’t love it’

‘I loved it, but it made Jens blush when I saw him looking’

‘Huh’ Sander looked pensive, a small smile on his lips.

‘Yeah, and the he said it was hard not to stare at us’

‘He said that?’ Sander asked, quirking his eyebrows. _Such a showoff_.

‘Yeah, said we looked good together’

‘Hell yeah we do!’ His boyfriend almost screamed, causing Robbe to stop walking, incredulous.

‘Sander!’

‘Robbe, _of course_ we look great together!’

‘That doesn’t mean people should get to stare at us!’

With a laugh, Sander twisted his free arm around Robbe’s waist, tucking them closer together.

‘It only makes sense! You’re beautiful, I’m cute. Just imagine how our babies will look like!’

‘Sander, what the fuck’ Robbe laughed, but let himself be manhandled as they walked.

‘Okay, maybe don’t imagine our babies right now. But we do look good together. And you _do love_ the idea of being watched, don’t try to deny it’

‘Yeah, I guess’

After a few minutes, Sander stopped abruptly in his tracks, making Robbe bump into him.

‘Wait, you said you fell from your skateboard?’

‘Yeah, scraped my side pretty bad’

‘Let me see’

Robbe’s heart jumped at how concerned Sander sounded, warmth filling his chest as his boyfriend tried to tug at his shirt, needing to check the damage for himself.

‘Wait until we get to the flat, then you can see’

Sander relented but didn’t let go of his shirt, still grasping at the hem as they walked. He would probably need to put some ice over the bruising, he definitely didn’t need to feel the sting whenever he bumped into things (which happened quite often, since he was clumsy as hell).

Thinking about icing his ribs made him think about the first aid kit at the top shelf of the bathroom cabinet, and that made him think about Zoe.

‘Shit, Zoe is going to kill me’

‘Oh, for sure’

Elbowing Sander, Robbe gave him his best offended face.

‘You’re not gonna protect me?’

‘Look, she started taking care of you before I did, so she gets to scold you if she wants to’

‘Can’t believe I’ve been betrayed by my own boyfriend!’ Robbe whined, hiding his face in Sander’s neck.

‘Just promise me one thing’

_I’ll promise you anything, just say the word._

‘What?’

‘Those bruises? I wanna kiss them better. And other people might see you, but only I get to touch you, so I’ll kiss your ribs and my magic touch will make them better soon, okay? Please?’

And who was Robbe to deny that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the people asking for more jens, I say: this fic is far from over yet, stay tuned <3


	15. fifteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello babies, how are we doing? This chapter is smaller and chill but it has a little bit of everything, I hope you like it! Also, I'm suffering from a severe Sander abstinence, I'll probably start crying the minute I see his face on my screen again. Until then, I'll keep dreaming about him and writing this fic to cope hahahahahaha

The wind bit Sander’s face as he left college on a Friday, jumping on his bike and already dreaming about a hot shower.

He was on his way to the kollektiv for dinner, finally free after spending the day in class, then reviewing his latest assignment on baroque art structures. He’s tired, but a good kind of tired, the kind that comes with the thought of _being able to do stuff._

It’s completely different from the tiredness he got during a depressive state, a bone-deep numbness that kept him glued to the bed, unable to do basic activities like taking a shower or eating.

As his bike turns the corner of Robbe’s street, his only wish is to take a shower, eat the food that Robbe and Zoe must be preparing and then watch a movie with his boyfriend under the covers.

His mama made him promise not to spend more than three days away from home, so he wants to make the best of it while he can. Sander locks his bike outside the building and rings the intercom, waiting to be buzzed in. Night has fallen and he can hardly wait to put on some sweatpants and just be quiet for a while.

Sander is met with laughter and music as soon as he crosses the threshold of the flat, sounds of people coming from the kitchen. He unties his boots with a sigh, his nose already picking up the savory scents wafting around.

Robbe is in the kitchen with Zoe, like he thought, but so is Amber… and Jana, along with Aaron and Jens, which was very unexpected.

Jana’s sitting in the counter, laughing at something that Robbe’s saying as he stirs whatever is simmering inside a pot.

_So much for a quiet night in._

‘You’re here!’ Robbe exclaims, leaving the stove to wrap his arms around Sander, and it’s a feeling he’ll never get tired of, the warm, comforting sensation of holding Robbe close, burying his entire face in Robbe’s neck. _It feels like coming home._

After stealing some kisses, Sander turns to greet the rest of their friends, still confused by the amount of people inside the tiny kitchen.

‘I thought you said only Zoe would be helping you with dinner’

‘Well, she is! But then she couldn’t figure out which spices to use, so she called Amber, and then Amber showed up but Aaron came with her’

‘And then Jens had to get some weed with Aaron so he came here to pick it up, and Jana just popped by to grab some textbooks but ended up staying, too’ Zoe explains as she washes her hands, ‘Also, Milan was already in his room with someone by the time everyone started flooding the flat, and he’s still there’

Sander’s back feels sore and tense, so he just drinks some water and then motions to the hallway.

‘Okay, I’m gonna take a shower, be right back’

As he stops by Robbe’s bedroom to drop his bag and pick up some sweatpants, Sander thinks he can hear some weird sounds coming from the next room. The noise gets even louder as he locks the bathroom door, and now he can pinpoint that they’re coming from Milan’s room. Noise as in _moans_ coming from Milan’s room.

He showers quickly, trying to erase the sounds from his brain. The shower helps release some of the tension he built up throughout the day, and he sighs in relief as his muscles relax under the hot water.

However, as he’s toweling his hair in Robbe’s bedroom, Sander notices the noises are still going, a bit different now.

The gang was in the living room setting up the coffee table, muttering quietly when he leaves the bedroom. One look from Sander and they burst out laughing, obviously also hearing the private show Milan was throwing in his room, Lady Gaga music included.

Aaron is the last one to walk into the living room, carrying the food, and Sander can pinpoint the moment he heard the commotion, because he just freezes in place and asks, incredulous ‘Is that Milan?’

‘Yes, and now you finally know what I have to deal with’ Zoe says, laughing.

‘Hasn’t anybody thought of, like… asking him to tone it down?’

Both Zoe and Robbe sigh, giving Aaron identical looks that give Sander the _oh, you’re new here and still naïve_ kind of vibe.

‘If you wanna go knock on his door, be my guest, but the last time I did that, let’s just say I saw _way more_ than I wanted, because Milan has no problems with opening his door in the middle of… whatever it is that he’s doing’

Zoe had a point; even when he wasn’t behind closed doors, Milan had already provided the residents of the kollektiv (and their innocent significant others) with quite some views before. Sander would never forget his jumpscare as he went to the kitchen in the middle of the night one day and stumbled into Milan with his latest date, doing _far too much_.

‘Yeah, it’s better to just let him be, eventually he’ll quiet down’ Robbe

They were all watching Ragnarok and scarfing down the stew that the girls and Robbe made, but would circle back to Milan’s love life every now and then, whenever one of them picked up a stray moan or laugh coming from his room.

‘He’s not always this loud, is he?’ Amber pried, curious.

‘Not always, but between him and these two’ She points at Sander as he’s in the process of stealing a French fry from Robbe’s plate ‘It’s definitely a struggle’

Sander can see from the corner of his eye that Robbe’s ears are turning pink as he scoffs at Zoe.

‘What? Like you and Senne are any better?’

His boyfriend started to argue and Sander didn’t even try to speak up; this was clearly an old topic and they had tons of stories to throw at each other. Besides, he knew Zoe was right.

They couldn’t help but be loud, especially Robbe, and Sander wasn’t about to make him get quiet, not when he sounded so good being teased, the way his voice got high and stranded as he pleaded for more, calling Sander’s name.

_Oh, the way Robbe called his name._

It was like music to his ears, never failing to get him hard, even coming through the phone or on a video call, the sound of Robbe’s voice entered his mind and went straight to his dick.

As he tuned back into the conversation, Sander noticed that Jana was now half-laughing, half-arguing with Robbe, who remained tucked into his side, speaking between bites.

He chewed in silence, watching the discussion unfold, and it was like seeing two young siblings bickering about everything and nothing, the way they would rapidly change topics and never get too mad at what the other was saying.

Every once in a while, one of them would point at Jens, asking him to back their arguments, which was even funnier, because the boy couldn’t seem to decide between defending his best friend or his ex-girlfriend-but-still-best friend.

After one particularly weird jab (‘you always stole my beers whenever you came around!’ ‘yeah, cause you keep an infinite stash under your bed, what do you expect?’), Sander found himself cackling like a maniac alongside Jens, who mouthed at him _they always get like this, it’s insane_.

The discussion settled after a while, everyone turning their focus back to the TV, and, after the episode ended, trying to figure out if they had enough money to send someone to buy more beer.

However, now that they had eaten and settled, nobody had enough courage to even go wash the dishes, let alone walk down the block and buy anything.

Sander was feeling warm and kind of sleepy, burrowed into the couch, feeling the chilly air that came through the open window. Robbe was holding his hand, playing with his ring as they were lulled by the low sound of the television.

He was broken out of his stupor, however, by the man, the legend, Milan himself, who casually sauntered out of his room, wearing nothing but a pair of boxers and the highly iridescent purple robe that he and Robbe had gifted him on his birthday.

Their friends’ reactions went as expected; Amber, Jana, Jens and Aaron not even bothering to hide the laughter, cheering Milan as he smirked at them on his way to the kitchen.

Zoe and Robbe exchanged knowing glances, as if silently saying _this shameless boy really is what we have to deal with,_ but it wasn’t too long before they joined the rest of the gang on the teasing.

Shrugging his robe dramatically behind him, Milan leaned against the doorframe with a glass of water.

‘Hello kids’

‘Hey, lucky boy’ Amber mused.

‘So I take that the meeting went well?’

‘What meeting?’ He asked.

‘You said earlier you were bringing a guy home from work?’ Zoe reminded him.

‘Oooh, right, right. Yeah, it went really well’

‘We can see that. And hear it too’ Robbe teased, causing everyone to laugh again. Sander squeezed his thigh, joining the fun.

‘Yeah, I even heard some music earlier, you were really inspired, huh?’

Sander always thought Milan was the type of guy who never got embarrassed by anything. Whenever he was around, he was never afraid of joking, asking him about their relationship (and trying to offer advice) or scolding Robbe when he left the kitchen a mess.

Milan was relentless and scared of nothing, and this was no different.

Smiling like the cat who got the cream, he twirled the edge of his robe between one finger before pointing in Sander’s direction, which almost always meant _he was about to go off._

‘Oh, my boys, you’re not any better than me. You think I don’t hear you sneaking around in the middle of the night? I’m practically a David Bowie connoisseur after all those weeks of both of you replaying those Bowie playlists. Or worse, singing them in the shower’

‘Jesus, Milan’ Robbe’s face was a deep shade of pink.

‘And don’t get me started on the PDA! Not that I mind, I’m all for my baby Robbe getting some action, but boy, you guys really aren’t subtle at all’

As he said, Milan was relentless when he wanted to be. That seemed to be the push the boys needed to storm down on them with questions, almost talking over each other in their fervor.

‘They really aren’t! Robbe had the biggest hickie just last week!’

‘Yeah, and about that, we were meaning to ask you some questions, we’ve been trying to settle a debate here’

‘What kind of debate?’ Sander cocked an eyebrow curiously.

Robbe’s tone was meant to be harsh, but he was already laughing, arms crossed.

‘Is this another bet? Because if it is, oh my god’

‘You see, the thing is I’ve seen you walk a bit funny some days and we all know what that means’ Aaron exchanged a smile with Moyo, ‘But you’ve never complained about it and always has this weird happy face, so we’d thought it was better to ask you guys, is butt sex really that good?’

‘Also, which of you is the one who gets fucked? I’m assuming it’s Robbe but you never know’

‘Why would you guys assume it’s me?’

‘You know, cause Sander just drags you around sometimes, and you’re shorter, I don’t know’

‘Wait, does that mean you’re the one who tops?’ Amber asked, looking pointedly at Robbe as if that would give her the answer.

‘I mean, sometimes. It’s not always one thing, you know’ Robbe replied, his face redder than a tomato.

Sander did his best to not burst out laughing right there, because he figured Aaron really meant what he asked, but his efforts failed when Milan cocked his hip, obviously very interested in the turn of the conversation.

‘Did I hear something about _butt sex?_ Oh, boys, you really have to try, it’s very good, no matter which position you choose to take’

‘But doesn’t it hurt?’

‘Not if you do it right. Besides, there’s always prepping to help’

‘Prepping?’ Moyo asked, seemingly confused.

‘Yes, you can do it with fingers, with toys, with your mouth… it’s really up to you’ Milan wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

‘You put your mouth _there?_ ’

Sander snorted, deciding the opportunity was too good to pass.

‘You don’t? C’mon, man’

‘Yeah, don’t tell me you don’t go down on girls, either’ Jens said in a mock serious tone, winking at Sander, ‘Amber, I feel sorry for you’

‘What? Can’t a guy just ask?’

‘Please, Aaron, don’t knock it until you’ve tried. Robbe, honestly, I thought you had taught your friends better than this’

‘Why am _I_ supposed to teach them?’ Robbe was on the verge of exasperation, but it was also very amusing to watch.

‘No, wait, he’s got a point, if it’s as good as Milan says then I wanna know at least the basics and - ‘

‘Ooookay!’ Jens interrupted Aaron, laughing nervously as he gave Sander and Robbe a pointed stare, the _I’m trying to save your asses here_ stare.

‘Zoe, save me some food? I’ll eat later’

‘Sure. For your… friend, too?’ She asked, trying not to laugh again.

‘Yeah, we’ll probably wake up hungry’

Milan bid the room farewell as he retreated back into his bedroom, causing the gang to erupt back into conversation.

Sander tried to laugh, but what came out was more of a coughing noise, and he could feel his face warming, probably was also sporting an impressive blush.

Lately, it seemed like people were noticing his… attention to Robbe more than ever. Not that he was ashamed of it, or tried to hide it normally, but ever since the _Jens incident_ , Sander found himself paying attention at the way people behaved around him and Robbe.

Was he really that obvious?

Hoping to save his face at least once, Sander offered to wash the dishes, trying to be polite and also avoid any more embarrassment. He gathered empty glasses and plates as Jens approached him.

‘Need any help?’

‘Sure, can you clean up the trash?’

‘Yeah, let me get a trash bag, I think there’s some under the sink’

The girls were quick to escape the cleaning, rushing to Zoe’s room, while Robbe and Aaron didn’t even bother to get up from the couch, too engrossed in watching F _erris Bueller’s Day Off_ , although Robbe seemed close to dozing off.

Sander and Jens moved in silence, gathering the remains of their dinner and bringing it to the kitchen, and Sander sighed at the steadily increasing number of dishes that were piling up on the sink.

He still hadn’t spoken to Jens properly after the whole incident, mostly because he could never catch the boy alone. Whenever he happened to see Jens, he was either with Robbe and the other boys or with Jana.

Besides, Robbe had assured him that everything had been cleared up, which was evident by the way Jens was acting around them, back to joking and just messing around.

Plus, Jens was actually able to look Sander in the eye lately, _so that should count for something._

‘Should I throw this on our way out?’

‘If you can, yeah. But you’re going already?’

‘Yeah, I’m filming some stuff with the boys tomorrow, still have to prepare the equipment with Aaron’ Jens explained as he grabbed his coat.

Aaron was already through the hallway, so, not wanting to waste his opportunity, Sander touched Jens’ arm, trying to get his attention.

‘Hey, um, sorry about… all that stuff’

‘What stuff?’

‘That thing you saw, uh, at the bar’

‘Oh’ The boy freezed, cheeks going pink.

‘Yeah, it was stupid and I shouldn’t have done it’

‘It’s okay’

‘No, it wasn’t, you weren’t expecting and had no way of controlling what you saw’

‘Don’t worry man, Robbe explained everything. Really, it’s okay’ Jens replied, gaze lingering on Sander for a moment with a small smile on his lips.

‘Yeah?’

‘We’re cool’

‘Cool’ Sander smiled, relieved.

Unexpectedly, Jens wrapped him in a hug, his stupidly tall frame engulfing him before walking out of the flat.

‘See you later, Jack Frost’

‘See you’

The kollektiv was quiet now, a rare occasion, and he knew Robbe had most likely fallen asleep in front of the TV. He started washing the dishes, letting the low tune of _twist and shout_ coming from the movie wash over him.

Sander was actually feeling good about himself, even in the middle of doing chores and elbows deep into warm, soapy dish water. He had a great group of friends, an amazing boyfriend, was currently studying _and_ working with something he loved, and his medication wasn’t screwing with his body completely anymore, so he really couldn’t complain.

As he rinsed another glass, Sander heard soft sounds and then Robbe’s voice behind him.

‘Hey’

‘Hey, you’re awake’

‘Yeah, where’s everybody?’ Robbe muttered, hugging Sander from behind, agile arms embracing his waist as he felt his boyfriend’s warm breath on his neck.

‘The girls are in Zoe’s room, and Aaron left with Jens a while ago’

‘Why didn’t you wake me?’

‘Sorry, you just looked so comfortable!’

Robbe sighed into his hair, hands splayed in Sander’s stomach now, a comforting touch as he finished washing some forks.

‘Do you think we’re too loud?’

‘Probably. Does it bother you?’

‘Not really, it’s just… everybody seems to notice it’ Sander replied, trying to scrub down a particularly stubborn grease stain that got stuck inside the pan.

‘I don’t mind, they’re just messing with us’

‘I know’

‘Besides, you sound really good’

Sander laughed quietly, feeling Robbe’s body heat get closer to him. He continued washing the dishes in silence, the repetitive motion easing his brain into a relaxed state. He was almost done now, the pile of clean dishes glistening on top of the counter.

‘I missed you’ he heard Robbe speak, in that soft, tiny voice he sometimes got.

‘I’m right here, baby’

‘I know, but… I _missed_ you’

As he said that, Robbe plastered his whole body against Sander’s, and he smiled to himself as he felt Robbe’s cock, half-hard against his ass.

‘Oh, I see’ he mused, ‘well, I’ll be done in a minute’

‘Mmm’

Sander could feel warmth radiating from Robbe’s hands as they moved lower, one venturing under his shirt and the other cupping his dick over his jeans.

‘That’s nice’

‘Yeah’

_As it turns out, washing the dishes gets very complicated when your boyfriend is trying to get inside your pants_ , Sander thought, letting out a sigh as Robbe unzipped his pants and sneaked his hand into the boxers, already tugging his cock.

‘Robbe…’

‘You can keep washing the dishes, don’t mind me’ Robbe mumbled into his hair, making Sander shiver as his body fought the urge to just drop everything and grind against Robbe’s hand.

On a sane, practical level, he knew he could finish rinsing the five or so plates and be done within two minutes, but his mind was deliciously foggy now, as Robbe touched him right there in the kitchen, thumb digging into his slit as his other hand moved up to flicker one of his nipples.

‘Fuck, Robbe’

‘What is it?’

‘You’re driving me crazy here’

‘Oh, really?’ Robbe laughed, sounding extremely pleased with himself as he kept jerking him off.

Sander bit his lip in an effort to suppress a moan, not trying to announce their activities to the rest of the flat. Robbe’s rhythm was lazy but firm, and his warm weight behind him was definitely adding to the pleasure. He dropped the dish sponge with a hiccup as Robbe twisted his nipple between his fingers, mouth trailing along his neck to drop fervent kisses there.

‘Robbe, oh god’

‘You like that, huh?’

‘Yes, fuck’

‘Mmm, I missed feeling you like this’

‘I missed it too’ Sander said, half delirious now.

‘Even when I jerk off thinking about you, it’s not the same’

‘Fuuuuuck’

Sander couldn’t help but grind his dick into Robbe’s hand, spurred by his boyfriend’s words.

‘Yeah, it’s not the same, I miss the way you moan, and your voice in my ear, and your big hands squeezing me’

‘Oh, and – fuck, what else?’

‘Oooh, I miss tugging on your hair, and having you finger me open’

Robbe was a menace, low voice teasing him continuously as he increased the pace of his hand, playing with the head of Sander’s cock for a bit before resuming the movement. Sander felt his whole body on fire, dishes now completely abandoned and warm water running down his arms as he gripped the kitchen counter, trying to keep his body upright and not melt into a puddle as Robbe made a mess out of him.

‘Robbe, ‘m close, oh god’

‘Are you? You gonna come on my hand? I miss seeing you come, feeling your cock moving inside me, you look so good when you come’

Sander was pretty sure that he was heaving now, strangled moans threatening to escape his lips as he felt on the verge of release. He could sense his orgasm approaching, body thrumming with tension.

‘Fuck, fuck, robbe’

‘You know what else I miss? When you come inside me. Or when you spill all over me, because you wanna mark me. I know you like to see me covered in your cum, right?’

‘Yes, god, yes, yes’ Sander moaned, unable to hold any longer.

His chest trembled as Robbe took his hand away from his nipple and brought it up, caressing Sander’s face before stopping in front of it.

‘Open your mouth’

_Oh shit_ , he thought, gone from the moment Robbe pressed the pads of two fingers against Sander’s tongue. His mouth hung open, and Sander felt completely overrun by sensations and by the assertiveness exuding from his boyfriend.

‘Suck’

Sander closed his mouth around the fingers, his voice now reduced to whimpers, incapable of doing anything other than what Robbe was asking.

The boy only had to tug him five more times and he was coming, white-hot pleasure washing over him as his dick twitched in Robbe’s hand, covering it with spurts of cum. His head felt like syrup, and his arms were shaking from the effort of holding himself against the kitchen counter.

Robbe released his cock slowly, wiping his come covered hand against Sander’s stomach, which made him flinch in surprise.

‘Wow’

‘Yeah?’ Robbe asked, sounding so smug, _and why does that sound so hot?_

Sander nodded, tilting his head back to rest against Robbe’s face, exhausted in the best possible way. Robbe made quick work of zipping his pants, pulling him by the waist after that.

‘C’mon, let’s go to bed, I’ll wash these tomorrow’

Blinking slowly, Sander suddenly remembered where they were, and looked at the long forgotten dishes in front of them, resting under the soapy water.

‘You’re the best boyfriend ever, do you know that?’

Sander let himself be tugged back into Robbe’s room, smiling as his boyfriend simply muttered a quiet ‘I know’.

He forgot all about the dishes again before they even closed Robbe’s bedroom door. _Everything else could wait_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic is slowly becoming a love letter to the kollektiv and the original gang <3


	16. sixteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello babies! this fic is so long, I never thought I'd have the patience and inspiration to write this much for this long hahahaha anyways, things pick up in this chapter, the watersports are back! please, PLEASE remember to read the tags and don't read if this isn't your thing, because this chapter gets a bit more intense than the others, I think. Anyways, I miss Sander, and I hope you enjoy the chapter, let me know what you think! <3

_Robbe: I can’t do it_

_Sander: Yes you can_

_Sander: you’re doing great already_

Robbe breathes hard through his nose one, two, three times, before glaring daggers at Sander and taking another sip from his wine glass.

He cannot believe that Sander had the _brilliant idea_ of suggesting this right here, right now. And, worse of all, Robbe agreed.

-

They were at a exhibition opening, an event held by one of Sander’s fancy teachers, and his teacher had been nice enough to let Sander take Robbe with him, excited for him to see what a day – well, a night in the life of an art teacher’s assistant looked like.

He already had a pretty good idea, judging by the texts Sander sent him whenever he had to attend any event with his teacher, that verged from impressed ( _you wouldn’t believe the size of this auditorium, if I screamed in here the echo would be insane!_ ) to bored ( _I swear that if I see another Britto wannabe I’ll jump out the window_ ) to just plain exhausted ( _why did I agree to this? ms Lou doesn’t even pay me!!!_ ) as he spent afternoons and nights sipping on sparkling apple juice while Robbe was at the park or doing his homework.

Tonight, however, Robbe had met him in front of the Tim Van Laere Gallery, and Robbe might have gotten lost and googled the directions three times on his phone after getting off on the wrong station, and rode around on his bike for what felt like miles, but he got there, and was quick to send a text to Sander, taking off his jacket while trying to catch his breath.

_Robbe: im here_

_Robbe: are you inside already?_

_Sander: yeah, you can leave your bike on the side_

_Sander: just tell the guy at the door that you’re with ms lou_

_Robbe: okay_

Once inside the building, Robbe was quick to find Sander, the building still relatively empty. Besides, his boyfriend was hard to miss, his bleached blonde hair and beige hoodie making him stick out like a sore thumb. Robbe finally got introduced to the famous ms. Lou, and she was everything Sander said she was and more, excited to meet _Sander’s muse_ as she put it, which made his boyfriend blush fiercely.

‘C’mon, let me show you around’

‘Okay’

They had walked around, footsteps echoing inside the enormous rooms while Sander rambled about contemporary art and the other works that had already been displayed here. Robbe listened absentmindedly, sipping on the glass of wine he had been given on the way in and amazed by the size of the place.

‘Can you imagine that drawing I showed you the other day, just huge on this wall?’ Sander gestured, excited.

‘Of course, your art will be here someday, I’m sure of it’

‘Yeah, until then I guess I’ll have to keep painting murals across the city’

‘I thought your days of vandalism were behind you?’ Robbe laughed, because it had been a good while since Sander last went with his old crew to graffiti old buildings.

‘I mean, I have to practice it somewhere, right?’

‘Don’t let your teacher hear that’

Soon, the hallways were being filled with people, and Sander was being requested to help ms. Lou with some last minute invitations or something, leaving Robbe to wander on his own and explore the rest of the place.

The atmosphere there was unlike anything Robbe had ever seen, and he made a mental reminder to visit more museums with Sander, something the boy kept asking him to do but they never seemed to find the time.

As the afternoon turned to night, Robbe found it even harder to keep track of his boyfriend, stealing some glances eventually as he passed by, carrying trays, books or flowers around, gifts from the visitors or things to put away in the gallery’s storage rooms. Robbe didn’t understand the conversations surrounding the paintings, but it was fun nonetheless to walk around and listen to bits and pieces, musing in the way people would describe colors and shapes. _Yeah, Sander fits here just fine._

He was on his third glass of wine when his phone buzzed, and he smiled when he saw it was a text from Sander.

_Sander: you enjoying the night?_

_Robbe: yes, especially the free wine_

Robbe looked up from his phone, trying to scan the crowd in hopes of finding Sander, but no luck. His phone vibrated again in his hand.

_Sander: keep drinking and the night will get even better_

_Robbe: you trying to get me drunk?_

Not that he needed any help with that, but usually he’d been trying not to drink so much around Sander, considering his boyfriend couldn’t have more than two drinks without messing up his medication.

_Sander: no, just full_

_Sander: the way I like it_

_Fuck_ , Robbe thought, but downed his wine in one big gulp, even without knowing for sure if Sander was watching him. Trying to look somewhat composed, Robbe sent him a text, his body already heating up.

_Robbe: okay_

_Sander: green?_

_Robbe: green_

_Sander: awesome <3_

A waiter walked past him with a tray filled with the smallest sandwiches Robbe had ever seen, and he picked one just to give his mouth something to do, now that his wine glass was empty. As he chewed, the host was talking about the origins of the gallery with someone, and Robbe leaned to listen.

As he tried to pay attention to the conversation, he caught sight of Sander from the corner of his eye, and turned around to confirm his suspicion. _There he goes_ , Robbe thought, watching as Sander picked up a tray and muttered something to one of the other assistants.

Robbe smiled when his boyfriend started walking in his direction, balancing water glasses and stopping as people picked them up.

‘Didn’t know you were a waiter, too’

‘I’m a slave, basically’ Sander replied, but his face looked soft and relaxed, ‘but it’s okay, part of the job, I guess’

‘You’re doing great, Sander’

The boy flashed him a smile, tilting his chin to point at the tray.

‘Want some water?’

‘Uh, yeah, thanks’ Robbe mumbled, aware of the people around them and the acoustics of the place that made every whisper reverberate tenfold.

Robbe clutched the glass in his hand, smiling back at Sander as he left again, mixing into the crowd. Robbe wasn’t full yet, but the idea of doing this in public, in a setting where he knew absolutely no one other than Sander, was already making him half hard.

He had been reading one of the painting’s descriptions when his phone buzzed again, making him jolt.

_Sander: drink your water robin_

_Sander: gotta keep hydrated (:_

The comment made his face heat up, and Robbe hoped nobody had noticed, because he wouldn’t be able to blame the art, as he stared absentmindedly at a painting resembling a window.

For the next hour or so, Robbe tried to entertain himself with the artwork and keep his mind distracted enough that he wouldn’t feel the dull throbbing in his lower stomach, growing stronger by the minute. Sander definitely wasn’t helping, texting him every once in a while words that probably were meant to serve as encouragement, but only made him shiver.

_Sander: everything ok?_

_Robbe: sure_

_Robbe: I’m getting a bit drunk from all the wine_

_Sander: hahaha I’ll carry you home_

_Sander: feeling full?_

_Robbe: yeah_

_Sander: you’re being so good_

Robbe just sighed, trying to look for Sander in the gallery, but only getting glimpses here and there, as he moved around the throng of people.

He was about to make a beeline for the toilet, just to wash his face and maybe compose himself, when Sander’s teacher spotted him and, suddenly, Robbe was stuck in a conversation about college when all he wanted to do was for his boyfriend to _hurry the fuck up_.

Robbe indulged himself for a moment, trying to picture this as their future, Sander being a famous artist, earning recognition and praise from the world, Robbe watching him with pride, encouraging his ideas and dreams, walking around galleries and still being completely amazed when his boyfriend spoke in that deep tone of his.

It sounded amazing.

By the time he was able to be alone again, Robbe was more than ready to wrap things up and let Sander do whatever it was he was planning, as long as it involved him finally relieving himself.

He sent two texts in sequence, fingers tapping at the screen with ease.

_Robbe: I’m really full_

_Robbe: please tell me you’ll be done soon_

_Sander: wait a bit more_

Groaning to himself, Robbe looked up from his phone, still trying to find Sander so that he could pull him into a corner and get this over with.

_Robbe: I can’t do it_

_Sander: Yes you can_

_Sander: you’re doing great already_

Robbe sighed and took another sip of his wine, before thinking _fuck it, might as well,_ and downing the rest of it in one go.

_Robbe: is there a bathroom here?_

_Robbe: I can meet you there_

_Sander: you’re not gonna pee in here_

Robbe lifted his head again, trying to find Sander in the crowded room, and finally, _fucking finally_ found him already staring. He mouthed ‘what are you doing’, exasperated, but Sander just smiled, sending him a kiss from the distance.

Robbe laughed nervously, mind reeling with the possibilities. Would Sander make him wait until they got to his house? His cock jumped at the thought of possibly having to ride back to Sander’s house like this, the cobblestones making the bike rattle, the sensation traveling up his spine along with the fullness in his bladder, all while being stared at by Sander like _that,_ like he always stared at him.

Trying to suppress a flustered laugh, Robbe looked around, throat suddenly dry and in need of a glass of water, despite the fact that he was about to burst from being so full.

He paced around the rooms for what felt like hours, but must have been no longer than fifteen minutes, before Sander found him, already holding their coats.

‘Hey’

‘Hi, sorry it took me so long’ Sander murmured after kissing him, ‘some of the staff couldn’t make it so I had to step in’

‘It’s okay’

‘You ready to go?’

‘Yes’ Robbe tried not to sound too eager, but he really was on edge.

‘C’mon’

The sky was overcast as they unlocked their bikes, big clouds rolling and the air seemed damp and warm. _It’s gonna rain soon_ , Robbe thought, moving slowly as he was afraid of pissing himself while getting on his bike.

‘Did you like it tonight?’ Sander asked, already waiting for them to move, and Robbe wondered how he managed to make casual conversation while knowing Robbe was _this_ close to dying.

Okay, maybe dying was too much, but he was pretty fucking full.

‘Yeah, your teacher is very nice, I see why you like being her assistant’

‘She makes me work like a dog, but it’s cool, I like being busy’

‘I can see that, you were all over the place tonight’ Robbe replied, trying to breathe through his nose and maneuvering his bike with more attention than he usually did, afraid of hitting any potholes in the street and pissing himself.

Silence fell between them as they biked back to Sander’s house, and a light rain began to fall. The drizzle wasn’t enough to make them soaked yet, but it would be soon, so they were quick to seek shelter underneath a marquee, all the stores closed around them, the streets quiet and empty.

It wasn’t that late, but Sander’s neighborhood was composed of mostly old people and cafés, so the only sound they could hear as they dropped their bikes against a wall was the wind blowing through the trees and some sirens in the distance.

Robbe felt his body run hot and cold, curled into the wall against Sander as they watched the light drizzle turn into pouring rain, rattling against the metal marquee above them and filtering through the trees that paved the sidewalk. The sound of water definitely wasn’t helping his situation, so much that Robbe knew he wouldn’t be able to make it home.

‘Sander, I’m really full’

‘I know, baby, just hold on a little more, then you can go, okay?’

Sander also wasn’t helping, moving his hand down to cup Robbe’s dick through his pants, his other arm holding them in a half hug. He sighed against his boyfriend’s neck, embarrassed and aroused in equal parts, as he felt some drops of pee escape his cock.

He couldn’t believe he was about to say what had been roaming in his mind for the past fifteen minutes, but he was reaching his breaking point.

‘Can you just hold me while I pee behind a tree or something?’

Sander looked at him, his eyes shining under the streetlights, and the falling rain seemed to reflect Sander’s gaze back at him, multiplied by a million, making him feel exposed, raw, on edge.

‘You wanna pee here, outside?’

‘I’m really full, Sander, I can’t hold it anymore’

Robbe gulped as Sander looked around them, and tried to prepare himself for whatever idea Sander had in mind. He loved the way Sander’s mind worked, impulsive and creative about everything, especially about him, even though (or maybe because) it made him feel as if he was on a tightrope sometimes.

‘You can go, but…’

‘… But?’ Robbe asked, bladder tingling at the thought of finally relieving himself.

‘We stand right here’ Sander pointed at the large tree right in front of them, its roots already breaking through the sidewalk. They were under the marquee of an abandoned store, the metal doors shut tight and the ground was covered with leaves ‘And you pee on me’

‘What?’

‘You heard me. I’ll stand in front of you so that we don’t risk anyone seeing you, and then you’re gonna piss on me’

Despite the biting chill and rain pouring around them, Robbe’s body felt on fire, and he’s pretty sure he’s already half hard again. He breathed hard through his nose while Sander’s hand moved in circles on his back in a comforting motion, the other still gripping his dick, and Robbe could feel himself slowly seeping through his underwear.

‘Okay, let’s go’

Robbe let himself be tugged from under the marquee, walking the few steps to stand under the shade of the tree, the leaves being thick enough to shelter them from the rapidly increasing storm, but still letting some drops filter through. He could feel his coat getting slowly soaked as he leaned against the rough texture of the tree trunk, Sander right in front of him.

He was quick to unzip his pants, groaning as the cold air hits his groin, and it didn’t take long before Sander was touching him, hand reaching to feel his dick over his boxers. He tilted his head closer to kiss Robbe’s neck softly, and Robbe felt himself growing harder in his hand, more droplets of pee threatening to escape.

‘Wow, you couldn’t wait for me, huh?’

‘Sorry, I told you, I’m really full’

‘It’s okay, it’s really hot’ He groaned in Robbe’s ear, pulling his dick out from his damp underwear, and Robbe sucked a sharp breath through his teeth, already feeling exposed and almost desperate.

‘Sander…’

‘Yeah?’ He asks, and Robbe can hear the smirk in his voice, _the bastard._

‘Where do you want me… to do it?’

Robbe felt his bladder tingling uncomfortably, knew he was about to burst, but still _loved_ waiting until Sander told him where and how he wanted him to pee, loved to be good and patient for his boyfriend.

His boyfriend, however, loved teasing him even more.

Sander hummed, seemingly deep in thought, and Robbe could only stand there and watch as he pondered his options. The chilly air and the rain bit his face, so he lifted the hood to cover his head, still waiting under Sander’s insistent gaze.

‘Sander, I swear to god, I’m about to piss myself here’

He felt more than he saw the effect his words had on Sander, his boyfriend tugging on his dick a little firmer now. _Oh, wow,_ Robbe thought, _must file this suggestion for later._

‘Hey, as hot as that sounds, I have a better idea’

‘What’s that?’

‘You’re gonna piss in my mouth’

_Jesus fucking Christ, I’m gonna die in the middle of the street_.

‘Sander!’

But Sander was already kneeling in front of him, probably soaking his pants in the process, and before he knew it, had Robbe’s dick pointed towards his face.

‘You can do it, baby’

‘Are you sure?’ Robbe asked, not even sure himself he’d be able to do that, but more than willing to try.

‘I’m very sure’

Sander flashed him that blinding smile he had, giving his cock a small kiss before opening his mouth, wide and inviting, waiting for Robbe to make a move.

Robbe could barely feel the rain now, heat pooling in his groin like molten lava at the thought of what he was about to do. The tip of his dick was now touching Sander’s tongue, but the boy just held still, hands digging into Robbe’s hips as he stood there, patient and eager.

Even on the verge of pissing himself, it still required a bit of effort to let go while his mind was conjuring mental images of Sander sucking his dick, playing with the head and licking before swallowing him down in that way that never failed to make him whimper and whine.

‘Sander, you’re gonna get all wet’

‘Don’t worry about it, just let go’

Robbe breathed hard and closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of rain around him, and that did the trick. He could feel his body sag with relief as pee started trickling down, first in a weak stream, then getting stronger.

He heard Sander humming underneath him and opened his eyes slowly, still trying to focus on the rain and not so much on the sinful sounds his boyfriend was currently producing.

It was for the best that Robbe was leaning his body against the tree and being held by Sander, because seeing the boy made his knees go weak. Sander looked amazing, his nose slightly scrunched up like it always did when he was focused, his mouth open, getting filled with pee quicker than Robbe expected.

He was about to pull his dick back when Sander closed his mouth around it, and Robbe’s mind blanked as he felt his boyfriend’s throat move.

‘Did you just…?’

Sander only hummed, opening his now empty mouth again for Robbe as he kept pissing. He could see one of Sander’s hands already inside his own pants, his arm moving in a familiar gesture that told Robbe his boyfriend was jerking off to this.

_I’m definitely going to die right here in the rain._

Robbe looked at the streetlights, reflected in the rain puddles on the street, looked at the wispy green leaves above his head, dripping slowly on his clothes, looked at the way Sander was _incredibly hard_ , cock visible through the outline of his pants every time his hand moved, the head already peeking out.

At some point, Robbe realized he was moaning (more like whining, actually), overwhelmed and feeling very hazy, just barely aware of the stream of piss getting weaker now, and his body felt light and heavy at the same time.

He watched, entranced, as Sander’s hips canted forward, chasing release while he stood there, on his knees, _drinking Robbe’s piss_ of all things. The air felt electrified around him, and Robbe felt more than he heard Sander moan, mouth closing around his cock as he came, spurts of semen coating his hand and pants, and _wow,_ Robbe couldn’t get hard any faster than he did.

Sander was still holding his dick, and tugged at it to push the last remnants of pee out, which made Robbe mutter _fuck_ under his breath. Drops of piss dribbled out of his dick hitting Sander’s tongue, and he hummed in apparent satisfaction. Robbe felt his entire body on fire as his boyfriend kept moving his hand, with more intent now.

‘Why did you do that?’ Robbe asked, overwhelmed, and hoped that Sander would be able to connect the dots and figure out for himself what _that_ meant.

‘Because I wanted to. Because I can. Because you look hot as fuck when I’m on my knees and you’re staring at me with your big eyes’

Sander was relentless, the flick of his wrist making Robbe’s eyes roll back into his head, so close to coming that he was barely aware of their surroundings, except for the fact that the rain was lighter now.

‘Because I want everything from you, and you know that, right?’ The question was more rhetorical than anything, but Robbe nodded anyways. ‘I love seeing you like this, so desperate, just giving yourself to me, here where anyone can see us’

‘Fuck, Sander’

‘You want that? Want people to see you pissing on me, coming on my mouth, huh?’

His hips stuttered as he tried to fuck into Sander’s hand, barely believing he actually had the guts to let Sander manhandle him in the middle of the street, so exposed to whoever decided to walk or drive by. Granted, they both knew this street was usually deserted, but still, it was about the risk, the thrill of it. Robbe whined, moving erratically as Sander stroked him and kept talking.

‘That’s it, you can come, Robbe, come for me, I’ll swallow everything’

Robbe came with a strangled moan, head bending back and being splashed by a few drops of rain falling on his face as he spurted on Sander’s mouth. His body sagged against the tree when Sander sucked lightly on the head of his cock, oversensitive, and hummed again.

Finally, Sander got back up, swallowing one last time as he zipped Robbe’s pants back on. Robbe couldn’t move, felt like he was glued to the tree now, slowly becoming one with the sap and the branches and the rainwater that soaked him. He felt Sander touching his face, his clean hand warm and surprisingly dry.

‘Robin? You with me?’

‘Hm?’

‘Is everything okay?’

‘Yeah…’ He answered, still in a state of stupor.

‘Was it too much?’

Robbe shook his head, but felt a hiccup leave his body as Sander wrapped his arms around him, enveloping them in warmth and letting him catch his breath. He inhaled into Sander’s neck, listening to his voice in the distance as he murmured _you’re safe, it’s okay, you did so well, Robbe, I love you, thank you, thank you, thank you._

Eventually, Robbe disentangled himself from Sander a bit, staring into his boyfriend’s eyes.

‘Why are you thanking me?’

‘Because you don’t think I’m weird for enjoying what we just did’

‘If you’re weird, then I’m weird, too’ Robbe muttered, face heating up again.

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, that was really hot, I thought I was going to faint’

‘Please don’t’ Sander laughed, squeezing his waist. ‘I love you’

‘I love you, too’

Robbe could feel his heart pounding in sync with Sander’s, the thrumming close to his own chest. He lowered his hand to touch Sander’s own, and was rewarded with his boyfriend’s blinding smile.

‘We’re all wet now, we should get going home’

‘Yeah, I’m getting cold’

‘Me too, and I’d love to cuddle you under a nice, hot shower, how about that?’ He teased as he intertwined their hands.

‘Yeah, that would be better’

‘I know… You wanna race the rest of the way to my house?’

‘Not race, but we can get going all the same’

_I love the rain_ , Robbe thought as they jumped back on their bikes. _I love the rain and I love Sander._

They managed to make the ride home side by side, their bikes almost touching as they held hands under the rain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so... thoughts? (:


	17. seventeen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello babies, how are we doing? the more I write this fic, the more it feels like an AU to me, mostly because of how weird and sloppy season 4 is going, sadly. I'm only watching the clips when they're translated on youtube bc I don't wanna give the producers the satisfaction hahahaha writing fanfiction has been my refuge from all the kato mess, honestly. Anyways, this chapter was very fun to write, hope you all like it! <3  
> also, to avoid any spoilers, make sure to check the notes at the end to see what sander bought when you reach that part of the chapter!

It was three in the afternoon and Sander was arguing with his mother on the phone.

After attending two formal events with his teacher and _without_ proper attire, and almost ruining a perfectly good set of clothes from his college’s theater department, Sander’s mom convinced him that he needed to but a suit urgently.

Nothing too fancy, but versatile enough so that he could wear when the occasion asked for it. Plus, his grandma’s birthday is coming up and she’s arranging quite the party, so there’s really no escaping it.

‘Mama, I can go tomorrow, it’s okay’

‘Are you sure? I know you don’t have a lot of days off now’

‘I’m sure, you can pick me up after my therapy session and we’ll buy the damn suit’ He conceded, taking a drag from his cigarette.

‘Okay, love, text me when you get to Robbe’s house later, alright?’

‘Will do, mama’

‘Tell him I miss him!’

‘I will, mama. Love you’

‘Love you too’

He finishes the call with a sigh, stomping the cigarette butt with his boot. Sander’s about to head out to buy art supplies, one of his teachers commissioned a big piece and he’s low on grey oil paint, and he’s just turning the corner to pick up his bike when a voice calls him.

‘Sander, wait!’

It was Noor, almost running towards him and carrying a huge canvas bag that looked pretty heavy.

‘Hey’

‘Hi! Are you going to the supply store?’

‘Uh, yeah, I have an assignment due for next month but I wanna get started as soon as possible’

‘Can I come with you? mr. Bueger asked us to do a charcoal art project and I don’t wanna keep stealing the material from the art department, your boss will probably get me expelled’

‘Ms. Lou is not my boss’ Sander laughed, unlocking his bike, ‘but sure, you can come. And yes, she would absolutely scold you’

‘She’s so scary, it’s amazing how you can deal with her’

‘Eh, once you figure out what she likes, it gets easier’

‘And what does she like?’ Noor cocked an eyebrow.

‘A personal servant’

They laughed in unison as they walked away from the parking space, and Sander offered to give Noor a ride, if only she accepted to step onto the bike’s railings. She eyed him suspiciously, probably afraid of falling.

‘I promise it’s safe, only a few blocks to the store’

‘If you drop me, I swear to god’ She warned, already climbing at the front.

Before he dated Britt, they had never talked much at college, she had always been busy with her dance classes and other things, and they didn’t have much to talk about, anyway. They chatted a bit when they went out together, Noor sometimes third wheeling their dates and rambling with Britt about whatever, Sander trying to follow along and get some control of his life.

After that, she started going out with Robbe for a while, and that was how Sander met him, and then his life changed forever. He would never forget the way Robbe looked so fragile, almost scared, back at the warehouse, tagging along behind her. How he seemed small and beautiful and there was _something_ about him, so Sander took his picture. And then he knew they had something in common: Noor.

It took them a while to get on speaking terms again after she and Robbe broke up, but after the Christmas party, things seemed to have smoothed out. They weren’t the best of friends, but it was nice to have a familiar face to eat lunch with and bicker about the teachers and the food price at the cafeteria. Besides, she and Robbe still seemed to get along great, so that also helped. They even went to watch one of her dance performances, cheering from the back seats (while Britt sat a bit far from them, still a bit hurt about their breakup).

Sander was locking his bike on the lamppost in the corner and Noor had already gone ahead inside the store when his phone buzzed with a message from Robbe.

_Robbe: please remind me why I have to clean my room_

_Robbe: it’s gonna take forever_

_Sander: because it’s probably full of old cups and empty cartons of food_

_Sander: and possibly condom wrappers_

_Robbe: UGH NO_

_Robbe: I always throw those away_

Sander snorted, amused by his boyfriend’s laziness.

_Sander: oh, so the food cartons and cups are actually there?_

_Sander: ask zoe for some help, I might stop by later to see you_

_Robbe: okay, fine_

_Robbe: send me the other bowie playlist you said you found the other day_

_Robbe: at least it will give me some motivation_

_Sander: will do_

_Sander: love you_

The trip to the supply store was brief, since he already knew what he needed to buy and tried not to lose focus and wander around the store like he usually did, fighting his impulse to buy one of everything to try. He also helped Noor to find some charcoal and the right kind of paper, and chatted with the cashier as they paid.

Sander was walking towards his bike and trying to fit his purchases inside the messenger bag when a display caught his attention.

It was a pink neon sign, the words LOVE SEX LOVE in bold, capital letters right there, and there was no mistaking it, this was a sex shop. Below the neon sign, various posters adorned the glass windowpane, along with some ads that said _New Hitachi Wand – Come and See!_ and _Ask Us About Our New Vibrating Plugs_.

Well, that was one way of making him curious.

Noor must’ve noticed him staring at the words _vibrating plugs_ almost in a trance, because she just smiled.

‘Trying to impress Robbe?’

‘What?’ He replied, bewildered.

‘Relax, I’m kidding. I know it doesn’t take much from you for Robbe to be impressed, he’s crazy about you’

‘Uh, thanks, I guess’

They never talked much about Robbe, but Sander knew she didn’t harbored any hard feelings towards any of them, obviously cooler than any person he ever met. Sander couldn’t really relate to that. He was sure that, if by some _insane, impossible reason_ , they broke up and Robbe went on to date someone else, Sander wouldn’t be able to stand within a ten-mile radius of them, too heartbroken and jealous to be the bigger person.

‘You should check this store, I bought some stuff there once, the owner is pretty chill’ Noor broke him out of his daydream.

‘Yeah, I guess I’ll see what they have’

‘The prices are not too bad, either’

‘Hmm, cool’ Sander already had a million thoughts running inside his mind. The first one, however, was about Noor. ‘Wait, what about you?’

‘I’ll just catch the tram back, don’t worry’

Again, _cooler than everyone._ Sander bid her goodbye and entered the shop, having no idea how he would be able to decide what to buy.

It wasn’t like Sander had never browsed through some adult stores’ Instagram pages, or thought about buying stuff, but it never seemed to be the right time, or he didn’t have enough money, or wouldn’t know where to hide it. Worst of all, what if they delivered the package while he wasn’t home and his _mom_ were the one to pick it up? Besides, he still had no idea what half of the toys did in the first place.

The familiar jingle by the door rang as Sander entered the store, expecting red and black walls, leather and latex on display, weird lingerie and all that jazz. Instead, he was welcomed by some pop music playing on low volume, white walls filled with posters and stacked shelves, and lots of LGBTQ products, if the amount of rainbow flags he spotted were anything to go by.

‘Welcome!’ A voice startled him, coming from behind the counter, ‘Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with, I’ll be right there’

‘Thanks’ He replied, still not seeing the owner who was somewhere inside the store. Sander walked slowly, trying to take in everything the store had to sell; there were porn movies, books, magazines, lingerie, shelves and more shelves of various types of lube and condoms, some dildos along the wall, fleshlights and vibrators. It was a lot to take in, but also very interesting to see up close.

He spotted the vibrating plugs that were being advertised at the store front, trying to read the label on the package. Robbe had mentioned to him one time how Milan once spent a whole night wearing his ear off about _the magic of the anal plug_ , how great it was, the depth, the intensity. Obviously, Robbe was too shy to ask for more information or try and buy one for himself, but Sander didn’t miss the way his eyes twinkled as he described his curiosity.

The plugs varied in size, color and price range, and Sander spotted one that looked interesting. It was purple and not too big, _We Vibe Ditto_ written in white letters in the package. The box also showed that this plug had 10 different vibration settings, could be controlled by phone using an app, and it was ideal for beginners and experts alike.

‘So, you found something you like?’

The shop owner was a tall, white man who seemed to be no older than 30, with short blond hair and a rainbow pin attached to his shirt. He eyed the package in Sander’s hand for a second before talking.

‘This one is very good, one of the best sellers here, although if you’re taking it, I might recommend also buying some water-based lube, because silicone lubes will damage silicone toys, and don’t do very well with condoms, either’

Sander felt too big for his own clothes at the thought of using the plug, getting it lubricated and teasing Robbe until he was shaking, then pushing the toy into him and trying on the settings to see which one would be the _most effective_ at driving his boyfriend crazy. He coughed, trying to compose himself before speaking.

‘Okay, I think I will need some lube too, then’

‘Great! I can make you a special deal and get some discount for the toy, and I’ll even throw some condoms for free!’

The man clearly loved his job, talking rapidly while he moved to the back of the store again, Sander trailing behind while holding the square box that contained the vibrating plug.

‘Uh, that’s good to know, but I won’t need condoms’

‘Excuse me?’ The man scoffed in offense, ‘Either you tell me this is for your own personal use or I will have to give you a crash course on STDs, baby’

‘No, no, it’s… I’m in a serious relationship, my boyfriend and I got tested before we stopped using condoms’

Sander could feel his face heating up, but at least his answer calmed the man down, and he sighed with a smile.

‘Wow, you scared me. In that case, will you take just the plug and some lube?’

‘Yeah, I think so, please’

‘Great, let me check those in for you’

The shop was empty save for the both of them, but Sander didn’t feel as awkward or inadequate as he thought he would there, the place seemed cool and kinda peaceful in a way. It was reassuring to see _safe sex!_ And _get to know your status, get tested now!_ posters everywhere, along with various LGBTQ flags, shirts, pins and accessories.

‘I know you said you already got tested, but if you need to get tested again, or know someone who might want to, I’m a certified nurse and we offer free HIV and syphilis testing right here every day, okay?’

‘Thank you, that’s awesome, actually’

‘Of course, I still drag all my friends to get tested regularly, as I do myself. We also host a queer alliance meeting once a month if you want a place to vent, or meet new people, or just crash and lay low for a while’ The guy winked, taking Sander’s card to register the payment.

‘Wow, where was this place a few months ago when I needed it?’

‘Don’t worry, baby, we’re always here, you can come back whenever you want now’

Noor was right, the owner was pretty cool, and Sander could actually see himself returning here to find some new stuff, maybe bring Robbe along next time, see what would catch his eye.

‘Here you go’ The man gave him a black canvas bag with his purchase inside, and Sander tilted his head in confusion. ‘I managed to get a partnership with this cool shop that recycles stuff and turns it into bags, so I always give the first-time customers one, trying to pay it forward and all that, you know’

‘That’s really cool, wow’

‘Yeah… Anyways, it also helps to keep the goods hidden, not that there’s _any_ shame in buying sex toys, but you never know who might be lurking around’

‘Yeah, I know. Thank you’

‘You’re welcome. What’s your name, by the way?’

‘Oh, I’m Sander’ He replied, already halfway out the door,

‘Nice to meet you, Sander. I’m Eskild’ The shop owner smiled at him from behind the counter.

‘Nice to meet you, too. See you around!’

‘Have a great day!’ Eskild screamed with a laugh, but Sander was already unlocking his bike and trying to text Robbe at the same time, sending him _when are you free? Can I come over tonight?_ with heat coursing through his body at the thought of trying their new toy.

-

The flat was quiet when Sander entered, using the key Robbe had given him some time ago (and that he forgot to use all the time, but not right now).

‘Robin?’ He called out, kicking his shoes off and removing his coat.

‘In here!’

Sander sent a quick text to his mom, telling her that he was already at Robbe’s, and followed his boyfriend’s voice through the hallway and into Zoe’s room, where he was bent over her bed, apparently trying to pick something up.

‘Hi Sander’ Zoe chirped, carrying a huge box.

‘Hello, what are you guys doing?’

‘Zoe made me help her clean out her room’ Robbe’s voice was muffled as his head peeked under the bed.

‘Yeah, it’s time for my annual deep cleaning’

‘Oh, right. Do you want my help, too?’

‘No! I already did what I had to do, now I’m finally free, right Zoe?’ Robbe asked, already moving towards Sander where he was leaning against the doorframe.

‘Sure, sure’

That was all the encouragement Sander needed to drag Robbe to his room, already eager to show him his newest purchase. He closed the door as Robbe sat on his bed, a puzzled look on his face.

‘Wow, you really missed me’

‘Of course I missed you, but I have to show you something’

Sander picked up the black bag, waving it in front of Robbe’s face, and watched as his boyfriend smiled with a puzzled look, waiting for the surprise.

‘Ta-da!’ Sander exclaimed, presenting the box with a flourish. ‘Noor asked to come with me to the supply shop so I gave her a ride, and when we were returning we walked past this adult store, she said the owner was cool and I saw the ad right on the window, so I remembered you mentioned something about a plug the other day, and _you know_ I had some money to spare because I sold that one drawing last week, so I bought you this’ He tried to catch his breath, waiting for Robbe’s reaction.

‘You gave a ride to Noor?’

‘You got _that_ from everything I just told you?’

_This boy, I swear._

‘Sorry, it’s just funny… I never imagined Noor as the kind of girl to accept bike rides’

‘Yeah, she threatened to kill me if I dropped her, but other than that it was fine’

Robbe laughed, finally picking up the box to take a closer look. He spent some minutes in silence, reading the label and just staring at the picture of the purple plug.

‘So, you got me a butt plug?’ He asked, blushing.

‘A _vibrating_ plug! It has 10 different settings and it can even be controlled via app! Pretty hot, right?’

‘Yeah…’

Robbe was awfully quiet for someone who just received probably one of the best gifts Sander could think about. Had he not liked it? Was it the wrong color? Did he actually wanted this?

‘You don’t like it?’

‘No, no, I love it… Just didn’t expect you to notice that I’ve been thinking about getting one’

‘Of course I noticed, are you kidding me? Robin, I notice everything about you’

‘You’re so sappy’ Robbe laughed, pulling Sander into his lap.

He pushed the box to the side, splaying his knees to fit against Robbe, who wrapped his arms around Sander’s waist, tilting his head up to kiss him. Sander smiled against Robbe’s lips, hands petting his hair as he licked inside his mouth, the kiss going from lazy to passionate in a matter of seconds.

As Sander’s phone buzzed in his pocket, a more urgent matter came into place, and he broke the kiss.

‘So, the plug’

‘I loved it, thank you’

‘You wanna try it?’

‘What, now?’ Robbe asked, face blushing up nicely, and Sander could feel the boy’s cock stirring beneath him, already half hard.

‘Of course! I can set the app on my phone so that we learn to use all the features’

Robbe picked up the box quietly, tearing up the protective plastic around it and pulling the lid open. He removed the plug from the box, and Sander thought it looked even better in real life. The butt plug was a nice purple color, made of soft silicone with a wide handle at the base. It wasn’t too big, but also not too small, and _it provided the perfect amount of stimulation!_ , if the instructions were anything to go by.

‘I even bought the right lube for it’ Sander chirped, nosing along Robbe’s face with a wide grin.

‘Wow, you really thought this through, I’m impressed’

‘Don’t be a smartass’ Sander slapped him lightly on the leg, ‘and let me give this to you’

‘…Okay’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yes, Sander, let’s go’

Sander was quick to move off from his lap, picking up the box and his phone to read the instructions on how to set up the app. He could see Robbe moving from the corner of his eye, probably to lock the door, and waited as the app downloaded, his own cock twitching at the idea of seeing Robbe writhing against the sheets with the plug deep inside him.

‘Shit, I gotta wash it before we use it!’

‘Well, then hurry up!’

Moving like a madman, Sander raced past Zoe’s door, trying to be as quiet as possible, and washed the plug thoroughly on the bathroom sink, using Robbe’s baby shampoo (because he liked the smell) to clean the toy before patting it dry with some toilet paper.

‘You got it?’ Robbe asked when he returned, already on the bed and taking off his shirt.

‘Almost there’

Sander paired the plug with the app, making sure it was working properly, and got slightly surprised by the gentle, but steady vibration as the toy sat on his hand. He turned it off again and dropped the phone on the bed, picking up the lube.

‘I think you’re gonna like this’

‘I already like it’ Robbe replied, opening his arms as he laid down, inviting Sander to join him.

They tangled their bodies together, Robbe locking his legs behind Sander and pulling him even closer as they kissed, hands roaming around. Sander moved his head down to kiss Robbe’s neck, and could feel the boy tugging at his shirt, so he quickly removed it, moving to pull down Robbe’s sweatpants and boxers. Soon enough he was kissing and licking Robbe’s chest, listening to the way his breathing got heavier and strained, his cock hard against his hip.

Sander kept trailing his kisses down, biting one of Robbe’s nipples, sticking his tongue inside his bellybutton, reveling in the low moans that escaped his boyfriend’s lips. He resisted the urge to hump against Robbe’s leg to release some of his own tension, going down along his body instead.

Robbe lifted his head from the pillow when Sander reached his dick, giving it small kisses and teasing licks, just enough to get him even more riled up. He sucked his cockhead for a while before moving down, lifting Robbe’s legs up to trail kisses down his balls and perineum, finally reaching his hole.

‘Sanderrrrrr’ Robbe whined, tugging at his hair impatiently.

‘Shhh, gotta make sure you’re relaxed’

His next words were cut short as Sander licked his hole, using both hands to spread his cheeks apart. Robbe moaned, one hand moving from Sander’s hair to clamp his own mouth shut, since Zoe was still next door. Sander kept an intense pace, kissing and sucking the soft skin of his ass before delving back into his hole, licking against the rim and trying to stick his tongue inside as the ring of muscle fluttered.

Eating Robbe out was one of Sander’s favorite activities, he could spend a good hour just teasing and prodding and licking into his boyfriend’s ass, growing harder and harder with every moan, every twist of Robbe’s hand on his hair, his cock leaking against his leg, red and untouched.

Tonight, however, this was merely the preparation for the main course. Sander moved his head back a little bit to spit against Robbe’s hole, using one finger to push the saliva slowly into him, as he was already relaxed enough for it. He moved his finger in and out until the second knuckle, knowing that, while spit was great, it was also not a substitute for lube. Robbe whined again as Sander moved further back, removing his finger completely to get the water-based lube.

‘Come baaaack’

‘Calm down, I’m picking up the lube’

‘Hurry up!’ Robbe wiggled against the mattress, making Sander laugh.

He quickly inserted two lubed fingers into Robbe, twisting them around in order to prep him, but not exactly aiming for his prostate. That would come soon. Still, Robbe bit his own hand to prevent any louder moans as Sander scissored his fingers inside him, opening him up to receive the toy.

Just the idea that Sander was prepping Robbe for something other than his dick was enough to make him leak inside his underwear, and he couldn’t wait to see how Robbe would look with the plug seated nicely inside him, the tip prodding against his prostate.

As if he was reading his mind, Robbe tapped him on the shoulder.

‘I’m ready, please, get the plug’

‘You sure?’

‘Sander, fuck, yes!’

‘Okay, okay’

Even though Robbe was the one about to be fucked with the vibrating butt plug, Sander’s body felt on fire, and his hands were trembling a bit as he poured more lube on the toy, making it nice and slick for Robbe.

‘I won’t turn it on yet, okay?’

‘Okay’

Robbe lifted his legs again, waiting, and Sander took a deep breath before slowly inserting the tip of the plug, watching the way Robbe’s hole opened up to it, adjusting to its size and swallowing it up. Robbe sighed, legs shaking as Sander moved further, not stopping until the toy was sitting snug inside Robbe, the flared base fitting against his entrance.

The contrast of Robbe’s golden skin and the purple color of the toy was exquisite; Sander could hardly breathe as he watched Robbe get used to the toy, moving his hips to accommodate it further and hiccupping a moan all of a sudden.

‘How does it feel?’

‘It’s…right at my prostate’

‘Is it good?’ Sander asked, not daring to move too much.

‘Yeah, it’s… fuck, it’s really intense. Kinda weird, because it’s good but at the same time it’s _everywhere_ , you know?’

Sander only nodded, mesmerized by the way Robbe’s neck and chest were red, hair already damp and curling around his neck.

‘Do you want me to touch you?’ He asked, curious.

‘Just… Stay close to me, c’mere’

Cleaning his hands on the sheets, Sander picked up his phone and laid down beside Robbe, petting his hair and twisting his face to kiss him. He could only imagine how it felt to have this pressure inside him, constantly pressing against his most sensitive spot, and, judging by Robbe’s reactions, _it was a lot_.

Robbe kissed him desperately, mostly just teeth and tongue, and Sander allowed himself not to reach out and touch Robbe’s cock just yet, instead letting him calm down and relax a bit. After a few minutes, Robbe took some deep breaths and squeezed Sander’s hand.

‘Okay, turn it on’

Phone already in his hand, Sander logged into the app and chose the lowest setting, showing it to Robbe.

‘I’m starting at the first one, and you tell me how it feels, okay?’

‘Yeah’

It was a good thing Sander hadn’t taken off his pants, because it would have been very hard not to grind against Robbe as the first click made the toy buzz inside him, also making the bed vibrate slightly. Robbe’s face went slack, mouth opening and closing without a sound, and his hand squeezed Sander’s even harder. His cock twitched, a bit softer now, but still dribbling precum onto his leg.

‘You good, baby?’

‘Fuuuuuck’

‘Talk to me, Robin’ Sander insisted, mostly to tease him.

‘Yeah… it’s good, so good, just – fuck, just keeps going’ Robbe moaned, hands reaching at Sander as if he was looking for something to hold on to.

Feeling a bit more in control, Sander moved his hand to touch at the base of the plug, a moan escaping his lips at the constant and intense vibration against his hand. Robbe’s rim was stretched tight around the toy, and Sander tugged the base and moved it a bit, causing him to arch his hips from the bed.

‘Sander, fuck, fuck, oh god’

‘It’s okay, baby, feels good, right?’ He teased, pulling the toy about halfway out of Robbe before slamming it back inside.

Robbe arched off the bed again, unable to stay still as he kept getting assaulted with sensations, and Sander thought he could come just by looking at Robbe. This was better than any porn he had _ever seen or would ever see_ , nothing would ever compare to the sight of Robbe’s sweaty body, his smell all around them, the way his hands tugged at Sander’s hair for purchase as he canted his hips forward, grinding into the air.

Sander picked up his phone again, raising the setting a bit higher, and the way Robbe’s eyes flew open would be comical if he wasn’t so turned on. His boyfriend was a mess, skin damp with sweat and Sander couldn’t help himself, lowering his head to lick a stripe up his chest, loving the way Robbe was shivering beside him.

‘Sander, please, oh fuck, fuck, please’

‘What do you need baby?’ Sander asked, ready to do whatever he asked.

‘Kiss me’

He dropped the phone on the bed, using his now free hand to pet Robbe’s face slowly, pulling him closer to kiss him. Their kiss was almost as intense as what they were doing, and Sander loved that just kissing was enough to get him even more riled up. He pressed his thumb against Robbe’s lower lip, forcing the boy to open his mouth further, and took his time licking into it, sucking on his tongue and biting his lips, basking in his taste and moans.

With his eyes closed, Sander still felt when Robbe came; how his breath got caught in his throat, mouth opening even more, and his body went rigid against him. Sander just kept the same pace, tongue delving into his mouth and placing open mouthed kisses along his chin and face as Robbe convulsed beside him. He finally looked down and saw Robbe’s cock, mostly soft, spurting cum in slow, steady strings, almost as if it was being pushed out of him, and it was definitely a new thing, seeing Robbe come while not hard. His entire body was shaking, and sooner than he would’ve liked, Robbe winced, already oversensitive.

Sander was quick to reach for his phone, turning off the vibrations at once, and Robbe sighed with relief. They laid together in bed for a while, Sander still petting Robbe’s face as he came down from his post orgasmic haze, body lax as he leaned on Sander. Even though he was _still very hard_ , Sander was in no hurry to do something about it, content to just soothe his boyfriend as he tried to catch his breath. Besides, he knew how clingy and sensitive Robbe got after some of their more intense sessions, so he didn’t want to move just yet.

The position they were in still allowed Sander to turn around and fish one of Robbe’s shirts off the ground, which he used to wipe the cum off his boyfriend’s stomach.

‘Are you with me?’ Sander asked.

‘Yeah… just needed a minute’

‘I know’

‘That was _amazing_ ’ Robbe stated, eyes half lidded now.

‘Yeah?’

‘Fuck, yeah, it was so much. I felt it everywhere, and the best part was that you were here with me’

‘It was pretty amazing to watch, too. You looked so hot’

‘Mmmm’

Sander fully intended on cuddling with Robbe for a little more and then rut against his leg until he came, but they heard a loud _crash_ and then Zoe’s voice, coming from the hallway.

‘Robbe! Sander! I need help!’

They groaned in unison at the prospect of getting up, and Sander selfishly thought _maybe if we pretend we’re asleep she won’t ask again_.

‘Robbe, please! It’s urgent!’

Sander scrubbed one hand across his face, already sitting on the bed. He tugged at Robbe, throwing his underwear at him. His boyfriend shook his head silently, and Sander, _damn it, you gotta stop being so nice_ , nodded silently, urging Robbe to get up.

‘C’mon, let’s see what she wants, the sooner we help her, the sooner we come back’

‘Fuck, you’re too nice’ Robbe complained, already fishing his sweatpants off the floor. He sighed as he sat on the bed, and Sander knew it was because of the plug. He reached for Robbe’s hand, eyes twinkling mischievously.

‘Keep the plug’

‘Jesus’ Robbe laughed, but did as Sander asked, putting on his underwear and sweatpants over the toy that still sat inside him.

Robbe unlocked the door, and Zoe was already at the other side, leaning against the doorframe.

‘What is it?’

‘Sorry, I wouldn’t call you if it wasn’t necessary, but the lightbulb in my room exploded’

‘Fuck, are you okay?’ Sander asked, concerned.

‘Yeah, I’m fine, luckily I was a bit far from it, but now I have to reach the building’s main energy thingy, make sure there’s no chance of a power overload in the flat. Milan said it had happened before’

‘Okay, sure’

‘I already have another lightbulb, can you change it for me while I go downstairs?’ She pleaded, face still grimy with dust. ‘I already swept the floor, there’s no more glass bits around’

‘Yeah, I’ll change it, don’t worry’ Robbe replied, already moving to the hallway, and Sander tried not to smile too hard when he noticed his boyfriend swaying a bit, definitely trying not to jostle the plug too much inside him.

‘Thank you, I’ll be back in a sec, please make sure the light is turned off so you don’t get electrocuted’

‘Will do, Zoe’

‘I’ll light up the room for you’ Sander offered, already turning on the flashlight on his phone.

They moved into Zoe’s room as she padded downstairs, and Robbe was quick to grab a chair from the kitchen so that he could reach the light fixture. Lucky for them, the bed was already shoved to the side, and a brand new lightbulb sat on top of it. Robbe checked the light switch to make sure it was turned off, then picked up one of Zoe’s shirts as he climbed on top of the chair.

‘Sander, give me some light here’

‘What are you doing?’ Sander asked, watching the way Robbe carefully twisted the shirt around the light fixture.

‘I’m unscrewing the piece of the lightbulb that connects here, they don’t break like the rest of the light, but bits of glass still get stuck, so I don’t wanna cut myself’

Just like he said, soon Robbe was wrapping Zoe’s shirt around the metal parts and some glass residue from the lightbulb and giving it to Sander.

‘Okay, give me the new one’

‘Wow, where did you learn this?’ Sander was amazed by his boyfriend’s skills.

‘Eh, after my dad left it was just me and my mom, and she wasn’t exactly in the best state of mind to be doing housework, so I had to learn pretty quickly. After that, I came here, and living alone also makes you pick up some abilities very fast’ Robbe laughed, already screwing the new lightbulb into place. ‘Okay, turn it on’

‘Huh?’ Sander asked, still mesmerized and maybe _even more turned on._

‘Turn on the light, Sander, to see if it’ll work’

‘Oh, okay’

He flipped on the switch and, just like magic, the light turned on.

‘All done’

‘You’re amazing’

‘I just changed a lightbulb, it’s okay’

‘No, you’re incredible’ Sander smiled, wrapping his arms around Robbe’s waist and picking him up from the chair. Robbe laughed, holding tight against him.

They kissed and disentangled themselves, Robbe picking up the chair to return it to the kitchen, motioning towards Sander’s phone.

‘You can turn off the flashlight now, babe’

As Sander did what Robbe asked, the _butt plug app_ popped open on his phone, and it was almost as if a new lightbulb had also switched on inside his mind. Robbe was on his way to the kitchen when Sander turned the vibration back on, at the lowest setting, but still.

‘Oh, fuck’ He heard Robbe mutter somewhere in the hallway, and he just knows his boyfriend is squirming, trying so hard to stay upright and walk to his room.

‘Robin?’

‘Sander, what the fuuuuck’ He moaned, voice coming closer now, and Sander stepped into the hallway, dying to see his face.

Just as he thought, Robbe was twisting his legs against each other, walking as if it he would fall at any moment. His eyes were enormous as he stared at Sander, laughing in disbelief.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘Don’t be a dick, let’s go back to the room’

Sander could feel himself growing harder inside his pants, and he was about to close the bedroom door when Zoe returned, moving hurriedly.

‘Hey boys – oh, you fixed the light, thank you so much!’

‘No problem’ Sander replied, trying to make sure only the top half of his body was visible through the door, and Robbe didn’t even try to appear, too busy grasping at the sheets to do anything else.

‘So, I spoke with the downstairs neighbor and with the landlord, they said it’s because the building is old, and maybe they’ll change the wiring but it will increase the rent and they’ll have to break the walls, all that trouble, which I’m sure Milan will be so mad about’

‘Hmm, yeah, that’s awful’

Sander’s mind was completely tuned out of Zoe’s rambling, his ears now focused on the way Robbe gritted his teeth and humped against the mattress behind him, out of her sight.

‘Anyways, thank you so much, boys, you’re amazing’

‘Yeah, no worries’ He smiled, picking up Robbe’s distressed noises.

Sander all but slammed the door shut, locking it firmly behind him before moving towards Robbe in big steps, body aching to be close to him. He was quick to place his phone on the bed and pull Robbe into his lap, and _fuck_ if that wasn’t the best decision he ever had. Their position meant that the plug sat right on top of Sander’s dick, and even through the layers of clothes, the friction and vibration was enough to make him dizzy.

Robbe buried his face in Sander’s neck, clearly already overwhelmed, and rocked slowly on top of him.

‘Your color?’ Sander asked, knowing fully well he wouldn’t last very long.

‘Green, fuck, green’

‘You sure?’

‘Yeah, it’s just… a lot’ Robbe moaned, his eyes shiny with tears.

‘You wanna stay like this?’

At the pace they were going, Sander was sure none of them would be patient enough to take off their pants, and he didn’t want to overwhelm Robbe even further ( _Lies,_ he thought, _of course he wanted to overwhelm Robbe_ ).

His boyfriend nodded, kissing Sander’s ear and causing him to let out a low moan, feeling on edge. Sander rocked his hips up, not moving too much, but just enough that the plug buzzed against his cock whenever he moved.

‘You look so good like this, with a plug inside you, right on top of me’

‘Sander, I…’

Before Robbe could say anything else, Sander grinds harder against him, causing the plug to move a bit. Robbe lets out another hiccup, hiding his face into Sander’s neck, and before he can warn him, his boyfriend’s breathing picks up as he starts peeing in his pants. The stream must be strong, because Sander sees Robbe’s pants get darker, the warm liquid streaming down his legs and into Sander’s groin, soiling his own sweatpants. He cannot escape the moans that leave his mouth, moving his head back a bit so that he can see what’s happening.

‘Are you okay?’ Sander asks, fighting his own body to make sure Robbe is still on board with all this.

‘Mmmm’

‘Your color, Robbe’

‘Gr-Green’ He mumbles.

Sander tries not to smile when he sees that Robbe is crying a bit, big tears flowing down his face in embarrassment and relief and sensitivity, and the sight is _almost too much_ , so he buries his face in Robbe’s chest, grinding his hips one, two, three more times and then he’s coming.

Robbe is whining against him, still pissing, and Sander’s lap is warm and wet and sticky now, body trembling as he muffles his moans on his boyfriend’s neck and his cock spurts inside his pants, and _that makes it even hotter._ His ears are ringing and he’s holding tight onto Robbe, and if the vibrations are starting to feel too much on him, he can hardly imagine how it must be for Robbe.

Sander moves his hand around the bed, scrambling for his phone, and quickly turned off the plug with shaky hands. He heard Robbe sigh with relief, body sagging against Sander’s as he sniffled, his eyes shiny and beautiful.

‘I love you’ Robbe whispered against him.

‘I love you’ Sander whispered back, brushing his nose along the soft skin of Robbe’s neck. ‘That was amazing’

‘Yeah, it was. Sorry for not warning you’

‘Don’t worry, it was really hot’ Sander smiled, petting his hair.

They just rocked against each other, calming down and trying to catch their breaths. Sander knows that soon enough they’ll feel sticky and uncomfortable and will need to move, and Robbe will need to remove the plug, but for now, they just need to be close. Nothing else matters but the way Robbe fits in his arms, with his head resting against his shoulder, relaxed, safe, amazing.

‘You know’ Robbe smiles, head raising up a bit, ‘I think you gotta try this plug’

‘Yeah?’

‘Oh, yes, we need to make it worth the money. Besides, I already have some plans for you’

‘That’s great to hear’ Sander smiled, knowing fully well he would agree to whatever Robbe asked, because _how could he not?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the vibrating plug sander bought can be found here: https://www.we-vibe.com/uk/ditto#
> 
> and fun fact, but the actor who played Eskild, Carl Martin, is a certified nurse in real life, so I had to put him here because I love Eskild to death <3


	18. eighteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello babies, how are we doing? this chapter was one of the hardest to write, because it has so many people in it, but it was also a lot of fun! I got back to work this month, so I'm trying to rush and finish the fic before I get too busy to write (it's almost done, don't worry!). Also, I'm fully aware that my fic is an AU by this point, because season 4 is a mess and has no similarities with this fic hahahahaha Anyways, hope you like this chapter, it's A LOT but I loved it, let me know what you think! <3  
> link to the song sander performs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6fHoMw8tCzo&ab_channel=dropddead

Robbe had barely finished his second drink before he was bombarded with screaming conversations from all sides.

‘What do you mean, there’s no more weed?’

‘I mean that the weed is done, what do you think?’ Moyo exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

‘Guys, calm down, I have some weed’ Sander huffed, pulling a rolled joint out of his pocket.

‘Oh, thank fuck’

They were at Britt’s house, having been invited to this party by Jana, who, in turn, was invited by Britt. It was supposed to be one of their Blonde Ambition gatherings, but somehow word got around and now it looked like half of the school was currently trying to fit inside Britt’s living room and front yard. With the exception of Senne and Milan, the whole gang was here, and Robbe was already getting too tipsy for a Thursday night.

However, now that he doesn’t have to pretend to be into girls or force his way into conversations with them about stuff he doesn’t care about (while also worrying about his mom and his grades), Robbe finds it amazing how much he enjoys going out with his friends. Having Sander by his side helped a lot, too.

At first, Robbe felt a bit weird about being inside Britt’s house with Sander, seeing that they dated. He kept looking at the wallpaper and the pictures in the living room, trying to picture Sander here with Britt back when they were together, and he hadn’t even met Sander yet.

‘Did you meet Britt’s parents?’

‘What?’ Sander asked, distracted by Amber and Luca arguing about something.

‘When you dated her, did you ever meet her parents?’

‘Just once, when I came to drop her home. They seemed nice’

‘Hm’ Robbe replied, a weird, possessive feeling simmering low inside him. He grabbed Sander by the jacket, pulling him a bit closer, which caused the boy to let out a breathy laugh.

‘Robin, don’t tell me you’re jealous’

‘I’m not’

Sander cocked his head to the side, giving him one of his looks, one that said _that’s a lie and you know it_.

‘I’m not jealous, it’s just a bit weird to remember you and Britt used to date’

‘I know, but that’s in the past. You’re the only one I want, forever’

‘Sap’ Robbe laughed, kissing Sander and taking another sip from his glass.

As the night went on, they all danced and drank and even ordered some food, Noor and Jana threatening to kill the boys if they dared to put anchovies on anything, all of them eating pizza with their bare hands on Britt’s front yard and laughing. They kept reminding each other to drink some water and hollering at every drunk person who came stumbling out to throw up behind the bushes.

Eventually, the party got so crowded that Robbe could barely hear his friends over the loud music and the screaming, and they were genuinely surprised that the police hadn’t busted the place yet.

He was about to pull Sander outside again to get some fresh air when Jana, hiccupping and laughing, screamed ‘Follow me!’ and pulled Luca by the arm, so they had no choice but tag along, moving slow through the crowd and across the hallway into Britt’s bedroom. 

‘Are you sure she’s okay with us being here?’ Aaron asked, scanning the huge bed and pink fluffy carpet and the plasma TV on the wall.

‘Yeah, she’s chill’ Jana replied, already sitting on the carpet with a bottle in hand.

Britt herself had disappeared some time ago, and Jens was pretty sure it had something to do with a tall guy who kept making eyes at her through the night while she tried to avoid him. That meant they had her spacious room all to themselves to chill.

Of course, by _chill_ , they meant drink some more and find something stupid to do, like playing truth or drink.

Once Luca suggested it, everyone seemed to get on board, even though most of them were already pretty drunk.

‘We’ll go into an alcoholic coma if we only do drinks, we should also do dares’ Said Noor, placing an empty beer bottle on the floor as they formed a circle around it. Zoe and Yasmina didn’t wanna join, choosing to lie in Britt’s bed and watch reruns of _The Office_ instead.

‘You sure you don’t wanna play?’

‘Someone has to be the designated sober friend’ Zoe retorted, already munching on some chips.

‘More like the _mom_ friend, you know’ Robbe joked, and she flicked his ear.

‘You don’t complain when I’m making you dinner almost every night and taking you to buy a new coat’

Robbe settled down beside Sander, trying his hardest not to think about the fact that Sander might have been inside this room with Britt, on her bed. He watched, a bit tipsy already, as their friends fought to see who would go first, smiling at their banter.

‘You alright?’ Sander bumped his shoulder, water bottle in hand.

‘I’m fine’

‘It’s weird to be in Britt’s room again’

‘Is it?’ Robbe asked, meaning to say _is this as weird for you as it is for me?_

‘Yeah. I’m glad you’re here with me, though. It’s the only acceptable way for me to be here again’ He laughed, kissing Robbe’s cheek.

‘I’m glad you’re here, too’

Even though the game was supposed to be truth or drink, they chose to play truth or dare, and use the drinking part for some of the dares. Moyo was the first victim of this, when Luca dared him to mix whatever it was in three different people’s cups and drink it.

Sooner than Robbe wanted, the boys went for the _incredibly blunt_ questions, as Aaron asked him if it was true that Robbe hadn’t had sex with Noor after all. She blushed fiercely and glared daggers at the boy. Even though she was short, shy at times and overall tiny, she still managed to be pretty intimidating, causing the boys to apologize before Robbe even had the chance to say anything.

‘It’s true, I couldn’t do it. I knew I was gay already, and I thought it would maybe fix me if I tried, but I was only trying to be someone else. It had nothing to do with Noor, she’s amazing’ Robbe shot her an apologetic look.

‘I know, Robbe, it’s cool’

Robbe smiled back at her, happy to know that this was something they had put behind them.

‘Wait, so you couldn’t even get it up?’ Aaron continued, perplexed.

‘Uh, no, I’m not interested in girls at all, that’s how being gay works, you know’

‘Wow, that’s crazy, man’

‘Okay, you need to lay off the weed for the night, I think’ Moyo took the bottle from Aaron’s hands with a barking laugh.

After that, it was Sander’s turn, and, as the bottle landed on Jens, Robbe saw him squinting his eyes, trying to think of a good question.

‘Truth or dare?’

‘Truth’ Jens replied.

‘Is it true that you started seeing Jana before breaking up with Britt?’

‘Uh…’ Jens scratched his head, a bit flustered.

‘Sorry, it’s just that Britt mentioned this once and she still seemed pretty pissed, I didn’t mean to offend’

Robbe’s eyes found Jana’s across the circle, both of them smiling as they recalled the absolute drama that had unfolded, but that now seemed so long ago.

‘It’s part true? Our relationship wasn’t doing very good, it just wasn’t meant to happen. We both felt pretty bad for a while, but it’s in the past now’ Jens replied, looking serious but not angry.

‘Yeah, it was almost the same with me and her’ Sander sighed, ‘She’s a cool girl, but not cooler than Robbe’

They both laughed at that, but were interrupted by Jana, who exclaimed:

‘Oh my god, both of you dated Britt! I keep forgetting it’

‘I know, me too’ Luca agreed.

Robbe found a bit funny how their friends always seemed to have these incredibly deep and important conversations only when they were drunk, or high, or both. Maybe they should practice this while sober and see what would happen.

Next up it was Luca’s turn, and she dared Aaron to call Amber and propose to her. Amber was still somewhere around the house, caught up with some of Britt’s friends from Blonde Ambition. People had mixed responses to this dare, but Aaron straight up refused, taking two shots of vodka instead.

‘Are you crazy? What if she accepts it and I have to tell her it was for a dare? She’ll never look me in the eye again!’

‘You don’t have to tell her it’s for a dare’ Sander offered.

‘Well, then what the hell will I do?’

‘Just keep up with the story and marry her’

They all exploded with laughter, trying to picture Amber, beautiful and angelic in a white wedding dress, while Aaron would be absolutely sweating bullets but still trying to keep up with the idea, too into it to give up.

Robbe chose to do a dare next, trying to avoid any more intimate questions, but it seemingly backfired. Jana dared Robbe to read his internet search history, and their friends erupted into laughter. Robbe blushed but pulled out his phone anyways, reading his mostly boring searches, like _new the weeknd song, vintage bowie poster for sale, tim van laere gallery,_ and, finally, _we vibe app download._

‘Wait, what’s this last one?’ Aaron asks, interested.

‘I was looking for the link to download this app, that’s all’ Robbe really hoped their friends wouldn’t ask anything else, but no such luck.

‘What’s the app for?’

‘For, uh… _controllingabuttplug_ ’

‘What?’

‘Oh, shit, you bought the plug the other day? Nice!’ Noor exclaimed, looking at Sander and him before taking another sip of her drink.

‘Wait, wait, bought what?’

‘Sander bought me a butt plug’ Robbe admitted in a low voice, already preparing himself for the onslaught of teasing.

‘Holy shit!! How is it? Does it have many functions? Can we see it?’ Luca immediately jumped, almost elbowing Jana in the process.

‘Are you wearing it now???’ Aaron exclaimed, eyes bulging, and Sander snorted beside him.

‘Of course not, what the fuck’ Robbe was quick to reply, face burning up. ‘But yes, it does have many settings’

‘Did he get you the purple or the blue one?’ Noor asked, as if she they were talking about a new notebook or a pair of headphones instead of a _fucking vibrating plug_.

‘The purple one’

‘Why are you guys so invested in this?’ Robbe asked, confused at the sudden turn of events and wondering exactly how his sex life had become the topic of discussion _again._

‘Was it an anniversary gift or something?’ Jana asked, almost on Luca’s lap now.

‘No, I just walked by the shop with Noor one day and thought it would be fun to get one’

Robbe finished his beer in one go, feeling a bit tipsy and just leaving Sander to answer their questions about the plug. He willed himself to stop blushing, but he knew it was useless.

‘Wait, so you can control it through an app? That’s some high tech shit, man’ Jens whistled, seemingly impressed.

‘Yeah, maybe you can do, like, a product review on the vlog!’ Aaron exclaimed, which made the girls burst into laughter.

‘I will _not_ do a video review of a butt plug! What am I, a pornstar?’

‘Hey, what’s wrong with being a pornstar?’

_Jesus Christ, we’re too drunk for this conversation._

‘Nothing’s wrong with being a pornstar, Moyo, but I just don’t think our public is exactly the type to watch sex toys reviews’

‘Okay, let’s get back into the game, please’ Jana said, saving him.

Despite the chaotic way the night was unfolding, Robbe was actually feeling quite nice, his body warm where it was touching Sander’s beside him, feeling the familiar weight of his hand on his back.

For the next round, Robbe turned to Sander, a glint in his eye.

‘Truth or dare?’

‘Hmmmm… Dare’ Sander replied, smiling at him.

Robbe didn’t need to think too hard about what he would ask Sander to do. He wasn’t drinking, so it couldn’t be anything alcohol related. He also didn’t want to lay it easy on his boyfriend, their friends having already accused him of being too soft. He rubbed his hand on Sander’s thigh, trying not to sound too eager as he remembered the reason for his idea.

They had been in Sander’s house one night, washing and drying the dishes after dinner with Sander’s parents, and _of course_ that his boyfriend had made another Bowie playlist. Usually, Sander only swayed from side to side or tapped his foot to the beat of the songs, too caught up in the music. That day, however, Robbe caught him doing a full choreography, leaning against the cupboards, using a wooden spoon for a microphone, the whole shebang.

Robbe only saw it because he was cleaning the table with Sander’s mom and returned to the kitchen in silence, sneaking up on his dancing boyfriend. Sander, of course, almost jumped through the ceiling when he saw Robbe watching him, but it was too late, Robbe had seen most of the performance anyways.

‘I dare you to lip sync to _Lady Grinning Soul_ , and _don’t_ tell me you don’t know the choreography because we both know that’s a lie’

‘I hate you’ Sander laughed in disbelief.

‘You love me’

All of their friends cheered as Sander got up and did some stretches with a grimace, waiting for the music to start playing from Robbe’s phone. Robbe hit play, and then he was moving.

David Bowie never performed _Lady Grinning Soul_ live (Sander had told him that once), so he had no basis for comparison, but still, Robbe couldn’t take his eyes off of his boyfriend as he danced, a bit awkward at first, not knowing exactly what to do with his limbs, before turning around, invisible microphone in hand. Sander danced as he mouthed the lyrics, sultry and with his whole body, walking around the room and rolling his eyes and touching his own chest as he sang _touch the fullness of her breast, feel the love of her caress, she will be your living end…_

During moments like these, Robbe thought about how boring his life had been before Sander came into it, how lifeless, and how everything Sander touched seemed to come alight with colors and music.

Luca whistled as Sander crawled on the floor, throwing himself across Noor’s body for a bit with flair, before moving again and ruffling Robbe’s hair, kneeling behind him as he swayed from side to side, always the performer, and his touch made Robbe feel hot all over, incredibly proud and _amazed_ that this boy was his.

Their friends cheered again as Sander finished the song, his face red from the dancing and from the embarrassment, but he was smiling so hard, lighting up the whole room, lighting up something deep inside Robbe’s heart, and it was a beautiful sight.

‘I’m never doing that again’ Sander declared, taking big gulps from a water bottle.

‘That was amazing, what are you talking about?’

‘Yeah, we should hit a karaoke place sometime’ Jens suggested.

Soon it was Jana’s turn, and she asked Noor if she had ever hooked up with a girl, which caused quite the commotion in the room. The girls giggled and even Zoe poked her head from where she was laying on the bed above them, curious. Robbe didn’t miss the way Noor glanced around, blushing a bit before composing herself, cool as ever.

‘Yes, I’ve been with a girl’ Noor finally answered.

‘Was it good?’

‘I think so. I mean, _I_ liked it’ She mumbled, eyes downcast.

‘Wait, was it someone we know?’

‘I- ‘

‘Damn, is everyone gay in here?’ Luca interrupted her, head resting on Jana’s shoulder, to which she said ‘At least bi, and you should try it’.

And that was how Luca ended up being dared to kiss Noor by Aaron, who declared that it would be ‘the highlight of the night’ right before Jens, in turn, dared him to down three shots of vodka in a row.

Robbe managed to get out of another question about his sex life ( _do gay guys always have to douche before having anal sex?_ ) by taking one shot of vodka followed by some beer, but it didn’t matter because Sander had no problem with sharing some details of their relationship with their friends.

‘No, you don’t always have to douche, just take a good shower and clean your ass, it’s not that hard’

‘But doesn’t it feel… weird?’

‘Maybe if you’re not prepared enough, or if it’s your first time, yeah, it can feel a bit weird’

‘But _how weird?_ ’ Jens asked, looking like he truly was interested, but maybe that was just Robbe’s drunk brain.

‘I would say it feels very full. Like you can feel it everywhere, deep inside your body’

‘Wow, I didn’t think Robbe had this power’ Aaron joked, ‘Also, how do you decide which one of you gets to top? Do you guys keep track?’

Robbe couldn’t help but laugh at that, picturing a score board where they would write down whenever it was their turn to get fucked. Sander was also laughing beside him, his hand warm and comforting on his thigh now.

‘There are no rules, man’ He replied, resting his head against Sander’s shoulder, a bit more drunk now. ‘It’s just how we might feel that day, we talk about what we want’

‘Wait, but what if both of you want to bottom the same day?’

_Then one of us gets fucked and the other one wears the butt plug,_ Robbe thought, his face heating up at the memory of his cock buried deep inside Sander while the butt plug vibrated against his own prostate, the sensation traveling through his body and reaching Sander’s until the boy was writhing underneath him on the bed, eyes rolling to the back of his head as he came with a loud moan.

‘Then one of us wears the plug and fucks the other’ Sander said, and Robbe’s eyes almost bulged out of the sockets because _holy fuck_ , was Sander actually reading his mind?

‘Sander!’

‘What? It’s what we did that day’ Sander smiled at him, the little shit, and maybe Robbe was too drunk to think properly, because he just laughed, not bothering to scold him any further.

‘Man, being gay sounds fun’ Aaron mused.

‘There’s still time to try’ Luca replied, teasing. ‘Okay, it’s Robbe’s turn, let’s go’

‘Jens, truth or dare?’

‘Dare, but I don’t think I can finish this whole thing if your dare is about drinking’ Jens laughed, shaking his glass which was still almost completely filled with vodka and orange juice.

‘Oh, giving up already?’ Sander replied, eyes half lidded with tiredness.

‘No, I just really need to piss’

‘That’s never stopped me before’ The words slipped through Robbe’s mouth before he could think about, and Sander sucked in a sharp breath, looking at him. They exchanged glances for five seconds before bursting into laughter, probably leaving everyone else confused.

Sander pressed his face against Robbe’s hair, whispering in his ear _don’t start what you can’t finish_. Robbe could see the drunk and confused looks on their friends’ faces, and Jens just coughed, impatient.

‘So, what’s my dare, since you’re so strong and badass?’ He mocked.

_Oh, you’re on._ Robbe was drunk enough to suggest his dare, and he knew the boy was drunk enough that they would accept it.

‘I dare you to drink half of what’s on your glass…’

‘Easy business’ Jens smirked, overconfident.

‘… after someone spits in it’

‘What?’

‘Someone will spit in your glass and then you’ll drink it. You can even choose who gets to do it’ Robbe smiled, causing his friends to laugh like maniacs.

‘What the fuck, man’ Jens seemed bewildered, ‘Are you serious?’

‘Yes, I am’

They stared at each other for a few seconds, both of them knowing full well that this wasn’t even the worst thing Jens had ever done, for a dare or otherwise. They were teenage boys, and teenage boys with too much free time in their hands are bound to try stupid shit for entertainment, like trying to get high by eating nutmeg (and promptly throwing up right after), or trying to do weird yoga poses for views on their vlogs, or spending the night awake and seeing who could go the longest without blinking until their eyes were shiny with tears as they fought to keep them open, determined to win no matter what.

So yeah, they were used to stupid pranks and dares. Jens sighed and stared at his glass.

‘Jana, get in here’

‘What?’

‘If someone has to spit in my drink, it might as well be you, I know your spit’ He tried to rationalize.

‘Is that what you took from our relationship? You know my spit?’ She laughed, incredulous.

‘Not _just_ that, but you know what I mean. Just… please?’

‘Ugh, fine’

Everyone stared as Jana took his glass, spitting very lightly into it before returning it.

‘That’s not fair, the disgusting factor is gone because you’ve literally sucked face with her before!’ Luca exclaimed, and Moyo seemed to agree.

‘Hey, Robbe said I could choose whoever I wanted! Besides, I already have a _great_ idea for when it’s my turn’

Robbe laughed again, not scared in the slightest, and just watched while Jens eyed his drink for a while before taking a big gulp, not even grimacing. _Shit, he must have something bad for me_.

He cheered along with his friends, but Robbe knew he had already avoided _many_ truths by drinking, so there was a high chance he might actually have to answer whatever Jens was thinking about asking him. Jens could be very discreet when he wanted to, but he also knew exactly where to hit him. That was one of the downsides of knowing someone for so long, you get to know all of their weak spots.

‘Okay, Robbe, truth or dare?’

‘Truth’ He replied, preparing himself for the question.

‘What was the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex?’

_That’s a very open question,_ Robbe thought, but he didn’t miss the glint in Jens’ eye when he asked that. His drunk brain tried to replay all the times he and Sander fucked wherever they could, too horny and desperate to wait.

‘Define weird’

‘Weird as in… anything outside of the bedroom?’ Sander suggested, cocking one eyebrow.

‘That’s not that weird’ Noor replied.

‘Okay, okay, let me think’

Despite his hazy, alcohol filled brain, Robbe knew that certain details might be too much for their friends, so he tried to think about an instance that was weird, but also not _too_ weird. He could feel Sander’s breath tickling is ear as he came closer, whispering _tell them about that night after the exhibition._

‘Really?’ He turned his face around to ask, wanting to make sure.

‘Yeah, it was great’

‘Okay’

Robbe could sense their friends’ gazes staring at them, curious to know what he would say, and he took a deep breath, adjusting himself on the floor and crossing his legs.

‘Alright, the weirdest place would have to be right in the middle of the street’

‘What?’ Luca almost yelled.

‘Yeah, Sander took me to one of those fancy art exhibitions, and when we were going back to his place it started to rain, so we stood under a tree waiting for the rain to stop, and…’ _And then I pissed in his mouth, and he jerked off to it and sucked me off until I came._ ‘… one thing led to the other’

‘Wow, you guys are really kinky’

‘I mean...’ Sander replied, giving his best innocent face.

‘But weren’t you afraid of being caught?’

‘Not really, it was late at night and there was no one around. Besides, we’re kinda into that’

Robbe tried to bury himself deeper into Sander’s chest, face heating up with embarrassment as his boyfriend kept talking.

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. It’s pretty hot, thinking about being watched or getting caught’

‘Oooh, that’s a good one’ Aaron seemed impressed, but Jens’ face looked a bit taken aback.

‘That weird enough for you?’ Robbe teased, curling against Sander.

‘Yeah, I just thought…’

‘What?’ Sander asked, taking a drag from a joint that had apparently materialized out of nowhere.

‘Nothing’

‘What is it?’

Jens blushed, scratching his neck.

‘I just didn’t think you were going to say that’

‘What, doing it outside isn’t weird enough for you?’ Robbe snorted, to which Aaron continued, ‘I mean, he’s the one with a toothpaste kink, I doubt anything comes close to that’

The heavy bass of music coming from the living room wasn’t enough to drown the cacophony of screaming and laughter that they were producing inside Britt’s room. Sander’s face hovered close to him once again to whisper in his ear.

‘What’s Jens’ deal with toothpaste?’

‘I’ll explain it to you later’ Robbe kissed him with a smile, starting to feel a bit sleepy.

Suddenly, the bedroom door opened with a bang, Britt stumbling inside and looking very drunk. Noor got up to greet her and they chatted for a bit, skipping the game to sit down on the bed next to Zoe and Yasmina. His friends immediately went back to their chatter, but Robbe smiled to himself for getting a glimpse of Noor’s hands intertwined with Britt’s. They moved their faces closer together to whisper, and _holy shit, is Noor blushing again?_

Something seemed to click inside his mind, and through the haze of alcohol he made a mental note to ask Noor about this new development later.

He turned his body to the side, leaning back against Sander’s chest, and the boy wrapped his arm around Robbe’s waist, petting it softly. He could feel the rise and fall of Sander’s chest behind him, something that always made him more relaxed, and his boyfriend offered him a sip from his water bottle, which he accepted.

Robbe was pleasantly tipsy, and all the drinks and water he consumed throughout the night were making his bladder start to tingle, the sensation made worse by the soothing movements of Sander’s hand on his stomach.

‘Sander, don’t’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘I’m full, don’t push it’ He pleaded, head moving to rub his nose against Sander’s chest.

‘Aw, are you sleepy, Robin?’ Sander teased him, hand pressing a bit more, _the bastard_.

‘Yeah, can we go home?’

‘You’re not having fun?’

‘I am, it’s just… I think I’ve had enough for one night. Besides, you’re supposed to get eight hours of sleep’

‘Robbe, if you’re worried about me, we don’t have to leave, it’s fine’

Feeling a bit cranky now, Robbe squeezed Sander’s hand, trying to organize his thoughts enough so that he could explain to him that he’d reached his threshold for social interactions for the day, and wanted nothing more than to be making love (or cuddling, or both) with Sander under the covers in his bed.

‘Of course I worry about you, but that’s not why I wanna go. I’m tired and I miss you’

‘I’m right here, babe’

‘I know, but I _miss you_ , you know?’ Robbe smiled softly, trying to get his point across.

Sander kissed his forehead and turned his face back at their friends, who were currently cheering on Luca as she recited the lyrics to Eminem’s _Without Me_ in poetry style, looking like she was doing Hamlet’s monologue instead of saying some rap bars.

‘Wow, that was hard, great choice, man’ She complimented Moyo, seeing that it was his idea of a dare.

‘Guys, I think we’re leaving’

‘What, already?’ Aaron complained, ‘I still had so many questions!’

‘I’m tired as hell, man’

‘Wait, wait, it’s the last one!’

‘Fine’ He conceded, prepared to do just about anything so that they could leave. He just wanted to pee, have sex with Sander and go to bed (maybe not in that exact order).

Jens looked back at them with a smirk, rubbing his hands together, and their friends grew silent, trying to listen to him over the heavy bass thumping outside.

‘Truth or dare?’

‘Dare’ _I’ll just do whatever he asks and get this over with, can’t be too bad_ , Robbe thought.

‘Ugh, you’re boring. Fine, I dare Sander to spit in your drink, same thing you said to me, he spits in it, then you drink’

‘I’m sorry, I thought we agreed that the disgusting factor was gone?’ Luca protested, clearly expecting something better.

‘It was the first thing I could think about!’

‘And my glass is empty’ Robbe smiled, ice clinking at the bottom of his glass.

‘You’re trying to get out of the dare?’ Jens eyed him, giving the stare that he gave whenever they were arguing about how far was _too far_ when shooting the vlogs or hanging upside down on the skating park until their faces were red and they were on the verge of passing out. It was the stare that said _you started this, now finish it._

Trying to smile as innocently as possible, Robbe lifted his head from Sander’s chest just a bit, enough to look at his boyfriend in the eye and see that he was already looking at him.

Of course he was already looking at him, Sander had most likely been thinking about this ever since Jens said the word _spit_. Robbe squeezed Sander’s leg, trying to silently tell him _yes, you know what I want, that’s exactly what I want._

‘I’ll do you better, Jens, why don’t we cut the middle man here, huh?’ He replied in a low voice, already feeling Sander kneeling up behind him, so that his face was above Robbe’s.

‘What?’ Jens asked, face slack.

‘Watch and learn’ Sander said, his hand moving to turn Robbe’s face towards him. He looked at him once more and asked ‘Green?’, and Robbe, of course, replied ‘Green’.

The room fell silent as Sander slid his thumb to touch Robbe’s lower lip, forcing his mouth open. Robbe complied, mind already blissfully empty save for the thought of having Sander touch him the way he wanted, nevermind that all their friends were watching.

Robbe stuck his tongue out just a bit, looking directly at Sander’s half lidded eyes as his boyfriend let a long string of saliva drop from his own mouth and into Robbe’s. He thought he could hear the girls laughing in the background, but it hardly registered into his mind, reeling with the sensation of Sander’s hand moving down to press into his lower stomach. He closed his mouth to swallow, still staring at Sander’s dilated pupils, and smiled at him.

‘Wow’ Noor’s voice broke him out of his stupor, and he turned around to find that everyone (even Zoe, Yasmina and Britt, sitting on the bed with equally shocked expressions) was staring at them. They all seemed speechless apart from Noor, who was blushing but laughed at them, saying ‘Nice one’ before taking another sip from her drink.

Jens was opening and closing his mouth like a fish, still silent and seemingly undecided between looking at Sander or at Robbe.

‘How’s that for a dare?’ Robbe finally said, his body hot all over and now a bit more on edge, as Sander’s hand still rested on his bladder.

Aaron and Moyo broke into laughter, shoving each other back and forth and jostling Jens in the process, almost all but falling backwards into the floor. Robbe got up, still a bit drunk but not too drunk, and pulled Sander with him.

‘Okay, now we’re leaving’

‘See you guys!’ Sander replied behind him as Robbe pulled him by the jacket, already halfway out the door.

‘My boy is gonna get some tonight! See you later man!’ He could hear Moyo screaming as they walked into the living room.

Robbe moved with intent, wanting nothing more than to go home, but felt Sander guiding him to the side, moving past the drunk people dancing and into the bathroom. He locked the door behind them and cupped Robbe’s face with his hands, molding their bodies closer together.

He melted into the kiss, feeling the hard outline of Sander’s cock against his hip, and his hands moved to sneak under Sander’s shirt.

‘You’re already hard?’ He smiled, breaking the kiss a bit to suck his neck.

‘I’ve been hard ever since you said you were full, couldn’t wait to get my hands on you’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yes’ Sander said, his voice high.

Robbe kissed him again, lowering his hand to touch Sander over his pants, and shuddered as he felt his boyfriend’s hands moving to his front, frantically trying to remove Robbe’s jeans.

‘Sander, please’

‘What is it?’

‘I have to pee, I’m tired’

‘Just wait a little longer, okay? Please?’

Sander snuck his hand inside Robbe’s underwear, pulling his dick out, and, despite his protests, he was almost completely hard already. He wasted no time before moving his hand, thumb digging into the slit before sliding his hand down Robbe’s cock, jerking him off in a fast pace.

‘Sander, fuck’

‘That’s it, baby, just hold it for me’

Breathing hard through his nose, Robbe was trying to make as little sound as possible, his hands scrambling for purchase on Sander’s leather jacket.

‘You were so bold tonight, huh? Wanted everyone to see me spitting in your mouth?’

Robbe’s dick twitched at that, a small drop of precum escaping from the slit, and he almost buried his face in Sander’s neck, fighting the urge to moan and whine.

‘Answer me, Robin’

‘What?’

‘You wanted everyone to see me spitting in your mouth?’ Sander insisted.

‘It was – fuck, it was for the dare’

‘You could have asked for someone else’s drink to do it, but no’ He was relentless, the friction almost uncomfortable, ‘No, you wanted me to spit in your mouth, so everyone could see that you belong to me, right?’

‘Yes, fuck, yes’ Robbe whined into Sander’s neck, gripping his shirt so tight in an attempt to stay upright.

‘That was so hot, baby, and you’re still holding it for me, so good’

‘Sander, please’

‘Are you close?’

‘Yeah, so close’

‘Good, come for me, you look so good when you come, you know? You always look so good’ Sander kept rambling, never slowing down his pace as he pumped Robbe’s dick, and he could feel his orgasm creeping up, faster than he’d expected, but he was tired and sleepy, and didn’t try to fight it.

Robbe almost slumped against Sander, his body trembling as the orgasm made his vision go white for a second, weak with pleasure as he came all over Sander’s hand. He knew Sander was still talking to him, but he couldn’t hear anything, body too numb and soft, and he rested his forehead on Sander’s shoulder, trying to catch his breath.

‘Good?’ He heard Sander ask, and he swore he could also hear him smiling.

‘Fuck, man’

‘Thank you’ Sander laughed, kissing him softly.

Robbe reached down to open Sander’s pants, and was almost reaching into his boxers when Sander pulled away from him.

‘C’mon’

‘What?’

‘Let’s go’ He replied, turning on the faucet to wash his hands, and Robbe knew he was still painfully hard, straining against the zipper of his pants.

‘But what about you?’

‘I’ll wait until we get to the flat’

‘Sander, what?’

‘Get dressed, we’re going’ Sander said calmly, and Robbe could _actually see_ him smiling through the mirror now.

‘Fine, let me pee and we’ll go’

‘Oh, no, no, no, you’ll also wait until we get back’

‘What?’

‘You heard me’

_This little shit_ , Robbe thought, the tingling sensation on his bladder slowly returning now.

‘Was this your plan all along?’ He asked, incredulous.

‘My plan? What am I, an evil scientist from a cartoon?’

‘Sanderrrr’ Robbe laughed, but it was no use, and Sander was already drying his hands, watching him as he tucked his dick back into his underwear and zipped his pants up.

‘Let’s go, Robbe. The night’s not over yet’

Lucky for them, none of their friends were outside by the time they left Britt’s house, otherwise thy would have seen both of them almost running to get their bikes, Sander tucking his hand into Robbe’s back pocket, laughing when Robbe squealed as Sander squeezes his butt.

Robbe would have never heard the end of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robbe won't review the butt plug on the vlogs, but in another universe, he might do much more than that! *wink*


	19. nineteen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, my lovelies, how are you? College has been kicking my ass these days, so I couldn't reply to your comments, but I'll do it right now! Meanwhile, here's another chapter, and I know I always say the chapters are big but this one is really, really big, a LOT of things happen hahahahaha also, some of you might have seen that I updated the chapter count here, and yes, the fic will have 30 chapters. I already have most of them done/outlined, so please be patient with me as we go along this journey! Anyways, here's the chapter, hope you like it! <3
> 
> Link to Modern Love: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HivQqTtiHVw&ab_channel=DavidBowie  
> Link to Aladdin Sane: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=so_BjDt_Mes&ab_channel=UnitedByRock

Sander’s much dreaded family dinner had finally arrived, after two weeks of being all his parents ever talked about. Whenever he was home, his mom was rambling, telling him to pack his bags, and then asking Sander to buy some wine on his way back from college, or reminding him to leave his suit by the door so she could iron it the day before.

His grandma’s birthday was always a bit of a celebration, but a lot of Sander’s distant cousins were also coming to the party this time, seeing it was her 75th birthday. Sander tried to spend as much time as possible with Robbe through the week, preparing himself for the eventual separation when Sander went away to spend the weekend at his grandma’s place for the party.

He knew he would have enjoyed this party much more if Robbe were here with him, as he wanted, but the world had different plans, because his grandma’s party just _happened_ to be on the same weekend that Robbe’s mom had been checked out from the facility she had been in. Sander knew how much that meant to Robbe, and also wanted to be there for him, but both of them agreed that it would be better to spend some quality time with their respective families before seeing each other again.

He had been in his grandma’s kitchen with his family Friday night preparing the next day’s food when he got a video call from Robbe, who was already at his own aunt’s house having dinner with his mom.

‘Hey, baby’

‘Hi, how are things going over there?’

‘Great! Mama wants to meet your family’ Robbe said, sheepish, which caused his mom to laugh in the background.

‘Hello Sander!’ She greeted with a smile.

‘Hello! It’s great to see you again!’

‘You too!’

‘Who’s that?’ One of Sander’s aunts asked, hands full of dough.

‘It’s Robbe and his mama’

‘Oh, show them, let me say hi!’ His mom chimed in.

‘Okay, we’re making some food, let me turn the phone around a bit’

It was funny and a bit chaotic to introduce their families like that, all of their aunts speaking over each other and cooing at the boys, congratulating Sander’s grandma for her birthday and then cheering on Robbe’s mom for being stable again. During times like these, Sander felt immense relief at the fact that his family was so well adjusted about his mental illness, and so understanding, too. Sander had told his parents about Robbe’s mom, and they had been nothing but supportive.

Sander didn’t even try to say much, just laughed at Robbe over the video as their families traded recipes and scheduled some new gathering so that everyone could be together in person.

Robbe seemed so happy beside his mom and aunt, beaming at them and laughing whenever Sander’s dad made one of his corny jokes. It was amazing how well they fit in, and their families getting closer only made him want to be with Robbe even more.

‘Robbe, you never told us your family also had a famous meat pie recipe!’ Sander’s mom scolded him over the phone.

‘Sorry, I just never tried to make it myself, but I know it’s in here somewhere’

‘Well, when we get back you better learn it because I want to compare it with mine!’

‘I’ll do that, ms. Driesen’

‘Hey, we talked about this!’

‘I know, but I’m legally required to use formal language when my mom is around’ Robbe joked, eyeing his mom from the side with a small smile.

‘You raised a gentleman, Charlotte’

‘I did the best I could, but Robbe still turned out much better than I could have dreamed’ Robbe’s mom beamed with pride, carding her fingers through his hair, and Sander willed himself not to cry.

He knew how much that meant for Robbe, to have his family, even _parts_ of it, together again, to feel loved and embraced and accepted by them. Robbe’s mom was right, he was the best person Sander had ever met.

‘Have a great party tomorrow!’

‘Thanks, I’ll text you later, okay?’

‘Okay. I love you’

‘Love you’ Sander smiled, blushing when his aunts _aaawwwwed_ beside him.

They finished the call with promises of another video conference, their moms happily exchanging phone numbers.

‘I’m glad to see Robbe’s mom is doing better’

‘Yeah, me too’

‘Do you think he’ll go back to living with her?’ His mom asked, wiping her hands on a tea towel.

‘I’m not sure, she’s living with her sister, so it might be a bit harder for Robbe to fit in. Besides, I’m sure Milan would suffer a lot if he decided to suddenly move out the flat’

‘Oh, right, I remember Milan, Robbe’s _other_ parent’

‘Don’t forget Zoe and… what’s his name?’ His dad chimed in, amused.

‘Senne’

‘And Senne’

‘You guys are so annoying’

‘Honey, it’s just good to see that Robbe has supportive friends that can take care of him’ She caressed his face. ‘He also has you’

‘Yeah, he does’ Sander smiled proudly, standing up to hug her. ‘Thanks, mama’

‘It’s okay, baby. Now, get that stool and reach the big tray for me, please’

-

He only managed to text Robbe just as he was going to sleep, tucked under the sheets in the couch, because all the other rooms were occupied.

_Sander: I’m beat, finally going to bed_

_Sander: good night, I love you_

_Robbe: I’m sleeping over at my aunt’s tonight, going back to the flat tomorrow_

_Sander: okay, we’ll talk more tomorrow_

_Robbe: your family seems amazing, thanks for showing them_

_Sander: they loved you and your mama_

_Sander: as I do_

_Robbe: oh shut up_

Even through text messages, Sander knew Robbe was blushing right now, and he smiled silently at his own phone.

_Sander: sorry but no_

_Sander: nobody loves you more than I do_

_Robbe: sap_

_Robbe: good night. I love you <3_

_Sander: love you! <3_

It was almost 2 A.M. when Sander’s phone pinged again, and he quickly opened his text messages. All the work he had done throughout the day also made him super wired up, and now he couldn’t relax enough to fall asleep, just twisting and turning on the couch. Robbe had texted him again, and Sander smiled at his phone.

_Robbe: are you awake?_

_Robbe: can’t sleep_

_Robbe: miss you_

_Sander: go to bed robin_

_Robbe: you’re here! :D_

_Sander: yeah can’t sleep either_

_Robbe: I miss you_

_Robbe sent a picture_

Sander’s eyes shot open at the sight of the photo Robbe had sent him. It was dark, so he could only see his boyfriend’s face and torso, naked chest in full display and Sander could even see the fine hairs trailing from his bellybutton down, until they disappeared into his underwear.

_Fuck, my boyfriend is so hot._

He took a deep breath, already feeling himself growing hard but knowing there was nothing he could do about it here, in the middle of the living room.

_Sander: fuck you’re too hot_

_Robbe: <3_

_Sander: aren’t you at your aunt’s house?_

_Robbe: yeah but I’m in the guest room_

_Robbe: thinking about you_

_Sander: what about me?_

The house was quiet, and Sander contemplated starting a video call with Robbe, but he also knew he couldn’t be trusted not to make any noise, so the text messages would have to do. Palming himself to release some of the tension, he waited for Robbe’s response, trying to picture his boyfriend, laying in bed alone _and hard_ , missing him.

_Robbe: thinking about how you hold me_

_Robbe: and kiss me_

_Robbe: and touch me everywhere_

_Sander: hmmm I like that_

_Sander: I love touching you_

_Robbe: I should have brought the plug_

_Sander: lol not really_

_Sander: your aunt would have heard you_

_Sander: you’re just horny and alone robin_

_Robbe: you’re right_

_Sander: but I’m here now_

_Robbe: yeah?_

Sander could almost hear Robbe’s voice in his head, the soft cadence and intonation that it acquired when Robbe was horny, desperate for release, how it got whiny and high and he’d say whatever was on his mind. It was one of his favorite things in the world. Sander bit his lip for a while before replying again, the tent in his pants growing bigger by the minute.

_Sander: of course baby_

_Sander: I’m there with you touching you all over_

_Sander: licking into your mouth_

_Sander: rubbing against you_

_Robbe: fuck_

_Robbe: Im so hard_

_Sander: show me_

The offer was too good to pass, Robbe couldn’t just say he was hard and _not_ expect Sander to ask for pictures. It wasn’t unusual for them to send each other photos, but they were still cautious about texting riskier things, especially after Milan had opened Robbe’s phone and found out about the butt plug app, pestering both of them for an entire afternoon for not sharing this with him sooner. Now, however, they were both too horny to remember that, all the tension pent up and needing some release.

Soon enough his phone buzzed and Sander sucked in a sharp breath, cock stirring inside his pants at the sight of Robbe. His boyfriend’s cock stood hard and leaking against his hip, and Sander could already see beads of precum glistening at the tip.

_Sander: touch yourself_

_Sander: picture me there with you_

_Sander: jerking you off slow_

_Robbe: fuck_

_Robbe: gonna come really soon_

_Sander: not yet_

_Sander: twist your nipples_

Sander’s breath was labored now, and he groaned in frustration, knowing fully well that he couldn’t make any sounds or try to move to the bathroom, because some of his cousins and aunts were sleeping in the room right next to it. _Why did I start this?_ Sander asked himself, once again picturing his boyfriend squirming in bed, naked and panting.

_Robbe: fcuk_

_Robbe: sander please let me come_

_Robbe: Imiss you_

_Sander: just a little more_

_Sander: lick your hand now_

_Sander: and stroke yourself again_

_Robbe: wait_

At this rate, Sander is pretty sure his heart is beating so loud it can be heard echoing across the empty living room, and he grips the base of his dick, trying to stave off his own erection.

_Robbe: cant typf_

_Robbe: type_

_Robbe: gonna cum_

_Robbe: please_

_Sander: huh?_

_Robbe: please? can Icum_

He finally decided to let Robbe have some relief, face flushing at how hot he must be looking now.

_Sander: okay you can come_

_Sander: come for me baby_

_Sander: all over yourself_

_Robbe: fcuk_

Sander could feel his own heartbeat rushing in his ears, too turned on to think about anything else that wasn’t Robbe coming, his beautiful face scrunching in pleasure as he tried to stay as quiet as possible, mouth opening in a silent scream as he spilled over his hand and chest. Even without seeing Robbe, Sander could picture the scene from memory in his mind; it was something he would never get tired of seeing.

His phone remained silent for another minute, and he was almost thinking that Robbe had fallen asleep when he got another text, and another picture.

_Robbe: holy shit_

_Robbe sent a picture_

Laughing with shock, Sander stared at the screen for a solid thirty seconds before even thinking about a proper reply. The photo showed Robbe’s chest and stomach, sticky with cum, and about half of his face, which was more than enough for Sander to see that his boyfriend was sweaty and looked out of breath.

_Sander: fuck you look so good_

_Sander: wish I was there to lick you clean_

_Robbe: me too_

_Robbe: love you_

_Sander: I love you_

_Robbe: getting sleepy now_

_Sander: I bet_

_Sander: good night baby_

_Robbe: good night_

Sander closed the chat and turned around, fanning himself with the blanket and wondering how the hell he was supposed to fall asleep now.

-

The following day was finally _the_ day, and it started pretty early for Sander, with noise coming from the kitchen and people padding softly around him as the rest of his family arrived at the house. He spent the whole morning helping clean the house and rearranging the furniture, checking the guest list and taking the occasional smoke break with his oldest cousins. He barely had time to speak with Robbe, too caught up in the party preparations, sending him some texts during lunch.

_Sander: hey, are you back at the flat yet?_

_Robbe: yeah, just got here_

_Robbe: mama made me stay for lunch too_

_Sander: my mom told me to ask if you have enough food_

_Sander: cause if you don’t we’ll pack some to take with us tomorrow_

_Robbe: oh god_

_Robbe: I got so much food_

_Robbe: my aunt gave me a whole bag of leftovers_

The thought of Robbe carrying a huge bag of food on the tram back home made Sander smile. He loved that his boyfriend had more people taking care of him now, and knew that his flatmates would jump at the opportunity of not needing to cook for a few days.

_Sander: oh great_

_Sander: Milan is gonna love that_

_Robbe: yeah lol_

_Robbe: I miss you_

_Sander: I miss you too_

He was almost done scarfing down his sandwich, and one of his aunts had already eyed him from the living room and motioned at the dishwasher, which meant that he had to hurry up and get back to work.

_Sander: gotta run again, things are chaotic around here_

_Sander: call me later?_

_Robbe: okay, have fun_

_Sander: robbe, there’s no fun here, I’m just working_

_Robbe: okay_

_Robbe: hard working man_

Sander snorted, texting him some hearts before going back to the party preparations.

The afternoon went by faster than he expected, and soon enough his mom was shoving him into the bathroom so that he would wash up and get ready for the party. She looked amazing in her dark green dress, one of her fancier ones, and Sander whistled as he walked by.

She slapped him playfully, laughing as he locked himself in the bathroom. Sander made quick work of his shower, washing his hair and scrubbing the grime off his body, finally relaxing a bit after a whole day of work. He could barely wait to relax, eat and just be quiet for a bit, the weekend taking a toll on his mind. As much as he loved being with his family, it could also be very overwhelming at times.

Sander ran his hand across the fogged up mirror, toweling his hair, and quickly brushed his teeth, groaning at the sight of the dress pants and suit that hung by the towel racket. He had so much time to prepare himself for this night, had a suit that actually fit him for once, but still, he _hated_ formal clothes. Dropping the towel on the ground, he put on his underwear and slid one arm into the white shirt before an idea popped into his mind.

Smiling deviously, Sander put his other arm through the shirt sleeve and left it open, picking up his phone. He opened his chat with Robbe and turned on the camera, trying to find a decent angle at the bathroom mirror to send Robbe a picture.

He positioned the phone so it would cover his face, and took the picture. Sander’s shirt was open and most of his chest and stomach was visible, along with his black underwear hanging low on his hips. He didn’t have time to send anything better, it was just meant to make Robbe squirm and maybe send him a bunch of heart emojis in return.

_Sander sent you a photo_

_Sander: wish you were here <3_

Setting the phone on the counter with a sigh, Sander finished getting dressed, leaving his tie for last because he never managed to get the damn knot correctly. He fixed his hair quickly, knowing it wouldn’t make any difference because soon enough all his aunts and cousins would be ruffling it, since _everyone_ in his family seemed to have an opinion about Sander’s decision to bleach his hair.

He was tying his shoes when his phone buzzed inside his pocket.

_Robbe: oh my god_

_Robbe: you’re ridiculous_

_Sander: lol why?_

_Robbe: you look so hot and so far away from me_

_Robbe: I’m in pain_

Laughing at the replies, Sander stood up and reached for his tie, yelling _thank you papa!_ From across the room when he noticed his dad had already tied it for him, so all he needed to do was slip the ghastly green piece of fabric through his head.

_Sander: you’ll survive robin_

_Sander: you home?_

_Robbe: no I’m at jens_

_Robbe: just chilling with the boys and playing videogames_

_Sander: okay, tell them I said hi_

_Robbe: they said hi too_

_Robbe: milan was at work when I came back, he texted me a million times already_

_Sander: he misses you_

_Robbe: yeah right_

_Robbe: how’s the dinner party?_

_Sander: about to start right now, I’m ready_

One of his cousins popped his head through Sander’s parents’ guest room as he was chucking his dirty clothes inside the bag.

‘You ready?’

‘Yeah, I’ll be down in a sec’

‘Grandma wants to start taking pictures already’

‘Oh god’ Sander groaned, laughing with his cousin, ‘I’m coming’

He snapped another picture, now fully dressed facing the big mirror in the room, and sent it to the boys’ groupchat before heading downstairs.

After taking a million pictures with his family, they finally toasted and got to eat and drink, Sander’s parents making him greet lots of people he didn’t remember ever seeing in his life before but who still coddled him and said _oh, you’re so big now!_

He’s sneaking into the kitchen to eat some shrimp sandwiches and finally manages to check his phone, which had buzzed quite a lot after he sent the last picture.

_Broerrs_

_Sander sent a photo_

_Sander: still hate wearing this_

_Robbe: hot_

_Moyo: looking good man!_

_Moyo: yeah I hate ties too_

_Jens: what a fine specimen_

_Aaron: wait why are you wearing a suit?_

_Robbe: family dinner with his grandma_

_Jens: moyo bring me another beer please_

_Moyo: get up and get it yourself_

_Jens: but you’re already in the kitchen_

_Moyo: no <3_

_Aaron: I’ll get it_

_Jens: thanks_

Sander took another bite of his sandwich before finally replying.

_Sander: thanks boys_

_Sander: yeah can’t wait to get out of these clothes_

_Robbe: me either_

_Moyo: ugh you guys are gross_

_Robbe: don’t be jealous_

_Robbe: wait the pizza is here_

_Aaron: finally!_

Sander was about to reply again when his uncle called him, asking for the sandwich tray that he was supposed to have brought to the table.

It was almost midnight when Sander snuck out of his grandma’s living room and hid in the backyard, loosening his green tie and trying to breathe some fresh air after almost being tackled by his younger cousins for the millionth time that night. He picked up his phone and found more messages, most of them just banter, but some still mentioning him, so he called Robbe to open a videochat.

Robbe answered and the screen opened to show him, looking great and wearing Sander’s green hoodie, which he had begged Sander to leave with him before he went to his grandma’s place.

‘Hey’

‘Hey you! Looking good!’

‘This old thing?’ Sander pats his suit, smiling.

‘How are things going?’

‘Great, I’m finally eating some of the food I spent so long making yesterday’

‘Wait, what about us?’ Sander heard muffled voices in the background, and Robbe twisted the phone with a sigh, revealing the boys in the background, beers in hand as they sat on Jens’ couch.

‘Hey guys’

‘Wow, I saw the picture earlier but damn, you do look good’ Aaron said as he wiggled his eyebrows.

‘Thank you’

‘Hey, eyes off my boyfriend!’

‘We can’t help it, he’s cooler than you, man’ Jens replied.

‘I doubt that, but thanks’ Sander replied with a laugh.

‘ _Anyways_ , it’s great that you called, cause we’re going to the bar, Jana, Zoe and Milan are meeting us there’

‘Milan is going too?’

‘I know, I don’t even wanna think about it too much’ Robbe ran a hand through his face, sounding a bit drunk already.

‘He probably just wants the full report about how things went with your mom’

‘Yeah, yeah, you’re right’

Sander looks behind him, ears picking up his name among the music and laughter.

‘Hey, I gotta go, I think my mom is looking for me’

‘Okay, tell her I said hi’

‘Will do. I miss you’

‘I miss you too’ Robbe flashed him smile, ducking his head a bit.

He could hardly wait for them to see each other again, to hold Robbe in his arms and touch him in all the ways he wanted.

‘Sander, please come back soon, Robbe won’t shut up about you’ Moyo’s face appeared in the corner of the screen, along with Jens and Aaron.

‘What?’

‘Yeah, we know you miss him, but it’s getting a bit much, man’

Sander didn’t even bother trying to mask the grin that took over his entire face after hearing the boys’ comments, endeared by Robbe’s blushing through the phone.

‘I’ll be there soon, okay?’ He promised, feeling his own face heating up as he took a drag from his cigarette.

‘Oooh, look at him, all hot with his cigarette!’ Aaron whistled in the back.

‘Okay. I love you’

‘I love you, and remember to drink some water, too’

‘I will, I will’

‘I love you, Sander!! Please come back!’ The boys screamed in the background, and then they ended the call.

As the night went on, Sander grew more tired, ate more food, loaded the dishwasher two times and ate some more, undoing his tie as soon as he saw his dad doing the same thing. Soon enough, his entire family was in various states of disarray, losing shoes and dropping earrings over the dinner table, their stomachs filled with food as they chatted loudly over each other.

_God, I wish I could be drinking._

He sent Robbe maybe two or three messages, reminding him to drink water as well. Sander knew that Robbe would forget to drink any water as soon as he got drunk enough, and then wake up cranky and with the worst hangover ever. Robbe replied to his texts with a thumbs up and some hearts, or an embarrassed face emoji, which meant he was thinking about Sander’s constant requests for him to drink some water for their _other_ activities.

Whenever he checked his phone, Sander found weird voicemails and blurred videos the boys were sending in the groupchat, singing and dancing, and Sander even spotted Milan in the back of some videos. The latest messages came from Robbe’s phone, but had mostly Aaron and Jens’ faces in some pictures.

_Aaron: hey robbe you left your phone at the table_

_Aaron: nvmind_

_Moyo: we’re outside talking to zoe_

_Robbe: I got his phone_

_Robbe: it’s jens btw_

_Robbe: he left his phone unlocked_

_Moyo: were waiting for senne to come pick her up_

_Robbe: oh sander sent him another picture_

_Robbe: damn son you’re packing_

_Robbe: sander be looking GOOD_

_Moyo: what?_

_Aaron: is it a nude?_

_Aaron: cause if it is I want some tips_

_Jens: oh wow_

_Moyo: aaron hurry up ffs_

_Aaron: coming back with the beers now_

Sander snorted at the chaotic chat, amused by the way their friends seemed to be so comfortable around each other, and it was also a bit jarring to see messages from Robbe’s phone but _know_ it wasn’t Robbe typing.

_Robbe: im back_

_Robbe: alredy yelled at jens for looking at your photo_

_Robbe: youre too hot for thek_

_Robbe: thek_

_Robbe: THEM_

_Sander: oh my god how drunk are you?_

_Robbe: not that drnk_

_Jens: pretty drunk_

_Moyo: he danced with milan_

_Sander: okay he’s drunk_

_Sander: brb I gotta help clean up_

The rest of his night went by in a blur of packing food, saying goodbye to people and unloading the dishwasher more times than he can count, desperately hoping that his aunts left the couch so that he could change into his sweatpants and get some sleep.

He’s about to turn off the lights in the living room when his phone buzzes again, and it’s another video call from Robbe. Sander grabs his earbuds and plugs them on the phone, trying to stay as quiet as possible now that everyone’s gone to bed as he accepts the call. This time, Robbe seems to be in the bathroom with Jens and Moyo, and he’s singing along to something that Sander soon picks up to be a Bowie song.

‘Hey Robin’

‘Hey babyyy’ Robbe sings, his eyes half lidded and a big smile on his face.

‘How’s everything going?’

‘They’re playing _Modern Love_ , Sander, can you hear it?’

‘I can, yes’ Sander tried not to laugh.

The phone is shaking quite a bit in Robbe’s hands, but Sander can see him leaning against the sink, the boys peeing somewhere in the back. Robbe sings a bit more, actually getting the lyrics right as he sways, while the boys laugh in the background. He looks great, even under the dim lights of the bathroom, and Sander whispers along for a bit with him, which makes Robbe laugh.

‘Why are you all huddled in the bathroom?’

‘Robbe is too drunk, I don’t trust him not to drop his phone into the toilet’ Moyo replied, somewhere off camera now that Robbe had brought the phone much closer to his face.

‘The boys saw that picture you sent me’

‘I know, I read the groupchat messages’

‘They didn’t mean to’

‘It’s alright, I don’t mind’ Sander replied in a low voice, worried about waking up his family.

‘You got nothing to be ashamed of, man!’

‘Yeah, you look hot’ He heard who he thought was Jens yelling behind Robbe.

‘Thanks boys’

‘Moyo, where’s my beer?’

‘You left it at the table, idiot’

‘Robin, are you drinking water, too?’

‘Huh?’ Robbe suddenly moved the phone back, and he seemed to be walking towards the urinals.

‘You better be staying hydrated, I don’t want you getting a hangover tomorrow’

‘Yeah, yeah, I’m drinking water’

‘Oh, so that’s why you made me get you two bottles of water when we could be getting more beer?’ Moyo complained, getting closer to the phone.

‘I gotta take care of this boy, since you guys tend to get too drunk for your own good’

‘Hey, I’m not that drunk’ Jens’ face popped up beside Robbe, already washing his hands.

He’s about to bid the boys goodnight when Robbe moves out of the frame, and Sander can only hear his voice now.

‘Moyo, hold my phone, I gotta pee’

‘Fine, give it to me, oh hi, you’re still here’ He muttered, seeing Sander’s face huddled inside the blanket. ‘Robbe stopped drinking some time ago, I think Milan is taking his beers and switching them with soda or something, don’t worry’

‘Okay, I’ll remember to thank him tomorrow’

‘Sanderrrrrr, I miss you’ He heard Robbe almost yell in the background, and Moyo turned the phone so that Sander had a better view of his boyfriend, or better, of his back, since he was facing the urinals now.

‘I miss you too’

‘Wish you were here with me’

‘Yeah?’ Sander replied, mostly to keep the conversation going but feeling very sleepy.

‘Yeah, wanted you to hold me?’

‘What?’ Moyo asked, laughing.

‘I don’t like to pee without Sander, I prefer it when he’s with me’

‘Robbe…’ Sander warns, a bit more awake now that his boyfriend suddenly decided to share their _preferences_ with his friends.

‘He always takes care of me, he’s so good, guys’

‘Robin, don’t’

‘Wish you were holding me while I go, ‘s nice’ Robbe mumbled, and Sander didn’t miss the alarmed look Jens shot him through the phone.

_This is not good,_ Sander thinks, knowing that this was something they hadn’t discussed or even mentioned to their friends yet, and he had no idea how they were going to react.

‘I like it even more when you also go down and just suck-‘

Before Robbe could go any further, however, he was cut off by Jens, who seems to be covering his boyfriend’s mouth with one hand.

‘ _Okay, man,_ that’s enough, let’s save some of the fun for later, yeah? You can go by yourself now’ Sander hears Jens mumble before dropping his hand and taking the phone from Moyo’s hands. ‘Uh, we’ll talk to you later’

‘Jens, wait’

‘Good night’

With that, Jens ended the video call, and Sander could only stare, dumbfounded, at the now black screen of his phone. All of his previous tiredness had been replaced with tension and quite a bit of anxiety. How much of what Robbe said had their friends picked up? Would they be disgusted? What if they used that information to make fun of Robbe? _Oh god, Robbe’s gonna flip if the boys talk about this._

Sander sat on the couch and took a deep breath, running one hand across his hair. He walked to the kitchen and drank some water before pacing for a bit, knowing it would probably be useless to try and call Robbe again right now. He returns and sends a few texts in a row instead, to Robbe and Milan.

_Sander: baby let me know when you get home_

_Sander: I love you_

After that, he opened up Milan’s contact.

_Sander: hey milan_

_Sander: can you let me know when you guys get home?_

_Sander: robbe is a bit drunk_

He sighed in relief when the small box showed that Milan was already typing a response.

_Milan: don’t worry, we’re going home together_

_Milan: he’ll be fine_

_Sander: thanks_

_Milan: go to sleep honey_

Even though he was tired, sleep is the last thing on Sander’s mind right now. The abrupt ending of the video call meant that Sander had no idea what the boys had said, and even _if_ they had said anything about Robbe’s comments. Also, he was still confused by Jens, and why the boy had stopped Robbe from saying anything else. Did he know what Robbe was going to say? Or was he just trying to prevent his friend from any more embarrassment?

Sander spent some time just staring at his phone, the groupchat open, waiting to see if the boys would say anything. The last message on it was from Moyo, to tell them that Zoe had gone back with Senne already. Nothing about the drinking, nothing about the video call, and nothing about Robbe, either. _Goddamnit._

Sander snuck out into the backyeard to smoke, hoping to release some of his nerves. He was almost done with his second cigarette in a row when his phone buzzed with a text from Milan.

_Milan: we’re home_

_Milan: robbe’s asleep already_

_Sander: thank you_

_Sander: goodnight_

_Milan: <3_

The tension that seemed to be gripping his heart like a vice released a bit, and he stubbed the cigarette butt on the corner before tucking it back inside the cardboard case. Finally, with his thoughts a bit more composed, Sander sent Jens a text.

_Sander: hey_

_Sander: everything ok?_

_Sander: are you home already?_

He fidgets for a few minutes before his phone buzzes again, and he opens the chat in a hurry.

_Jens: yeah im home_

_Jens: robbe went home with milan too_

_Sander: I know_

_Sander: can I call you?_

The small icon displaying Jens’ face stared at him through the phone while he waited for a response, fighting the urge to bite his nails. Things had gone so smoothly after that thing at the bar, and now _this_. Even though they were opening up a bit more to their friends, Sander knew some topics were still hard for Robbe to discuss, his inexperience and residual shame still lingering at times. Sander had no problem with sharing what they liked, his possessive streak subdued enough that he felt like he could talk about some things without getting jealous. Besides, as fucked up as it seemed to him, there was a part of him that liked to talk about Robbe to their friends, to boast and flaunt him around. To tell them _look at this amazing boy and all that we do together, and you’ll never get to touch him, because he’s all mine._

Finally, after what seemed to be forever, but must have been no longer than five minutes, his phone buzzed again.

_Jens: yea_

_Jens: wait I’ll call you_

It only took another second and his phone started vibrating in his hand, and Sander stared at the wet grass, not feeling cold in the slightest even though the night was a bit chilly and he was alone in the backyard. Taking a deep breath, he picked up the call.

‘Hey’

‘Hey man’ Jens’ voice seemed close, as if he was also trying to be quiet.

‘You guys got home okay?’

‘Yeah, it was fine, Moyo crashed at Aaron’s place’

‘Good’

Both of them hummed at the same time, which made Sander laugh a bit, still nervous. _Fuck, there’s no way around it._

‘Uh, anyways, I just wanted to talk to you about what Robbe said earlier’

‘Okay’

‘Yeah, he got a bit carried away and said some stuff, and I’m not sure he’d tell you guys that if he was a bit more sober’

‘I guess’

‘Sorry if it made things weird for you or the boys’

‘What?’

‘I mean, I know he didn’t make a lot of sense, but I’m sure you got the general idea of what he was trying to say’ Sander sighed, bouncing his leg rapidly.

‘Oh, don’t worry about it, man. The guys laughed for a while but it wasn’t a big deal’

‘You guys made fun of him?’

Sander took a deep breath, trying not to raise his voice too much.

‘Listen, I know we might do some unusual things, but you guys have _no business-‘_

‘Hey, hey, calm down, man, that’s not what I said at all!’

‘What?’

‘I mean, Moyo laughed because Robbe was stumbling and almost dropped his phone again, and then kept going on and on about you like he does sometimes, but that’s not new’

‘Oh’

‘And then Aaron started complaining because Milan said you had texted him and was worried about Robbe and always got so protective, and Robbe got all shy and blushy and giggly, which was _definitely_ new, he’s so whipped’

‘Oh, shut up’

‘It’s true!’ He laughed quietly.

‘But what about…’

‘All that talk about wanting you to hold him? The peeing stuff?’ Jens asked, and Sander could almost hear his smirk through the phone.

‘Uh, yeah’

‘I don’t think the boys picked up what that was about, man, relax’

‘Well, _you certainly_ picked up’

‘They were also pretty drunk and we all say stupid shit sometimes’ Jens kept talking as if he hadn’t listened to what Sander said. ‘I mean, we spent almost a whole month one time listening to Aaron’s weird ramblings about his sex dreams where Amber was a dominatrix or something’

‘Huh’

‘Yeah, calm down, Jack Frost’

‘You’re enjoying this too much, fuck off’ Sander replied, laughing nervously.

‘Eh, I’m still drunk and also very sleepy, I have to ride this while I can. Also, if Robbe ever decided to tell them about that stuff, I don’t think they’ll make fun of him’

‘Yeah?’

‘I mean, you like what you like, right? There’s no right or wrong way to go about it, I guess’

‘Thanks, man. I just hate the idea of Robbe feeling self-conscious or ashamed of what he likes, he’s had it hard enough already’

‘It’s cool’

The line stayed silent for a while after that, Sander’s mind reeling at the wild turn of events the night had brought. He held the phone against his ear and picked up the pack of cigarettes again, lighting one up and taking a big drag. The only noises around him were some crickets chirping in the distance, the crackling of his own cigarette as it burned on his fingers, and Jens’ slow, steady breathing through the phone.

‘Are you smoking?’

‘Yeah, it helps me relax sometimes’

‘I hate the smell of cigarettes’

‘They’re herbal, it’s not that bad. And I don’t smoke that much anymore, Robbe doesn’t like it, either’

‘Mmmm’

The air is cool and Sander’s body runs hot, because now there’s nowhere to go besides _there._ He tried to pretend it hadn’t happened, but Sander knew Jens had figured out their kinks. And Jens knows that Sander knows, so now the topic hung around them, unspoken. It wouldn’t be such a big deal inside Sander’s mind if he hadn’t been confused about one thing, that was _how had Jens picked that up so fast and was still so casual about it?_

‘So, you know what Robbe was talking about, right?’

‘Huh?’ Jens asked, seemingly distracted.

‘About the peeing’

‘Oh, yeah’

_Don’t ask, don’t ask, why are you such a curious, nosy idiot?_ Sander scolded himself before speaking, already regretting being unable to let the topic die.

‘And you don’t think it’s weird…?’

‘Uh, no, it’s not, I mean’ He coughed, stuttering a bit, ‘It’s not like I hear about those things every other day, y’know, but it’s not _that_ weird’

‘Okay’

‘Okay’

‘Well, what gave it away?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, it’s not something either of us had mentioned before to anybody, so I’m not sure how you figured it out so fast’

Sander could hear Jens’ breathing picking up on the other side of the line, as if he was getting worked up about it.

‘Jens?’

‘Okay, I gotta tell you something, but before I do, you have to promise me you won’t get mad’

‘What?’

‘Just promise me, man’ Jens asked, voice slurring a bit.

‘Okay, I promise’

‘Alright’

More silence.

‘So???’ Sander asked, getting impatient.

‘Okay, okay! That day at the bar, when you touched Robbe under the table’

‘Yeah, we’ve talked about this before’

‘I saw you guys, and tried to play it cool, cause I didn’t want you to notice’

‘Okay, what about it?’

‘Jesus, will you let me speak?’ Jens laughed, and Sander took another drag from the cigarette.

‘Sorry, sorry, I just don’t know where you’re going with this’

‘Well, then stop talking, it’s hard enough to think about this too much’

‘Fine, sorry, go on’

‘Okay. Okay. _So_ , after you and Robbe left the table that day, I… followed you. I was just going to apologize for staring, but you weren’t around when I entered the bathroom, and then I went inside one of the stalls to try and compose myself, but then I heard you guys talking’

‘What’ Sander mumbled, almost to himself.

‘Yeah, and I meant to leave, I swear, but I just didn’t know how to do it without making noise, and I was already a bit drunk too, and then you started talking, and I just froze, because Robbe was moaning, and I couldn’t move’

‘What the fuck’

‘And then how the fuck would I tell you guys that I heard you having sex in the bathroom like a creep? There was _no way_ , you guys would hate me, so I tried to forget all about it and repress it and just pretend like it never happened, because Robbe never talks about anything with us anyway, so it would be cool. But then he started talking, and you knew, _fuck, you knew_ that I had seen you touching him under the table’

Jens sounded almost out of breath now, voice stuttering as he kept talking, seemingly unable to stop the words from stumbling out of his mouth. Sander could hardly believe what he was hearing, pacing around the yard now with the cigarette butt burnt in his hand.

‘I don’t think it’s weird, okay, it just caught me by surprise, and then I didn’t know how to bring it up, because it was none of my fucking business to begin with, but it was the worst, Sander, just the worst, having to keep this _secret_ , and pretending like I didn’t know what you were up to already, and also, Robbe is really not subtle at all, and then tonight Robbe started to say all those things and it was just the last straw’

‘I… don’t know what to tell you’

‘Sorry, I know I’m rambling but I’m still drunk and I just cannot believe I’m finally talking about this, and I have so many questions but I know they’re all inappropriate, and I’m probably invading your privacy, so I’ll shut up now, I’m sorry’

‘Jens, calm down’

‘Sorry’

‘Just let me think for a minute, fuck’

Sander sat on the doorstep, the bottom of his sweatpants getting damp from touching the grass. This didn’t have to be that big of a deal, but somehow, it was. Not because Jens had heard them doing stuff without their consent, or because he seemed _very interested_ in their sex life. Not even because that meant that their friends would eventually catch up as well and also have questions of their own. It felt like a big deal mostly because there was this nagging at the back of his mind reminding him that Robbe still had _no idea_ about any of this. It felt like Jens should be having this conversation with Robbe instead of him.

‘I’m not mad at you’

‘Thank you’

‘But now I’m more confused than before, and I don’t think this is the kind of conversation we should be having when Robbe is still drunk and asleep and can’t really say what he thinks about all of this’

‘Fuck, you’re right, of course’ Jens replied in a quiet voice. ‘Sorry for making it weird’

‘You didn’t make it weird, it’s just been a long day’

‘Yeah, no shit’

‘I just think Robbe needs to be in this conversation too, you know? It feels weird without him’

‘It does, I just couldn’t stand to lie any longer’

‘It’s okay’

‘Also, you sounded _really scary_ over the phone when you get serious, and I’m a shitty liar so it was getting harder and harder to pretend that I wasn’t thinking about it’

‘Well, you fooled me’ Sander replied, trying to ease the tension. ‘And I’m not scary, fuck off’

‘You _are!_ I see why Robbe lets you push him around, I mean, fuck, I’d let you push me around too’

_I’m not drunk enough for this conversation_.

‘Jens, I think you’re too drunk and I’m too sober, and we should go to bed and wait until Robbe wakes up, okay?’

‘Okay. Sorry again’

‘Stop apologizing, jesus’ He huffed, still feeling a bit on edge.

‘Sorry, fuck, oh shit’ Jens barked out a laugh. ‘I’ll shut up now’

‘Great. Good night, Jens’

‘Good night, Sander’

Sander ended the call and scratched his neck, trying to process everything that had happened. He typed some messages to Robbe before turning off his phone and retreating back inside.

_Sander: hey call me when you wake up okay?_

_Sander: I miss you_

_Sander: also tell me you remember the stuff you said last night_

_Sander: love you <3_

He couldn’t tell if he needed to run a marathon or get knocked out cold, feeling his extremities a bit numb now. Even though the conversation had been helpful, it brought up a lot of unexpected things, and he could hardly wait to discuss them with Robbe. Sander briefly contemplated calling him, but decided against it, knowing his boyfriend would only wake up cranky and still drunk. Best to let him sleep through the night so that they could discuss this when they were both sober and well-rested. Well, at least Robbe would be.

Sander plugged in the earpieces again and hit play on the _Aladdin Sane_ album, letting Bowie’s voice lull him into a more relaxed state of mind as he stared into the darkness, lying across the couch and trying not to think too much about the excitement in Jens’ voice as he talked about hearing Sander and Robbe having sex.

This was going to be a long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...sorry for the cliffhanger?


	20. twenty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello kids, how are we doing? I'm writing like a maniac, almost done with the fic now, which feels super strange! This chapter has no smut, but it has a lot of necessary conversations. I honestly have no idea when or how this much plot got into the story, but I think it's important to show the boys discussing stuff, so here we are! anyways, I hope you like the chapter still, let me know what you think <3

Sunlight streamed through the open curtains and straight at Robbe’s face, who groaned and hid his head under the pillow. He can feel a mild headache coming through already, his throat dry and scratchy.

He twists and turns around on the bed for a while before giving up any attempts of going back to sleep, and fishes around for his phone over the bedside table. The bright light shines at his eyes, telling him it’s almost 11AM, and Robbe sees some notifications popping up.

Moving slowly on his way to the kitchen, Robbe tries to be as quiet as possible, but already heard some noise coming from the living room. He’s pouring coffee into his mug when Milan walks by, looking _way_ too bright and refreshed for someone who spent the whole night dancing as Robbe watched and laughed (and even danced along for a while).

‘Good morning, Robbe!’

‘Good morning’

‘Too hungover?’

‘It could be worse’

‘Good, that means all that water helped’ Milan gave him a dimpled smile. ‘There’s some pain medicine in the bathroom cabinet if you want to’

‘Thanks’

‘Also, don’t forget that today is laundry day, okay? I’m about to start the washing machine so hurry up and change your sheets if you want them in’

‘Ugh, okay, I will’

‘Also, call Sander, he was worried about you last night’

‘Really?’ Robbe said between bites of his toast, and Milan eyed him with a mocking face.

‘Yes, you got pretty smashed, if you don’t recall’

‘I’ll talk to him, thanks’

‘No problem, honey’

He checks his messages as he’s pulling off his bedsheets and sorting through the discarded clothes on the floor, deciding which ones are clean enough to be propped up on his desk chair for another week.

_Jens: hey man_

_Jens: how’s the hangover?_

_Jens: also some weird stuff went down yesterday_

Robbe frowned in confusion, his brain scrambling to remember everything he had said and done the night before. He can recall texting Sander a lot, and then calling him, laughing with the boys at the sight of his face over the phone, all dressed up.

He also remembers drinking quite a bit, which prompted him to tell Milan everything that went down with his mom and aunt the days before, how she cried after finishing the call with Sander’s family because she was so happy, and how he promised her things would be better now. That was the happiest he had ever seen his mom, and he intended on making sure they’d stay in touch and patch things up.

Somewhere along the night he remembered dancing with Milan, and yelling at the boys for getting his phone and seeing the photo Sander had sent him, half dressed and looking _hot as fuck._ They teased him and whistled and inquired until Robbe gave up and called Milan back to the table, and boy, that had been funny. The boys had stood, enraptured, as Milan explained the entire process of bottoming, step by step. Robbe had almost expected him to pull out some textbook illustrations or something, because he truly sounded like a teacher.

He shook his head and dropped the sheets on the floor, opening up Sander’s messages.

_Sander: baby let me know when you get home_

_Sander: I love you_

_Sander: hey call me when you wake up okay?_

_Sander: I miss you_

_Sander: also tell me you remember the stuff you said last night_

_Sander: love you <3_

Robbe couldn’t help but smile at the thoughtfulness of his boyfriend, wanting to make sure he had arrived safe and sound. Picking up his dirty laundry, he drops the phone on the bare mattress and takes off his own clothes, figuring they might as well get washed, too. He pads to the laundry room in silence, making a mental note to pick up the pain medicine for his headache on the way back.

The pill is bitter on his tongue as he washes it down with big gulps of water and takes the bottle with him into his room, yelling over his shoulder.

‘Milan, I already changed my sheets!’

‘Okay, I’ll start the washing machine’

He dials Sander’s number and fiddles around the room clad only in his underwear, and is folding the second shirt and placing it on the desk chair when Sander picks up the call.

‘Hey Robin’

‘Good morning’

‘Did you sleep well?’

‘I did, sorry about your messages, I only saw them today when I woke up’

‘It’s okay, Milan texted me when you guys got back yesterday’

‘Are you still at your grandma’s?’

‘Yeah, we’ll leave after lunch, I probably won’t be home until dinnertime’

‘Oh, okay’ Robbe replies, a bit distracted by the smell of food wafting from the bistro downstairs and coming through his open window. His stomach rumbles.

‘How are you feeling? No hangover?’

‘Not too bad, I took some medicine now, I’m just really hungry’

‘I bet’ Sander laughs, his beautiful, melodic laugh, and Robbe misses him _so much_ , so he says it.

‘I miss you’

‘I miss you too, baby. Hey, did you receive all of my texts?’

‘I did, why?’

‘So, you remember about last night?’

‘I mean, I guess so’ Robbe replies, a bit uncertain now. ‘Oh god, did I do anything embarrassing? Was that why Jens texted me?’

‘Oh, he texted you?’

‘Yeah, he asked about last night, too’

‘Right’

‘Well? What is it?’

‘Oh, so you don’t remember’

‘Is this about me dancing with Milan? Because it was only for three songs and they promised me not to film it’

‘No, it’s not about that, but I would have loved to see it’ Sander’s laughter echoed in his ear.

‘Then I don’t – wait, let me put you on speaker, I’m making my bed’

Robbe dropped the phone on the bedside table and pressed the speaker button, picking up one side of his fitted bedsheets.

‘Okay, I got it. Yeah, I don’t know what you guys are talking about, sorry’

‘Do you want the short version or the long version?’

‘I don’t know, was it that bad?’

‘I don’t think so. Okay, so you remember calling me to tell me that they were playing Bowie at the bar?’

‘I think so… was it _Modern Love_?’ Robbe asks, pulling the last piece of the sheet over his mattress. He bends down to pick up his pillow and put on a new pillowcase, still a bit distracted.

‘Yeah, and the boys were with you, and then you went to pee and left your phone with Moyo’

‘I remember, yes’

He hears Sander talking in the background, but his brain is still stuck trying to reconnect the pieces, and suddenly _everything_ clicks into place. The bathroom. Robbe moving to go pee, and telling Sander that he missed him. Telling that he wanted Sander to hold him.

Oh.

_Oh, fuck._

‘…and then Jens ended the call and I couldn’t reach you anymore’

Robbe’s head seems to be slowly being filled with cotton, Sander’s voice getting further and further away, and he sits on the bed, a bit dazed. The boys heard him say that Sander held him while he peed. And that he liked it. And then Jens covered his mouth before he could embarrass himself any further. Everything seems far away, body heating up and he can’t decide if he wants to hear the end of the story. What if they made fun of him? Would they be disgusted?

‘Robbe, are you there?’

‘Sorry, I’m here’

‘What’s wrong?’

‘I remember last night’

‘Oh’

‘Yeah, I remembered everything. God, the boys will never let me live this down’ He says, laughing as his face heats up, and he’s glad Sander isn’t here to see him.

‘It was fine, I spoke with Jens later and he told me that the boys didn’t think about it too much, they were drunk too’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, they didn’t even realize what you were talking about, and Jens interrupted you before you continued rambling’

‘Oh, you’re right’ He replies, still a bit dazed.

‘Yeah, don’t worry about it’ Sander’s voice was comforting, and he felt a bit less embarrassed now. After all, it was bound to happen at some point, his friends were too nosy for him to be able to believe they wouldn’t pry this out of him eventually.

‘Okay, I should probably still talk to them, though’

‘Yeah, if you want to’

‘It wasn’t that bad, you scared me!’ He scolded, putting on a shirt and grabbing his phone back from the table.

‘Oh, I’m not done’

‘Fuck, there’s more?’

‘Yeah, that’s the weird bit Jens was probably meaning to tell you’

‘What else?’

‘Okay, so don’t freak out, but, yesterday, I called Jens after you guys got home, you know, to ask him if the guys were weirded out by the pee thing’

‘Yeah?’ Robbe replied, mostly to keep the conversation going, slowly getting apprehensive again.

‘And we got to talk for a bit, he was still drunk, so he ended up telling me some interesting stuff’

‘Like what?’

‘Like the fact that he snuck into the bathroom and heard us messing around that day at the bar’

‘What?’

‘Yeah! He followed us and got into one of the stalls and then he heard the whole thing’

‘Was that when you licked my hand, and…’ Robbe trails off, cheeks heating up again at the memory of what they had done that day.

‘Yes, that day’

‘Wow’

_Okay, this might be a bit too much_. Robbe had been surprised once before, when he thought Jens would be put off by having caught them under the table, and he had been wrong. And now this? Why hadn’t he said anything when they talked about it?

‘What the fuck’

‘What?’

‘I had all that talk with Jens, some huge fucking conversation, like, he complained that I never tell him anything, and then he has the nerve, the fucking _nerve_ to keep this from me?’

He was pacing around the room now, feeling a mixture of shame and frustration and anger rising inside him. Jens had no right to do that. Here he was, all worried about his friends’ reactions, and Jens already knew the entire time!

‘Robbe, calm down’

‘No! That jerk made me feel guilty for not sharing stuff with him, and all the while he was sitting on this secret? Why didn’t he just tell me then?’

‘Well, I don’t think it’s that easy, how do you think he would have reacted if he found out you’d seen him have sex with Jana, for example?’

Sander was right, trying to be reasonable, for sure, but that was the last thing on Robbe’s mind. He couldn’t think reasonably right now.

‘I _did_ see them! I mean, not everything, but do you have any idea how many times I came close to catching them messing around? I was the third wheel for so long, Sander, _so long_ ’

‘Breathe, Robbe’

‘No, I – ‘

‘Robbe, stop talking’ Sander raised his voice a bit, cutting through the fog inside his brain.

He scrubbed a hand over his face, willing himself to take deep breaths. Sander was quiet on the other side of the line, waiting for him to calm down before he resumed talking.

‘I know you’re upset, but please talk to me. Why are you upset? Is it because he heard us?’

‘No! It’s because he didn’t talk to me about it!’

‘To be fair, you also didn’t talk with him either’

‘What?’

‘It took us forever to tell Jens we knew he had seen me touch you under the table. And then you never said anything else about us unless the boys pried it out of you, so Jens must have thought you didn’t wanna talk about it’

Robbe sat on the bed, fighting the urge to punch his pillow or do something equally as stupid. It was hard to think clearly with an empty stomach and the remnants of a headache still pounding in his brain. Robbe sighed and got back to folding his shirts. He needed to get busy with something or else he’d lose his temper again.

‘I talked a lot with him, but I think it’s important that you guys can talk, too. He has a lot to say’

‘I bet he does’ Robbe replied, sarcastically.

‘Hey, don’t be a dick’

‘Why are you defending him?’

‘I’m not defending him, this is not about that. This is why I said you need to talk to him. He’s your best friend, things can’t go on like this’

‘You’re my best friend’

‘But he came first, Robin, you know what I mean’

He knew exactly what Sander meant, but it was hard to think about it now. He couldn’t stand to think that something might ruin his friendship with Jens or make things weird between them. _Damn_ , he knows, deep down, that Jens is way more accepting and chill about things than he appears on a surface level, but that doesn’t mean Robbe can control his nerves about it.

His stomach grumbles again, and that jolts him out of his mind a bit.

‘Fuck, I’m hungry’

‘Me too, my mom said lunch is almost done’

‘You’re not working today?’

‘No, my family finally gave me a break, I just spent the morning watching reruns with my cousins. I’m still tired as hell, though’

‘Why?’

‘I couldn’t sleep last night, spent the longest time still overthinking my conversation with Jens. He was drunk and said _a lot_ ’

‘Now you’re just being mean. What else did he say?’

‘He was very interested in our sex life, let’s leave it at that’ Sander replied, and Robbe could hear him smiling. ‘Call him, okay?’

‘What if he makes fun of me?’

‘I think you’re past that point’

‘But what if it’s too awkward and I can’t even look him in the face after?’

‘Well, there’s only one way to find out, right? Call him’ Sander reasoned with a sigh.

‘I will’

‘And try not to kill each other, please’

‘Can’t promise you that’ Robbe laughed, feeling way calmer now.

‘I’ll let you know when I’m home, gotta go now’

‘Okay, I love you’

‘I love you’

Robbe though about throwing his phone on the bed after ending the call, but, acting on impulse, picked it back up and immediately sent Jens some texts.

_Robbe: hey man_

_Robbe: yea I remember last night_

_Robbe: we should talk?_

He had finished folding all the clean shirts that were strewn about the room and was reaching under the bed for the last one by the time Jens replied.

_Jens: oh okay_

_Jens: meet me at the skate park?_

_Robbe: no_

_Robbe: can you come over?_

If they were going to talk about everything, Robbe wanted it to be somewhere they could really talk without constantly looking over their shoulders. Zoe would be out with Senne until night, probably, and he could always lock Milan out of his bedroom.

_Robbe: I’ll get us some food_

Running to pick up a pair of jeans, Robbe got dressed quickly and grabbed his wallet and keys, already thinking about the kebabs down the street. He locked the door and was walking down the stairs when his phone buzzed.

_Jens: awesome_

_Jens: be there in 15_

_Robbe: see you soon_

-

Robbe was setting down the food and drinks at the coffee table when the buzzer rang, so he walked to the kitchen to press it and let Jens in. He unlocked the door and got back into the kitchen, picking up some silverware and glasses. He considered fishing the last two beers in the fridge for them, but decided it would be better if they were both sober for this; he didn’t wanted to have this conversation and then chalk it up to inebriation, too awkward to pick it back up when the alcohol buzz faded away.

The silverware clinked against the coffee table as he dropped it when he heard Jens’ voice coming from the hallway.

‘Robbe?’

‘Hey, in here’

Jens locked the door behind him; Robbe could hear the jingling of the keys and then the shuffling of clothes as Jens took off his coat and shoes in the hallway.

‘Hi’

‘Hey, man’ Robbe greeted him, already pointing at the plates filled with kebabs and fries in front of them. ‘Got some kebabs’

‘Nice, I need some grease after all that drinking’

‘I know, me too’

They dig into the food at once, making the occasional comment at the TV where _Lord of The Rings_ is playing at a low volume. Robbe knows they’re just killing time until someone gives in and they get to the actual subject they need to talk, but still. It’s nice to just chill with Jens for a while, no tension in the air as they chat about nothing in particular.

Between sending Jens the messages and returning to the flat, the previous anger and frustration seems to have mostly dissipated from Robbe’s mind. Granted, he’s still confused and a little anxious at the prospect of talking about his sex life with his best friend, but he’s not mad about it. Somehow, it almost feels like this isn’t about sex or the fact that Jens saw or heard anything, but it’s actually about their friendship and need to communicate.

Once he’s done with his food, Robbe puts the plate down, deciding to just go for it.

‘So, about what I said last night, sorry for oversharing’

‘It’s alright, man, I don’t mind’

‘Thanks, though, for not judging me’

‘You don’t need to thank me for that’ Jens shot him an incredulous look, ‘You really think I’d make fun of you?’

‘No, I don’t know… I guess’

‘It’s cool, Robbe’

‘Right’ He takes a deep breath before resuming, ‘Sander also told me you guys talked last night’

The fork hovers on the way to Jens’ mouth as he freezes, then clinks against the plate. Jens places the plate down at the coffee table and wipes his mouth with a napkin, cleaning his throat before speaking.

‘He did?’

‘Mhmm’

‘Did he tell you everything?’

‘No, but I was hoping you could tell me yourself’

‘Okay’ Jens took a big swig from his soda can, ‘What do you want to know?’

_Alright, no more bullshit, then_.

‘You followed us into the bathroom?’

‘I did’

‘Why?’

‘Because! I know I spent quite some time staring at the both of you like a creep, _I know,_ okay? So I went to apologize, because that was weird, and fuck, Sander was touching you, what was I supposed to do? But I thought you guys weren’t there when I entered the bathroom, until I heard some noises but it was too late, I was already inside one of the stalls’

‘Fuck’

Robbe leans back against the headrest, fighting the urge to just get up and run away, his body prickling with nerves and some embarrassment still.

‘But we’ve talked about stuff after that!’

‘I know, and I apologized, and I thought it would be okay’

‘But it wasn’t’

‘No, it wasn’t’ Jens agreed with him, his face red.

‘Why didn’t you say anything when I asked you?’

‘I don’t know, I thought it might be too much for you. I mean, _I thought_ it was too much, I didn’t know how to react’

‘Why?’ Robbe asks, suddenly afraid of being judged by his best friend, knowing that he didn’t have the most normal preferences in the world.

‘Because! It was you and Sander! And he was saying all of those things and I never heard anybody say stuff like that, not in real life, at least’

‘Is that bad?’

‘No, it was just…surprising. And the more I listened, the more I stayed, and I felt like I was glued to the floor, because I couldn’t believe that was really happening, and then I got _hard_ , which was way more confusing, and – ‘

‘Wait, you got hard?’

‘Well, yes! What did you expect? I mean, you were _there_ , you heard what Sander said! And you were talking too!’

Robbe didn’t know what to think, body feeling numb and his mind scrambled by their conversation.

‘And then I heard someone moan, which I’m pretty sure it was you, but I can’t think about it too much right now, but I got even harder, and I wanted to stay and listen but I also knew it was very fucked up for me to lurk around, and it was just going on forever!’ Jens seemed almost out of breath now, ‘So I just bolted out of there with a _very confusing_ boner and had to down a couple of beers before I returned to the table so people wouldn’t notice the state I was in’

‘I… what?’

The conversation had taken such a sudden turn, and it seemed like Jens had been waiting for the topic to be brought up so that he could unload all of his thoughts onto Robbe, because he just kept rambling, almost to himself now, as Robbe stared at him, mouth agape.

‘Oh, and after that, when we were playing truth or dare, I thought you were going to say that the weirdest place you’ve ever had sex had been inside the bathroom, so I could at least have an excuse to tell you everything, but noooo, you had to get a weirder place, right? And then you topped it off by having Sander _fucking spit in your mouth_! Holy shit, man, that was wild’

‘Jens, calm down, oh my god’

‘Okay, okay, sorry, I got carried away’

They sat in silence for a few seconds, Robbe trying to absorb everything.

‘Yeah, so that’s why I didn’t say anything. I just didn’t want you guys to think I was trying to be a creep or whatever or sneak up on your business’

‘Okay’

The flat was eerily quiet, a rare feat that was only achieved either when everyone was asleep or not at home. Judging by the lack of white noise coming from Milan’s room, Robbe believed his flatmates weren’t around. He stared at Jens’ socked feet and tried to think about what to say, his mind running miles and stuck in certain phrases like _I got hard_ and _I wanted to stay and listen._

‘You know, I thought maybe Sander had done it on purpose, trying to rile me up at the table so that I followed you both’

Jens must have read the look of confusion on Robbe’s face, because he just barked out a sarcastic laugh.

‘Yeah, but then you guys acted as if nothing had happened, and I got ever more confused because I thought you were fucking with me’

‘Why would we do that?’ Robbe blurted out, confused.

‘What?’

‘We weren’t fucking with you, man, I wouldn’t do that’

‘Okay, okay’

Silence fell between them again, and Robbe forced himself to hold Jens’ gaze. If he ever thought their previous conversations had been hard, they had nothing on this one. And he had already discussed this with Sander for a bit, the _what if he makes fun of me?_ and _what if it’s awkward?_ but it was completely different to actually hear Jens say what he said, instead of it being filtered through Sander’s voice.

‘Sorry, I just know it’s a big deal to you guys’

‘No, it’s not’

‘It’s not?’

‘I mean, it _is_ a big deal, but not that you heard us’, Robbe exhaled, trying to organize his thoughts, ‘Actually, scratch that, It’s a big deal that you heard us, but the problem here is that you didn’t tell me, okay? I don’t mind it so much now that people are curious about me and Sander’

‘Oh’

‘I was just scared of what you guys would think… I mean, this is something new for me, too’

After a beat of silence, Robbe thought the conversation was over, but then Jens brushed both hands across his face, almost hiding it from view.

‘Is it weird that I got hard?’

‘Jens, for fuck sake’

‘I’m just saying! It was very confusing for me, okay, it had nothing to do with _you or Sander_ in particular, trust me, my body just… reacted’ His voice came out muffled by his own hands.

‘I don’t know if it’s weird’

Robbe fiddled with his golden chain, twisting it around his finger as he thought about how to carry on with the conversation. He was surprised at how okay he was about the whole thing, much calmer than he expected, but still unsure, still desperate not to ruin their friendship by saying too little or too much.

‘Then let’s not make it weird’ Jens blurted out.

‘Okay…? How do we do that?’

‘I don’t know, but we have to try, right?’

‘Right. Anything else you wanna say, since we’re trying to be honest and all that?’ Robbe asked, nervous smile still on his face.

‘Not _say_ exactly, but I have a lot of questions’

‘Questions? About what?’

‘You know… your thing with Sander’

‘Why _the fuck_ are you so interested?’

Jens scoffed, elbows resting against his knees as he leant forward on the chair.

‘I don’t know, I just am! Forget I said anything, sorry’

‘No, it’s just… Sander is better at talking about it’

‘Well, he told me to talk with you first, so…’

Robbe laughed at that, endeared by his boyfriend’s thoughtfulness, and makes an extra mental note to suck his dick as a _thank you_ whenever he gets the chance. He looks at Jens again, trying to remember how he ever thought he had a crush on him. The idea seems to be miles away now, a desperate attempt at having some attention in a time when his world was collapsing.

Now that he thought about it, and inevitably compared it with his relationship with Sander, it was obvious how Robbe just wanted, _needed_ some form of connection back then, and Jens happened to be closer to him. However, that felt like nothing compared to what he felt with Sander, their love and trust so encompassing, so _consuming and comforting_ at the same time, that it just puts his mind at ease. Jens was still his friend, a friend he can count on and trust, but it was never love.

‘Can I think about it and get back to you on that?’

‘Sure, no pressure, man’ Jens smiled, leaning back at the chair again. ‘So, we’re cool?’

‘Yeah, we’re cool’

‘Not weird’

‘No, not weird’ He laughed again, feeling way more at ease now.

Jens picks up the remote and raises the volume of the TV, the sound of swords clashing echoing through the room.

‘Also, I promise I don’t think about it all the time’

‘Sure, man’

‘I don’t! What kind of person do you think I am?’ Jens scoffs in mock offense, and soon enough they’re back to their usual banter, laughter mingling with the screams of Aragorn and Frodo as they treaded through the Middle Earth.

-

Things change a few days later when they’re at school, as always.

They’re in between classes inside the bathroom, and Robbe is ranting about the amount of work his French teacher gave them.

He places one hand against the wall to balance himself as the other holds his dick to pee, and Robbe is hungry and rambling and just wants to sleep. Jens is somewhere behind him, humming occasionally in agreement.

‘… and I just _don’t get_ why this has to be a group assignment, I mean, haven’t we already done this last month?’ Robbe asks over his shoulder, almost done peeing.

He’s met with silence, his own voice echoing inside the bathroom. _Did Jens leave me alone?_

‘Jens?’

‘Huh? What?’

‘Did you listen to what I said?’

‘I did’

He tugs his dick back into his pants and zips them up, moving to wash his hands, and notices that Jens is staring somewhere at the wall beside him.

‘Hello, earth to Jens?’

‘Sorry, I’m here’

‘Okay, what’s going on now?’

‘Nothing’ Jens replied, but Robbe doesn’t miss the way his face gets red, so he laughs, immediately figuring things out.

‘Don’t make it weird’

‘I’m not!’

Robbe shots him a look, mentally screaming _that’s bullshit and you know it, idiot_ at Jens.

‘ _I’m not_! It’s just a strong mental image to try not to think about’

He shrugs and dries his hands with some paper towels, willing himself not to think too much about this. Not even five seconds later, Jens breaks the silence again.

‘Robbe, I can’t _not_ think about it, sorry’ He sounds half-apologetic, half-mocking.

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, I know I said I wasn’t thinking about it, but I just didn’t want to make things weird between us’

‘They’re not weird’

‘Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything’

‘It’s okay’ Robbe replies, and they stare at each other for a beat, leaning against the bathroom sink. He’s about to leave when Jens speaks again.

‘I just didn’t know that it was a thing, okay?’

‘What was a thing?’

‘The piss stuff! I had never thought about it like _that_ , it was very surprising’

‘Oh’ Robbe blushed, ‘Well, it is a thing’

‘Yeah, I know that now’

‘Okay’

The school bell rings somewhere outside, and if they don’t move now they’ll be late for the next class, but neither of them takes the initiative to move. Robbe’s gaze travels around, looking at his dirty sneakers and the puddle of water at the corner of the bathroom, shining under the fluorescent light.

‘You said you like it when people watch’

‘What?’

‘When we were playing truth or dare, you said you get off when you think people are watching you’

‘I never said that’ Robbe replied, blushing.

‘Well, Sander said it, so I assumed it also applied to you, I don’t see him dating anybody else around here’

‘Okay, what about it?’

‘Maybe I – Nevermind’

‘What, Jens?’

The air seemed charged with electricity between them, something unspoken hovering around, and Robbe could almost touch the tension, his body taut and rigid as he willed himself _not to think about it, he’s not gonna ask what you’re thinking, don’t be weird,_ and they just stare at each other for a while, standing inside the school bathroom and already late for their classes.

‘Jens?’ He finally breaks the silence, unable to wait any longer.

‘Maybe I could watch’

‘What?’

‘I mean, you like to be watched, right?’ 

‘…Yes?’ Robbe replied, still unsure of how to proceed with this conversation.

‘Well, I’d like to… watch’

Before Robbe could think about a proper response, four boys entered the bathroom in a flurry of movement, unlit cigarettes in hand, and the moment is broken.

‘We’re gonna be late, let’s go’ Jens pushes Robbe out the door and into the hallway, half running so that they don’t miss the class. Robbe’s mind is scrambled, too much going on, and, in giant, bold letters, a thought runs across it, screaming at him.

_What the fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...sorry for the cliffhanger AGAIN, but I promise this is the last one hahahahahahahaha


	21. twenty-one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, kids, how are we doing? I'm having a hard time writing the fic now that I'm down to the last four chapters, it feels really bittersweet. I also haven't watched season 4 in almost a month, I have no patience for k*to or the way the producers are writing the season, I'm honestly just rewatching season 3 and waiting for Yasmina's season at this point. Anyways, hope you like this chapter, I had a lot of fun writing it, let me know what you think <3  
> Also, I will warn you in advance before anything happens between the boys and Jens, so don't worry! ;)

Sander checks his phone for the millionth time, needing to make sure he got the measurements right because, at this rate, they’re bound to set the whole kitchen on fire.

‘What does the recipe says again?’

‘Three tablespoons of tomato paste’

‘Is it okay if we use ketchup?’

‘Sander, no, what the fuck’

They’re at the flat, trying to make dinner on a Wednesday night because Robbe and Milan went to the supermarket and got some stuff on sale that was about to expire, so now they _have_ to use it. They’re trying to make lasagna from scratch, and _how hard can it be?_ Sander thought as he suggested it.

Apparently, _very hard_ was the answer, because it’s almost 8PM and they’re still making the Bolognese sauce.

Sander also went to Robbe’s place because he had received a bunch of messages from his boyfriend while he was in class which made him confused.

_Robbe: we need to talk_

_Robbe: jens wants to watch us_

_Robbe: I mean I think that’s what he meant_

_Robbe: we were in the bathroom and he just said he couldn’t stop thinking about it_

_Robbe: fuck my teachers coming_

_Robbe: please call me when you’re done_

_Robbe: I’m going to the supermarket with milan_

He tried to ask Robbe more about the messages while he was on the tram, but Robbe hadn’t said anything else, probably because Milan was beside him the whole time, so now his curiosity was reaching insane levels. Also, he might or might have not needed to place his bag over his crotch as his brain conjured images of him _fucking into Robbe while Jens watched, mesmerized and unable to do anything but look as Sander remained the only person allowed to give Robbe all the pleasure he wanted, to make him come and then come too, all the while Jens stared at them, getting hard inside his jeans and wishing he could touch them._

Now, inside the kollektiv’s tiny kitchen, Sander is just waiting for things to settle down a bit so that he can start interrogating Robbe about his cryptic messages. Zoe is still grating some cheese behind them, humming along to whatever is playing from Sander’s phone but he cannot pick up right now, too strung up and _so focused_ on Robbe that he’s pretty sure he’s three seconds away from reading his boyfriend’s mind.

Robbe seems oblivious to this, concentrated on stirring the sauce and tasting it every so often. Sander loves how Robbe tries so hard, wants to make everything perfect and pours his energy into cutting the onion into equal tiny pieces, or checking the water to see if it’s already boiling so that they can cook the pasta sheets.

Zoe washes her hands and turns at them, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

‘All done with the cheese, boys’

‘Thanks’

The moment Zoe steps out of the kitchen, however, Sander puts away the dish towel and crowds Robbe’s space, feeling the heat from the stove hit his face.

‘So?’

‘So what?’ Robbe mimics.

‘So, what the hell was that about? The thing about Jens?’

‘Oh, that thing! Sorry, I was just too worried about the sauce, Milan said he’d kill me if I messed up the proportions and I just wanted to - ‘

‘Robbe, your sauce is good’ Sander interrupted him with a huff, hand splaying across his back, ‘Now tell me everything’

He watched, anxious and excited, as Robbe bit his lip and stirred the sauce for a couple more seconds before turning down the heat and covering the pot with a lid.

‘Okay, so I was in the bathroom with Jens, right? We were at school and I think we were already late, too’

‘Right’

‘So I was peeing and talking to him but then he kind of zoned out, I don’t know, and then he got all embarrassed’

‘About you peeing? I thought you guys had talked about stuff and it wasn’t awkward?’ Sander replied, leaning against the counter and picking up the dish towel again.

‘We had! That’s what I thought, too, but then he said he couldn’t stop thinking about it, and that it was because he didn’t know the… _pee thing_ was a thing’ Robbe whispered the last part, face blushing.

‘Okay, but what about the thing he said about watching?’

‘I’m getting there! So, just as I was about to leave, he straight up tells me _oh, you guys like to be watched, right?_ And it was because of that thing you said the other night at the party at Britt’s house, when we were playing truth or dare. _You said_ ’ Robbe points an accusatory finger at him, smiling, ‘ _You said_ we liked the idea of being caught and being watched’

Sander laughed, placing the dry plates on the table.

‘Did I say that? Really?’

‘Yes, you did, don’t try to deny it now!’

‘Okay, fine. I wasn’t lying, though’ He ponders, which makes Robbe give him a heated look.

‘I know you weren’t lying, that’s not the point. The point is that he said he’d like to watch us’

Oh, shit, you’re right’

Robbe picks up the wooden spoon again and opens the lid, giving the sauce a good whiff before he resumes stirring. It’s not hard to paint the mental image of his boyfriend and Jens, caught in this situation _at school_ of all places, too stunned to say anything or deal with what they were both thinking.

‘Well, what did you tell him?’

‘Nothing, before I could reply some boys walked into the bathroom and we rushed out because we were already late’

‘But what about after that? Did he text you or anything?’

‘No, he didn’t’

Sander wouldn’t say anything, but he was sure that Robbe was trying to bury his face into the sauce pan so that he wouldn’t have to look at him, face _very_ flushed.

‘And was that because…?’ He pries, waiting to see if Robbe tells him anything else.

‘Because I had no idea of what to say! I mean, how was I supposed to answer to that? Also I wanted to talk to you first’

‘Okay, let’s talk, then’

Over the months that had passed since Sander starting going to therapy again, he discovered many things about himself and about his mind. One of the latest things was that most of the scary things he thought about instantly became less scary once he voiced them. _Yes,_ it made them feel more real, but it also helped to put his thoughts into perspective, to either dismiss it as something completely ridiculous or make him pay attention to what his brain was trying to tell him.

So it became a thing for him. He still had a hard time with it, but it was getting progressively easier to say out loud what he was thinking, as insane as it sounded. Sander wouldn’t shut up some days, telling his mom _but do you really love me? Or are you just used to me and think I’m your responsibility just because I’m your son?_ , or asking Noor _do you ever think about how weird it is that we could have been fish if the evolutionary process of the planet changed just the tiniest bit?_ As he gave her a ride to the tram stop on his bike. Or even calling Robbe while biking to the kollektiv just to say _hey I’m on my way now but I just want you to know that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I wanna suck your dick as soon as I get there._

The more he voiced his thoughts and ideas, the less scary they seemed, and it was something he was also trying to do with Robbe now, even though his boyfriend still struggled in that department.

‘Talk about what?’

‘Well, do you want him to watch us?’

‘What?’

‘Robin, he knows we get off on being watched, and now _we know_ that he wants to watch, maybe he gets off on watching people, I don’t know. Do you want that to happen?’

‘I… I don’t know’

He moved closer to Robbe, carefully placing the lasagna sheets into the boiling water and giving it a stir, his stomach grumbling at the smell of the meat sauce.

‘What don’t you know?’ Milan asked, storming off into the kitchen. ‘Sorry, just gotta open the wine and I’ll be out of your hair. The food smells good, though!’

‘Thanks’

‘So, what don’t you know?’ He insisted.

‘I… don’t know if the lasagna will turn out good’

‘Why not?’

‘Because…’ Sander’s mind scrambled to try and come up with an explanation, but, before he could say anything, Robbe beat him to it.

‘Because sometimes we have the recipe for something, and it seems like a good idea when you read it, but a lot of things can go wrong in the proccess’

Sander fought back a laugh, incredulous, and tried to look at Robbe from the side without Milan noticing.

‘But the sauce smells great!’ He commented as he struggled with the bottle opener.

‘Yeah, and I think that if the ingredients are good, and the _preparation_ is done following the right steps, the lasagna should turn out fine’ Sander replied, eyes full of mirth as Robbe stirred the sauce, a small smile playing on his lips.

‘I _know,_ but still. What if the sauce… gets too much?’

‘Too much?’

Yeah, too overpowering, and it just takes away all the flavor of the other ingredients, and you can’t stop thinking about how the lasagna is ruined because you put too much sauce in it’

‘I don’t think there’s such a thing as too much sauce on a lasagna, Robbe’ Milan laughed, finally cracking the bottle open.

‘Also, we know the sauce. _We trust_ this sauce, Robbe’ It took all of Sander’s willpower to keep going with their weird analogy; now that they started, there was no stopping it.

‘Well, the sauce might not be what it’s right for the lasagna. It might… keep the other ingredients apart’

‘What?’

‘I mean, are we sure that the sauce is good for the lasagna? What if we mix it there and it sticks to the bottom of the pan? Or if it decides that it doesn’t wanna be in the lasagna anymore and it… spill over into the oven?’

Milan gave Sander a quizzical look as he walked past him to pick up the wine glasses before looking at Robbe.

‘I don’t think any sauce has that much independence, Robbe, but I have the _slightest_ impression we’re not talking about the lasagna here, are we?’

Sander laughed quietly, moving around them to stir the lasagna sheets some more.

‘It’s okay, you will figure things out, honey. Also, you’ll never know if the lasagna tastes good if you don’t make it, then eat it, okay?’ Milan comforted Robbe before leaving the kitchen.

_That’s actually some great advice._

‘Okay, the pasta is done, I’m gonna drain it and we can start assembling. Of course, that is if you _trust the sauce. Do you trust the sauce, Robbe?_ ’

‘Oh, fuck off’ Robbe slapped him over the shoulder, laughing nervously.

He kissed Robbe two times before picking up the pot with both hands and moving to the sink to drain it. Robbe turned off the stove and brought the sauce pot into the counter, where the cheese already sat, waiting for them to finally start assembling the lasagna.

‘Alright, so you’re afraid of the sauce staying between us?’

‘I’m scared that one of us is going to get jealous because Jens will be there’

‘Oh, we’re not using the lasagna analogy anymore? Damn, I was thinking about some good correlations, something to do with the cheese, maybe?’

‘Sander, don’t’ Robbe warned him, laughing, and carefully spreaded a layer of the sauce at the bottom of the dish.

Sander placed the lasagna sheets on top of the sauce, then watched as Robbe applied another layer and then some cheese. They moved in sync and in silence, Robbe’s socked feet stepping softly over Sander’s, their bodies touching from shoulder to ankle, which was Sander’s favorite thing.

‘What if this fucks up our friendship and I can’t even look him in the eye after we do it?’

‘Well, I think you’re already at this point, no? Maybe this will help things’

‘Also, I don’t even like Jens _like that_ , you know? What if I get too nervous and just… I don’t know, freeze. Or can’t enjoy it’ Robbe muttered, concern visible in his voice.

‘You don’t have to do this, Robbe, it’s okay if you’re not comfortable with it’

Robbe hesitates for a moment, then talks again.

‘It’s not that I don’t want it… I just don’t know how it can work’

Slowly, they repeated the process until the lasagna was stacked and Robbe finished it with another layer of cheese on top, sprinkling it generously.

‘All done’

‘Okay, let me turn on the oven’

Despite not having that much experience in the kitchen, Sander thought the lasagna actually turned out fine, looking good and with uniform layers of pasta, sauce and cheese. He wondered if that was another analogy for their current dilemma.

‘You know the thing I said about the steps? That’s what we have to do. We need to know what we want and what we’d want from Jens, if this is something you wanna do’

‘Is it something _you_ wanna do?’ Robbe asks him as he covered the lasagna with some tinfoil.

‘I want to do whatever gives you pleasure’

‘I know, but this won’t be fun for me if you’re not into it’

‘I also wanna flaunt you around a bit’ Sander replied, forcing himself to keep talking and just say what was on his mind as he placed the lasagna into the oven and closed it. ‘I love the idea of being the only one allowed to touch you, to have you, while he can only watch. I want him to see what he’s missing, what he’ll never get to have’

‘Wow’

Robbe took in a sharp breath, and the next thing Sander knew was that Robbe was crowding into him, arms moving to wrap around his waist as he pressed their faces together, his mouth already open and inviting. Sander didn’t even mind that he was getting overheated inside the kitchen now because the oven was on, just carded his fingers through Robbe’s hair and deepened the kiss, content to have his boyfriend close.

Before Sander could get too excited, though, Robbe was slowing down the kiss, giving him soft pecks and lifting his head to look him in the eyes.

‘I love you. And you’re the only person I’ll ever want, no one comes even close’

‘You’re the only one for me, too’ Sander replies, nose rubbing against his cheek.

‘Won’t you get jealous and competitive?’

‘Jealous and competitive? Me?’

‘Yes, you!’

‘Baby, I have no idea what you’re talking about’ He feigned innocence, stroking Robbe’s cheek with his thumb and moving his hand back to fix his golden chain, and the boy shot him an incredulous look.

They’re still holding each other in the middle of the kitchen, getting hungrier by the minute and also slightly sweaty, heat radiating from the oven, but neither of them makes a move to get away from each other. And Sander wouldn’t have it any other way, would happily stay glued to Robbe melting inside the kitchen if it meant that they’d be this close forever.

The truth was that Sander was also scared to have this conversation, even though he knew it was necessary. But, now that they actually talked about things, he feels way more at ease, knowing they don’t need to walk on eggshells all the time, and that they’re comfortable enough to say what they want without judgement.

‘Seriously, I’m not jealous of Jens. And if he doesn’t make a move on you, I have nothing to compete against, right?’

‘Right’

‘But I also think we should talk to him first, get to know exactly what he meant by _watching_. I mean, what exactly does he want to watch?’

‘Dunno. Maybe we could call him after dinner?’ Robbe suggests, puppy eyes shining, and Sander tightens his hold on Robbe’s waist.

‘That’s a great idea’

By the time they disentangle themselves, Milan is rushing back into the kitchen to demand the food, and the smell of lasagna has wafted through the entire flat. Sander gets the oven mitts to grab the lasagna and, from the corner of his eye, sees when Robbe sends Jens some texts.

_Robbe: hey_

_Robbe: can we call you later?_

_Robbe: sander is here_

-

They were supposed to call Jens right after dinner, but once Milan offered to do the dishes, Sander barely wait more than five minutes before pulling Robbe by the hand into his room, dying to feel the boy’s bare skin under his hands. They scrambled around to take off their shirts, Sander too eager to hold Robbe close to him, so much that he pulls Robbe on top of him before either of them could take off their pants, tangling their legs together as Robbe pants into his mouth.

‘Wow, someone’s eager’

‘I missed you’

‘I missed you too’ Robbe’s breath feels hot over his ear as he licks Sander’s earlobe.

Sander knows that, at the speed that they’re going, he’ll come sooner than he liked. He tugs at Robbe’s hair and wills himself to slow down and just savor the moment. His boyfriend seems to notice this, because he throws a leg over Sander’s hip and starts rutting against him, slow, dirty movements that are sure to make him lose his mind.

Soon enough, they’re tangled together in bed, legs wrapped around each other as Robbe rocks against him, and Sander wants to move some more, maybe take off the rest of their clothes, since they couldn’t wait to remove their pants, but he’s also too comfortable. Beside, he doesn’t wanna let go of Robbe, not when he is so soft and pliant against him, panting into his mouth and tugging at his hair.

It’s the best thing ever, being this close to Robbe, not needing to be anywhere but right here, licking into his boyfriend’s mouth, and Sander doesn’t even mind that he’s probably staining his underwear with precum. However, as good as he feels now, he can also tell that Robbe is growing impatient, grinding their crotches together even harder, moans escaping his lips and being swallowed by Sander.

He moves one of his hands down and snakes it inside Robbe’s sweatpants, just to hear him moan, high and pretty, when Sander grabs his cock at the base. That seems to urge Robbe even more, canting his hips against Sander’s hand, but he steadies his hold and doesn’t move, contemplating putting one hand over his mouth to cover it if Robbe keeps moaning this loud.

Sander drags his hand slowly, from base to tip, feeling the hardness of Robbe’s dick underneath soft skin, the veins and ridges, all the things he loves to touch and lick and kiss, and his own cock stirs inside his pants. Robbe whines, burying his face into Sander’s neck and biting down.

‘Please, please move, do something’ He begs, hot breath coming short in his ear.

‘What?’

‘Just touch me, fuck’

The wet head of Robbe’s cock smears against his stomach when Sander pulls it out from his underwear, slick with precum and already throbbing. He releases his grip to tug at his own pants, groaning in relief when his dick springs free, the cold air in the room sending him shivers. Sander hooks his leg around Robbe’s hip now, hand reaching to slide their dicks together, and the friction is so good he wants to cry.

Both of them groan in unison at the movements, and Sander ducks his head to lick Robbe’s neck, tasting his sweat and closing down his mouth at the junction next to his collarbone, sucking a hickie there. He moans into Robbe’s neck when the boy slides his hand to grab his ass and pull their bodies closer, his grip strong.

‘Fuck, you’re driving me crazy’

‘Move faster, please, Sanderrrr’ Robbe pleads, his other hand still tugging at Sander’s hair.

‘You like this?’

‘Yes, yes, fuck’

‘You want to cum, right?’ He asks, just to tease him even further, and it pays off, because his boyfriend scoffs and pulls his hair some more.

‘Sander, oh my god, just move’

Finally, he moves his hand a bit, creating more friction against both of their cocks, and surges forward to kiss Robbe again, biting his lip and sucking on his tongue until the boy is panting into his mouth. Their movements are a bit more hurried now, chasing their release and just touching whatever they can reach, their dicks still leaking and trapped in Sander’s hand.

Robbe tilts his head back a bit when Sander flicks his wrist in a different angle, grinding them harder, and he sees Robbe’s golden necklace, slick with sweat, resting beside the hickie he made there. The sight spurs him on, makes Sander lick at the hickie, bite Robbe’s neck again, more to the side this time, just to keep his mouth occupied.

‘Sanderr’

‘What?’

‘You better, fuck – you better not give me hickies’ He moans, trying to sound serious, but his voice is so strained that it’s almost impossible.

‘Too late for that’

Just because he can, Sander nips at Robbe’s neck again, teasing, and his boyfriend mutters a _fuck_ , cock weeping precum onto his hand. However, the hand that was tugging his hair moves down, releasing the grip to touch his face instead. Sander looks at Robbe in slight confusion, but suddenly realizes what he’s trying to do when Robbe pushes his thumb into Sander’s mouth.

‘Suck’

_Fuck, what have I done to deserve this man?_ Sander thought, delirious with pleasure, and opened his mouth immediately to accommodate Robbe’s finger, licking at the pad and sucking it, relieved to have something to do with his mouth again. Robbe smiles at him, pushing his finger deeper and grinding back at Sander, almost frantically now. He’s so close, both of them rubbing against each other, desperately trying to come, sweaty and tangled up in the sheets. Sander moans when Robbe moves his other hand, still gripping his butt, and dips his fingers in, tracing them around his hole.

‘Fuck, fuck, I’m gonna come’

Even though Robbe’s fingers are dry, the friction is amazing, and he comes the moment his boyfriend rubs one finger in the opening, pushing it inside lightly. His groans are muffled by Robbe’s thumb in his mouth, but Sander feels his body going rigid, cock spurting over his hand and Robbe’s own dick as he jerks them faster, vision going white.

Sander’s mouth falls open and slack, eyes screwed shut in pleasure, and he feels the moment Robbe starts coming as well, trembling against him. His neck hurts as he suddenly looks down, _needing_ to see Robbe’s dick, still soiled with Sander’s release, shooting ropes of cum over Sander’s hand and cock, their bodies sticking together even more.

They look so good together, tangled around each other, and Sander wasn’t even sure where he ended and where Robbe began, the wild beating of his boyfriend’s heart reverberating through Sander’s chest as if it was his own. He loves feeling like this, as close to Robbe as he possibly can. His body feels warm, _maybe too warm,_ and sated, relaxed, and he feels Robbe sigh beside him, fingers retreating from his mouth at the same time that he’s nosing into his face, planting a kiss on the corner of Sander’s lips.

‘That was amazing’

‘It was. You’re amazing’

‘I can’t feel my legs’ Robbe whispers, almost laughing, and Sander laughs along.

‘I know, me either’

Sander is still trying to catch his breath when a loud buzzing startles him, coming from somewhere inside the room. He looks for some paper towels and uses them to wipe the cum from his hand, trying to clean them as much as he can.

‘It’s Jens’ Robbe tells him, after plucking his phone from the bedside table.

‘Oh, shit, we were supposed to call him’

‘I know’

‘Just answer him, it’s okay’ Sander replied, sitting against the headboard and discarding the paper towels.

Robbe tries to fix his hair a bit before he accepts the video call and hands Sander the phone, fishing his shirt from under the bed to put it on. Sander doesn’t bother with his shirt, tilting the phone so that Jens can see the both of them. Soon enough, his face appears in the screen, and Sander notices he’s lying in bed, leaning against the pillow.

‘Hey’

‘Hey, man’

‘Hi, how are you?’ Robbe asks, adjusting the shirt on his shoulders.

‘Fine, just got back from the skate park’

‘Oh, cool. I had to run after school, Milan picked me up because we had to buy some groceries and the supermarket is always empty around lunchtime’

‘Okay’

‘We made dinner tonight’ Sander says, trying to deflect the fact that they literally just had sex.

‘What did you guys make?’

‘Lasagna. It was pretty good’

‘And we didn’t burn down the kitchen!’ Robbe barks out a laugh, obviously nervous, and Jens gives them a skeptical look through the phone.

‘That’s hard to believe, but okay’

‘I’m not _that_ bad at cooking!’

‘I’m sorry, but you’re not the best either, baby’ Sander mutters, teasing.

Some of the tension seems to dissipate as the three of them laugh, and Sander looks at their own faces at the phone screen again, noticing how he has a pretty big hickie on his neck, dark red and already starting to bruise. He touches it with one finger, wincing at how sore and sensitive it feels, but also loving how it is a reminder of Robbe’s desire for him. His movement seems to catch Jens’ attention, however, because his laughter fades a bit and Sander can see the boy staring intently at him.

‘Um, so, we actually wanted to talk to you about something’

‘Okay?’

‘About what you told me earlier at school... In the bathroom’ Robbe is already blushing, but his voice doesn’t falter, and Sander could almost burst with how proud he is.

‘Oh, god, sorry, I never meant to intrude in your relationship, sorry for making things weird’ Jens started rambling, but Sander quickly cut him off.

‘No, no, that’s not it! We actually talked about it, that’s why we wanted to talk to you’

‘Oh’

‘So, when you said you wanted to watch… What exactly were you asking?’

The air still smells of sex around them, and Sander knows they should have probably cleaned themselves a bit better before going off with this conversation, but he was too comfortable on the bed to think about this now. Besides, he had the feeling that this was something that needed to be discussed in one sitting, like ripping a band-aid, so it was best to do it now, while they were still riding the high and with their inhibitions a bit tamed.

Jens scratched his head, looking down before speaking again.

‘Uh, I mean… You said you liked the idea of getting caught, right? I just thought, maybe you’d like to have someone really watching, see how it’s like’

‘I did say that, yeah’

‘And I already know what you guys are… Into, so it wouldn’t be so weird, I mean, I heard you that _one time_ , too’

Jens still hasn’t lifted his head, and is now playing with the strings of his hoodie as he talks. Sander looks at Robbe, who is staring at the phone as if deep in thought, and fixes the golden chain around his neck.

‘Okay, but what about you?’

‘What about me?’ Jens lifts his head, almost in a jump.

‘I mean, what do you get out of this?’

‘I just… It was very weird and also _kinda hot_ to hear you guys that time, even though it was on accident, so I just, uh, thought about seeing what the deal is all about, see if it does something for me’

Sander didn’t miss the shocked, almost mocking tone in Robbe’s voice when he spoke.

‘You’re into guys, too?’

‘I don’t know! I mean, maybe? See, _this_ is why I wanna watch you guys, maybe it will settle things up for me’ Jens replied, crossing his arms.

‘You know you could just watch porn on your phone, like normal people do’ Sander teased, and Jens huffed out a laugh.

‘I did that!’

‘And?’

‘And… I don’t know, it felt weird. All the videos were so rough, the guys were very… violent, almost?’ He scrunched up his face, as if he was remembering the scenes. ‘Listen, it was just a suggestion, and I know it sounds weird, okay? I _know_ , but I just thought it was worth a shot’

‘Okay’

‘Okay? Okay what?’

‘Okay, let’s do it’ Robbe replied, looking way more at ease than Sander would have expected for this conversation.

‘Really?’ Jens’ eyes shot open in a comical way.

‘Really?’ Sander mimicked him.

‘Yeah, I don’t think it will be that weird’

‘Cool’ Jens replied, almost shocked, and Sander couldn’t help but laugh.

‘But we need to know exactly how we’re going to do this’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I mean, what are you okay with seeing? Will this be a video session, or will you be here with us?’ Sander asked, motioning at the phone.

‘Oh, I mean, I’m okay with watching in… real life, if that’s okay’

‘That’s cool with me. Sander?’

‘Yeah, no problem here’

Maybe it was because they just had sex and were still huddled up on each other, Robbe’s back resting against his chest, feeling relaxed and a bit sleepy, but Sander also thought this conversation was going easier than he predicted. It almost felt like they were discussing some casual get together like they so often did, instead of arranging the logistics of a quasi-threesome with Robbe’s best friend.

‘Okay. Also, is there anything you’re not comfortable with seeing?’

‘Uh… I’m not sure?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘What are my options? I mean, how do I know what’s too much?’

‘Well, are you cool with seeing handjobs, blowjobs, anal stuff… Everything?’ Sander went straight to the point, and felt Robbe’s embarrassed laughter rumble against his chest. ‘What? He needs to know’

‘That’s okay, I, um… I think I’m cool with seeing all of those things you mentioned’

‘Cool’

‘We should have a safeword, just in case things get too weird or we get uncomfortable’ Robbe suggested, and Sander nodded in agreement, body heating up at how _real_ all of this was becoming.

‘Is that something you actually do?’

‘Of course, although we rarely ever use it’

‘Huh, I thought this was just some 50 Shades of Grey bullshit’ Jens mused, and Robbe immediately laughed.

‘Wait, _you_ read 50 Shades of Grey?’

‘No, but Jana read it and she wouldn’t shut up about it for a while, don’t you remember?’

‘Don’t know, guess I wasn’t paying attention’

‘Well, don’t let her hear you say that’

‘Okay, so, safeword?’ Sander said, steering them back into the topic.

‘Yes, right. I don’t know… is red too cliché?’

‘No, red is fine’ Robbe laughed quietly.

‘Red it is, then’

‘Good. Also, just so we’re totally, completely, _one hundred per cent_ clear here, neither of us want to have sex with you, okay? And we don’t expect you do do anything with us besides watching’

Although it might seem like a given, Sander feels the need to reinforce this, just so it really drills into Jens’ mind that this is something for them only, and Jens is merely a spectator, _almost an accessory, even._ The boy immediately nods, scratching his head.

‘I know, I know, same here. I just want to watch, I promise’

‘Cool’

‘Cool’

‘Cool’ Robbe replied, smiling fondly at them. ‘Also, for now, I think this is a one time thing, right? Like, just see how it goes, and get it out of our system?’

‘I think so, if we keep doing, it might get weird’

‘Also, we haven’t even done anything, it might get weird before that, even’ Sander pointed, lifting one knee to rest his elbow over it.

‘Dude, let’s not make it weird in advance’

‘I’m not! I’m just saying it’s a possibility, right?’

‘Right, you’re right’ Jens concedes with a sigh. ‘But I really, _really_ hope it doesn’t get weird’

‘Me too’

‘Me three’ Sander agrees, resting his face on Robbe’s hair.

That seems to have settled down the conversation, and Sander feels the quietness around them, mixed now with some tension. But, this time, it’s the good kind of tension, the kind that makes you giddy and at the edge of your seat, bouncing your leg while things don’t _happen, waiting for them to happen._ They remain silent for some time, before Sander hears someone’s phone pinging in the distance, then another noise, and another, coming from inside the room this time. Jens is the first to check it, and his face lights up with blue from the phone as he stares at it, suddenly frowning.

‘Shit’

‘What is it?’ Robbe asks, unable to see the notification as his phone is displaying the videocall.

‘Moyo sent us a video in the groupchat’

‘Oh, I thought something bad had happened, you made a weird face’

‘I just remembered that we’ll probably have to keep this a secret from the boys’ He muttered, looking almost guilty.

‘Why? Do you think they’d mind?’

‘No, no, I just… I’m not sure…’

Sander sensed his hesitation, and was quick to jump into rescue, trying to ease the boy’s concerns.

‘Maybe we should wait until after anything happens to tell them, right? It’s a new thing for everyone’

‘Yeah, yeah’

‘Besides, Aaron would never leave us alone’

‘Oh, god, you’re right’

They all burst into laughter, Robbe tilting his head back and causing Sander to drown into his unkempt hair. Jens played the video Moyo had sent them, something funny and related to dogs singing, but Sander barely paid attention, watching Jens and Robbe going back to bickering at each other with fascination.

His mind seemed to be running a million miles per minute, fueled by all the activities of the night, and he barely believed their conversation had gone so smoothly. He squeezes Robbe’s waist, a smile playing on his lips. _They were going to be just fine._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a heads up, next chapter WILL NOT feature the three of them, because life gets in the way of things most often than not (sorry in advance).


	22. twenty-two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello babies! quick disclaimer, this is NOT the chapter with jens, okay? today's update is a bit different from the rest, but I thought it was important to include this chapter, because life isn't perfect and stuff happens. I'm sorry in advance, because it gets very dark, but things will get better! Also, the things depicted in this chapter might not represent the "standard" depressive episode for some people, but they come from personal experience, so they're accurate nonetheless.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNINGS: mentions of suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety attacks, depiction of a depressive episode.
> 
> link to David Bowie's Rock and Roll Suicide: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jg4ekLG9Zo&ab_channel=hfield07  
> (fun fact, I wrote this chapter over two months ago, so it made me so happy/surprised when sander posted the lyrics to this song on instagram! <3)

Things are fine, until they are not.

One day Sander is texting him funny faces and complaining about his classes, picking up Robbe from school and taking pictures of him at the skatepark, and then the next day he disappears. Tuesday had come and he wasn’t at college, Noor hadn’t seen him around and he wasn’t picking up his phone, either.

Robbe dashed straight to his house after school, biking fast and trying not to think about the worst case scenario. He only needed to ring the buzzer once before he was allowed in the building, and Sander’s mom was already at the door by the time he walked up the stairs, wearing an apologetic smile on her face.

_Sander fell into a depressive episode_ , Lisa explained while they had some tea. It’s a bad one, he hasn’t had the strength to leave the bed for anything, didn’t eat or shower and is only drinking water when his mom brings it to him, too tired and sad to do anything but sleep.

‘But he wasn’t manic this week, right?’

‘No, he wasn’t’ She agrees, which makes him a tiny bit more relieved, because at least this had caught everyone by surprise, not just him.

‘He was fine, everything seemed fine’ Robbe frowns, trying to understand.

‘I know, it’s unusual but it can happen, he’s had a depressive episode without being hypomanic before’

The worst part was when she told him she had locked his windows shut and also the kitchen drawers, hiding any sharp objects that could be lying around. Robbe cried when she explained that, and cried even more when she told him that this was because, the last time he got this bad, she had found him holding a kitchen knife and curled up on the floor, a lost look in his eyes as tears rolled down his face.

‘What about today, did he try to…?’ He’s unable to finish the sentence, fear spreading through his body like ice.

‘No, no’

Robbe shudders, releasing a breath he didn’t even knew he had been holding.

‘After that day we sort of figured out what to do, so I just locked the drawers this morning, but he hasn’t even left his room yet. His mind can be a very dark place, Robbe’

‘I know. It’s not his fault, though’

‘No, it’s not’

That first day, Robbe spends the rest of the afternoon lying beside Sander in bed, the boy having only spared him a glance before rolling to the side and hiding his face under the covers again. Robbe doesn’t mind, his body sagging with relief at the realization that Sander was okay, he was alive and now Robbe was there to take care of him. He just tugs Sander close to him, molding their bodies together, and wills himself to pay attention to Sander’s breathing and not fall asleep.

The rest of the week was spent almost in the same way; Robbe left school and met Noor somewhere to get some of his notes. Even though they didn’t have the same classes, she knew most of Sander’s teachers, which already helped a lot. After that, he rode straight to Sander’s house, knowing one of his parents would be there because they had rearranged their schedule to keep an eye on Sander. However, they still insisted that Robbe went back home at the end of the day, reassuring him that he also needed some rest and promising to call him were anything to happen.

His boyfriend remained pretty much unresponsive, leaving the bed only to wander around the room with an empty gaze, go to the bathroom or to lie in Robbe’s lap as he did homework. Robbe made sure that Sander was eating at least one meal every day, thanking Lisa before he brought their plates to the bedroom and tried to talk Sander into eating, sitting cross-legged on the floor.

For the first two days, Sander mostly just sleeps, not bothering to change his clothes or leave the room, and he certainly didn’t talk either, other than noncommittal hums when Robbe asked him something and yawns every now and then. It wasn’t good, but Robbe knew better than to push him, so he just talks about everything and nothing, filling the stale air of the closed bedroom with stories about filming the vlogs and bickering with Zoe and Milan and cradling Sander in his arms.

Thursday was the worst day of all, because Sander had locked himself inside the room. His dad was in the process of arguing with him through the closed door when Robbe arrived there after school.

‘Sander, please, just unlock the door, I won’t try to get in’

‘What happened?’ Robbe asks, concerned.

‘We hid his key, but I think he propped his desk chair against the doorknob’

Despite knowing that Sander’s window is locked and he has no other means of hurting himself, Robbe still feels dread pooling inside his stomach, and it takes them another half hour of talking and pleading before they hear some noises and Sander’s head appears through the gap as he opens the door.

‘Sander, why did you do that?’

‘I just don’t want to be a burden. I feel gross and useless and someone’s always hovering over me, I don’t want you to have to deal with me’ He explains in a small voice, eyes downcast.

Robbe has never seen him like this, looking frail and disheveled, his face pale and tear-stained. Sander’s dad just cupped his face between his hands, speaking with a calm voice.

‘You’re not a burden, son. We love you very much, and we’re here for you, okay?’

Sander nods, already tearing up again, and turns around again, sitting on his bed in the dark. Robbe follows along, knowing that during times like these it’s better to just let him go through it.

He was about to fall asleep later when Sander whispered against his ear.

‘I’m sorry about all of this’

‘Hey, you don’t have to apologize, okay? You’re not something I just _deal with_ , Sander. I love you so much’

‘I love you, too’

‘Minute by minute, rememeber?’ Robbe whispers back, trying to smile.

‘Yeah, minute by minute’

That was the last thing Sander said before burrowing his face into Robbe’s neck and falling asleep again.

-

Saturday comes around and Robbe brought some movies with him, having left the kollektiv early in the morning with the prospective of spending the weekend at Sander’s place. He hadn’t been able to stop by his house the day before, getting caught up with school and also having to call his mom to update her and apologize for not replying to her texts through the week. Robbe also opened the groupchat for the first time in a while, having been too distracted by Sander to check his phone.

_Broerrs_

_Aaron: sander what was the name of that movie you told us about?_

_Aaron: the one with the cool soundtrack and some dude wearing heels?_

_Jens: ????_

_Moyo: I think it was rocky something?_

_Robbe: rocky horror picture show_

_Robbe: sander can’t talk right now_

_Aaron: why_

_Jens: too busy sucking face?_

_Robbe: no he had a bad episode_

_Robbe: hasn’t left the bed since Monday_

_Jens: fuck_

_Moyo: that sucks man_

_Robbe: yeah_

_Aaron: hope he gets better soon_

_Robbe: me too_

He’s about to plug his phone on the charger when it buzzes again, and he sees it’s a private message from Jens.

_Jens: how are you holding up?_

_Jens: it’s a depressive episode right?_

_Robbe: yeah_

_Robbe: getting through, just tired I guess_

_Jens: let me know if there’s anything I can do to help_

_Jens: I mean it_

_Robbe: just have to wait till he feels better_

_Robbe: thank you though_

_Jens: no problem_

Robbe feels tired, a bone-deep exhaustion that’s more emotional than anything else, but he also knows that the worst has already passed. Sander’s dad had called him on Friday and they quietly celebrated the fact that Sander had managed to drink a lot of water and eat both lunch and dinner before going back to bed, even mumbling a _thank you_ on his way out.

Sander is still asleep when Robbe arrives on Saturday, greeting his mom and dashing straight to his room. Robbe turns on his computer and plays _Labyrinth,_ leaving the volume on low as he rubs Sander’s back in soft motions. David Bowie is in the middle of singing _Magic Dance_ when Robbe feels Sander stir beside him, turning around to look at him.

‘Good morning, baby’ He whispers before dropping a kiss on his forehead.

‘Morning’

He doesn’t say much more, but stays awake until the end of the movie, his head resting on Robbe’s chest as they stare at the computer. After spending more than twenty-four hours away from him, Robbe now fully notices how stale the air was inside Sander’s room, dirty clothes strewn around and his sheets balled up at their feet. His boyfriend smells of dried sweat, hair a bit grimy, but none of that is enough to keep Robbe from nosing into him, needing the comfort and closeness of having their bodies next to each other.

The afternoon passes quietly with Robbe writing a paper while Sander lies against him and watches _Rattattouille,_ even going as far as laughing during the funniest bits as they share a bottle of water. Robbe finishes the paper in time to catch the last fifteen minutes of the movie, dropping his books on the floor to cuddle with Sander.

He must’ve dozed off, because when he suddenly jolts awake the sun is setting already, Sander’s computer pushed to his bedside table, and Robbe realizes he woke up due to Sander twisting and turning on the bed.

‘Sander?’

‘I’m so tired’ He whimpers, and Robbe can see that he took off his shirt and socks and was lying sideways on the bed, wearing only his sweatpants.

Sander looks scared and exhausted and so _vulnerable_ , his hair disheveled and face smushed against the mattress because he apparently threw his pillow halfway across the room.

‘I know’

‘I did everything the way I was supposed to, I ate my vegetables and stopped drinking! Fuck, I slept almost eight hours every day, and had a fucking consistent schedule and took my medication in time and went to therapy, so why is this still happening to me?’

‘It’s not your fault, baby’ Robbe tries to soothe him as he sits against the headboard. pulling their bodies closer together.

He slides one arm over Sander’s chest and pulls him closer so that the boy sits between his legs, his back resting on Robbe’s chest. His other hand moves to pet Sander’s hair, the strands sticking to his forehead and to Robbe’s neck, catching on his necklace as Sander moves more to the side, trying to find a comfortable position.

‘Those things happen, some days are better than others. This is just a bad week, but you will recover, okay? Maybe you need to change your dosage, or even change your medication, but things will get better’

‘There’s no way to know that’

‘I know, but we have to hope, right?’

Sander sniffles a bit, his tears now staining Robbe’s shirt as he cries quietly.

‘But what if I don’t ever get better?’

‘Well, then I will stay by your side until we can find a way to make it less bad, okay?’

Robbe tightens his hold around Sander’s middle, fighting the urge to sway them slightly as if he were soothing a baby. As much as he wished and hoped, Robbe also knew that there wasn’t much more he could do but wait for this to pass, that the best way to get over some things was to get _through_ them.

Sander takes a sharp breath through gritted teeth, grimacing, when Robbe started caressing his stomach, making figures of eight around his bellybutton to distract him.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘It hurts’

‘What?’

‘I just… I just had no strength to leave the bed after I ate yesterday, my body felt heavy and just _wrong_ , and I drank a lot of water, so…’

‘Sander…’

‘I tried, okay, _I tried_ to get up during the night and also today but I just couldn’t, but now it hurts, I tried to pee and nothing happened’

Robbe knows better than to scold him, given the vulnerable state his boyfriend finds himself. Both of them knew that not peeing for so long was bound to give him a urinary infection if he kept at this rate.

‘How bad is it?’

‘It comes and goes in waves, I forgot about it in the morning but now it really hurts’

‘Do you still want to go?’

Sander nods, his hair tickling Robbe’s nose, so he moves his hand down, massaging his lower stomach and trying not to feel bad when Sander groaned in pain, hand shooting up to squeeze his arm.

‘It’s okay, Sander, just let go’

The air is still around them and Robbe feels Sander taking some deep breaths, exhaling damp on Robbe’s neck. Robbe presses a bit harder and Sander’s leg twitches, a whimper escaping his lips.

‘Shhh, you’re good, I’m right here’

‘Can you… Can you hold me? It might help’

Robbe doesn’t bother to speak, instead just removing his hand from Sander’s hair and sneaking it past the elastic band of Sander’s sweatpants to hold his soft dick. Sander sighs, and Robbe keeps adding pressure to his bladder with his other hand, heart tight inside his chest at the pained sounds Sander is making.

‘It’s okay, you can go, it’s just you and me here’ Robbe says in a soothing voice, dropping kisses to his forehead and grimy hair.

Sander groans again in a mix of pain and relief as he finally starts peeing, the warm liquid running down his crotch and soaking Robbe’s own clothes. Robbe doesn’t mind, just keeps a steady movement against Sander’s bladder, relief washing over both of them.

‘I love you, I’m here, it’s okay, I love you’, He repeats like a mantra, which makes Sander burrow his face deeper into Robbe’s neck, pee trickling down one leg of his pants now, where Sander was leaning against him.

His hand is also wet from holding Sander, who is lying on his side and breathing in gulps, finally feeling some relief after more than a whole day of not peeing. After a while, Robbe notices the stream getting smaller and smaller, until he can only feel droplets come out from the tip against his hand, and Sander sighs, hand tight in Robbe’s shirt.

Even though Sander was the one who let go, Robbe also felt like he had released some tension, his body relaxed and a bit glued to Sander’s now, like two pieces of a puzzle. He was amazed at how natural it all felt: taking care of Sander, holding him, being here through the bad times. Like this was exactly what he was meant to be doing. And, even as bad as Sander seems right now, there’s nowhere else Robbe had rather be. They stay like this for five more minutes, until Sander stops hiccupping and Robbe releases his dick and takes his hand out, wiping it on Sander’s sweatpants. Robbe shakes him lightly.

‘You want to take a shower with me? I’ll wash your hair’

Sander nods, _thank god,_ so Robbe gently moves them on the bed, pushing Sander into sitting down and placing one leg off the bed, then the other. He gets up from behind and grabs Sander by the hand, hoping he’s strong enough to stand up and walk the few steps to the bathroom. Their moves are slow but steady, Robbe wrapping one arm around his waist and moving towards the door, Sander dragging his feet but walking beside him.

When they make it to the bathroom, Robbe turns on the shower and asks Sander to take off the rest of his clothes while they wait for the water to heat up. He’s about to remove his own shirt when Sander looks at him with his face slightly pale.

‘Can you leave for a while? You can leave the door unlocked, I just need to…’

‘Oh, okay’ Robbe replies, picking up Sander’s discarded pants before closing the door on his way out as Sander sat on the toilet.

Robbe decides to make use of the time and changes Sander’s bedsheets, balling up the dirty ones on the floor along with his soiled sweatpants, week-old tshirt and other dirty clothes he can see lying around the room. He changes the pillowcases, tugs the corners of the fresh sheets on the mattress and throws a new blanket over the bed.

The room looks cleaner now, and Robbe grabs Sander’s pajamas and some sweatpants for himself and returns to the bathroom, knocking at the door.

‘Sander? Can I come in?’

‘Yeah’

Robbe locks the door behind him and sees that Sander was already inside the bathtub, sitting against the edge with the water running.

‘The water’s cold’ He mumbled, eyes downcast.

‘Well, let’s fix that, then’ Robbe smiles, fiddling with the shower settings until the water started pouring hot, almost too hot, but that was Sander’s preferred way. He takes Sander’s hands and helps him to his feet again, picking up the shampoo.

‘Can you wet your hair for me, please?’

Sander doesn’t say anything, just steps under the water, closing his eyes and letting himself get soaked. After a while, Robbe pulls him out and starts lathering his hair, scrubbing away the grease and grime, noticing how Sander’s roots are showing up more, his brown hair threatening to take over.

Softly, trying not to jostle him too much, he moves Sander under the shower again to wash away the shampoo, taking care not to get any in his eyes, and feeling relieved that Sander was still allowing Robbe to take care of him. Robbe turns off the shower and moves the soap bar up Sander’s arms, hands massaging the suds across his chest and neck and under his armpits, and he starts humming under his breath. He had listened to one of Sander’s Bowie playlists on his way back to Sander’s house, and the song had been stuck in his head ever since. Slowly, he sings the lyrics under his breath, mostly to himself, just to break the silence. _Don’t let the sun blast your shadow, don’t let the milk float ride your mind…_

Sander snorts a bit, the only semblance of a smile Robbe had seen from him over the past days, so he keeps singing, his voice growing louder as he falls to his knees to scrub down Sander’s legs. Robbe tries not to get too excited, turning Sander around so that he could wash the back of his legs and butt. He got back on his feet and moved his fingers between Sander’s buttcheeks, cleaning him thorough before reaching around his body to wash his dick and groin. Sander sighs and rests his head against Robbe’s face for a bit, eyes closed.

He was reaching the chorus as his hands washed Sander’s back. _Oh no, love, you’re not alone! You’re watching yourself but you’re too unfair, you’ve got your head all tangled up, but if I could only make you care!._ Robbe laughs a bit at how fitting the song actually is, and he knows he’s probably butchering the lyrics, but Sander turns around to stare at him and even cracks a small smile, hands reaching for Robbe’s shoulders as he applies conditioner on his hair.

Sooner than he would’ve liked, though, the smile turns into tears again, as Robbe half-sings, half-speaks _all the knives seem to lacerate your brain, I’ve had my share, I’ll help you with the pain, you’re not alone!_ His voice gets a bit muffled in the small bathroom, the sound of running water drowning his singing, and now the sound of Sander’s soft crying, too.

Slowly, he pulls Sander towards him, holding him in a tight embrace, hands carding through his hair as he weeps. _Give me your hands, cause you’re wonderful, oh, give me your hands, cause you’re wonderful_ , Robbe whispers in his ear, willing himself not to cry as well, knowing Sander’s feeling overwhelmed and exhausted.

They spend a good minute just standing slightly out from under the shower, the hot water hitting Robbe’s hands on Sander, and slowly his crying subsides, reduced to sniffles. When Sander moves his head back, Robbe sees that his face is red and wet with tears, eyes puffy from crying and sleeping too much.

‘You’re not alone’ Robbe mumbles, cradling Sander’s face and wishing, not for the first time, that he could trade places with his boyfriend, so that he would never have to suffer again, wishing that he could reach deep inside Sander and take his pain and sadness away.

‘I love you’ He murmurs.

‘I love you, too’

‘We’ll be okay’

Sander just nods, getting under the shower again and speaking in a small voice.

‘I got snot all over you, ‘m sorry’

‘Don’t worry, it’s fine’

‘You should wash up, too’

‘Okay, are you done?’

‘Yeah’ Sander nods again, stepping out of the shower and reaching for his towel.

Robbe does a quick work of washing his hair and scrubbing his body at the same time, eyes trained on Sander as he towels himself dry and applies deodorant, then gest dressed in the pyjamas Robbe had brought.

‘Are you cold?’

‘Not really’

‘That’s good’ Robbe tries to smile at him, rinsing off the soap.

‘Did I use all the hot water?’

‘No, there’s still some left’

‘Okay’

He turns off the shower and takes the towel from Sander’s hands, drying himself also in record time while his boyfriend watches him in silence, hair dripping a bit. Robbe gets dressed and moves closer to Sander, who was now looking at himself in the mirror with a blank stare.

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Less disgusting’ Sander replies, letting Robbe drag the towel across his hair for a bit, before taking it from his hands and doing the same to Robbe in slow motions, his face more relaxed.

_Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry_ , Robbe screams at himself internally, surprised to see his boyfriend actively choosing to do something, _anything,_ after two weeks of just sleeping and crying and avoiding everything and everyone. He sighs, feeling the tension ebb away slowly and just enjoying the way Sander moves the towel across his hair, his hands a bit firmer now.

‘You wanna eat something?’

‘Maybe later’

Robbe nods, following him as they walk back into his bedroom. He watches as Sander collapsed on the bed again, and bends down to pick the balled up sheets and clothes, walking out and going down the hallway.

Sander’s mom is in the living room, glasses perched up on her nose as she stares at some papers, and her head perks up at the sight of Robbe. She looks almost as tired as he feels, dark bags under her eyes.

‘Hey’

‘Hi Robbe, how are you feeling?’

Robbe just shrugs, not exactly sure how to answer that. She offers him a smile.

‘How is Sander doing?’

‘A bit better, I think, I helped him take a shower and changed the bedsheets’

‘Oh, that’s good, thank you’

‘No problem. Can I start the washing machine?’

‘You can give me the sheets, I’ll put them away in a minute’ She replies, eyes scanning back at the papers with a slight frown.

‘No, please, I’d like to do it’

Robbe thought about mentioning Sander finally being able to pee, even if he had soiled the sheets, but decides against it, not wanting to tell his mom without talking to him first, knowing he could get embarrassed.

‘Is it okay if I put my own clothes, too?’

‘Of course, honey, and thank you. I’ve been calling the hospital to schedule another appointment with Sander’s psychiatrist, see if maybe he’d want to change his medication’

‘That’s good. I’ll see if I can make him eat something later’

‘I made you boys some croques if you’re hungry’

‘I’m not that hungry, but thanks’

‘Well, they’re in the oven for when you boys decide to eat, okay?’

Robbe can feel tears prickling in his eyes, and he takes a deep breath, nodding, hands tightening around the pile of laundry. He thanks Sander’s mom and had already turned around when she calls him again.

‘It’s going to be okay, Robbe’ She smiles, her kind, warm eyes crinkling.

‘I know. Thank you’ His voice cracks a bit, and he walks quickly towards the laundry area, throwing their damp clothes and sheets inside along with some washing powder and turning it on.

Sander is already half-asleep by the time Robbe gets in bed again, sighing in relief at the heat radiating from his boyfriend’s body. Robbe wraps his arm around Sander’s middle, spooning him, letting himself be lulled by the way his chest expands and retracts, breath slow and even, the soft scent of the boy’s shampoo wafting as he buries his nose in Sander’s neck.

Robbe knows that when they wake up again, Sander will probably be cranky, and won’t want to eat or drink anything, or will probably cry again, or even snap at Robbe for trying to look after him.

But he also thought about how maybe, _just maybe_ , he can wake up feeling a bit better, give him a smile and take a big stretch before sitting up in bed and asking Robbe to bring him some food. Maybe they would even walk outside for a bit, sit under the sun and soak up the warmth.

However, none of that matters now. What matters now is that he’s alive, and Sander is alive, and they are together, and they are trying.

Minute by minute, they will keep on trying, and they will keep on living, saving each other over and over again.

_We’ll never be alone again_ , Robbe thinks before drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, sorry if this chapter seemed like a big shift from the regular updates, but life has its ups and downs, and yes, the brain of a bipolar person can sometimes just ignore the medication or its chemistry in some way, and it's possible to have episodes while on medication. Let me know what you think <3


	23. twenty-three.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello kids, how are we doing? I'm almost done writing the fic, it feels really weird to realize that soon I won't be updating every wednesday. But I'm already writing more stuff, there's a oneshot AU coming very soon! Also, my birthday is next tuesday, and the Jens chapter comes out next week as well, so it will be my birthday gift to you hahahahahaha anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter, let me know what you think! <3  
> The scene in Trainspotting Sander references is this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_IDJpB9de3E&ab_channel=RyanRandall  
> (might be weird but this is one of my favorite movies)

It’s almost midnight and Sander feels exhausted, but on edge. He shifts in bed again, turning around to face Robbe, who seems relaxed and almost completely asleep.

‘I can’t sleep’

‘Mmmm’

They’ve been in bed ever since they washed the dishes after having dinner, and after watching a movie, then listening to some music, Robbe called it a night and turned off the lights. Sander stares at Robbe’s chest, his golden chain barely visible in the dark against his tanned skin, and huffs again.

‘Robinnn’

‘Mmmm’

‘Talk to me, maybe I’ll get distracted’

‘Sander, you need to rest’ Robbe opens his eyes just a bit, and he sounds almost as frustrated as Sander feels.

After three whole weeks of sleeping constantly and moping around, feeling too tired and numb to do anything else, Sander thought he would feel a bit better than this, but he still feels drained out. It’s a different kind of exhaustion now, one that he couldn’t shake. As much as he knows his daily routine should be going back to normal now, Sander can still feel the effects of his depressive episode, which was why he spent most of the week cleaning up his room, doing laundry and organizing the massive amount of college work he had missed. He even managed to get a head start on his admission letters, since he was looking for a job that _actually_ paid him.

However, it was now Friday again, and his numbness was replaced by the tiredness that came from working and walking around all day (because Robbe asked him to go to the park, so that Sander could see something outside of his house for a change) and having a decent meal for dinner. His mind was tired, but his body was still alert, almost as if saying _c’mon, you got me up this bed for once, can’t we do something fun?_

Besides, his psychiatrist had changed the dosage of his medication _again_ , which always made him antsy and a bit nervous, unable to relax, as tired as he felt.

Robbe only agreed to stay the night again because Sander said he’d want Robbe’s help to bleach his hair the next morning; his dark roots were overgrown and Sander just wanted to trim it (which his mom agreed to do) and then dye it again. His boyfriend spent the entire week looking dead on his feet, and Sander couldn’t blame him, he knew how much work, how much _trouble_ he could be when he got into a depressive episode. Even though Robbe had insisted that he had no problem with taking care of Sander, that didn’t mean he didn’t get tired as well, sleeping with one eye open every night and jumping as soon as Sander so much as moved around in bed.

‘Just stay still, I know you’re tired, Sander, you need to sleep’

‘But it’s hard’ He whines, not sure about what to do to relax his body.

‘Okay, then what should we do?’

‘Dunno’

‘You hungry?’

‘No’

‘Thirsty?’

‘Not really’ Sander mumbles, remembering his daily routine for the past weeks of being coerced into drinking a lot of water, then being promptly dragged to the bathroom so that he could pee and take a shower.

He’d already taken a shower earlier, so that was also not useful.

‘Then I don’t know either, babe’ Robbe sighs, closing his eyes again. Still, his hand reaches out in the darkness until it finds Sander’s face.

That was something they started doing ever since Sander woke up screaming one night, after sleeping for almost fifteen consecutive hours, and couldn’t find Robbe next to him. He knew that Robbe was around, could feel his presence in the room like some inexplicable force pulling him, almost making him cry. Sander didn’t have to call out for Robbe much longer; soon enough, his boyfriend, who was sitting in the bed beside him doing homework, stretched his arm and touched Sander’s neck, carding his fingers through his hair. The motion helped, and he had calmed down, so it became a thing.

Whenever Sander woke up distressed, or angry, or just bored, he took Robbe’s hand and held it close to his chest, touching his fingernails softly with the pad of his own fingers. Eventually, when things were _too bad_ , he even dared to suck on Robbe’s thumb, which earned him an amused laugh when Robbe eventually woke up and found his finger still in Sander’s mouth.

Sander stares at the ceiling and lets himself be comforted by Robbe’s touch, by the soft and slow movements of the hand stroking his cheek, the curve of his nose, the lines of his mouth, not missing anything.

‘Do you want me to sing you to sleep?’

‘I don’t think it would help me fall asleep, I’d probably start singing too and you know it’

‘True’ Robbe replies, sounding a bit more awake now.

He continues tracing the patterns of Sander’s face for a while, and it’s very relaxing, but still not enough that he felt sleepy. His foot starts bouncing on the bed, almost involuntarily, as if his body is trying to release all the pent up tension somehow.

‘Are you trying to memorize my face by touch?’ Sander jokes, unable to stay silent.

‘I already have’

‘What?’

‘You don’t think I’d recognize you even with my eyes closed?’

‘I guess’ Sander replies, a bit dazed by the sudden confession.

‘I can still see you even when you’re not in the room, Sander’

Sander hums, and even though it was dark, he knew his face was flushing now, too full of love for Robbe and also a lot of built-in anxiety.

‘I can see you, too’

‘That’s good’

Robbe touches Sander’s lower lip with his thumb, feeling the places where he gnawed until his lip was raw and bitten, and Sander opens his mouth a bit instinctively, eager for more contact. Sander was never a very tactile person, the type to crave physical contact and just hug all of his friends. Not that he minded some touch, either, but it was never something he missed before he met Robbe.

 _After that_ , however, Sander couldn’t get enough. Any touch from Robbe was enough to make him happy, and the more they touched, the better. At any given day, Sander’s favorite sleeping position would be glued to Robbe from shoulder to ankle, or just have the both of them tangled together in bed like two octopuses, limbs everywhere.

Robbe slides his thumb inside Sander’s mouth, and he wastes no time before sucking it, content to have something to keep his mouth occupied for a while. He turns to the side again, scooting closer to Robbe until they’re facing each other, Robbe’s eyes still closed, even though Sander knew he was awake. He couldn’t explain exactly how or why his oral fixation got so bad at times, but it seems like Robbe understands him anyways, just lets him take what he wants until he’s sated, and it’s almost _selfish_ of Sander to do so, but he does it anyway.

The repetitive movement is good to keep him distracted, and Sander always loves how Robbe tastes different each time; maybe he was doing homework, so there might be some traces of ink on his fingers, or perhaps he just got back from the shower, still tasting a bit like soap and toothpaste, and _Robbe_ underneath all that. Right now, his thumb is warm and soft inside Sander’s mouth, tasting just like skin, and it soothes him, makes his mouth water as he licks around it and sucks at the tip.

He keeps going for another minute or so, and it isn’t until Robbe moves a bit closer that he notices how warm his body feels, feet still tapping on the bed. Suddenly, he hears Robbe’s voice.

‘Sander’

‘Hmmm?’

‘You’re really hard’ And he sounds almost surprised.

That makes him shift closer to Robbe, and _fuck, he’s right,_ Sander thinks, dick tenting in his pants and rubbing against Robbe’s hip. Sander is also surprised, not quite believing that his body chose this exact moment to wake up after spending his entire depressive episode unable to get hard or even slightly _happier_ whenever Robbe touched him, not even in the shower.

‘Wow, you’re right’ He mumbles, the words slurred by Robbe’s thumb still inside his mouth.

Robbe opens his eyes, humming for a while before smiling at him.

‘I think I know how to relax you’

‘You do?’

‘Yeah, wait here’

He softly removes his finger from Sander’s mouth and gets up from the bed, rummaging around in the dark. Sander can feel his body tensing even more, already eager for whatever it is that Robbe is currently trying to locate inside his overnight bag. Finally, he calls out for Sander, moving closer to sit on the bed again.

‘Turn on the bedside light’

Sander does as he’s told, and the low, yellow glow of the lamp shines on them, on Robbe, who is holding their purple vibrating plug with a smile.

‘You want this?’ He asks, sounding _way too eager_ for someone who was half asleep not even five minutes ago.

‘Yeah’

‘You sure?’

‘Yes, Robin, come here’

By the time Robbe moves around and kisses him, Sander already got rid of his pants, tangling his naked body around Robbe and reaching up to lock their lips together. Robbe immediately melts into the kiss, tugging Sander’s hair and pressing their bodies together. Sander has missed this so much, the anticipation and excitement of feeling Robbe so close to him, half hard dick pressing against his own cock through a thin layer of clothing.

Sander is quick to slide his hands down Robbe’s body, trying to take off his pants, but Robbe halts his movements before he can do anything.

‘No, no, this is about you’

‘But I wanna feel you’

‘Just relax, you’ll feel me very soon’ Robbe reassures him, twisting his nipple playfully.

The action pulls a moan out of Sander, who already feels too hot and impatient. He just wants to get closer, wants to know what the fuss is all about with this plug, why Robbe just turns to mush whenever he turns it on.

‘Is the door locked?’ He suddenly asks, trying to remember if they locked it as soon as they got into the room.

‘I locked it, don’t worry’

‘Okay’

He pulls Robbe down, licking into his mouth again, and feels his boyfriend’s hand moving down to touch his cock, the friction not enough to get him any release. He tries to grind back, can feel himself growing harder as he sucks on Robbe’s tongue, willing the boy to do more, to move things along.

As if he was reading his mind, Robbe sits back on his heels to pick up the lube, pouring some on his fingers. He uses his clean hand to lift one of Sander’s legs up and against his chest, while the other moves past his dick to rub at his rim. Sander sucks in a sharp breath, unable to stay quiet when Robbe is circling two of his fingers against Sander’s entrance in slow, steady movements, almost torturing him. He can feel himself starting to sweat a bit, his body glad to finally be doing something, but still tense somehow, as if he wasn’t doing _enough._

He’s about to ask Robbe to hurry up when the fingers that were massaging his hole suddenly slide in, pushing inside his walls and forcing Sander to accommodate them. The movement punches a moan out of Sander, maybe too loud for being inside his bedroom on a Friday night, but he doesn’t care. Robbe keeps twisting his fingers in and out, and it’s a tight fit, they haven’t done this in a while, but Sander _likes_ the burn, likes to feel sore after, to remember what caused his body to feel stretched and heavy.

The feeling of Robbe’s fingers inside him is amazing, even though he knows the boy is avoiding his prostate on purpose now, scissoring his fingers just enough to get him ready for the plug. Sander whines a bit when Robbe pulls his fingers out, wiping them on the bedsheets and picking up his phone with his clean hand.

‘No, come back’

‘Calm down, I’m gonna get the plug’ Robbe scolds him, laughing.

Sander feels a shiver run down his spine at the sight of Robbe lubing up the vibrating plug, can’t wait to have it inside him, to feel it vibrating deep against his prostate until he’s coming. After so long without sex, Sander feels like it won’t take too long before he’s spilling all over himself.

Robbe lines up the plug against his entrance, the blunt tip breaching his hole slowly, and Sander tries to wiggle his hips down, move into the plug so that Robbe pushes it deeper, but he just digs his hand into Sander’s hip, forcing him to lie still and wait. He breathes hard through his nose, cock already starting to leak against his hip while Robbe moves the plug deeper, the toy sliding into his ass at a agonizing pace, and he can feel himself stretching a bit more, trying to adjust the size and feel of the foreign object inside his body.

‘Everything good?’ Robbe asks him, and Sander would complain about the smug tone of his voice if he wasn’t already so turned on.

He can barely mutter out a _yes_ before Robbe slides the toy all the way in, the flared base resting against his entrance. He can definitely understand the appeal of the toy now; even turned off, Sander can feel it prodding at his prostate, the pressure growing harder whenever he moves. He thinks that Robbe’s idea of using the plug to relax him is starting to feel a bit counterproductive, because he feels more agitated than ever, unable to sit still for much longer, and he draws out a moan when Robbe tugs at the toy, pulling it out a bit before pushing it in again.

‘I’m going to turn it on now, okay?’

‘Yes, please, please, fuck’

‘Okay, please don’t scream, I don’t want your mom to kick me out’ Robbe says quietly, already picking up his phone, and Sander almost laughs before answering.

‘I’m not going to sc – _oh_ ’

As soon as Robbe turns on the plug, Sander no longer feels in control of his own body. The vibrations seem to be everywhere, starting at his ass and traveling up and through his body, making his legs shake and his mouth fall open in a silent scream. Every nerve in his body feels hypersensitive, the low buzzing filling his mind and making him curl his toes against the bedsheets.

 _Is it always like this?_ He thinks, vaguely remembering the previous times he played with the plug inside Robbe’s body. Maybe it’s because he spent so long without having sex, maybe it’s because he’s too strung up, body tense and exhausted at the same time, but everything seems to be moving so fast, his dick leaking steadily against his hip.

Sander cants his hips up, trying to chase the pleasure, feeling on the edge of something he can’t quite name yet, and he moans even louder when Robbe turns the plug setting a bit higher before he drops the phone on the bed and brings his hand up to pet Sander’s hair.

‘Robbe, please, please’

‘Shhh, it’s okay, I’m here. You’re doing great’

‘Hnnnnng’

Robbe went back to lying beside him, body turned sideways to get closer to him, and even the soft touch of his boyfriend’s hand on his hair is getting too much.

‘Feels good, right?’

‘Yes, yes, fuck, please, oh god’

‘What do you need?’

The hand that was on his hair moves down, caressing his face, and the light touch is such a stark contrast from the way he’s getting almost attacked with pleasure from the vibrating plug that he can barely take it, humming low in an effort to not scream. Sander can feel that Robbe is _very_ hard against him, so close that he feels his body heat radiating, making him sweat even more. His hair must be plastered on his head, but this is the least of his concerns now. Sander can’t even look at Robbe for too long, afraid of coming if he so much as stares at his boyfriend’s dilated pupils and soft mouth.

One of his hands is still holding his left leg up, trembling with pleasure and exertion, while the other is fisting the sheets, trying to provide some grounding so that he doesn’t float away. He’s just so close, and he wants this so bad, that Sander is almost startled when he feels Robbe sliding two of his fingers inside his open mouth, forcing him to accommodate them.

‘Answer me’

‘Hm?’

Sander feels _alive._ There is no other way to describe it. After spending so much time feeling as if his body was merely a vessel to carry him around, numb and slow, now it was almost jarring how _much_ he felt, all at once. His muscles seem to be moving out of their own volition, cramping up and making him tense, fisting the besdsheets. Every cell of his body feels like it was vibrating in the same steady tone of the plug, deep inside his ass. Robbe’s fingers are probably moving inside his mouth, but Sander can’t really tell, because he’s writhing, desperate for release. Maybe he’s drooling, too, but he can barely notice, too attuned now to the soft voice of his boyfriend, who seems to be asking him something.

‘What do you need?’

‘I need to come, please, let me come, please, please’

If this were any other day, Sander knows it would take him much longer to start pleading, but tonight, he was on his limit. He sucks on Robbe’s fingers eagerly, desperate to move or touch or just _do something_ , anything that would tip him over the edge.

‘You look so good like this, you’re doing so well’

‘Robbe, fuck, just let me come’

Moving slowly, as if he’s trying not to startle him further, Robbe lifts his leg, placing it on top of Sander’s lap, and he could seriously cry with relief. Even though it’s not the best position, just having something to grind his dick against is enough for Sander right now, and he moves his hips forward, trying to rub his cock on Robbe’s leg a bit harder, enjoying the way it sits between his own legs, Robbe’s foot digging into his knee.

‘You can come, Sander, just let go’

Robbe presses his leg down a little more, creating more pressure on Sander’s dick, and then also pushes his fingers deeper into Sander’s mouth, pads rubbing against his tongue in fast movements, and that does it for Sander. It was actually a good thing that Robbe had his fingers inside his mouth, because they’re able to muffle most of the half-moan, half-scream that leaves his mouth.

The orgasm almost seems to be pulled out from him, starting deep in his balls and shooting up, leaving tingles on his spine and legs, making his ears rush and his vision go blank for a second. The sensations seem to be intensified by the fact that the plug is still vibrating inside him, pushing against his prostate and almost forcing the orgasm out of him, as he spills over his stomach and Robbe’s leg.

The entire room seems to be floating away, existing only inside his mind in some imaginary, fantasy way, and Sander feels like melting through the mattress as the orgasm courses through his veins. He deliriously remembers the overdose scene from _Trainspotting,_ thinking that it would make a pretty good reference point to what he’s feeling right now, but in a good way.

Sander thinks he can vaguely hear Robbe whispering praises in his ear, but he’s too gone to register what he’s saying, body twitching as he lets the pleasure wash over him, almost turning into pain now. He releases the sheets and moves his hand around, trying to reach any part of Robbe he can find.

‘’s too much, Robbe’

‘It’s okay, I’ve got you’

Robbe shifts in bed, picking up his phone and turning the plug to the lowest vibration setting possible, which makes him sigh in relief, even though his legs are still shaking. Sander’s body feels heavy, and he winces as he releases his leg, plug moving inside him once he twisted his body slightly sideways, trying to ease some of the pressure still inside him. He finally lifts his gaze, looking at Robbe, and is surprised once more to see his boyfriend smiling at him.

‘Hi’

‘Hey’

‘Everything good?’

‘God, yes’ Sander moans, still a bit hard because of the plug, which earns him a laugh from Robbe. ‘Can you turn off the vibration?’

‘No’

‘No?’

‘I think you should come one more time, it will get you more relaxed’ Robbe replied, eyes glinting even in the dark, and Sander shivered again. ‘Your color?’

Even though Sander would absolutely do anything Robbe asked him to, _no questions asked_ , he still cares enough to ask him, to check with him, and that makes Sander almost cry, a torrent of emotions overflowing inside of him. He knows he’s gonna get overwhelmed soon, especially because this is starting to feel like the climax of a very long, very weird couple of weeks, but Sander also knows it will be so good, and _exactly_ what he needs.

‘Green’ He nods, already feeling his body growing used to the plug still vibrating inside him.

‘Good. Come here’

Robbe scoots closer, kissing him softly, and Sander is suddenly made aware of how hard his boyfriend is, feeling his dick pressing against his hip again. He slides his hand down to touch Robbe, and moans as his fingers reach a wet patch staining his grey underwear, where his cock leaked precum. Once again, his boyfriend stops him from going further, removing Sander’s hand from his own boxers.

‘This is about you, Sander’

‘But I want to make you feel good, too’

‘Seeing you like this already makes me feel good, okay?’

‘Okay’ He replies, almost petulant, and Robbe smiles, lunging forward to kiss him again.

They spend some time just kissing, Sander feeling sticky with come and lube, but not enough to complain, as his body is still running hot, starting to get antsy again. His legs have stopped shaking a bit, but he can’t trust himself to make any sudden movements. Still, he disentangles himself from Robbe.

‘Can you at least get naked with me?’

‘Fine’ Robbe concedes, making quick work of removing his underwear, and Sander’s mouth waters at the sight of Robbe’s dick standing right there, so close, hard and red and leaking precum.

‘Okay, I’m naked, you happy?’

‘Very happy’ Sander smiles, trying to move even closer to Robbe.

‘I love you, you dramatic baby’

‘I love you too’

‘Okay, are you ready for me to turn the vibration up again?’

 _Fuck, I’m gonna die_ , Sander thinks, trying to assess his situation. He’s still hard, even though it feels like the pleasure was on a low simmer instead of a high flame like before. He eyes the phone in Robbe’s hand, and it’s almost as if his body remembers how it felt to have the plug vibrating so hard inside him, because he shivers again. Still, he feels a bit more prepared, already knows what to expect. Nodding, he tugs at Robbe’s hair, getting ready for the intensity to increase.

It’s too much almost immediately, and Sander clenches up, can’t decide wether he wants to push the toy away or pull it closer inside him. Maybe it’s because he already came, or because Robbe is much closer to him this time, but Sander gets on edge _much quicker_ than he expected, body feeling taut like a string. Robbe senses his tension and moves his lubed hand down, softly massaging the skin around his hole, where he is probably stretched and puffy.

‘Shh, it’s okay, just relax’

‘I can’t’ He sobs, lifting one leg up to grind against Robbe’s hand.

‘Yes, you can, I’m right here’

Robbe just keeps massaging, fingers tracing his abused rim, and it’s too much, every sensation lighting up his nerves until he’s reduced to a whimpering mess. Sander thinks he’s probably drooling again by now, eyes screwed shut as he tethers on the edge of pleasure and pain.

At this point, Sander can’t even remember where he is, or anything else besides the feeling of the plug vibrating inside his body and Robbe slowly grinding against him. He tugs on Robbe’s hair again, with both hands this time, because otherwise he’s just going to stroke his own cock until he comes again, which might be _very soon_. His breath seems to get caught in his throat whenever Robbe’s cock brushes against his own, being that they were almost tangled together now.

‘Fuck’ Robbe blurts out, ‘I can feel you vibrating against me’

That makes Sander laugh, and then moan, because the movements from laughing jostled the plug inside him again. He feels almost desperate, mouth darting to lick a long stripe on Robbe’s neck, just needing to taste him, to get something. He’s about to beg for Robbe to let him come again when his boyfriend tightened the grip on his hip.

‘Turn around’

‘What?’ He mumbles, eyes shiny with tears.

‘Turn around, Sander, I can’t, I – I’m gonna fuck you, okay?’

Robbe sounds like he’s in pain, as if he held up for so long but gave up, too turned on to try and fight his own desire, and Sander moans at his words, relief washing over him at the prospect of being fucked by his boyfriend, feel their bodies even closer together the way he loves it.

‘ _Fuck yes,_ thank you’

Sander can’t think of a better sound than what he hears now, as the lube is being uncapped by Robbe. He turns around quickly, almost _too quickly_ as he’s still a bit weak, and wills himself not to touch his dick, that keeps leaking precum steadily and adding to the mess on his stomach. Sander opens his mouth in a silent moan as Robbe pulls the plug slowly out of his ass, and although he can’t see, Sander knows he must have turned it off, because the room suddenly goes quiet, no longer humming with the quiet vibration sound it was making before.

‘Robbe, please’

‘I’m here, I’m here’ Robbe reassures him, and the slick sounds of lube being spread echo around.

He feels strangely empty now that the plug is gone, hole clenching around nothing, but he barely has time to miss it before the head of Robbe’s cock is breaching him, and it already feels bigger than the plug, and somehow better.

‘You want me to go easy or hard?’

 _What kind of question is that,_ Sander thought, mind too scrambled by the feeling of Robbe’s body heat radiating into him. He’s about to make a joke but Robbe pushes in some more, and _wow_ , there is a big difference between the plug and Robbe’s dick, especially in size. Robbe’s cock is thick and just keeps pushing in, making Sander shiver as he tries to accommodate him inside. It’s the best kind of torture, feeling himself being stretched like this, feeling the way Robbe wraps his arm around Sander’s middle to pull their bodies closer together.

Sander lifts his arm and pulls at Robbe’s hair behind him, desperate for release.

‘I want it hard’

‘You sure?’

‘Please, just fuck me _hard_ ’ He pleads, clenching his ass to emphasize his request.

That was all the encouragement Robbe needed to push back a bit and then thrust hard into Sander, making him actually gasp. His boyfriend wastes no time before moving fast and deep, dick pounding into his ass as he chases his own pleasure, and it was everything Sander ever wanted. Robbe ducks his head down to kiss his neck, licking the sweat that drips off of him as he keeps moving against Sander.

‘You’re amazing, you’re so incredible’

‘You’re the best thing ever’ Sander replies, overwhelmed.

‘I love you so much. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted’ Robbe moans in his ear, picking up speed.

Sander knows they’re both close, too tired and hard to fight their pleasure for much longer, and he hiccups a moan when one of Robbe’s hand releases the grip on his waist and moves down, finally touching his dick.

‘You’re gonna come again, baby?’

‘Yeah, fuck, please, faster, faster’

‘You’re gonna come, going to spill all over my hand while I come inside you, right?’ Robbe half-asks, half-moans as he keeps stroking Sander’s cock in slow, strong movements.

The tension and pleasure becomes too much, and Sander moans loudly, feeling exertion and relief and just _everything_ mixed together. Robbe finally speeds up, jerking him off properly, which, combined with the still unwavering pounding on his ass, makes him feel tears running down his face now. Suddenly, his boyfriend’s movements grow more erratic, and he bites Sander’s neck hard, groaning as he comes deep inside him.

It only takes another ten or fifteen seconds for Sander to follow suit, body going rigid against Robbe as his cock spurts out dribbles of cum. Everything around him seems to stand still, nothing else exists outside his own body and the sensation of having Robbe’s cock still inside him, his hole leaking cum now and the orgasm coursing through his veins. He feels pins and needles on his arms and legs, body going loose as if someone has removed every bone in it, leaving a pile of goo in return.

He tries to catch his breath as they lay there, exhausted and sated, and Sander wonders if he will ever cease to be surprised by Robbe and by their relationship. Whenever he thinks he knows everything that there is to know about them, whenever he believes that they’ve done everything there was to be done, Robbe goes and surprises him once more, pushes him past his limits.

Sander can’t tell how much time has passed, maybe he fell asleep, but the next thing he feels is Robbe cleaning his stomach with his shirt before throwing it across the room. He sighs, body completely relaxed and heavy now.

‘Hey, are you with me?’

‘Mmm, I’m here’

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Amazing. Tired. You’re the best’ He manages to speak, arm reaching out to try and find Robbe. ‘Where are you?’

‘Just gonna turn off the lamp’

Soon enough, the room is plunged into darkness again, and Sander smiles when he feels Robbe coming back to lie beside him, immediately pulling Robbe closer for cuddles.

‘How are _you_ feeling?’ Sander asks, already feeling his eyes drooping down again.

‘I’m great’

‘That’s good’

‘Good night, Sander’

‘Good night, Robin. I love you’

‘Love you too’ Robbe replies, the last sentence turned into a yawn that he hides in Sander’s neck.

The covers are cool against his body when Sander pulls them over the both of them, knowing they will wake up in the middle of the night shivering and angry if they don’t burrow into the blankets now. Right now, cuddling with his boyfriend after some amazing sex, comfortable and sleepy under the covers, it’s very easy for Sander to believe that things will get better, and that’s the last thing on his mind before he drifts into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo, as promised, next week is the Jens chapter! I repeat, chapter 24 will feature Jens (as a voyeur only), so if you'd like to skip it, you're free to do it and return to the fic on the other wednesday! <3


	24. twenty-four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, kids! I thought about posting this chapter yesterday, but it was my birthday and I barely had time to do much. Anyways, here is THE Jens chapter, thanks in advance to my girl T for proofreading it for me a few weeks back and promptly freaking out, I love you.  
> SOME WARNINGS: It will contain explicit depictions of exhibitionism/voyeurism, as well as smut and watersports (but not threesomes). If that's not your cup of tea, you're welcome to skip this chapter altogether and keep reading the fic as it goes on next week, since this will be a one time thing (they won't do anything else with Jens besides this). Again, if you don't like Jens or don't like the idea of the boys being watched by him/watching him, don't read this chapter!!  
> Anyways, hope you like the chapter, it's over 10k which sounds insane to me, but hey, let me know what you think! <3

It’s five in the afternoon and Robbe is losing his mind.

He’s currently sitting in the living room of the kollektiv, playing videogames with Jens while Sander is doing homework somewhere beside him. Actually, it’s more like Robbe is having his ass kicked by Jens as they play FIFA because he just _can’t focus_ on the game. He can also hear Senne moving around his room, faint noises coming through the hallway.

They’ve been playing ever since they got back from school, on a rare day without homework for them (or work for Sander). Robbe had suggested that they went back to his place, but Moyo had to leave after a couple of hours and Aaron was on a date with Amber. To Robbe’s surprise, Sander was already at the flat by the time they arrived, having used his spare key to get in and work on his job applications, wanting to see Robbe before he had to return home.

Robbe’s stomach growled as he took a shower, hearing his boyfriend’s voice in the distance, talking to Jens about something, and he suddenly registered that they were alone after all.

Ever since they agreed to have Jens _watch them_ , it seemed like it was almost impossible for the three of them to find some time alone. At first, it was Sander’s episode, which put anything and everything on hold for them, because Robbe had been unable to focus on anything that wasn’t taking care of Sander. After that, he sort of forgot about the urgency he had previously felt when they made the agreement with Jens.

Now, he feels sort of… chill about it. It’s not like Robbe is constantly thinking about it, but sometimes, when Sander’s caressing his back and whispering things in his ear, his brain accidentally supplies _what if someone was watching us right now?_ , which makes him more frantic and turned on than he wants to admit.

Some things have changed about his friendship with Jens. They still hung out at the skate park, complained about homework and ate burgers together after class. They still bickered and slapped each other about the stupidest things, too, and it eased Robbe’s mind, how much some things had stayed the same.

But they also are way more open with each other, especially Jens, who seems to be _really_ interested in gay sex all of a sudden, sending Robbe random videos and asking things like _how can this guy bend his leg like that???_ and _hey I’m not sure if that’s what you’re into but do guys really get off on edging bc this guy sounds like he’s in pain,_ which sends Robbe into a bit of a lesson as they discuss the amount of preparation and illusion that is gay porn.

Jens had also texted Sander _sorry I know it’s late but I’m curious so I gotta ask: will you guys be using the plug when I watch? Just checking,_ which Sander then forwards to Robbe, along with a bunch of laughing emojis and question marks, and Robbe just replied with _tell him yes so he’ll shut up, he’s been bugging me about this the whole day_.

Still, they had decided to be casual about it, not plan things ahead of time too much. Robbe figured that, once they set out a date and time, his brain would never shut up and he’d get too nervous to do anything, so it was for the best that they settled on just _letting things happen._

-

It almost happened by accident one time, as Robbe had showed up unannounced at Sander’s college to visit him, and got promptly shoved into an empty classroom and attacked by his boyfriend. They were grasping at each other, desperate to get off before they were caught (and not in a good way) by somebody, Sander’s nimble hands in the process of unzipping Robbe’s pants when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

‘Aren’t you going to answer that?’ Sander smirked, mouth moving down to suck on his neck, and Robbe arched his back.

‘Fuck no’

‘It could be important, Robin’

‘Are you serious?’ Robbe replied, a little breathless and already staring at the door, afraid of having one of Sander’s teachers walk in on them.

‘Yes’ Sander’s eyes were dark, two black pools of arousal staring at him, almost _daring_ him to do it.

Robbe pressed the answer button without even checking who it was, and barked out a laugh at Jens’ voice on the other side of the line.

‘Fucking finally, where are you?’

‘I came to see Sander, he had a, um, free class today’ Robbe replies, jolting a bit when his boyfriend slowly moves to his knees.

‘Will you be able to edit the vlog today?’

‘I think so’

Jens was saying something, Robbe could hear his voice coming through the speaker, but he barely registered, because Sander had decided to pull Robbe’s cock out from his pants, moving like a man on a mission to get Robbe off, and taking it into his mouth. Robbe bit his lip to suppress a moan, _humming_ to keep the conversation going, and got the phone away from his face for a bit. Sander swallowed Robbe all the way down before retreating, resting the tip on his open mouth and looking at him like sin personified.

‘Who is it?’ He asked, tongue licking circles around his dick, and Robbe had to take several breaths before answering.

‘It’s Jens’

Sander smirked deviously at him, whispering _keep talking_ before going back to sucking Robbe’s cock, and he could barely believe his boyfriend. Robbe shivered, one of Sander’s hands moving back to grab his ass, and tried to pay attention to what Jens was saying.

‘…But then Moyo said that it would fuck up the audio but I don’t know, what do you think?’

‘Huh?’ Robbe replied, mind hazy with pleasure as Sander kept sucking him.

‘Did you hear what I just said?’

‘Sor - sorry, can you repeat?’

‘Where did you say you were, again?’ Jens asks, laughing.

Robbe cannot contain the moan that escapes his lips when Sander presses one finger against his hole, rubbing around his rim and teasing him, dipping it before pulling back. Sander moves back, looking at him with a mixture of surprise and arousal on his face, and everything goes silent for a few seconds.

‘Fuck you, this isn’t fair!’ Jens screams into the phone, startling Robbe, and his voice is loud enough that Sander hears, laughing.

‘I thought you said you wanted to watch” He replies out loud before going back to licking Robbe’s cock, making him moan again.

_Holy shit, is this really happening?_

‘Stop moaning, jesus’ Jens groans, and Robbe thinks he can hear his breath coming a bit shorter now.

‘Sorry, sorry’

‘I cannot believe you’re about to give me a boner _at the skate park_ , you guys are such jerks, oh my god’

‘You’re the – _fuck_ , you’re the one who called, idiot’ Robbe replies, distracted by the way Sander is sucking the tip of his cock, and surprised at how _non-awkward_ all of this felt.

‘And now I’m the one hanging up if you don’t quit this and talk to me like a normal person’ Jens huffs out a laugh, which makes Robbe laugh as well, ‘Or at least wait until I get home’

Robbe taps on Sander’s shoulder, motioning for him to stop for a second, and the boy pulls off reluctantly, still staring at him on his knees. Robbe is so hard, and he wants to come _so bad_ , but he takes a deep breath before speaking again.

‘Okay, tell Moyo to make sure the audio doesn’t get too low, and check if the wind noises won’t get weird, otherwise I’ll have to put some music over the footage again’

‘Fine’

‘Was that all?’

‘Yeah, you can go back to having your dick sucked now, dumbass’ Jens replied, teasing, and both Robbe and Sander laughed.

‘Fuck off’

‘I’ll text you when we’re done here’

‘Okay, talk to you later’

‘Bye, Jens!’ Sander screams, eyes still dark as they stare at Robbe, and he’s already kissing his stomach again.

‘Bye, you horny bastards’

 _That went better than I thought it would_ , Robbe thought, turning off the phone before his thoughts were replaced with heat and pleasure as Sander swallowed him down. He can see that Sander is also very hard, straining against his black jeans, but he’s unable to do anything but lean against the wall and try not to melt into the ground as Sander sucks him.

Knowing that someone was listening while he got off had been _so hot_ , even though it was quick and he had barely gotten used to it. Now that he knew Jens was cool with it, it was almost _liberating_ for Robbe to think about this, fantasize without being scared of judgement. Heat was pooling on his lower stomach, and he was so close to coming.

‘Sander, I’m gonna come, fuck, fuck’

His only response was a low hum from Sander, who increased his pace and snaked his hand around to grab his ass again. Robbe shuddered and came just as Sander slid one finger into his ass, the dry friction being on the verge of pain but just enough to get him off, spurting inside Sander’s mouth.

Robbe was still catching his breath when Sander moved up, kissing him fiercely with a sly smile.

‘You really liked that, huh?’

-

Back at the kollektiv, Robbe was still losing his mind.

He isn’t losing his mind because of being alone with Sander and Jens. They had been fine, playing videogames and joking around, Robbe’s mind blissfully empty of any assignments, his bare feet digging into the couch as Jens cursed at the TV screen. Every now and then, Sander would ask him something or tease whichever one of them was losing the match, receiving yelling in return, and the occasional controller being thrown in his direction.

Things start getting different when they’re in between matches, debating whether or not they should order some food, and Sander goes into the kitchen to check if there’s anything edible in there. At the same time, Senne pops into the living room, keys in hand.

‘Hey, I’m going to college, then I’m taking Zoe out for dinner’

‘Oooh, fancy’ Robbe whistles.

‘Yeah, I don’t think we’ll be home until later’

‘Okay, see you later’

‘Bye, man’ Jens waves at him.

Robbe can hear the door being locked as Sander comes back, glass of water in his hand.

Oh.

_Oh, fuck._

Robbe knows exactly what this means, and they hadn’t done it in a while, much less with other people in the room.

‘Drink up’ He says, placing the glass on the coffee table.

He clears his throat, replying _thanks_ in a small voice and not daring to look at Jens while he drinks the water in big gulps. Everything around him seems to dim down while he focuses on downing the glass, knowing that he’ll probably have to drink two or three more before Sander has mercy on him and actually lets him pee.

He places the glass on the table with a _thump_ , feeling his cheeks heating up already, and doesn’t miss how Sander’s pupils are dilated, a small smile playing on his lips as he goes back to his homework. If they keep this up, Robbe is going to be hard in no time, just by feeling full and thinking about Sander pounding deep into him, his big hand pressing into his bladder while he just _takes it._

Robbe gets jolted out of his daydream by Jens’ voice.

‘Are you guys done eye-fucking so we can go back to the game?’

‘Yeah, sorry’ Robbe replies, not feeling sorry at all, and places a pillow on his lap.

Just as Robbe is getting distracted, focusing back into the game, he gets surprised once more. They’re halfway into the match, a bit more quiet than before, when Jens speaks again, his eyes never leaving the screen.

‘So that’s what you guys do?’

‘Huh?’

‘The water thing. Is that also part of, you know, the pee thing?’

‘Yeah, it is’ Sander answers, not looking up from his notebook, and Jens shrugs.

‘Oh, okay’

He’s looking at the screen, and maybe his breath is a bit shorter now, but other than that he seems completely focused on the game as if nothing had happened, but now it’s all Robbe can think about. He looks at Sander, a bit unfocused now, and his boyfriend just smirks at him, _clearly_ enjoying this situation. Not that Robbe’s not enjoying it, too, which, judging by how hard he already is, _is too much_.

So yeah, Robbe is losing his mind.

He’s on the second glass of water now, drinking a bit slower and feeling both boys eyeing him from different places in the room, staring with attention. His bladder is tingling a bit, but still not uncomfortable enough for him to fidget. Still, it’s hard to keep still, his whole body thrumming with tension like it always does when Sander gets bossy like this. He’s halfway through the glass and sets it down, but it isn’t long before Jens speaks again, sounding way too interested in the situation.

‘How much water can you drink before you have to piss?’

‘What?’

‘Like, do you hold until it gets too painful? Or is it just to feel full?’

 _When did he get so much knowledge about this?_ Robbe thinks, exchanging bewildered glances with Sander, who laughs at the both of them. He knew that Jens had been doing some research lately, even going as far as sending him videos and asking questions, but he’s never mentioned the peeing before. At first, Robbe thought that Jens didn’t wanted to get into it, that it was too much for him.

‘It’s… a bit of both, I guess?’ He replies, cheeks heating up, ‘It’s more about control, actually’

‘Oh, I see’

The air is warm in the living room, the faint sound of Sander’s scribbling coming from somewhere, along with the ticking of the kitchen clock. Robbe’s barely paying attention to the game, mind reeling at the idea that maybe this would really be happening. They play the rest of the match (Jens wins, of course), and Robbe realizes that they hadn’t eaten yet, too distracted to think about food.

‘Hey, drink the rest of your water’ Sander reminds him, scratching his head with a pencil.

‘Fine’

He leans back on the couch, doesn’t even have to look beside him to know that both Jens _and_ Sander are staring at him, their gazes burning holes into Robbe’s head. Still, he looks at Sander, cock stirring in his pants in anticipation.

His boyfriend _, of course_ , is looking at him, looking relaxed and casual with the notebook resting on his lap, but Robbe knows better by now, recognizes the way his leg is bouncing slightly, how his fingers are playing with the pencil, twisting it around as he stares at Robbe. All of that means that Sander is _barely_ holding himself together, energized and turned on and _too fucking far away_ from Robbe, who just wants to get his hands on him.

Everything around them seems to stand still, and Robbe doesn’t even know what he’s so anxious about, a small bead of sweat dripping down his neck. Maybe his mind is playing tricks on him, but he’s _sure_ he can physically feel heat radiating from the boys, traveling through his body and making him curl his toes against the carpet.

Finally, after almost a full minute of silence, Robbe can’t stand it anymore. He drops the controller on the couch along with the pillow, not bothering to hide his arousal anymore, and walks towards Sander in big strides.

‘Fuck it’

Robbe all but throws himself on top of Sander, legs spreading to sit on his lap, already moving to meet Sander’s lips, and Sander wastes no time before reciprocating, albeit a bit surprised at first. Robbe’s almost desperate, knows he should get a hold of himself or else all this will be over before it even begins, and he forces himself to slow down his pace, kissing Sander a bit softer now. Sander wraps an arm around his waist, eager to get more friction, and there’s no denying it now; Robbe can hear Jens’ labored breath in the room, knows he’s looking at them.

Feeling as if a fire has ignited inside him, Robbe moves apart from Sander, putting some distance between them to stare at him instead, trying to convey with his eyes what his body has been telling him for the past hour; too turned on by the idea of being watched and too curious to know what it’s gonna be like.

‘What is it?’ Sander asks, smiling.

‘Now’

‘Now?’

‘Yes, now’ Robbe replies, a bit impatient; Sander is just being a _tease_ at this point.

‘Okay’

Robbe disentangles himself from Sander, standing up again, and turns around to call Jens, who is staring at them with his mouth slightly agape, almost in a trance.

‘Jens?’

‘Huh, what?’

‘Let’s go’ He simply says, because it must be obvious by now.

‘Now?’

‘Yes, now!’

‘Shit, fuck, okay’ Jens replies, standing up faster than Robbe thought he would.

Sander laughs at that, and tugs him by the hand and into Robbe’s room, with Jens trailing behind them. They’re quiet now, more anticipation filling the air, and Robbe wills himself to take deep breaths and remember all that they had previously discussed, mind reeling with _this is really happening, oh my god_ on a loop.

By the time Robbe locks his bedroom door, Sander is already taking off his shirt and moving to sit in the bed, which makes Robbe laugh. Jens hovers awkwardly by the doorstep, looking like he doesn’t know where to go, until Sander speaks.

‘You can sit by Robbe’s desk’

‘Okay’ He simply replies, moving the office chair to place it in front of the bed with a small smile playing on his lips.

 _Holy shit, this is happening_.

‘Don’t make this weird’ Robbe pleads, moving closer to Sander who’s sitting on the edge of the bed, and Jens’ smile grows bigger, almost a laugh now.

‘Don’t worry, man’

He doesn’t have much time to feel awkward or uncomfortable, because Sander gets his attention soon, pulling him closer by the waist to kiss him. The kiss is heated from the start, and they resume their previous position as Robbe accommodates himself over Sander’s lap, fighting the urge to start grinding into him, hyperaware of having another person in the room with them.

The air feels charged around him, his nipples stiffing as he removes his shirt and throws it across the bed, and he holds on to Sander for purchase, hands digging into his boyfriend’s hair to pull at the roots, loving the way he could feel hardness beneath him, Sander’s dick poking at his thigh already. Robbe tries to stifle a moan as Sander dips one hand into his back pocket, grabbing his ass and pulling them even closer together.

Even though they’re sitting at the edge of the bed, Robbe can hear Jens’ slow, steady breathing next to them, like a background white noise, and it should ground him, calm him down, but it has the complete opposite effect. They’ve barely started and Robbe already feels on edge, licking into Sander’s mouth and trying to move on top of him, all his previous thoughts about _taking things slow_ forgotten.

Robbe’s about to unzip his own pants when Sander breaks the kiss, hands firmly on his waist now.

‘Robin, slow down, can’t you see we have company?’

‘But I wanna feel you’ Robbe whines, not missing the way Jens’ seems to breathe out a laugh.

‘You will, you will. Let’s take you out of these clothes, okay?’ Sander asks, and in a flurry of movement, he twists them around on the bed, Robbe’s back now resting against the sheets as his boyfriend moves over him.

‘Wow, that was smooth’ Jens mutters, almost as if he’s talking to himself.

That manages to make Robbe relax a bit more, and he dares to look at Jens, suppressing the urge to laugh at his friend’s remark. Jens still looks a bit too stiff, knees glued to each other and his back straight, but he smiles at them anyways. _It’s just Jens, you know him, no big deal,_ Robbe repeats to himself while Sander makes a quick work of unzipping Robbe’s pants and pulling them down.

His whole body seems to be heating up, and he decides to turn his focus back to Sander, who’s looking at him in a way that never fails to make him weak at the knees. He sits back on the bed to get closer to Sander, lick his bare chest and suck on a nipple, body melting when his boyfriend lets out a low moan.

Robbe decides to take advantage of Sander’s distraction and tugs at his sweatpants, pulling them down along with his underwear, and he almost sighs in relief at the sight of Sander’s cock, jutting forward and already very hard. He needs to get his mouth on him, needs to taste him and feel the weight of that perfect dick inside his mouth.

Something seems to shift around them, and Robbe hears Jens suck in a sharp breath, the sound echoing way too loud inside the room. He scrambles to remove Sander’s pants all the way down, tugging them off as they pool around his ankles, and his boyfriend laughs in that _beautiful_ , melodic way he does.

‘Somebody’s eager’

‘Yes’

‘Yeah? What do you want, baby?’

‘Wanna suck you off’ Robbe replied in what must have been a whine, desperate to get closer to Sander.

‘Fuck, okay, let me get on the bed’

As Sander moves around to lie down on the bed, Robbe manages to get another good look at Jens, and _wow, okay, he’s enjoying this._ Jens looks more comfortable now, legs spread a bit more and his hands tucked deep into his pockets, but his eyes are wide open and he keeps shifting his gaze between Robbe and Sander. It’s such a weird sensation, to know that his best friend is here to _watch them_ , while also having the strong, deeply sated knowledge at the front of his mind that this is something purely experimental, that Jens is merely a spectator to all of this. They exchange glances for a beat, Jens’ pupils dilated, and he looks like he’s fighting the urge to laugh, which makes Robbe realize that he’s probably just as nervous about this.

Every cell in his body seems to be on alert, and he feels his skin tingling where it’s touching Sander’s, moving closer to climb over him and grind their crotches together. Sander moans at that, a low grumble that gets swallowed by Robbe and travels through his veins, filling everything with warmth and desire. Robbe knows that if he keeps on grinding, it won’t take long before they’re coming, but he still wants to suck Sander, so that will have to wait.

Reluctantly, he makes his way down Sander’s body, kissing and sucking his nipples again and dipping his tongue into Sander’s bellybutton, just to make the boy shiver. He keeps trailing kisses down his body, getting closer and closer to his cock but still not touching it, just lapping the skin at the junction of his thigh, one hand moving to spread his legs a bit. Robbe knows that Jens is probably getting a good view at his boxer-clad ass right now, and the thought makes him sweat.

‘Robin, I thought you said you wanted to blow me’

‘I will’ Robbe replies, enjoying the illusion of control for a while more before finally reaching what he wanted.

Sander’s dick is red and hard, already leaking precum against his hip, and Robbe darts forward to lick at the wet head first, the taste exploding in his tongue and making him moan. He adjusts himself between Sander’s legs, trying not to pay too much attention to the way his bladder is tingling, and sucks the tip of Sander’s cock into his mouth, gripping at Sander’s thigh to keep him in place.

Even though Sander is the one with a oral fixation, Robbe understands the appeal of forgetting about everything around him to swallow Sander’s dick, loving the weight of it inside his mouth, the way it fills him up completely and he can’t help but moan again when he feels the tip grazing the back of his throat before pulling back.

‘You like sucking my dick, Robin?’

‘Mmmm’ Robbe replies, tongue lapping along his length.

‘Why is that?’

‘Huh?’

‘Why do you like to suck me so much?’ Sander asks, one hand moving down to pet his hair, which means soon he’ll be pulling at it.

‘I like the way you taste’

‘Speak louder, I don’t think Jens heard you’ Sander insists, evil smile on his face, and Robbe is brought back into the reality of their situation, whining with embarrassment.

‘Sanderrrr’

‘Answer me, baby’

Just like he thought, the hand that was previously caressing his hair now tugs hard at it, forcing Robbe to lift his head, and he _hates and loves_ how much that turns him on. He feels himself blushing, heat spreading down to his chest, and it only gets worse when Jens’ voice cuts through, almost a growl.

‘Fuck’

‘I like the way you taste’ He replies, a bit louder now, and Sander loosens his grip, seemingly satisfied.

That’s enough to make him return his attention to Sander’s cock, swallowing him down again and bobbing his head, desperate to hear Sander’s breathing filling the air, high and strained.

‘He’s so good at this, Jens, his mouth feels amazing’ Sander rasps, carding his fingers through Robbe’s hair again.

It was the strangest feeling, hearing Sander praising him but knowing that his boyfriend wasn’t talking _to_ him, but _about_ him instead, boasting about Robbe’s skills to someone else, but Robbe soon found out that he liked it. He always loved Sander’s praising, got off on it, so it only made sense that listening to his boyfriend boasting about Robbe to another person would have a similar effect.

Besides, Robbe knew that Sander got off on it, too, but in a very different way.

Sander got off to the fact that he had Robbe _all to himself_ , which meant he could flaunt him around and shower him in praises, while also knowing that nobody else would ever get to touch him, just Sander. It was a little possessive and almost sadistic, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t also _true_. And, if he was really, _really_ honest with himself, Robbe got off on it, too. He loved giving up control almost completely, letting Sander set the pace and just do whatever he wants.

Robbe is so focused on the feeling of Sander’s cock inside his mouth and the sound of Sander’s voice, talking about how _he feels all soft and warm and wet, and he just lets me do whatever I want_ , that he doesn’t even notice when he starts grinding against the mattress, trying to release some tension. Sander, however, is quick to notice this, and pulls Robbe off of him in a steady motion.

‘I think you’ve had enough, right?’

‘But I wanted you to come’

‘Oh, I will come, don’t worry’ Sander smiles, pulling him back up, ‘Now get here’

He lets himself be manhandled up the bed, groaning at the feeling of his cock dragging against Sander’s body, and then moaning when he feels his boyfriend dip both hands into the waistband of his underwear, pulling it down in one swift motion and exposing him. _Well, there’s no turning back now_ , Robbe thinks, lying sideways on the bad, his back turned to Jens’ direction, and he tries to tangle himself around Sander, needing more skin touching his skin. Sander licks his earlobe, whispering way too loud for it to be even considered whispering anymore.

‘Robin, you look so good, _so, so good,_ that you got Jens hard, look’

‘What?’ He replies, dazed, and cranes his neck trying to look behind him.

Robbe twists his body around, finally managing to look at Jens properly, and Sander didn’t lie; Jens really _is_ hard, pants tenting around his crotch, and his pupils look dark and dilated. One of his hands is still inside his pocket, but the other is now fisting the side of the chair, and Robbe can see Jens’ knuckles are white with how hard he’s gripping the chair.

‘Your friend got hard watching you suck my dick, baby’ Sander repeats in his ear, loud enough that Jens hears it, too, and _wow_ , it’s amazing to see the effect of Sander’s words in real time. He sucks in a sharp breath, laughing a bit after that, and his face flushes.

 _Fuck, he’s really enjoying this_. Robbe’s body heats up at the realization, and also from Sander being glued to his back, hand moving forward to pull him closer, and he jumps as soon as Sander presses on his lower stomach. The sensations just keep adding up, and Robbe doesn’t know where to focus now, his cock dragging against the sheets and leaving a smear of precum on them. He averts his gaze from Jens, bucks his hips against Sander.

‘Please touch me’

‘Want me to finger you, baby?’ Sander asks, his other hand already dipping down to massage his ass.

‘Yes, fuck’

The golden chain drags around his neck when he twists his body back, facing Sander again, and his boyfriend quickly moves to adjust the necklace, planting soft kisses in his mouth and face until Robbe is squirming and laughing. Sander looks like a _vision_ , like a painting come to life, his hair mussed up and framing his head like a halo, mouth red and raw from Robbe kissing and biting it. He kneels back in the bed and quickly pulls Robbe’s legs over his shoulders, trying to gain better access to touch him.

Sander is massaging one lubed finger against his entrance when they’re startled by Jens’ voice.

‘Doesn’t this position hurt?’

‘What?’ Robbe replies, not really paying attention.

‘I mean, won’t your legs be sore from being stretched like this after a while?’

Before Robbe can think about a reply, Sander is already inserting one finger into him, and all coherent thoughts left his mind. He moves with precision, sliding it in and out, caressing Robbe’s walls until he feels like bucking his hips, and soon enough he’s sliding another finger in alongside the first, scissoring them inside Robbe and making him moan.

‘That’s because you’ve never seen how I can fold him up like a pretzel’ Sander replies, and Robbe lets out a sound that’s half-laughter and half-moan, desperate for more.

‘Fair enough’

‘Another one’ He pleads, and Sander is happy to oblige, picking up the lube to coat his fingers again before pushing them back inside.

The drag and burn is exquisite, and Robbe feels his legs starting to shake a bit. He can’t wait to be filled by Sander, to feel him deep inside, and the thought makes him moan louder, hands scrambling for purchase on the sheets. He wants to touch Sander so bad, but he’s just out of reach, fucking three fingers into Robbe and panting above him.

‘You want one more?’

‘You can take _four_ fingers?’ Jens asks, sounding incredulous, and Robbe can hardly think in a coherent manner, let alone speak.

His mind drifts off to the time where he was so needy and desperate, and Sander so eager and bold, that he had slid two fingers into Robbe alongside his cock, filling Robbe in a way he never thought possible, which made him come almost instantly. That led Robbe to start dreaming about being fucked by Sander _and_ something else, a vibrator, maybe, but they hadn’t discussed it enough. Still, the thought roamed around his mind quite often, so _yeah, he can take four fingers._

‘Of course he can take four fingers, he can take more than that’ Sander replies, sounding _proud_ in a way that fills Robbe’s chest with warmth. ‘Robbe, you want one more?’

‘No, just fuck me, please’

‘Okay, okay’

He tries not to whine at the feeling of emptiness that comes when Sander removes his fingers, hole clenching around nothing, and he drops his legs from Sander’s shoulders, moving around to sit back on the bed, fully intending on riding his boyfriend until they both come. Sander’s almost done spreading more lube onto his cock when Jens takes a sharp, loud breath, and speaks again.

‘You guys don’t use condoms?’

‘No, we got tested a long time ago’ Sander replies, sitting with his back against the headboard, and Robbe quickly throws a leg across his lap, positioning himself so that Sander could slide his dick inside him.

He was kneeling on the bed on top of Sander, his body thrumming with the usual excitement it got before he bottomed, and he almost misses what Jens is saying, his voice too low.

‘What?’

‘I’ve never done it… without a condom’ He admits, eyes half-lidded. ‘How does it feel?’

‘Amazing’ Robbe replies, already grasping Sander’s cock and lining himself.

The three of them moan in unison when the head of Sander’s dick slips inside Robbe, pushing slowly into his body as Robbe sinks lower and lower, Sander’s hands on his hips in a vice grip, one that would _definitely_ leave some bruises, but he doesn’t care right now, he loves it, too lost into the sensation of being filled by Sander so deep that he can taste him. Robbe steadies himself by holding on to Sander’s shoulders, reveling in the way his body adjusts to the size of his boyfriend’s cock inside him, paying attention to how Sander is holding himself back from thrusting into Robbe, waiting until he says they’re good to go.

‘Wow, you’re like, _really_ good at that’ Jens comments.

‘I know, right?’ Sander replies, smiling sideways at the boy, and Robbe snorts out a laugh.

‘Thanks, I’ve had practice’

Once Robbe nods, lifting his body just a bit before sinking back in, Sander lets out a low moan, one arm moving to pull their chests closer together, and the friction is so good that Robbe could cry, hips swaying against Sander’s in a long drag. He chases Sander’s lips, trying to pour some of his desperation and pleasure into the kiss, and moans at how Sander seems to have read his mind, because he pulls Robbe into a deep, sloppy kiss, massaging their tongues together and exploring every crevice of his mouth.

Robbe is melting, drops of sweat dripping down his neck and collecting on his collarbones, slipping down his back, but he’s never felt better.

‘Can I touch myself?’

It takes a beat before either Robbe or Sander fully register Jens’ words, too lost in each other, and it’s Robbe who answers, too turned on by the way Sander is touching him and the knowledge that someone is watching them, is _getting off_ because of them like this. He doesn’t stop his movements or turn around to face Jens, completely focused on the sensations as he sways on top of Sander, his cock trapped between them and leaking precum.

‘Yes’

The sound of Jens’ zipper being opened echoes like a shotgun inside the room, and Robbe tugs on Sander’s hair again, feeling _everything_ at once, mind reeling with the realization that this is really happening, that Jens is about to touch himself as he watches them fuck. Sander just smiles, looking wrecked and beautiful, and suddenly bucks his hips into Robbe, going deeper than before and startling a moan out of him. He does it again, smile growing bigger, and Robbe whines.

‘What was that?’ Sander asks, like the goddamn tease that he is.

‘Fuck, you’re so deep inside me’

‘You look so good like this, riding me so well’

Even though his whole body is attuned to the way Sander feels beneath him, Robbe slowly also starts picking up other sounds in the room, like the ragged way Jens is breathing close to them, and the faint noise of skin on skin that means he’s probably already jerking off. Sander also seems to notice that, because he looks over Robbe’s shoulder in Jens’ direction, fingers digging into Robbe’s waist again to thrust deeper.

Robbe doesn’t know whether he should look at his friend or not, all the sensations coursing through his body and making him feel like a live wire, already so raw and exposed. But then Sander moans in a different way, his eyes twinkling with something closer to amusement, and it causes him to twitch inside Robbe.

‘You should see it, Robbe, he’s looking really good, even leaking a bit’

‘Sanderrrr’ Robbe whines, bouncing faster on top of him.

‘I think he’s gonna come soon’

‘Fuck you’ Jens mutters, and he sounds so out of breath that it’s almost startling.

It reminds Robbe of the way he sounds when they’re done playing soccer, tired and sweaty and exhausted, and to know that he’s now panting like that because of _watching them?_ It’s almost more than he can fathom, so he grinds faster against Sander, chasing his pleasure and trying to reach that spot inside him that makes him see stars.

‘Is this too much for you? Can’t handle it?’ Sander teases, and _of course_ he’s enjoying this, so much for not being competitive.

Jens grunts out a laugh, seemingly incredulous, and the sounds of skin against skin seem to slow down a bit. Robbe is almost giving in, neck scratching with curiosity at how Jens must look right now, but one of Sander’s hands is back on his hair, pets the curling strands on his neck and moves up, tugging it lightly, so Robbe quickly forgets what he was thinking.

Robbe’s cock is dragging against Sander’s stomach as he rides him, and he tries to snake a hand down to touch it, but his boyfriend slaps it away.

‘Sander, please touch me’

‘But I _am_ touching you’

‘Sandeeeeerrrr’ Robbe whines again.

He’s desperate for more friction, for Sander to just reach out and jerk him off until he’s spilling all over, overwhelmed by the amount of things that his brain is picking up at once: the way his bladder is so full that it’s starting to hurt; the quick, deep jabs that are just _this_ close to his prostate as Sander thrusts into him; the ragged noise of Jens’ breathing growing louder.

‘You know you can come untouched, baby’

‘I can’t, it’s too much’

‘Yes, you can, don’t you wanna show Jens how good you are?’

 _Fuck, I’m going to die_ , Robbe thinks, bouncing faster on top of Sander as he hears Jens groaning. His boyfriend pulls him closer, licking the sweat off his chest before latching onto one nipple, which makes Robbe throw his head back in pleasure.

‘Does he ever shut up?’

And _oh_ , now Jens is talking to him, so Robbe looks over his shoulder just a bit, seeing the shadow of Jens’ movement but still not looking directly at him, mind reeling as Sander cants his hips up, trying to reach his prostate.

‘No, he doesn’t’

‘It’s really infuriating’ Jens mutters, exhaling out with a grunt, and Sander fully laughs at that, jostling Robbe on top of him.

‘I think you mean really hot’

Robbe cannot believe they are having this kind of banter right now, arguing without any heat behind it, just throwing words back and forth, and it makes his skin heat up even more, the knowledge that _they’re really doing this_ keeps sliding in and out of his mind.

‘You’re pissed off because you’re too close to coming’ Sander replies, eyes glued on Robbe’s cock as it leaves a trail of precum onto his stomach.

‘Fuck off’

One of his hands moves down, and Robbe almost sighs in relief, thinking that maybe Sander is _finally_ going to touch him, jerk him off and make him come, but he just circles two fingers over the wet head. The light touch makes him jolt and moan, bucking his hips to get more contact, and Sander smiles, gathering some of the precum there and bringing it to his lips. He keeps looking at Robbe as he licks one finger, humming in delight.

‘You taste so fucking good’ He says, sucking on his finger, and Robbe hears Jens shifting in the chair, catches some movement from the corner of his eye.

‘Yeah?’

‘Wanna taste it?’

Sander doesn’t wait for Robbe’s reply before he scoops another glob of precum that was smeared on his chest, lifting two fingers and pushing them inside Robbe’s waiting mouth. The feeling of tasting himself makes him suck more eagerly, bounce faster on top of his boyfriend, spurred on by the way Sander is gripping at his hip with the other hand and the low _fuck_ that escapes from Jens. Robbe is _so hard,_ and now he also desperately needs to pee.

‘Sander, please, please touch me’

‘Just a bit more, baby, let’s change the position a bit’

‘But I’m so close’ Robbe cries out.

‘Well, then Jens should be able to see you coming, don’t you think?’

 _Oh my god, I am definitely going to die today_.

‘What?’

Robbe barely has time to think before he’s being manhandled off of Sander and onto his side, lying down facing Jens this time, and there’s no getting around it anymore, Sander is going to make him stare straight at him while he drives Robbe insane. His boyfriend spoons him from behind, and Robbe twists his head to try and kiss Sander, but he holds Robbe’s hair, tugging his face forward with a smile.

‘Look at him, baby, he’s going crazy watching us’

Seeing Jens like this was something Robbe never expected in a million years, never imagined before, not even when he had a crush on the boy. Jens is leaning back on the chair, his legs splayed open and he looks _wrecked._ His hair’s a mess, eyes half-lidded but he keeps his gaze fixed on them, breath coming in short pants. He’s also sweating a bit, face shiny and his shirt is sticking to his rapidly expanding chest. They lock eyes for a second before Robbe’s attention is drawn to the way Jens’ left arm is moving, and he follows the motion until he sees the boy’s hand stroking his cock in a slow drag. Jens didn’t even pull his pants all the way down, just tugged them off enough that his dick could be released from his underwear, looking red and hard and heavy on his palm, a bead of precum shining at the tip.

Robbe unconsciously licks his lips, hardly believing he was able to get Jens looking like that, and shivers when Sander licks his earlobe, already lifting up his leg and lining up his cock against Robbe’s entrance to slide in again.

‘Do you want that, Jens?’

‘Huh?’ He replies, seemingly distracted, and Robbe can’t take his eyes off of him.

‘Do you want to see Robbe coming? He looks so good when he comes, spilling all over himself, way better than any porn you’ve ever watched’

If it was possible for Robbe to blush deeper, he thinks he’d probably _combust_ , because his whole body feels on fire, molten lava coursing through his veins. Sander pushes into him again, cock dragging along his walls in the best way, filling him up so nice, making him lose all strength on his limbs. Robbe’s mouth falls open in a silent moan, and if he wasn’t so turned on he’d laugh at the way Jens’ mouth also opens up, mimicking him.

‘Jens, answer me’ Sander insists, voice laced with laughter on Robbe’s ear.

‘Yeah, yes. I want that’

Even without Sander’s hand on his cock, Robbe already feels his orgasm creeping up, heat coiling low in his stomach, and the tingling on his bladder intensifies as Sander holds him close, applying pressure in a way that makes his eyes start to water. Jens is stroking himself faster, eyes glued to the point where Robbe and Sander are connected, and Robbe tries not to wince when his boyfriend moves his hand lower, massaging over his bladder.

‘Are you full?’

‘Yeah, hurts’

‘It hurts?’ Jens asks, looking a bit less hazy now, eyebrows drawn together.

‘A bit’

‘And you _like_ it?’ He sounds almost incredulous.

‘It gets uncomfortable to – fuck, to hold it when we’re having sex’ Robbe explains in between moans, eyes darting between Jens’ face and his dick, still leaking as the boy steadies his grip on it. ‘But, yes, I like it’

‘Cool’ Jens grunt, closing his eyes.

‘Can you hold it a bit longer, baby?’ Sander moans, still thrusting hard into him.

‘I can try’

But trying to hold it proves to be harder than he thinks, because Sander adjusts the angle and suddenly he’s hitting Robbe’s prostate on every thrust, quick jabs that make him open his mouth in a silent scream, one hand flying up to grab Sander’s hair hard. He’s sweating and panting, slick against his boyfriend, and close enough to orgasm that he almost feels lightheaded. One particularly hard thrust causes Robbe to whine out loud, his eyes wet with tears, and Sander teases him.

‘Oooh, did I get it?’

‘Get what?’ Jens asks, and he must have realized by looking at them, because he lets out a low groan. ‘Oh, you’re actually hitting his prostate?’

‘Yesyesyesyes, Sander, please I’m so close’ Robbe all but screams, fingers pulling at Sander’s hair in an attempt to ground himself.

‘Yeah? You’re gonna come while I pound into you, and your friend jerks off to us?’

Robbe isn’t even sure how long it’s been since they entered his bedroom, all sense of time and space warped and reduced to _this_ moment, to Sander’s panting in his ear, to the way he’s touching the head of his cock now, and Robbe feels his whole body lighting up, taut with tension and screaming for release. Sander’s hand is still moving softly on the tip of Robbe’s dick, just rolling it between his thumb and forefinger, but the friction is so good after being untouched for so long that it takes less than a minute for him to come.

It’s a good thing that they’re alone at the kollektiv, because Robbe lets out a moan that sounds more like a scream, all his muscles tensing up with pleasure as the orgasm creeps up, traveling through his spine and making his balls tingle, cock shooting ropes of cum over himself and the mattress, blood rushing in his ears. Robbe feels like he’s outside of his own body, watching it all happen from a third person perspective; the way his damp hair is clinging against the pillow, the warm sensation of Sander sucking on his golden chain behind him, the electricity in the air as Jens speeds up his hand, unable to look away from Robbe as he convulses against Sander.

He feels limp and high, as if all of his strings have been cut off, and now the rush of pleasure is bordering on pain because Sander keeps thrusting into him, making the bed creak beneath them, and the tingling on his bladder gets _worse and worse_.

‘Can I keep going? I’m really close’ Sander pleads, knowing how overwhelmed Robbe is feeling, and he nods, still riding the waves of his orgasm. ‘I think Jens is, too’

‘Fuck, I’m so close’ Jens moans, which makes him shiver again; for a moment, Robbe almost forgot about him.

Maybe his perception of time is still distorted, because Sander seems to be moving at a glacial pace against him, and Robbe _needs to pee._ He tries not to wince, body on the edge of oversensitivity, and looks at Jens just to focus on something other than his full bladder. His friend is fully sweating now, his shirt damp and clinging to his frame, and Jens looks like he’s three seconds away from coming.

‘Sander, please come, I can’t hold it anymore’

‘You sure?’ Sander presses on his bladder, causing Robbe to buck against him, and he shakes his head, desperate and past the point of begging. ‘Then you should let it go’

‘Sander, ‘s too much, I can’t’

‘Color?’

‘Gr-green’ Robbe whines, and Jens’s stare is burning holes into his brain now, the knowledge that someone else is listening to all of his pleading and begging, and _fuck_ if he isn’t chubbing up again.

‘Jens?’

‘You should pee’ The boy replies, almost bucking into his own hand now, ‘If you want to, of course’

There’s a small part of Robbe’s brain that’s telling him _this will be very humiliating, they’re going to make fun of you, how can you like this?_ but it’s hard to pay any attention to it when Sander is moaning in his ear, hand massaging Robbe’s lower stomach in circles, pushing some drops of piss out of him.

‘It’s just us, baby, let go’ Sander whispers, his thrusts growing more erratic.

Sander twists his other arm to hug Robbe’s chest, enveloping him like a blanket, filling every crevice of his body and soul, and it’s too much. Jens is looking at them with so much warmth in his eyes, looking shocked and turned on but also smiling, huge grin taking over his face, and all Robbe can think of is that _he’s safe. He trusts them, and they trust him, and this is good, he’s allowed to enjoy this, this is good._ He whines with relief when he finally gives in, body sagging against Sander as he starts peeing, the stream hitting his hip and then trailing down to the bed.

‘Fuck, oh god’ Robbe moans, clenching involuntarily as the stream gets stronger, and Sander moves his hand under it, wetting his fingers and trailing them down Robbe’s cock.

‘How does it feel?’ Jens asks, eyes fixed on his cock.

‘Feels really good’

‘Better than an orgasm?’

‘Pretty close’ Robbe replies, smiling.

Every thrust of Sander seems to be pushing more pee out of him, and suddenly his hand is slipping from Robbe’s dick, holding him down, and he lets out a low groan before biting Robbe’s neck and holding still, cock pulsating ropes of cum inside him.

‘Oh my god’ Jens blurts out, and Robbe can see that he’s reaching his limit, hand moving so fast now, ‘I’m gonna come’

If Robbe wasn’t almost done pissing, he’s sure he would be completely hard again by now, because everything seems to be happening at once. Sander has a tight hold on him, filling Robbe’s ass with cum as he shivers, and then Jens is also coming right in front of them, toes curling up and his face is scrunched up in pleasure as he shoots into his own hand and the inside of his shirt. Robbe’s body feels sore and _used_ in the best way, the last droplets of pee leaking out now, and he feels Sander collapsing against him on the wet sheets with a sigh.

The air reeks of sex around them, all three fighting to catch their breaths, and Robbe can feel cum trickling out of him as Sander pulls out, dropping a kiss on his temple before sitting on the bed. Robbe’s exhausted, his limbs heavy, and he feels as if he just ran a marathon, sweat slowly cooling down around his temples and making his skin tight. He vaguely thinks about how he’s gonna need to change the sheets _again,_ but decides that it’s a problem for the next minute, not this one. He’s not looking at Jens, but can still see from the corner of his eye as he wipes his forehead with one hand, the other probably still holding his dick.

‘There’s a tissue box on the drawer’ Sander says, sounding a bit hoarse. He motions in the general direction of the desk behind Jens, ‘I think they’re right by the lamp’

‘Thanks, man’

Robbe hears some rustling, and tries not to think about how the hard part comes now: making sure things don’t get awkward between them. It all seemed to have gone smoothly while they were all horny and desperate, but now, with their bodies cooling down and coming back to their senses, Robbe is afraid that they’ll never be able to get past this, that it draws them apart. He looks at Sander, seeking some reassurance, and his boyfriend nuzzles his face, whispering _I love you_ into his mouth with a kiss.

He stretches in the bed, throwing his arms up to crack them, and gets drawn back into reality by the sound of Jens’ voice, high and excited.

‘Wow, that was so much fun!’

‘Yeah?’ Robbe asks, fighting his own nerves.

‘Yes! Are you kidding me?’ He exclaims, wiping himself with some paper towels. ‘That was the wildest thing I’ve ever done in my life, I honestly thought I was gonna pass out at one point’

The tension seems to ooze out from Robbe, and he smiles, relieved at how casual his friend is being about the whole thing. He thought the best case scenario would be that they’d never talk about this ever again, too scared to make things uncomfortable, but this was looking so much better _and easier._

‘Was it when Robbe peed? Because I can totally understand it’ Sander replies, looking around the bed for his boxers, and Robbe punches his arm with a laugh.

‘Fuck off’

‘I think it was when he hit your prostate, I thought the guys in porn were faking it when they screamed’

‘Oh, but they’re probably faking it’ Robbe replies, grabbing his underwear at the foot of the bed and putting it on. ‘Almost nothing in porn is real’

‘Were _you_ faking? Because you looked like you were about to cry, and I don’t think you’re that good of an actor’

‘Fuck no, I wasn’t acting’

‘You really need to start watching better porn, man’ Sander mentioned, lifting his body from the bed.

Before Robbe even thinks about it, Sander is already pulling one end of the sheets to remove them, and he slaps Robbe’s thigh, motioning for him to get up so that he can tug the other side free and pull the sheets off before the wetness spreads to the mattress. Jens also stands up, zipping his pants back up and balling up the dirty tissues.

‘Alright, I’m gonna throw these in the trash and wash myself, I’ll be in the living room’

‘Okay’

They change the sheets in silence, a relaxed sort of quietness between them, and Robbe can’t find the words to express what he’s feeling. To know that Sander shared this with him, allowed him to feel vulnerable and show himself, guiding him through and being so giving and selfless in every step of the way. It just makes him love the boy even more, reminds Robbe of why they worked so well together, because their relationship is rooted in love and _trust_. Once they’re done, Sander picks up the dirty sheets and ball them up, nudging Robbe on the shoulder.

‘I think that went well’ He says quietly, looking at Robbe as if he’s gauging his reaction, and Robbe responds by throws his arms around the boy, giddy with affection.

‘I love you so much, you have no idea’

‘I think I have a small idea’ Sander muses, smiling against his lips, ‘But you’re welcome to tell me some more’

-

Once they get the washing machine going and take a quick shower, Robbe’s nerves start creeping up again. _You need to calm down and chill, things are fine,_ he repeats to himself like a mantra, letting Sander wash his hair. His boyfriend finishes the shower first, whispering another _I love you_ before going into the living room and leaving Robbe alone in the bathroom with his thoughts.

Robbe expects to be met with silence when he enters the living room, still toweling his hair dry, believing Jens and Sander might be awkwardly trying to look for something to talk about, but he soon gets surprised by the loud noise of the TV and some yelling.

‘Just move over there! No, over _there!’_ Jens yells, to which Sander replies:

‘I hate this so much!’

‘What’s going on?’, He asks, bewildered, and quickly realizes that they’re playing Call of Duty and screaming at each other and at the TV. ‘Are you seriously playing videogame right now?’

‘Why? What’s wrong with videogames?’

‘You _hate_ videogames, Sander’

‘Your boyfriend is weird, honestly, so I suggested that maybe _he_ should also try something new today’ Jens replies, wiggling his eyebrows at Robbe, and he can’t help but laugh.

‘Fuck off, I’m not weird’

‘You are, but it’s okay – fuck, no, what are you doing? Shoot the other guy, the other!’

‘I told you I suck at this!!’

Robbe watches in silence as they play for another ten minutes or so, making the occasional suggestion to either of them, before Sander gives up, throwing the controller on the couch with an exasperated groan.

‘This game just reminded me why I hate videogames’

‘Well, nobody’s perfect’

He stares at Sander, sending him a look that says a _re we really not talking about it?_ , and his boyfriend shrugs, as if he’s saying _I don’t know how to talk about it_. Eventually, Jens seems to pick up their silent conversation, giving them a confused stare.

‘Why are you guys acting so weird?’

‘Um, I just want to know how you’re feeling about everything?’

‘I’m okay? I thought I made it clear that it was fun’

‘I know, I know, I just mean… Are we cool?’ Robbe asks, fingers playing with the edge of his towel.

‘Yeah, we’re cool. Are _you_ cool with it? Did I make things weird?’

‘No, no, you didn’t. It’s just, well, it was a lot, right?’

‘It was’ Sander agrees, hand reaching to massage Robbe’s foot at the end of the couch.

‘Okay, it was a lot, but I’m fine with it. I mean, I definitely wanna do it again, _not with you guys_ ’ Jens quickly adds, laughing, ‘But it made wanna try other things, with other people’

‘Oh, cool’

‘Which, by the way, do you think Jana would be cool if I asked her to film us while we have sex?’

Robbe throws his head back, laughing with surprise, and soon enough they’re all laughing.

‘What the fuck, I don’t know!’

‘Well, I’m going to ask her, so wish me luck!’

‘Okay, good luck’ He replies, and suddenly his stomach is grumbling.

‘We’re cool, right? Not weird?’ Jens asks, squinting his eyes at them.

After everything that has happened, Robbe takes a good look at Jens, reaching deep into his mind and pulling out his memories, images flashing in his mind as he forces himself to think about this, _really_ think about it: Has this changed things for them? He feels Sander’s hands on him, warm and comforting, feels how at ease Sander still is, no traces of jealously or insecurity, and his boyfriend’s confidence also helps him look at this in a different way. Jens still looks the same to him, even though they’ve seen each other at their most vulnerable and exposed, and Robbe doesn’t doubt his heart for one second when he finally answers.

‘Not weird’

‘Not weird’ Sander mimicks him, and they share a beat of comfortable silence.

The silence is suddenly broken by the front door being slammed open, and Robbe almost jumps, startled by the loud noise. Milan quickly saunters into the living room, a box of pizza in his hands and a smile on his face.

‘Boys, I’m home! Robbe, there’s still half a pepperoni pizza in there if you guys are hungry, okay?’

‘Milan, you’re the best!’ Jens screams, already moving to grab the box.

‘I know, darling’ He replies before going into his own room.

Sander climbs over to the other side of the couch, and Robbe thinks he’s going to get them food, but the boy just throws himself on top of Robbe, arms circling his neck with a smile.

‘Hey’

‘Hello’

‘Have I told you how good you look today?’ Sander asks, placing a soft kiss on Robbe’s cheek, and he smiles.

‘I think so’

‘Mmm’ He moves his face to kiss the other cheek, ‘Mind if I say it again?’

‘Not at all’ Robbe replies, slipping one hand into Sander’s shirt to caress his back.

‘You look really good, Robin’

‘Thank you’

‘And all _mine_ ’ Sander whispers in his ear, sending shivers down his neck ‘You’re all mine’

‘Yes, I am’

‘Ugh, quit sucking face and come get the pizza before I eat all of it’ Jens mutters between bites, mindlessly staring at his phone, and Robbe laughs before reaching for the box.

‘Wait, no, I’m really hungry’

Robbe grabs a slice of pizza for himself and shares it with Sander as he fiddles with the remote, flipping through channels until they find _Almost Famous_ just beginning to play.

‘Oh, this movie is so good, have you guys watched it?’ Sander exclaims, eyebrows drawing up.

‘I don’t think so’

‘The soundtrack is amazing, and it’s about _rock!_ And the seventies!’

‘Do you only like this movie because it has David Bowie in it?’ Robbe asks, teasing, and Jens laughs into his slice of pizza.

‘No, the movie doesn’t even have Bowie in the soundtrack, alright? Just wait and you’ll see’

‘Fine, but I need more pizza’

Robbe leans his head against the couch, eating his pizza in silence as they watch the movie. They’re almost halfway into it when the first chords of _I’m Waiting for the Man_ come in and Sander jumps from the couch, whispering _oh my god_ before he starts singing along. He can’t help but exchange an amused look with Jens, giving him a stare that said _I told you so,_ Sander shoving him from one side.

‘I didn’t remember that this song was in the movie, I swear!’

Jens laughs at that, which makes Robbe laugh along, and they just stand there, laughing and looking at Sander while he keeps singing along, feet tapping on the carpet.

They’re gonna be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Almost Famous' is an amazing movie, I highly recommend! link to 'I'm Waiting For The Man': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOJ4GH88cn4&ab_channel=enriqueguevara


	25. twenty-five.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello kids, how are you? great, I hope! Thank you all for the birthday wishes and for the constant support! <3 I'm rushing to finish the fic, currently working on the last two chapters at the same time, and it feels so weird to know that it will be over soon! anyways, here's the chapter, I hope you like it! Let me know what you think <3 <3

The sun is hitting Sander’s eyes as he leans against the warm tile of the school, waiting for Robbe to leave. It has become something of a small routine for them, one waiting for the other outside of school so that they can see each other, trying to stretch their time together as much as possible. Usually Sander would be calmer, listening to music or sketching something on his notepad, looking at random people passing by, but not today.

Today he’s barely able to stay put together; resting one leg against the wall, then switching to the other, fiddling with the zipper on his bag, staring at the gate and seeing Robbe in every random person. Sander is just giddy with excitement and nervousness, almost bouncing on his feet as he waits for Robbe, can barely wait to throw himself on his boyfriend.

Sander finally got a job.

After weeks of editing his college work, writing recommendation letters, sending e-mails and sharing his portfolio with more people than he can remember (some of them he wasn’t even sure were real, but he sent the e-mails all the same), Sander had finally gone to a job interview that week. It was for a position as an assistant at the museum, just an internship, but it was a start.

The interviewer had looked so threatening, flicking through the pages of his portfolio and _tsking_ every now and then, eyebrows furrowed. Sander was beginning to believe that there was a pattern in these things, and being intimidating was just a trait of _old art people_ , because the interviewer (that would be his boss if he managed to get the job) sounded almost exactly like ms. Lou.

Actually, now that he thought about it, Sander was pretty sure the only reason he even got the interview was because she had probably sent in a good word about him to the people at the museum, writing him an impressive letter of recommendation. He thought the interview had gone well, discussing it at length with Robbe on the phone right after and complaining about how he’d probably still have to wait before finding out if he _actually_ got the job or not.

He was still in class when his phone buzzed earlier that morning, and Sander almost jumped out of his chair in his haste to open the e-mail, smiling like a maniac at the simple, perfunctory response he got: _Congratulations, your application to the position of assistant intern has been accepted. Please fill out the form below with your information and come to the administrative hall for further information about your schedule._

After that, Sander got caught up with class and didn’t have time to text Robbe, so he figured it would be the perfect opportunity to surprise him with the news, which made him even more antsy.

Now, Sander was all but running towards the gates to meet the boys as they walked past it, Robbe and Moyo seemingly deep in conversation with Aaron and Jens trailing behind. It was surprising how normal things had stayed between them and Jens after _that day_ in the kollektiv; despite reassuring Robbe everything would be fine, deep down, Sander spent some time hoping and wishing and watching whenever they were around the boys, waiting to catch something, a small hint that Jens was possibly expecting something more out of them now, out of Robbe.

But the boy went back to his usual self, just joking around and bickering, maybe blushing even _less_ whenever Sander and Robbe started making out in front of him. _He’s seen worse now, I guess_. The only difference now is that Jens seems to be taking his idea of exploring things seriously, texting them his adventures every now and then, much to Sander’s amusement.

Sander adjusts his bag over the shoulder, waiting for Robbe to see him. He looks amazing as usual, even though his face seems a bit flushed, as if he has just returned from the skate park instead of leaving the classroom.

‘Hey, boys’ He greets, and revels in the way Robbe’s head turns immediately, eyes glinting at him.

‘Hi!’

‘Hello’

Robbe all but jumps into him, arms wrapping around his neck as he pulls Sander closer for a bruising kiss, maybe a bit too eager for the time and place, but Sander isn’t complaining.

‘Did you get my texts?’

‘No, I haven’t checked my phone today’

‘Well, I have a surprise for you’ Sander replies, smiling, and is surprised when Robbe blushes, shooting him a conspiratorial smile.

‘Me too’

‘Robbe, will you let go of Sander so we can greet him too, please?’ Moyo asks, throwing one arm over Robbe’s shoulder.

Sander disentangles himself from Robbe to greet the boys with a hug, noticing how different their greetings are; Moyo’s fast motions, casual and light, Aaron’s long, strong hug, and finally Jens, who mutters a quiet _good to see you_ into his hair before pulling back.

‘We’re heading to the park, wanna come with us?’

‘Thanks, but I have some errands to run’

‘Oh, c’mon, play at least one match with us? Robbe refused to do anything today, it was so annoying’ Aaron complains, and Robbe huffs beside him.

‘It’s not like that’

‘Oh, no? You barely paid attention when we tried to edit the vlog during lunch, you didn’t even eat anything’

Sander frowns in surprise, but Robbe just shrugs, hiding his face in the crook of Sander’s neck, which shouldn’t fill him with such a streak of possessiveness, but it does, so he tightens his grip on the boy’s waist.

‘Are you feeling well, baby?’

‘I’m fine, I was just distracted’

‘Well, we can eat something before heading out if you want?’

‘No, ‘m not hungry’ Robbe mutters, burrowing himself deeper in Sander’s embrace.

‘God, you guys are thirsty for each other’ Moyo jokes, and it only takes a split second before Sander’s locking eyes with Jens, the unspoken inside joke traveling between them.

Jens purses his lips, fighting the laughter as he says _oh, you have no idea_ , which makes Robbe kick him lightly, and soon the three of them are laughing, the deep, uncontrollable kind of belly-laughing that makes your face ache afterwards. Moyo and Aaron are staring at them, equally confused smiles on their faces, and it takes a while until they can breathe normally again.

‘Okay, we really have to go if we want to make it in time’

‘Time for what?’

‘You’ll see’ Sander replies, huge grin on his face at the thought of showing Robbe where he’ll start working for the foreseeable future.

They bid the boys goodbye and Sander turns to face Robbe, holding his hand and feeling warm and eager.

‘Did you bike here today?’

‘No, I took the tram’

‘Oh, that’s perfect, me too. Let’s go!’

The weather should be colder today, but that doesn’t stop Robbe from burrowing himself into Sander, almost trying to crawl inside his jacket.

‘Are you okay?’

‘Yeah’

‘You sure?’

‘Yes. We’re not going home now?’

‘No, it’s part of my surprise. Oh, by the way, what’s your surprise?’ Sander asks, noticing how Robbe is trying not to fidget in place, but he just shakes his head.

‘You first’

‘Okay, so the people from the museum contacted me…’

‘…And?’ Robbe asks, face open in anticipation, and Sander fights the urge to scream his news.

‘I got the job!’

It’s Robbe who screams, throwing his arms around him with delight, exclaiming _I knew you’d get it!_ while Sander spins him around, excited and unable to stay quiet any longer.

‘I got the e-mail this morning, now all that’s left to do is go to the museum and fill out my other entry documents. Oh, I also have to create a bank account’

‘I’m so proud of you! Wow, my boyfriend is an adult now’

‘Hey! I was an adult before!’ Sander laughs, finger jabbing Robbe’s waist, and he scoffs.

‘I know, but now you have a job!’

‘It’s just an assistant position, you know that, the money is not so good’

‘Hey’ Robbe points at him, ‘What did I say about undervaluing yourself? This is a great thing, baby, you deserve it’

‘I know, I know, thank you’

‘Wait, so we’re going to the museum _now?_ ’ Robbe asks as they’re waiting to board the tram.

‘Yes, I wanna get this over with and show you the museum, too!’

‘I thought we were going to your place’

‘I’m sure it won’t take that long, we’ll be free in no time’

‘Okay’

‘You sure you’re okay?’ Sander eyes Robbe with concern now, how his face is flushed and he’s slightly sweaty, ‘Are you getting ill? You feel like you have a fever’

Before Robbe can reply, they move inside the tram, people behind them pushing slowly so that everyone can board in time. They’re standing beside each other when Sander suddenly remembers that Robbe never said what his surprise was, too distracted by Sander’s news and their rush to catch the tram.

‘Wait, you never told me your surprise’

‘Huh?’ Robbe replies, seemingly distracted.

‘What was the surprise you had for me?’

‘Oh’

Sander thought that he wouldn’t be as affected by the sight of Robbe blushing by now, but clearly he thought wrong. Robbe blushes with his entire body, cheeks going pink, head ducking to hide in the crook of Sander’s neck again, his whole demeanour screaming _I’m embarrassed and want to hide_. It was one of the cutest things Sander had ever seen, and it never fails to make him smile.

‘C’mon, you can tell me’

‘Not in here’

There’s not that many people in the tram, even though they’re standing up by the door; it’s Sander’s favorite place, so that he can look out and see everything that’s going on around them, be closer to the exit in case he finds something cool to photograph and needs to jump out the tram in a hurry. From where they’re standing, Robbe’s back against the door with Sander right in front of him, they’re almost hiding in plain sight, going unnoticed by the people, too busy inside their own worlds to pay the boys any mind.

‘Why not? Oh, is it something naughty?’ Sander teases, and Robbe’s flush gets even deeper, reaching the tips of his ears as they sway on the tram.

‘Maybe’

‘Tell me’

‘Noooo’ Robbe whines, and Sander all but pleads, curiosity scratching his brain.

‘You can whisper in my ear, nobody will hear it’

Robbe huffs, muttering _fine_ , and now Sander feels eager, desperate to know what has got his boyfriend in such a state. He leans forward a bit, feeling the warm breath on his neck as Robbe moves closer.

‘I’m wearing the plug right now’

_What?_

White noise fills his head, everything else around him going dull and muted. Sander grips Robbe’s jacket, the only thing tethering him to the ground right now. The blushing, the sweating, the fidgeting, it all makes sense. Robbe is wearing the virating plug, has been the entire time. Right now. In public. As they’re jostling inside the tram on a Thursday afternoon.

Sander feels as if he’s about to combust.

‘Sander?’

‘Huh?’

‘Say something’ Robbe asks, voice quiet with a hint of insecurity.

‘When did you put it?’

‘This morning, before I went to school’ His voice sounds higher, and the flush is spreading to his ears, ‘I had the idea when you texted me?’

Although Sander remembers very well their morning texts, the quick _good morning_ followed by a blurry picture, palming himself over his boxers with the caption _I’m already thinking about you_ before they said their goodbyes, he never thought Robbe would be so affected, affected enough to do something like this.

It’s all Sander can think about.

‘Fuck’

‘I know’

‘ _Fuck, Robbe_ ’ Sander groans into his hair, maybe a bit too loud for being in public. ‘How does it feel?’

‘Intense. The worst part was having to sit still in class, trying not to get a boner in the middle of biology’

_And now I’m trying not to get a boner in public fucking transportation_ , Sander thinks, looking around them to make sure they’re not being judged by the random people around. Lucky for them, everyone seems too engrossed in their own endeavors to pay them any mind, and the tram is only two stops away from the station closest to the museum.

‘I thought we were going home after school’

‘Me too, I didn’t think the museum would need me to go there so soon’

‘Why do they need you there today?’ Robbe asks, voice visibly strained, and Sander draws slow circles on his back to try and calm him down.

‘They need me to fill out the forms and scan some documents, so that they can make my pass card, and also show me around, the usual stuff, because I start tomorrow’

‘Okay’

Even though Robbe is the one wearing the plug, Sander feels hot all over, the slow, steady boil that simmers him down to the bone and makes him almost unable to focus on anything other than the urgent _need_ to touch Robbe, feel him close. _They can do this,_ he thinks, hoping the introduction process is quick and he can go home to take care of Robbe the way he deserves.

He knows that, the more he thinks about it, the harder it will be to ignore his evergrowing desire, but Sander can’t help himself, he _has_ to dig deep, to poke and prod at this until he’s sated.

‘Did you touch yourself in school?’

‘What?’

‘To release some of the tension, I mean, did you go to the bathroom to jerk off?’

‘No, I couldn’t catch a break’

‘Does it hurt?’

‘No…? It was worse in the morning, now that I’m standing up it feels less… deep’ Robbe whispers, no doubt trying to be as subtle as possible.

‘Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?’

‘I wanted it to be a surprise! I woke up thinking about you, and spent all day thinking about you, and now it’s almost torture’

‘Oh, it’s torture for me, too’ Sander laughs, fighting the urge to do something stupid like rut against Robbe until they both come right there.

He’s jolted out of his daydream as the tram reaches their station, and he pulls Robbe along as they cross the doors and walk up to the museum, its imponent marble walls and huge wooden doors already in his sight. _I’m gonna get fired on my first day_.

They’re waiting at the reception for the designated assistant to lead them to the administration room when Sander’s phone buzzes in his pocket, a message from his mama asking him if Robbe is coming for dinner later, which he replies _yes, mama, we’ll be home soon_. He can’t wait to see his parents’ faces when he delivers the good news, excited about finally having some financial independence and slightly more control over his life.

As he closes the messages, the _freaking plug app_ seems to glow right in his face, inviting him to open it and turn one the settings, even if at the lowest one. His fingers are itching to tap on the app and make his boyfriend whine and squirm and writhe against him, hot and desperate until they’re coming.

_God, this needs to be over soon_.

Sander is close to bouncing on his feet when a small blonde girl waving a clipboard calls his name.

‘Hi, that’s me’

‘Hello, if you could please come with me so we can get started on your documentation’

It only takes them a minute before Robbe is shoving him lightly with a smile.

‘Just go, I’ll wait for you here’

‘I’ll be back soon’

‘I know’

The museum is quiet and empty, and Sander’s footsteps echo as he trails behind her, eyes scanning the high columns and imponent ceiling until he can think about something other than the fact that his boyfriend is currently wearing a vibrating plug up his ass and Sander can’t do anything about it yet.

-

For all that Sander waited for this, the screening and paperwork stuff actually goes faster than he thought, signing dozens of documents and having his picture taken for the pass card ( _don’t lose it, or else you won’t be able to access the restricted areas of the museum_ , his supervisor tells him), the sound of the camera flash echoing in the office space he’s in. He already knows his way around most parts of the museum, having visited many times, and tomorrow he’ll be shown the actual spaces he’ll be working on, so for now there’s not much else to be done.

Sander quickly taps on his phone, writing all the informations about what he still needs to fix as his supervisor tells him, typing MAKE A BANK ACCOUNT SOON!!! In bold, capital letters, a stupid smile on his face as he thinks about how he’ll get to come to this place everyday _and_ get paid for it.

After everything is settled, Sander shoves the papers on his bag and walks out of the office and into the wide, open area of the museum, soon spotting Robbe walking around aimlessly, a bottle of water in one hand as he stares at the sculptures scattered around the large hall.

‘Hey’

‘Hi’

‘I’m all set, we can go now’

‘Okay’ Robbe replies, distracted, ‘It’s so nice in here’

‘Oh, so I take you’re not feeling so desperate anymore’

‘No, it’s a lot better now. I still want us to go home, though’ He laughs.

‘We will’

The tram ride back is quiet, and Sander feels as though he’s leading Robbe into a false sense of security, desperate to just turn on the plug and watch the boy squirm and whine. He quickly texts his mom _are you home already?_ , to which she replies _not yet_ , and relief floods his body at the prospect of having some privacy.

‘How was everything there?’ Robbe asks, fingers playing with his golden chain.

‘It was fine, but I still need to open up a bank account’

‘Oh, that’s right, because now you’re a hard working man!’

‘Shut up’ Sander ruffles Robbe’s hair, laughing.

‘No, but really. I’m so proud of you, y’know?’

‘Thank you. How are you feeling?’

‘I’m good, a bit sore and sensitive, but okay. Can’t wait to take this off, though’

‘Really? Does it hurt?’

‘No, it’s just… really, _really_ sensitive. I never spent so much time wearing this before’ Robbe laughs, face turning pink.

‘But do you think it’s okay to turn it on?’

The doors open before Robbe can reply, and they step off the tram, Sander’s hand grasping the empty air until Robbe shifts closer, clasping their hands together. The streets are blissfully quiet, the occasional shop still open, and Sander tugs him with interest, almost jumping out of his own skin with tension and excitement.

‘So, can I turn the plug on?’

‘Now?’ Robbe’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise.

‘No, no, when we get home’

‘I think so. I mean, I won’t last more than a minute, but sure’

They’re a bit closer to his house now, and Sander is thrumming in anticipation, the body heat that radiates from Robbe making him melt inside. If he didn’t know exactly what was causing his excitement, Sander could even believe he was going hypomanic, because today has been all about great things.

The sun is setting, casting the street in soft golden and orange hues, and even though it’s a bit cold, that doesn’t stop Sander from feeling warm inside. His phone seems to be burning a hole inside his pocket, fingers _itching_ again to just unlock it and tap on the app. They walk past a street vendor, the smell of fried food wafting through, which makes Sander realize his stomach has been growling for a while now, he was just too turned on to notice.

‘Hey, wanna get some chips?’ Robbe suggests, almost reading his mind.

‘Yeah, sure’

_At least there’s no line_ , Sander thinks, and he tugs at Robbe’s shirt just to keep his hands occupied and not give in to the urge to turn on the vibrations on the plug.

‘I can’t believe you have a job!’ Robbe exclaims, leaning into him, and Sander snorts, giddy.

‘I know! Just you wait, I’ll buy you tons of gifts’

‘I don’t need gifts, Sander, I’m just happy for you’

‘Can’t I spoil my boyfriend?’ Sander noses into his hair.

‘I guess’

Robbe blushes again as he moves to pay for the food, and he looks so soft, so pretty, _so, so pretty, pretty enough to eat,_ and Sander can’t wait anymore. He pulls the phone from his pocket and unlocks it, thumb scrolling until it finds the _we vibe ditto app_ , almost like it’s staring at him. He turns it on the lowest setting before dropping the phone back in his pocket, not missing the low whine that escapes Robbe’s lips.

Steam wafts from the box of chips as Robbe picks it up with trembling hands, muttering a quiet _thank you_ before turning around to stare at Sander, eyes big and face flushed again, a deep scarlet that reaches the tips of his ears. Sander can’t look away, can’t do anything but smile at his boyfriend, fingers moving to touch his waist.

‘What are you doing?’

‘Green?’ Sander asks, because he has to ask, has to make sure that Robbe’s okay with this.

‘Green, but couldn’t you, _fuck_ , couldn’t you wait until we got home?’

‘No, I couldn’t’

Sander takes the chips away from Robbe’s hands, thinking about teasing him some more as they eat on their way home, but, as soon as he circles his arm around Robbe, he can feel the vibrations coursing through his body. It’s almost a shock, being able to feel the buzzing traveling from Robbe to him in waves, and it’s more than he can handle.

Once again, his plan has turned against him, because now Sander is getting hard _again,_ unable to focus on the food, or the walk home, or anything but the way Robbe’s face is growing redder and his breath is coming in short.

_Fuck it,_ he thinks, far too impatient, closing the lid on the box of chips and throwing it on Robbe’s bag.

‘Wait, what about the food?’ Robbe complains, but Sander doesn’t miss the smile on his face.

‘We’ll eat when we get home’

-

They barely close the bedroom door behind them before Sander is all over Robbe, crowding into his space and licking his earlobe.

He honestly can’t remember how they got home, the two blocks that separate the food cart from Sander’s home having disappeared, because suddenly they’re here, in Sander’s room, almost in his bed, and Robbe is whiny and desperate, face red with embarrassment and arousal, and Sander is _losing his mind._

If things seemed to be moving in slow motion before, now they seem to be going faster than he can realize. Sander’s all tangled up in Robbe, hands sliding into his shirt, feeling the soft, flat pane of his stomach, and it only takes a well-placed thrust against Robbe’s crotch for him to moan loud, voice strained as he tries to remove his backpack and jacket in a hurry.

Sander is on edge, too turned on by the fact that Robbe spent the whole day with the plug inside him, mind reeling at the thought of how sensitive and sore he must be feeling. He removes his own shirt and licks into Robbe’s mouth again, eager to taste the boy and touch him all over, almost tripping as he toes off his boots.

The air seems electrified around them, and Sander stares at Robbe while he takes off his own clothes, can’t decide what he wants to do first; how his mouth is salivating at the thought of sucking him off, having Robbe come in his mouth with a moan.

Or maybe he’d touch him first, jerk him off until he’s begging and can’t take it, body taut with sensitivity. He also ponders briefly just removing the plug and fucking Robbe, fast and desperate until he comes deep inside him. Sander’s cock twitches inside his pants, leaking against his hip.

‘How close are you?’

‘I don’t know’

Robbe looks like a vision, still half dressed, standing in the middle of the bedroom with disheveled hair and panting as he unzips his jeans. The bed creaks as Sander sits back, quickly removing his socks and pants, and he knows they’ll both come sooner than he’d want to, too strung up and sensitive already. He fishes his phone from his jeans and opens the app again, changing the vibration setting, and watches with fascination as Robbe’s face scrunches up in a silent scream, legs twisting slightly as he tries to get away from the constant assault on his prostate.

‘Fuck’ He moans, cock springing free as he steps out of his pants and over to Sander. ‘Touch me’

‘Is it too much?’

‘Yes, I’m so close’

‘What do you want?’ Sander pleads, groaning, and Robbe’s skin feels feverish under his hands.

‘Don’t know’

‘Yes, you do, tell me’

Maybe it’s because of the plug, maybe it’s because they’re both so strung up, but Sander can see Robbe’s legs shaking, and he places one hand on his thigh, massaging it and moving to pull his pants the rest of the way down. That makes Robbe shiver again, his cock hard and already peeking through the damp boxers. Sander fights the urge to lean over and lick him, taste him over the fabric, all coherent thoughts replaced with the desire to _take, take, take._

‘Answer me, baby’ He insists, and Robbe finally caves in, eyes shining in the afternoon sun.

‘I want you to fuck my mouth’

_Holy shit._ Sander’s body feels on fire, and it’s a good thing that he’s sitting down, because he can actually feel his own knees buckling at his boyfriend’s words.

‘You sure?’

‘Yes, please’

A torrent of love and desire washes over Sander, trying to process the idea that his boyfriend is asking him to _please_ fuck his face. Robbe looks so gone, body flushed and sweaty, on the edge between pain and pleasure, and he licks his lips, one hand holding Sander’s shoulder to keep himself steady.

‘How do you want to do this?’

‘Maybe I can lie in bed and you kneel over me?’

‘Fuck, fuck, okay’ Sander complies, standing up a bit too quickly and taking Robbe’s hand.

He tries to remove the rest of Robbe’s clothes carefully, knowing that Robbe is probably one step away from being too overwhelmed, and he takes a deep breath after taking off Robbe’s boxers, leaving the boy finally naked and waiting.

‘You’re so beautiful’

‘Thank you’

‘I could look at you all day’

‘Sanderrrr, please move’ Robbe huffs out an incredulous laugh that turns into a moan as Sander snakes one hand to touch his hole, feeling the abused skin stretched around the plug.

The bed creaks again as Robbe lies down, adjusting his head on the pillow while Sander removes his own boxers, sucking a sharp breath through his teeth when his cock springs free, hard and leaking.

‘Come here’ Robbe calls him, already squirming, and Sander laughs when he feels the bed vibrating slightly.

He throws one leg over Robbe’s lap, sitting on his thighs before moving his body up, going on his knees until he was almost straddling Robbe’s chest.

‘Remember to pinch my thigh if you want me to stop, okay?’

‘Okay’

‘You can pinch it hard’

‘I know, Sander’

It’s during times like these that Sander tries to hold himself in. He knows that, the more Robbe allows him to do, the more he’ll want to take, until one of them reaches their breaking point. He’d rather hold back his impulses than just do _too much_ and lose control, even though he knows Robbe would tell him to stop way before that.

Moving his body upwards some more, Sander shudders when he feels Robbe’s hands grab his ass, trying to pull him closer. He takes a deep breath, holding his dick at the base and fighting the urge to just stroke himself and come all over Robbe’s face.

‘Ready?’

‘Yes’ Robbe replies, hands applying pressure to bring him forward.

Slowly, Sander moves closer, a low moan escaping his lips as he gets engulfed by the wet hear of Robbe’s mouth. He stops before he’s all the way in, retreating a bit and then thrusting back, this time pushing in until he can feel his dick hitting the back of Robbe’s throat. The slick sensation travels from his dick to the rest of his body, making him groan and slide back, trying to stave off his own orgasm.

He looks at Robbe, wanting to gauge his reaction, but the boy just blinks and stares back, mouth open and slick as he waits for Sander to thrust into him again, which he does. For all that Sander loves looking at Robbe, he’s also powerless against his gaze, so he closes his eyes and pushes his dick in a bit deeper.

It’s harder to keep up the pace in this position, but Sander starts thrusting a bit faster into Robe’s mouth, moving his hips in quick but shallow motions, afraid of hurting him. The friction feels amazing, and it’s also _insane_ to feel Robbe’s mouth and body vibrating beneath him. _God, the things he does to me._

Sander is trying so hard not to grab Robbe’s head and _actually_ fuck his face that he gets surprised when the boy taps on his thigh, making him move his body back, dick popping out of Robbe’s mouth.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘You can do it harder, you know’

‘I don’t want to hurt you’ He replies, concerned, but Robbe just smiles at him, tightening the grip on his thigh.

‘Sander, I want it harder’

‘Oh’

‘Yeah, _oh’_ Robbe licks his lips, tongue touching the tip of Sander’s cock, and he shudders a laugh.

‘Shut up’

‘Make me’

_This boy, I swear to god_ , Sander thinks, and he’s afraid of coming just by staring at Robbe’s face right now, looking at his dilated pupils and wet mouth. He slides his cock against Robbe’s lips, enjoying the way he moans and opens his mouth wider, eager to suck it.

This time, Sander wastes no time before sliding all the way back in, one hand moving into his boyfriend’s hair and playing with the soft strands, itching to pull them. Robbe seems to have noticed this, because he almost smiles and hollows his cheeks, the hand that was gripping Sander’s thigh now returning to his ass, urging him to go deeper.

‘Fuck, your mouth feels incredible’

Robbe moans when Sander uses his free hand to rest against the wall, which makes him slide all the way into his mouth, until Robbe’s nose is touching his pubic hair, and it feels _fucking amazing_. Sander can feel Robbe’s throat constricting around his cock, and he knows he’s less than a second away from coming, because the sensations just grow more and more intense, aided by the way Robbe is moaning now.

It feels like not just Robbe is vibrating beneath him, but also the bed, the wall, the entire room seems to be buzzing with warmth and wetness, and Sander can’t believe Robbe is allowing him to do this, _wants_ him to do this, even, moaning around his dick and squirming underneath him.

‘Robbe, I’m so close, so close, fuck’

Sander only gets a humming sound in return from his boyfriend, at the same time that his hands tighten the grip on his ass, urging him even deeper. He feels a second away from floating away, holding Robbe’s hair as he thrusts harder, seeing the boy’s eyes wet with tears. The sight is more than he can take, spreads heat through his body, and then he’s coming with a surprised moan.

Surprisingly, he manages to fight the urge to just bury his cock deep into Robbe’s throat as he shoots, sliding back a bit instead so that his come lands on Robbe’s tongue and lips, coating them in white as his body trembles with pleasure. His boyfriend looks like sin personified, face shiny with tears and sweat and cum, staring at him like an _angel._

‘Don’t swallow’ Sander pleads, before sliding all the way out.

Maneuvering himself on shaky legs so that he’s lying almost on top of Robbe now, Sander is still riding the high of his orgasm as he pushes one of his boyfriend’s legs to tangle around his waist.

They moan in unison as Sander licks into Robbe’s mouth, frantic and still aroused, tasting himself as they kiss, wet and slick with cum. Sander _loves this_ , loves kissing him and sliding their tongues until their tastes are so mixed together that it’s impossible to know where one ends and the other begins.

Robbe is grinding against his hip now, still so hard and panting, and Sander realizes he hasn’t come yet, so he moves back to kneel between Robbe’s legs, spreading them open to look, needing to look, _needing_ to touch, to take everything Robbe is willing to give him. Robbe’s hole looks red and puffy, stretched around the base of the plug and slick with lube, and Sander can’t help but trace his finger around it, loving how the slightest touch makes Robbe arch his back and moan.

He moves the toy a bit deeper into Robbe, at the same time that the other hand travels through his hip to touch his cock, causing Robbe to try and close his legs, obviously overwhelmed.

‘Open your legs, baby, let me make you feel good’

‘s too much’ He whines, body flushed and beautiful.

‘You can do it, c’mon’

Slowly, Sander spreads his legs again, holding them open with his own knees before he resumes what he was doing, moving a bit faster in an attempt to bring Robbe to orgasm. His boyfriend can’t seem to decide if he wants to move away from him or buck into his hand, and he looks so good, face twisted between pain and pleasure. Sander can’t take his eyes off Robbe as he jerks him off in quick, short movements, twisting his thumb into the slit until Robbe opens his mouth in a silent scream.

‘That’s it, come for me’

Seeing Robbe coming is always something incredible, but this might be one of the best reactions he’s ever pulled out of him; Robbe’s arching his back, almost lifting his body from the bed, cock shooting cum all over his chest and getting close to his chin. Sander doesn’t stop his movements until Robbe finally lets out a loud grunt, eyes scrunched up in pleasure as his body convulses.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck’ He moans, ‘the plug, please turn it off’

Sander finally concedes it, picking up his phone and scrambling with one hand until he manages to turn off the plug, and Robbe sighs in relief, body sagging beneath him. The air suddenly goes quiet, now that the low humming of the vibrating plug has disappeared, and Sander can only hear the sound of their heavy inhales and exhales, both of them trying to pick up their breaths in the warm bedroom. He suddenly notices he’s still holding Robbe’s dick, and his boyfriend shudders as he slides his thumb across the wet skin.

‘Stooop’

‘Why?’

‘Sensitive’

The mattress creaks when Sander moves to lie beside Robbe, his sweaty back clinging to the sheets and sticking to Robbe’s equally sweaty skin, legs tangled together because Sander can’t _not_ touch him. Robbe moves one hand to draw small circles on Sander’s thigh, and it almost tickles, so Sander fights back a laugh.

‘That was so good’ Robbe mutters, lying sideways to face Sander.

‘It was amazing’

‘I love you’

‘I love you too’ Sander replies, feeling warm and happy, happy, _happy_.

‘I’m going to be so sore, fuck’ Robbe whines, legs twisting, and Sander suddenly remembers he’s still wearing the plug.

‘Do you want me to take off the plug for you?’

‘In a bit’

‘Okay’

‘Okay’

They both hum in unison, and Sander knows they will probably fall asleep before either of them gathers the courage to get up and clean, or even remove the plug like Robbe said, but that doesn’t matter right now. For now, he allows himself to relax and not think about anything else besides how things are good, and he’s allowed to enjoy good things. He’s allowed to be happy.

Sander buries his face in Robbe’s damp hair, and falls asleep thinking about love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: I already miss the boys <3  
> also me: currently thinking about my three other sobbe works in progress sitting in my drafts.


	26. twenty-six.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, kids! how is everyone? I'm good, working a lot and trying to wrap up the last two chapters of the fic, which is proving to be harder than I thought hahahaha I just wanna make them as perfect and wrapped up as possible, but I promise they're almost done! anyways, thanks to everyone for the support, and for still reading the fic, can't believe we're almost at the end! this chapter has it all, hope you like it! <3

‘Are you sure about this?’ Robbe asks for the third time, fingers shaking as he locks the bike on the railing, and Sander huffs in amusement.

‘Yes, you’ll be fine, let’s go’

Ever since Robbe turned eighteen, Sander has been insisting that they should visit the sex shop together, so that Robbe can choose something he wants for them to try. Robbe had snorted at the suggestion, reminding Sander that _they’ve been using toys before, Robbe being of age wouldn’t change much,_ but he explained how, now that he’s finally eighteen, he can choose _and_ pay for whatever he wants.

Robbe had also reassured his boyfriend that his gift had been more than enough, a beautiful collector’s edition of Romeo + Juliet, along with a painting of them at the beach, because _It was the place where we first met, so you can remember me everytime you look at it_ , Sander had explained, which made Robbe throw himself at him, eyes wet with tears, his heart overflowing with love.

Still, Sander insisted that there must be something he wanted, looking excited and eager in the way that made his eyes glitter and Robbe just couldn’t resist, was unable to fight such a request, especially coming from Sander, so he shook off his nerves and agreed to go with him after school.

That is why he’s currently walking with Sander as they make their way through the street, and Robbe thinks he can already see the store front, the pink and red neon sign shining on display along with a bunch of advertisements and rainbow stickers on the glass.

As they walk in, the first thing Robbe notices is how _gay_ the place is. He knows it’s probably his nervous brain making him focus on specific things, but Robbe cannot avoid looking at the amount of rainbows and colors that adorn the store, from clothes to flags to stickers and even some toys, his eye catching a rainbow dildo in the corner, which makes him blush.

Sander must have noticed his half-shocked, half-amazed face, because he bumps his shoulder, smiling.

‘So, what do you think?’

‘Huh?’

‘Pretty cool, right?’

‘Yeah, it’s cool. It’s so… bright’ Robbe replies, willing himself not to blush.

‘I know! Wait until you meet the owner, he’s the coolest’

If he’s truly honest, Robbe is amazed at the place, thinking about how, a year ago, he probably wouldn’t _dare_ to step into this store, too scared to be seen and judged, still in the closet and with all the guilt and shame consuming him. Now, however, he’s more curious and eager than anything, walking past the colorful products, trying to soak it up as much as he can. He looks at the displays with interest, getting bombarded with informations from every corner, and Sander nudges him, pointing at one shelf where they see some handcuffs.

‘What?’

‘You wanna get them?’

‘The handcuffs?’

‘Yeah’ Sander picks up the handcuffs, metallic and with some soft blue fur around the cuffs, and Robbe perks up, flushed and excited.

‘You really like control, huh?’

‘I like _you,_ Robin. Besides, they won’t be just for you’

Heat spreads through Robbe’s body as he soaks up Sander’s words, the suggestion of locking him up and making him surrender, give up control for Robbe to do as he pleases. 

Robbe can feel the weight of Sander’s gaze on him, anticipation building up, and he’s sure that his boyfriend is also conjuring the wildest scenarios in his mind, dreaming about all the ways he can use the handcuffs on him. He doesn’t know which one is hotter, the handcuffs or Sander’s eyes scanning over him.

‘You want that?’

‘Of course, don’t you wanna lock me up?’

‘I mean, that’s one way to make you stay still, for once’ Robbe jokes, and Sander scoffs, laughing.

‘Excuse me? I can stay _perfectly_ still’

‘Yeah, right, mr. Sander _I just have a lot of pent up energy_ Driesen’

As they’re laughing, a tall, blond man appears, already smiling at Sander. _He must be the owner_. The man greets Sander, already jumping to hug him, and Robbe can’t help but notice his clothes, the bright polish on his nails, the way he’s so open and brave. He feels strangely comfortable and familiar for some reason.

‘You came back!’

‘Hi, yes, I did’

‘Who’s your cute small friend?’ He asks, eyeing Robbe from the side, and Sander slides one arm to hold his waist.

‘This is my boyfriend’

‘Hi, I’m Robbe’ He introduces himself, holding his hand out for a handshake.

The man promptly ignores this, moving closer to hug Robbe, tall frame engulfing him in an almost awkward embrace. Robbe tries to hug him back, unsure about how to proceed when a 6’2 man he’s never seen in his life just hugs him out of nowhere.

‘You’re the boyfriend!’ He exclaims with a grin as they move apart.

‘I am’

‘Hi, I’m Eskild’

‘Nice to meet you’ Robbe replies, noticing the man’s accent.

‘So, what did you guys think of the plug? Everything worked as intended?’

Robbe can feel himself blushing, surprised at Eskild’s forwardness, and exchanges a look with Sander, trying not to get too embarrassed. _They’re all adults here, it’s nothing to be ashamed of_.

‘Um, the plug is great, it works really well’

‘Awesome! Have you guys tried all the settings? They can be a bit intimidating, but some people _love_ the insensity’

‘Not all of them, but yeah, it can be very intense’ Sander replies, and Robbe smiles at how his boyfriend is also blushing.

‘Ooh, so you both have tried, that’s amazing! How would you like to give me honest reviews? We can put them into categories, like intensity, arousal, sensitivity, level of discomfort… You know, for a more accurate user experience’ Eskild winks at them before resuming, ‘ I’ve used _plenty_ of toys, but you know customers, they think I’m just trying to make some money. Which I am, but not just that, I’d _totally_ tell them if the toys weren’t good, I don’t want people to have bad sex experiences’

If Robbe wasn’t already used to living with a dramatic, openly gay man, he’d be taken aback by the way Eskild waves his hands with flair as he explains his idea of an _accurate user review._ Sander’s eyes shift between them, bewildered, and Robbe tries not to laugh at how _incredibly flamboyant_ he is. To be honest, he kind of reminds him of Milan, but not quite.

‘… And _of course,_ all of this would be strictly confidential, but it really would be awesome if you gave your completely honest review, people always love a real experience when looking for toys’

‘Do we have to do that now?’ Robbe asks, wanting to check out the rest of the store.

‘No, not at all, we can schedule some time, or you gays, I mean, guys, can send me the review online, give me your e-mails!’

Before Robbe could tell him anyhting, the man was already walking to the back of the store, hips swaying as he greeted another customer on the third aisle.

‘So…Isn’t he cool?’ Sander asks.

They finally burst into laughter, still holding the handcuffs, and follow along. Eskild looks back at them and gives a thumbs up as he picks up the phone.

‘Kinky, I like it’ He says with a wink, before saying _pink garage store, this is Eskild, your gay guru, how can I help you?_

While Sander is distracted texting Senne about something (that he won’t tell Robbe about, being all secretive and sneaky lately, which makes him _so curious_ ), Robbe walks to the other aisle, seeing some pieces of black and white leather hanging in a more secluded area of the store. After a closer inspection, what looked like just random strings of leather attached together by some chains turns out to be a body harness, and Robbe blushes at the realization, trying to picture how Sander would look wearing something like this.

One of the harnesses is white, with a simple clasp that seems to close on the back, and thick leather stripes that go around the shoulders and chest, with a metal ring around the middle. He thinks about the contrast between Sander’s tanned body and the white leather, tight against his body, perfect for Robbe to hold on to, to pull him closer, wrap his hands around, and he shakes his head, trying to get rid of the thoughts before he starts getting hard in his pants.

As he returns to the counter, Eskild is finishing the phone call with a sigh, finally picking up the handcuffs to ring them up.

‘Sorry about that, movement has been crazy around here lately, one of my assistants quit last week, so I’m alone for the moment, trying to juggle the clinic and being behind the counter’ He explains, scanning the barcode along the tag, ‘It’s not usually this wild around here, I’m a _way_ more attentive host in better circumstances, I promise’

‘Don’t worry about it’ Sander replies.

‘By the way, if you know someone who isn’t squeamish about sex and needs a job, the position is open! The flyer is right on the window if you want to take a picture and share it around’

‘Oh, that’s great!’

‘Also, I saw you looking at those harnesses, if you wanna see them a bit closer, just let me know’ Eskild winks, and Robbe blushes, feeling Sander’s eyes traveling back to him.

‘Not right now, but thanks’

Eskild packs up their purchase, and scribbles something on the ticket after Robbe pays him.

‘This is my number, you guys can call me or text me so that we can arrange the customer review, okay?’

‘Alright, we will’

They’re already unlocking their bikes when Sander finally breaks the silence, voice laced with laughter as he bumps his shoulder into Robbe’s.

‘Harnesses, huh?’

‘Shut up’

-

The metal handcuffs feel cold in Robbe’s hand as he grasps them, safely locking Sander’s hands behind his back.

‘You remember the safeword?’

‘Yes, fuck, just do something!’ Sander whines into the mattress, and Robbe laughs at his boyfriend’s impatience.

They finally got the chance to have some privacy one Saturday afternoon, after skipping some gathering the boys have told them about to stay holed up in the flat, deciding to enjoy the rare occasion where Milan was out for the weekend at his sister’s place.

Robbe had spent the entire day on edge, knowing that they’d use the handcuffs later, and was barely able to concentrate on his homework while Sander listened to music and made them croques for lunch, everything seeming to remind him of what they were about to do. Even the sound of the silverware clinking together was enough to make Robbe antsy, which had pulled a laugh out of Sander.

Now, however, standing naked by the bed, he’s hard as a rock, but also finds himself calm, relaxed, almost _peaceful_. It’s not hard to feel so at ease when Sander looks the way he does, naked, with his face against the mattress and being supported by his knees as he waits for Robbe to move, body on display and unable to do anything but stay still, with his hands handcuffed on his back and the key dangling from Robbe’s golden chain.

He looks amazing.

It was Sander’s idea for him to use the handcuffs, wanting to surrender completely to Robbe, and prove to him that he could sit still and _wait._

At first, Robbe was a bit intimidated, thinking about how much power and control he’d have over Sander like this, but it also made him shiver all over; the idea that Sander, who likes, almost _craves_ control so much, would be willing to give it up completely so that Robbe could have his way with him.

It made him feel so loved, and trusted, and _powerful._

Sander’s skin feels warm as Robbe brushes both hands over his ass, moving down to the back of the boy’s thighs, touching the fine hairs there and tracing the way until he reached the inside of his knees. The bed creaked slightly as Sander shifts on his knees, and Robbe knows he’s trying his hardest to stay still, just receiving the pleasure for once.

For all the times that Robbe has caught Sander staring at him, unabashedly in that hungry way he sometimes does, now he has the chance to do the same thing, to memorize every freckle, every scar and mole on his boyfriend’s body, splayed beneath him and waiting. Now that they’re approaching winter time, Sander’s tanned skin has gone a bit paler, but no less beautiful because of that. Robbe leans forward, pulling their hips together, ignoring the way his cock twitches in contact with Sander’s ass, he’s _so hard_ , ignoring the way Sander cants his hips back into him, trying to feel him some more, his locked hands reaching out to touch Robbe’s stomach, silver ring clinking against the metal handcuffs.

Instead, he almost lies down on top of Sander, their bodies molding together, and kisses the soft spot behind his ear, pulling a gasp out of him.

‘You look so good’

Sander only grunts in return, mouth open, and he’s already sweating a bit, flushed as Robbe trails kisses down, over the seemingly endless expanse of his back, determined to leave no place untouched. He pauses to kiss every one of Sander’s fingers, his hands clasped behind his back, clenching and unclenching at Robbe’s every movement, desperate to touch him. He keeps moving, alternating between kissing and licking, with the occasional bite, just to hear how Sander’s breath hitches, until he’s dragging his lips along the round curve of his ass.

‘I love how warm and soft you are, you know?’ He mutters, placing a light kiss on each cheek, and loving how Sander’s hole twitches right in front of him, eager and almost _desperate._

When they first started dating, Robbe never thought, in a million years, that he’d ever feel this comfortable with another person, trust someone (and have someone trust him in return) so much that he’d let his guard down, explore his feelings, his desire. It had been so easy to let Sander take control, set the pace for them while he was still discovering just what he liked.

Once he got comfortable enough to know what he wanted (which was a lot), it almost felt surreal to be able to just take it, almost as if it was too good to be true. Now, he knows that, even though it _is_ too good, it’s also true, and he knows exactly what he wants.

He wants to take Sander apart.

Moving down, Robbe licks a broad stripe over his hole, up and up, until he reaches Sander’s back again. He keeps doing this for a while, enjoying the sounds his boyfriend is producing, the way he’s trembling. He uses both hands to spread Sander’s legs some more, giving him a better access to place a kiss right over his hole, which flutters under his lips.

‘Fuck’ Sander groans, voice muffled by the sheets.

Robbe can see how hard Sander’s dick is, red and bobbing into nothing whenever he moves his hips a bit more, trying to chase the friction of Robbe’s face against his ass. He licks again, tongue moving faster but still trying to pace himself, remembering how overwhelming it can be to be in this position. Still, he swipes his tongue around Sander’s rim, circling it before moving to push it in, feeling something urgent and primal growing inside of him at the notion that _he’s the one_ making Sander moan so pretty.

The bed creaks again as Robbe keeps moving, fighting the urge to just grind into the mattress as he uses one thumb to open Sander’s entrance, tongue delving deeper and pulling a loud groan out of him.

‘You okay, baby?’

‘Yes, yes, fuck’

‘You sure?’ Robbe asks, just because he can, before licking a broad stripe again, and Sander’s breath hitches in his throat.

‘Fuck, I’m okay’

He wastes no time before returning his attention to Sander’s ass, licking and sucking until he’s relaxed enough that Robbe spits over it, sliding his thumb along and pushing it inside. He licks around the finger, reveling in the way it disappears inside Sander’s body until the first knuckle, and Sander is shaking by now.

Robbe never thought he’d like giving pleasure so much, his cock hard just from rimming and teasing Sander, and he’d happily stay here for another hour if it wasn’t for the knowledge that his boyfriend would probably die of impatience before that. He moves his other thumb to spread Sander some more, licking inside and kissing over his rim, the slick sound of spit against skin echoing inside the room.

His neck is starting to hurt, and Robbe leans back, removing one hand from Sander’s body, causing the boy to whine and move his hips backwards, trying to grind into him.

‘Come baaaaack’

‘I’m just picking up the lube, calm down’

Two of his lubed up fingers circle Sander’s entrance, already wet with spit and relaxed enough that it twitches whenever Robbe rubs his finger over it, teasing his hole without going inside. Sander arches his back when Robbe finally slides one finger in, twisting it along his walls before retreating and quickly adding another one. His other hand keeps massaging Sander’s leg, touching his warm skin and feeling it prickle with goosebumps under his fingers.

Robbe slides two fingers in again, until the last knuckle, and Sander sighs, bucking against his hand. _So much for staying still,_ Robbe thinks, before patting his butt in a warning.

‘Stop moving’

‘Sorry’ Sander replies, not sounding sorry at all.

_If that’s how you wanna do this, let’s do it_.

The air seems cool on his fingers as he removes them completely from Sander’s ass, picking up the lube again and coating them some more. Robbe traces his rim with his fingers, noticing how it winks around nothing, desperate for him to push back inside, but he just keeps on teasing, moving his hand down until he touches Sander’s balls, tight against his body, and the boy lets out a high-pitched laugh.

‘What’s that?’

‘Just sensitive’

He keeps massaging his balls, hand ghosting over Sander’s leaking cock but not touching it, wanting to make this last a bit longer. Robbe would love nothing more than to slide his dick into Sander and rut until they both come, but he also wants to savor this opportunity, make his boyfriend squirm a bit for a change.

Finally, he brings his hand back up, sliding two fingers back into Sander just to see if he’s still stretched, before adding another finger, the tight, wet heat feeling amazing around his fingers. Robbe doesn’t have to search too much before he finds Sander’s prostate, and he’s careful not to press against it too firmly, just touches it with the pads of his fingers.

The movement is enough to rip a moan out of Sander, who immediately tries to bring his legs down and grind into the mattress, desperate for some friction on his cock, but Robbe moves fast, holding him firmly by the waist. He applies more pressure to Sander’s prostate, fingers dragging against the soft tissue until his boyfriend is panting, hole clenching around his fingers.

‘More, more’

‘What do you want?’

‘Another finger’

Even though it’s a tight fit, Robbe manages to slide another finger inside, marveling at how _much_ he can feel Sander around him, hot and wet and perfect, moaning as Robbe slowly slides his four fingers in and out of him. By now, Sander’s cock is leaking, a string of precum connectiong his dick to the sheets, and Robbe wants nothing more than to reach out and touch it, bring it to his lips, lick Sander when he’s on edge like this to see if he tastes any different.

It’s harder to touch his prostate now, but he tries, angling his hand until he can feel the pressure against Sander’s walls, and Robbe is amazed at how hard _his own cock_ is right now, red and untouched, just from giving Sander pleasure. His boyfriend’s voice is muffled by the sheets, a low groaning mixing with his words.

‘What is it, baby?’

‘More fingers’ Sander pleads, and Robbe widens his eyes in surprise.

‘I already have four fingers inside, if I get any more I’ll end up fisting you’

Robbe’s comment was supposed to be a joke, but he shudders when Sander moans loudly, his ass clenches around the fingers at his suggestion. Even though Robbe has seen fisting in porn before (albeit by accident), it was never something he thought about doing, just the idea made him shiver. Would Sander be able to take it? Would _he_ be able to take it?

‘That’s for another time’ He says, slowly pulling out his fingers completely, ‘I’m gonna fuck you now’

‘Fucking finally’

After applying more lube, the slide of Robbe’s dick into Sander is fast and steady, both of them very aroused but very relaxed, and Robbe shivers at the feeling of being enveloped in the wet heat of sander, finally having some friction against his cock. He starts a slow grind against Sander, their hips touching with every thrust, and Robbe holds Sander’s waist for leverage, trying to reach deeper inside him.

However, it only takes a minute before Robbe notices Sander’s hands, opening and closing around nothing, as if he wants to hold on to something, to touch.

‘Are you okay, baby?’

‘Hnnnng’ Sander replies, his moans growing louder by the second.

Seeing Sander’s hands gives him an idea, and he stops thrusting, staying still inside him for a moment, loving how impatient Sander is, canting his hips backwards. Robbe moves one hand from Sander’s waist to the middle of his back, where his hands lie cuffed together, and he tugs at the handcuffs.

They moan in unison as he resumes his movements, holding Sander by the handcuffs while he thrusts deep inside him. His boyfriend is panting and drooling on the sheets, and even though Robbe would’ve loved to see his face, he also loves this position, being able to take charge like this.

The air around them seems electrified, and it’s a good thing they’re alone right now, because the noises of skin against skin grow louder with each movement, Robbe’s legs burning from the exertion. Being with Sander is always amazing, but having him like this, soft and pliant and blissed out, is something Robbe wants _so much,_ can’t help but want more, want them as close as they can be.

Robbe moves his body down to whisper in Sander ear, the damp hair tickling his nose.

‘I think we’re too far away, don’t you agree?’

‘Huh?’

‘I want you closer to me’

It takes some maneuvering, but Robbe manages to pull Sander’s body up, holding him by the hands, until the boy almost falls backwards into him, back flush against his chest. This positions allows Robbe to thrust a bit deeper, and Sander whines after a particularly hard thrust, head lolling to rest against Robbe’s shoulder.

‘I’m so close’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yes, please, please touch me’ Sander begs, hands scratching Robbe’s stomach.

One of Robbe’s arms move to wrap around Sander’s shoulders, gluing them together, while his other hand slides down to touch his cock, making the boy almost cry in relief. Sander is so hard, beads of precum leaking from the tip, and Robbe spreads it along the length, easing the glide as he jerks him off.

Sander moves erratically now, as if his body can’t decide between thrusting into Robbe’s hand or moving back so that Robbe grinds deeper inside of him. Every cell in Robbe’s body feels on fire, screaming for release, and he can’t see or think about anything that isn’t Sander right now, the boy filling every single one of his senses.

Robbe thrusts faster into him, licking a stripe along the boy’s neck, and Sander trembles against him, breath coming in short. They’re sweaty and sticky against each other, bodies glued together from head to knee, and Robbe wouldn’t have it any other way, even though Sander’s hands dig at his stomach uncomfortably, and his knees feel like giving up at any moment. It still feels like bliss, to be so close to Sander that he can’t tell where the moans are coming from, or who’s sweat is dripping down his body right now, if it’s Sander’s or his own.

It doesn’t take long before his boyfriend is arching his back, cock growing harder in Robbe’s hand as he moans.

‘Robbe, I’m gonna cum, please don’t stop’

‘I won’t stop, I’m right here’

The hand on Sander’s cock tightens around the head, jerking him off in quick, short motions, until he spills over Robbe’s hand with a surprised groan, hole clenching around him. Robbe keeps thrusting into him, trying to prolong his boyfriend’s pleasure, listening to his moans as spurts of cum dribble down his cock and stomach, body shaking with pleasure, and Robbe leans over to kiss Sander’s neck, his ear, everywhere he can reach, wanting nothing more than to give himself to him.

‘You look so good when you come’ He moans, twisting the hand one final time and enjoying the shocked moan that escapes Sander’s lips, wincing and grinding back against Robbe.

He removes his hand from Sander’s dick, sliding out of him slowly to move them around again. Robbe’s knees crack as he sits on the bed, planting his feet on the floor and pulling Sander onto his lap.

‘Can I keep going or are you too sensitive?’

‘No, keep going, ‘s fine’ Sander smiles, leaning forward to slide one leg over his lap.

Robbe adjusts their positions and slides back into Sander, caressing his long legs as they wrap around his back, pulling them closer together. He thrusts up, pounding into Sander, and it’s so good to finally see his face, sweaty and blissed out.

Sander looks so good, with half his face marked with creases from being smushed against the sheets, eyes half-lidded and his hair all disheveled, and his cock is still wet with cum, and Robbe loves him _so much_ , so he says it.

‘I love you so much’

‘I love you, too’ Sander gives him a hazy smile as he bounces on his cock.

Everything feels so good and safe and warm, that, before he’s realized, the words have escaped Robbe’s lips:

‘Can you pee right now?’

‘Huh?’

‘Can you pee on me?’ He repeats, face red, and Sander smiles on top of him.

‘I think so, give me a second’

Robbe can feel his cock twitch inside Sander, and he’s so close now. Moving one hand to hold Sander’s hands behind his back, he slows down his thrusts, mouth open in pleasure as he watches Sander scrunch up his face in concentration.

Soon enough, Robbe feels the warm liquid running down his groin, and sees Sander peeing, a small stream escaping his soft dick and splashing against his thigh before trailing down, getting both of them wet. His boyfriend sighs, staring at him with wide eyes, almost as if he can’t believe he’s really doing this, and Robbe loves how, even after all this time, he can still make Sander blush.

He can’t explain what he likes about this; maybe it’s the vulnerability of being so intimate with another person, maybe it’s about the feeling of possessiveness and being _marked_ by Sander, maybe it’s the way Sander looks at him whenever they do this, like Robbe is a miracle, an apparition.

‘This feels so good’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yes, fuck, it’s so warm’

Robbe moans, hiding his face in the crook of Sander’s neck, and he speeds up his movements, chasing his release, can feel it close already. His hand tightens around the handcuffs, pulling Sander’s body closer, thrusting a bit faster now, body rigid with tension. His thighs are burning up from the exertion, and Sander moans at the change of pace, face buried in Robbe’s hair.

‘I love marking you like this, getting you all wet’

‘Fuck, fuck’

After that, it only takes another couple of thrusts before Robbe is coming, fingers digging into Sander’s waist as he pulls the boy down, grinding deep inside him with a moan. They both shiver at the sensation, Robbe’s mouth finding the soft juncture of Sander’s neck and biting it, his body convulsing with pleasure.

They remain in that position for some time, Robbe’s ears rushing and he feels a bit light-headed, but sated. He notices that he’s been holding Sander’s hand behind his back for a while now, fingers clasped together tight, while his other hand pets the boy’s waist.

Sander is nosing his hair, moving his head from side to side in an attempt to caress Robbe, even with his hands tied, and it makes him laugh with fondness. He uses one hand to remove the golden chain from his neck, twisting it around until he heard the familiar _clink_ and managed to slide the key into the lock, opening the handcuffs.

They fall to the floor as Sander slowly moves his arms forward, wincing a bit, and Robbe wastes no time before picking up his hands, inspecting his wrists for any sign of damage or pain.

‘Does it hurt?’

‘Just a bit, because of the position, but it’s okay’

Still, Robbe brought his hands closer, kissing each wrist softly, then his palms, smiling against his boyfriend’s hands and letting himself enjoy their closeness.

‘That was amazing’

‘It was’ Robbe agreed, looking up at him, ‘Thank you’

‘You don’t have to thank me, Robin. I loved it’

‘I know, but still. I love you’

‘I love you, too’ Sander smiles, brighter than the sun, looking like Robbe’s personal star, which maybe he is.

Finally, Sander lifts up his body, sighing in sensitivity when Robbe’s cock slides out, some drops of cum already starting to leak. Robbe stands up on wobbly legs, feeling weak but wanting to take a shower, and holds his hand out for Sander to follow him. He nudges his boyfriend, a small smile playing on his lips, and a million ideas running through his mind.

‘You know, maybe we should but that harness after all’

-

Almost a week later, Robbe is leaving school when he’s cornered by Noor after her lunch date with Britt to ask him for a ride to the supply store.

‘Don’t you usually do this with Sander?’

‘Yeah, but he has therapy today so it has to be you, sorry’

‘You don’t even like to ride in the bike!’ Robbe replies, laughing in disbelief as he unlocks his bike, but she’s persistent.

‘No, but I like not having to walk so much, and I forgot to put gas on my scooter. Now c’mon!’

Robbe’s not sure how or when they got so close again, being able to joke and laugh without the lingering awkwardness around them, but he likes it nonetheless, so he unlocks his bike and on they go, talking about everything and nothing.

Honestly, Robbe is feeling a bit tired, having skipped lunch because he’s running low on money and postponing the eventual phone call to his dad to ask him for some more. He hates feeling this dependent of his dad still, even though their relationship has improved quite a bit. And Sander has offered to pay for some of his stuff, but that’s even worse, because he doesn’t wanna become dependent of Sander as well, at least not for this. It’s already bad enough that Milan covers some of his stuff when he can’t afford it.

The smell of paint and wood makes Robbe’s nose itch, so he stays by the door and sends Sander a quick text while Noor runs around gathering her supplies.

_Robbe: came by that art shop with noor_

_Robbe: she bullied me into giving her a ride_

_Robbe: have a good session! <3_

_Sander: hahahahaha that sounds like her_

_Sander: thanks, I’m still in the waiting room_

_Sander: will u come to my place later?_

_Robbe: yeah, text me when you’re done_

_Sander: will do._

_Sander: love you <3_

_Robbe: love you <3_

He stifles a yawn, throwing his phone back into his pocket as he sees Noor returning with her bags, looking so happy she’s almost skipping.

‘Got everything?’

‘Yeah, but can we go somewhere before you take me back to the school? I promised Britt I’d get something for her’ She pleads, making eyes at him, and he concedes with a sigh.

For someone who has never set foot inside a sex shop less than a month ago, now it seems like Robbe can’t stay away from it for too long, because that’s exactly where Noor drags them to. The bell jingles as they walk past the door, and Robbe moves straight to the counter, knowing he’s too broke right now to even look at the products. Besides, he _definitely_ doesn’t wanna know what Noor is buying right now, still finds it insane that she’s dating Sander’s (and Jens’) ex-girlfriend.

The counter is empty, Eskild being nowhere in sight, and Robbe leans against it, thinking about maybe buying two packets of ramen noodles on his way home, so that he can ask his dad for the money a bit later.

Soon enough, the tall, blond and flamboyant man comes running from the back door, pulling out his white sterile gloves and smiling.

‘Hey, welcome to pink garage, sorry for disappearing. Oh, it’s you’ He sighs in relief when he sees Robbe.

‘Hello’

‘How are you?’

‘I’m good, just a bit hungry, how about you?’

‘Still running, as you can see. You’re not buying anything today?’

‘Oh, no, I’m just here to help’ Robbe replies, hoping Noor doesn’t take too long to get her stuff.

‘Awesome! I have another client waiting to be tested in the back, but I’ll be back in a second to give you the rundown, make yourself comfortable, okay?’

‘Rundown for what?’ Robbe asks, a bit confused, but Eskild pays him no mind, opening the small door that separates the counter from the rest of the shop and dragging Robbe through it, until they were both behind the counter.

‘Just five minutes! Keep an eye on the phone for me, please, honey?’

Before Robbe can ask anything else, Eskild has already disappeared into the back of the store, leaving him bewildered. He laughs and pulls out his phone to text Sander again.

_Robbe: now noor dragged me to the sex shop_

_Robbe: and eskild is making me check the phone for him_

_Robbe: how do I get into these situations?hahahahaha_

Everything is quiet for a bit, but then, the phone rings. _He told me to keep an eye on it, not answer it,_ Robbe muses, staring at the red piece of plastic that’s currently screaming at him. He looks back, hoping to see Eskild running to pick up the phone, but still nothing.

‘Eskild, the phone!’ Robbe finally screams, hoping to get the man’s attention.

‘Answer it!’ He screams back.

_What? How do I do this? What do I say?_ Robbe is baffled but picks it up anyway, clearing his throat before speaking into the receiver.

‘Uhhh, sex shop, how may I help you?’

It’s someone asking about the price for the collector’s issue of some vintage magazine Robbe has never heard about, and he frowns in confusion, looking around the counter before picking up a pink glittery pen and a piece of paper in a hurry.

‘Can you repeat the name of the magazine, please?’

‘Boys About Town number seven, the collector’s issue’ The man replies, impatient.

‘Sure, can you hold on a second?’

Robbe presses the button that mutes the call, screaming at Eskild again.

‘It’s about the price of a magazine!!’

‘The vintage one?’ Eskild shouts back, louder than Robbe expects.

‘Yes!’

‘Tell them it’s 50 bucks, but we have a discount if he pays cash!’

‘Okay!’

Taking a deep breath, he unmutes the call, telling the price and the information before hanging up with a sigh. Lucky for him, he sees Noor walking over to the counter, holding something that looks like a black leather belt on her hands.

‘What are you doing over there?’ She asks, confused.

‘Eskild left me taking care of the phone while he runs some tests in the back’

‘Great! Will you ring up my purchase, please? And after that we can go, I promise’

‘Fine. What is this, anyway?’

‘Nothing you can use’

‘What? Why not?’

‘This doesn’t concern you, Robbe’ She smiles, placing the belt over the counter, and Robbe suddenly remembers how intimidating she can be. He yells for Eskild again, feeling entirely unprepared for this.

‘Eskild, you have a customer!’

‘Ask if they’re paying with cash!’

‘Are you paying with cash?’ Robbe asks Noor, and she laughs, clearly amused with his situation.

‘Uh… yes?’

‘She is!’ He screams back.

‘Then take the money and scan the product!’ Eskild screams

‘How?’

Before Eskild can reply, Noor is already moving behind the counter and tugging at his sleeve, showing him how to use the barcode scanner to read the tag and place the product on the system.

‘Here, watch me do it’

‘Thanks’

She then opens up the cash register and drops some bills there, before closing it with a loud _bang_.

‘I forgot you never worked before’

‘What are you talking about, he’s working right now!’ Eskild says, reappearing suddenly from the back. ‘You just need to get the hang of things, baby’

‘Uh, what?’

‘I thought you were here because of the job, after I told you about the sign’

‘What sign?’ Robbe asks, growing more confused by the second.

‘ _Hello_ , I just put a sign by the window about needing new staff? I told you this last week, remember? And then you showed up today and chatted with me and said you came to help, and _agreed_ when I told you to keep an eye on the phone?’

‘I did?’

It was true that Eskild had sent him a picture of his sign, plastered by the window and reading _Need staff to work at the sex shop!! No experience required!!! Bonus points if you’re LGBTQ+!!!_ , but Robbe had sent it to some people and then promptly forgot all about it.

‘Oh my god, why do I always attract disaster baby gays in my life?’ Eskild exclaims, exasperated.

Noor hides her laughter behind one hand, while Robbe is even more confused and bewildered than before. He just stares at Eskild, who places one hand on his shoulder, speaking slowly.

‘Listen, I’m looking for someone to work here with me part time. The money is quite nice, you can bring your own lunch and we give staff discounts for all the products. Do you want it?’

Robbe pondered the offer. Working here would mean being bombarded with queer things and people every single day, not to mention having to endure Eskild’s pop music blasting in his ears. But he’d also have some independence, get money and have the chance to work at a place where no one would judge him for being himself, for holding hands with Sander, for liking weird stuff. _And fuck, he really needed a job, he needed the money._

‘Yes, I want to’

‘Great!’

‘That’s it?’ He asks, still in disbelief, wondering what was the catch, because there was just _no way_ he got the job this easily.

‘Yes, welcome to the family!’

‘Shouldn’t I go through some sort of screening process or something?’

Noor laughs at them again, and Eskild roll his eyes, picking up a purple lanyard with a bunch of rainbow pins on it and a card that read _how can I help you?_ dangling it in front of him.

‘Ugh, fine. How old are you?’

‘I just turned eighteen’

‘Good! How is your schedule for week days? The weekends are on and off with my other assistant, Alpha’

‘I’m free every afternoon, I get off school around 2 p.m.’

‘Okay, that can be arranged. Do you have any STIs?’

‘Uh, no’

‘Any addictions? Hard drugs, alcohol?’

‘I smoke some weed every now and then’ Robbe replies, a bit nervous, but Eskild just smiles.

‘Great, me too. Are you comfortable with people talking about sex almost every day right in front of you?’

‘I guess?’

‘Then that’s it, you’re hired!’ Eskild throws the lanyard at him, motioning for him to wear it. ‘But you’re gonna have to get familiarized with the shelving system and learn how to work this damn register, okay?’

‘Okay, I can do that’

‘Your hot friend can help you with that’ He winks at Noor, who smiles back at him, and Robbe laughs. ‘You can give me your personal info later, along with your bank account details, payments happen every two weeks’

‘Yes, thank you, thank you!’

‘Also, no kinkshaming here, just be polite and smile if you don’t know what the customer is talking about’

‘Wait, I start now?’

_How is this happening so fast?_ Robbe thinks, staring at the purple lanyard, one of the pins saying _DTF_ and another _ask me about my dildo collection_.

‘Do you have somewhere to be?’

‘Not right now, but I’m supposed to meet my boyfriend after his therapy session’

‘Well, call your boy and tell him you’ll meet him after seven, which is our closing time on the weekdays’

‘But what about you?’ Robbe asks Noor, who waves a hand casually at them.

‘Don’t worry about me, I’ll take the tram back. You got a job, Robbe!’ She exclaims, looking way too excited, as if she was the one about to start working at a damn _sex shop._

‘I know! Exciting, right?’ Eskild replies, before moving to greet another customer who just entered the store.

Robbe bids goodbye to Noor and watches her leave the shop, looking around him for a second before he fishes his phone from the pocket, still in disbelief at the whole situation, but going with the motions because _holy shit he got a job!!!!_

_Sander: all done, going home now_

_Sander: will you have dinner at my place? Mom’s making pizza_

_Robbe: do you mind waiting a bit more? I’ll probably be there a bit late_

_Sander: why? Everything alright?_

_Robbe: yeah_

_Robbe: can’t explain right now but I got a job!!!!!!_

_Robbe: at the sex shop!!!!!_

_Sander: wtf_

_Sander: I want all the details later_

_Sander: also does this mean you get discounts on the products? Cause I want that harness robin_

_Robbe: ajkhsdjhfoduhf shut up_

_Robbe: see you later <3_

_Sander: <3_

The bell jingles, signaling another customer, at the same time that the damn phone starts ringing again, and Eskild snaps his fingers at him with a smile, motioning to the phone.

‘Robbe! Get the phone and let’s go!’

Robbe doesn’t quite know what’s happening, but, by some mysterious force, it looks like he got a job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just want people to know that I miss skam and I would absolutely die for eskild <3


	27. twenty-seven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello kids, how are you? I'm doing good, running with my internship and almost done with the fic (for real)! It feels very weird to be writing the last two chapters, and know that this is it, but I'm also proud of this work, and proud of myself for sticking with it for so long! thank you all for reading it and appreciating it, it really means a lot to me!   
> anyways, let me know what you guys think! <3

They’re in the middle of dinner when Sander breaks out the news, can’t hold it together anymore.

The meat pie in Sander’s plate has turned to mush, completely destroyed as he twisted his fork across the dough, unable to eat because of how nervous he is. He can barely listen to anything his parents are saying, but he’s sure that Robbe is replying politely, keeping them entertained while Sander grows more and more impatient and anxious.

Ever since they went to Senne’s place for his birthday, Sander fell in love with the idea of having his own place. It’s not that he doesn’t like living with his parents, but he can’t help but feel a bit constricted, wanting something of his own, wanting to prove that he can live by himself and be independent. He also _loved_ the idea of asking Robbe to move in with him, couldn’t wait for them to start their lives together, but decided to take things one step at a time.

At first, he hadn’t mentioned his idea to anyone but Senne, texting him and asking for tips on how to look for cheap places (because there was _no way_ he could ever afford an apartment like Senne’s), paying rent and other bills, and also discussing how to convince his parents that he could do this.

Robbe started noticing his talks with Senne, but didn’t say anything until Sander pulled him out to talk one morning, after Sander had slept over at the kollektiv and they were eating breakfast and watching cartoons.

‘I’m thinking about moving out’

‘Huh?’

‘Yeah, now that I’m working, I wanna get my own place’

‘You wanna buy an apartment?’

‘No, just rent it for now’ Sander explained, looking at Senne for encouragement, ‘I just want some more independence’

‘That’s great!’

‘Yeah?’

Sander doesn’t know why he thought Robbe would be more critical of his idea; maybe because he wasn’t used to being taken seriously by his previous girlfriends, who chalked up his ideas to another quick obsession. Robbe, however, was smiling at him, looking excited and proud.

‘Yeah, of course! If you find a studio apartment, it might be even cheaper’

‘I know!’ Sander exclaimed, ‘That’s what Senne said too!’

‘Oh, so _that’s_ what you two have been gossiping about lately, huh?’

The three of them laughed, heat spreading across Sander’s face with relief because he just _hated_ keeping secrets from his boyfriend.

‘Yeah, Sander has been asking me about flats, I already have some addresses if you wanna take a look’

‘Of course!’

‘What did your parents say?’

‘Uh…’

Robbe gave him a look, one of his looks that said _you really need to talk to them_ , and Sander smiled, sheepish.

‘I know, I know, I’ll talk to them, okay?’

‘I’m sure they will support you, man, don’t worry about it’ Senne reassured him.

And that is where Sander finds himself, sitting in the dining room with his parents and Robbe, gut twisting at the idea of telling them he wants to live by himself (maybe with Robbe, too, but that’s for another time). He clears his throat, trying to organize his thoughts.

‘So, I’ve been thinking about something’

‘Hm?’ His mom replies, taking a sip from her glass of wine.

Robbe squeezes his thigh under the table, smiling at him in support, and Sander takes a deep breath.

‘Now that I’m working, and I’m almost done with school, I’ve been thinking about moving out’

‘What?’

‘I found some places already, the rent is not too bad, and they’re close to the school, not too far away from here… I just thought it would be nice to be more independent’

‘Sander, that’s a big step’ Sander can hear the concern in his father’s voice.

‘I know, but I think I can do this. I want to do this’

‘What about money for food? And the bills?’

‘I’ve been talking to Senne about this, he’s a friend of ours, and he already lives on his own’

‘He also half-lives in the kollektiv with me, he’s Zoe’s boyfriend’ Robbe adds, smiling.

‘Yeah, and they’ve been teaching us about finances and stuff, and how to spread the money to pay the bills’

Even though they look a bit taken aback, Sander doesn’t think his parents will actually say no to him, at least not without a fight. He knows he can do this, he’s prepared to take care of himself and pay extra attention to his medication and mood swings, knowing it will be harder to maintain a steady routine without his parents pestering him about every single detail, but he wants this, he wants this _so bad._

‘Honey, that’s a lot to take in, are you sure about this?’ His mom asks with a concerned, but soft face, her _I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this_ face, and Sander knows she’ll say yes.

‘Yes, I’m sure’

‘Okay’

‘Thank you!’ Sander all but yells before he’s interrupted by his dad.

‘ _But_ we have several conditions about this’

‘I know, I know, I’ll take them’

‘First of all, have you looked at the rent prices along with the rest of the bills? You should make a spreadsheet and see what’s within your budget’

‘I’m trying, but it’s hard to know when I don’t have any idea how much the other bills will cost’

This is one of the things he’s most afraid of: not being able to handle basic adult skills. Robbe, however, elbows him with a wink.

‘I can help you with that, Milan always begs me to organize the bills back at the kollektiv’

‘Robbe, you’re an angel’

The boy smiles, still not used to receiving compliments from Sander’s parents, looking at him with excitement.

‘Also, we want to go with you to see the apartments, you never know what kind of creeps can be out there’ Sander’s dad points at him with his fork, ‘Your landlord needs to know that you have parents who worry about you’

‘Papa, I’ll be fine’

Sander groans at that, suddenly feeling eleven years old. For something that’s supposed to bring him independence, living alone is proving to be quite the _family endeavor_. Robbe just laughs, looking as if this domestic bickering is very entertaining to him.

‘Your dad’s right, even _my_ parents met Milan, they wanted to make sure he wasn’t a child molester or something’

Something about Robbe’s tone and words suddenly reminds him how his boyfriend never got to have this moment; he didn’t get to choose when to leave his house, but had to flee instead, fight for himself, forced to become independent probably sooner than he’d deserved. How, for the longest time, Robbe’s parents were distant and out of reach, and he had to build his own family with the people he found along the way; Milan, Zoe, Senne. 

And now Sander can be part of his family. Sander, with his own family, with parents who seem like they wouldn’t hesitate to adopt Robbe if they could, who love him and accept him despite all the struggles. Sander just wants to hold him and never let him go, can’t wait to share his life with Robbe.

_God, I wanna marry him_ , he thinks, not for the first time, but brushes the idea aside for now, trying to focus on the current situation.

‘Okay’ He sighs, ‘We’re checking the flats together’

‘Good. Also, you need to take the white board with you’

‘Mama!’

-

‘Sander, this place is too far away from the tram station, how will you get home?’

‘I can take the bike’

‘Yeah, but what if it rains?’

‘Mama, we haven’t even checked the apartment yet!’ Sander groans, frustrated.

He’s about to cross the building hall, to check probably the fourth apartment of the day now. After Sander managed to convince his parents to let him live alone, now they were on a quest to find him the perfect place, which, so far, has proven to be impossible.

The Saturday sun hits Sander’s face, making him squint his eyes as he takes in the surroundings, overthinking the whole _looking for apartments with my parents_ idea for the millionth time that day. While he knew that it wouldn’t be so easy to find a place that he really liked, that he could afford _and_ that had a reasonable location, Sander also didn’t think it would be this hard.

Fine, he knows he’s demanding and a bit snobby, _but it’s his first apartment!_

It also doesn’t help that Sander’s mom and dad inspect absolutely everything about the places they visit; while Sander is distracted sending pictures of the apartments to Robbe (who’s at work, replying to him occasionally), his parents check the faucets, turn the lights on and off again multiple times and ask the landlords a million questions about the place, the neighbors, _everything._

The first time they did this, Sander got really embarrassed, but quickly realized that it was their way of making sure the place was good enough. Sander also suddenly realized where he got his stubbornness and high standards from; his mom is absolutely relentless.

She runs a finger through the window pane, looking distracted while the owner explains things about the building and Sander forgets to pay any attention, staring at the patterns in the carpet and wondering _why would someone put carpets in every single room_.

Even though he’s not too sure about this place, Sander still tries to picture himself living here, and his mind immediately drifts away to Robbe; getting to wake up beside him every day, cooking dinner together, watching TV… It almost feels too good to be true. The owner decides to give them some privacy to look around, and Sander quickly tugs on his mom’s sleeve, unable to hold his secret any longer.

‘Mama, I have to tell you something’

‘What is it, honey?’ She asks, staring at the dusty wallpaper.

‘I’m going to ask Robbe to move in with me. I want us to live together’

For all the times Sander has seen his mother cry, he never gets used to it. And he’s seen her cry _quite a bit_ , mostly when he was young and started having his first hypomanic episodes, running around the house for hours and refusing to wear anything but his green striped pajamas. It took him a while to realize that he was the reason for her crying, but by then he’d already been (wrongly) diagnosed with ADHD, and she’d learned how to handle his episodes a lot better.

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t get worried and anxious when he sees her crying, much like right now; she’s smiling at him, one hand moving to cradle his face, but he can see that her eyes are wet with tears.

‘Oh, Sander… that’s so good’

‘It is?’ He replies, suddenly nervous.

It’s a slow process, but it’s becoming easier for Sander to realize he’s allowed to be happy, to accept love and care in his life. At times, it’s still a bit surreal, knowing that good things are happening for him _without a downside_ ; his life is better now, and that’s it. He smiles as his mom cards her fingers through his hair, her touch soft and reassuring.

‘Yes, I’m so happy that you and Robbe found each other’

‘You’re not just saying that because you don’t want me to live all alone?’ Sander half jokes, and she tugs on his hair softly.

‘Of course not. I mean, I _will_ sleep better at night knowing that you won’t be by yourself far away from home, but it’s also great that you’ve decided to ask him. You’re very good for him’

‘He’s the one who’s too good to me, I don’t know what I did to deserve him’

‘Don’t say that, you both deserve each other’ Sander’s dad pats his shoulder, smiling, ‘You’re a very good man and so is he’

‘Thanks, papa’

‘And I’m sure he’ll be thrilled to move in with you, the boy loves you so much, Sander’

Sander is about to reply when the owner returns, giving them a smile and guiding his mom to show her the balcony. She sends Sander an amused look but follows the woman, and his dad trails behind. _I don’t think this is the one,_ Sander thinks, and before he thinks about going to the balcony as well, his phone buzzes, and _of course_ it’s a message from Robbe.

_Robbe: how is the house hunting going?_

_Robbe: also did you tell the boys about my shift today?_

_Sander: not sure about this one_

_Sander: don’t think so. Why?_

_Robbe: jens, jana and amber are here pestering me_

_Robbe: they won’t stop laughing and asking about stuff_

When Robbe had told their friends about his new job working at the sex shop, their reactions had been… interesting, to say the least. The boys were immediately invested and curious, asking anything and everything they could, even going as far as visiting the shop _just to see_ , as Aaron had said, amused and embarrassed in equal measure. Because of that, Robbe never told them his schedule, afraid of being stuck with his friends wandering around the shop all afternoon without buying anything.

_Sander: you know they’re just curious_

_Sander: it will go away_

_Robbe: not if eskild keeps trying to flirt with jens_

_Robbe: ugh I hate this job_

_Sander: no you don’t_

_Robbe: no I don’t_

_Robbe: anyways, I’ll let you go back to your quest_

_Sander: wish you were here_

The air feels stale around him, almost suffocating, and now Sander just wants to _leave_. He walks towards the door, now completely disinterested in the apartment. Something’s missing, but he can’t quite figure out what it is. As Sander places his phone back in the bag, he sees his dad walking towards him again with a very stern look on his face.

‘Sander, I need you to ask you a very serious question’

‘What is it?’ He asks, taken aback

‘You’re not getting this apartment, are you? Because I saw some weird water stains by the couch, and I don’t even wanna know what I’d find if I were to put on my glasses’

Relief spreads through Sander’s body, and they both laugh in unison, soon being joined by his mom, who smiles in agreement. _I love them so much. I am so loved. I deserve this,_ he repeats inside his mind like a mantra, as his mom cards one hand through his hair.

‘Not the one, huh?’

‘No, mama, this isn’t the one’

‘Thank god. You should tell Robbe that, maybe invite him to see the rest of the flats with you?’

‘Yeah, that’s a good idea’

The floor creaks beneath his feet as Sander walks out of the apartment, fingers moving quickly to send Robbe a string of texts while his mom politely tells the owner that _they’re still looking some more, thank you very much._ Maybe that’s part of the problem: he can’t find the perfect place because Robbe isn’t there with him to see it too, have his say in it.

_Sander: still not this one_

_Sander: on to the next_

_Robbe; oh, that sucks_

_Sander: maybe you could come with me next time?_

-

Lady Gaga blasts from the speakers as Sander enters the sex shop, hoping that Robbe has remembered to tell his boss about needing the afternoon off. The place is quite packed for a Thursday, and Sander is quick to spot Robbe behind the counter, looking all responsible and serious and making him _so proud._

At first, Sander thought it was the weirdest place in the world for Robbe to have found a job, but soon he realized that Robbe was way past his days of denial and shame, and even though he occasionally got embarrassed about explaining some of the products, Robbe was actually _really good_ at this, having developed a weird chemistry with Eskild in a way Sander would’ve never expected.

Robbe seems to be in the middle of a phone call, writing something on a notepad and saying a lot of _yes_ and _of course, I’ll give him the message_ , so he leans against the counter and waits for him to be done.

Sander has found an interesting flat and managed to squeeze in some time to visit it today, wanting to show Robbe his potential apartment and maybe ask him _the big question_. Not the _wedding_ question (although that has also been roaming around Sander’s mind), but the _will you move in with me_ question. 

‘Hey’

‘Have you tried reaching his landline?’ Robbe asks the person on the phone, mouthing _I’m almost done, I swear_ at Sander before replying to whatever the customer has said.

He’s about to hang up when Eskild pops up, and Robbe waves his hand, trying to get the man’s attention.

‘Hey, handsome’ Eskild greets him, and Sander smiles in return.

‘Hello’

‘Have you finally convinced Robbe to buy you that gorgeous harness?’

‘Well, he told me he’s saving money for something, so I guess it might just be my Christmas gift, huh?’

‘Oooh, I’m sure you’ll look amazing in it! Make sure to send us some pictures’

Even though Sander is used to Eskild’s humor by now, that doesn’t mean the man isn’t able to make him blush occasionally. He scratches his neck, laughing, while Eskild moves closer to Robbe behind the counter.

‘I, uh, I’ll ask Robbe about it’

‘Deal’

‘You know what, he’s right here, let me hand him the phone, just a minute’ Robbe sighs, handing the phone over to Eskild.

‘Who is it?’ Eskild frowns in confusion, placing one hand over the receiver to mute it.

‘Where is your cell phone?’ Robbe asks, exasperated.

‘I told you I dropped it in the bathtub, been trying to get it fixed since Tuesday, why?’

‘It’s that friend of yours, the same guy from last week, he’s complaining about how you’re impossible to reach and told me to give you this message: _tell Eskild he’s uninvited to the party if he keeps ghosting me, even though he’s still answering Even and Noora just fine_ ’

‘Oh god, this drama queen. It’s okay, give me the phone’ Eskild demands, but he doesn’t sound apprehensive, on the contrary; a smile takes over his face as he twirls the cord around one finger before yelling at the receiver. ‘Baby gay, you finally found me!’

‘Alpha will be here in three minutes, they’re parking the scooter behind the shop’

‘Honestly, I should be the one scolding you for only calling me when you need something’ Eskild replies the person on the other side of the line with a laugh, nodding at Robbe.

‘I’ll cover their shift next week, okay?’

Sander shoots Robbe a confused look as Eskild mouths _see you tomorrow_ to him before going back to his phone call, speaking loud enough to compete with the music inside the shop.

‘Who was that?’ Sander asks, unable to resist his curiosity, and Robbe shrugs with a smile.

‘One of Eskild’s old friends, Isaac, I think. Dunno, he’s been trying to reach him for a while now’

They move side by side, unlocking their bikes and riding along to the main street before Robbe speaks again.

‘So, which one is it today?’

Sander has already looked at some other places online, but he isn’t easily satisfied, needs to check the flats in person. He spent the past week working weird hours at the museum so that he could have some free afternoons to walk around with his parents to look for apartments. Robbe still hadn’t been able to join them, too busy with school and work, but today they had some time to do that, see if maybe he’d find _the one._

‘Uh, it’s a place just around that weird burger shop, the one a bit south from the skatepark?’

‘Oh, nice. Do you think the rent is cheap there?’

‘The owner said it was reasonable, but I’m not sure what that means’

Soon enough they’re riding side by side, Sander feeling restless with energy at the prospect of finding a place of his own. Besides, he’s also itching to ask Robbe the big question, the _will you move in with me_ question. He has decided to ask him today, being the rare day that they have to see the flat just by themselves and already having told his parents about it.

The truth is, Sander isn’t really a subtle person, so he’s pretty sure that Robbe already suspects something is up. He had no problem with giving his opinion about the places Sander showed him, but he found it weird how much Sander insisted on having his presence there, wanting Robbe to participate in every single detail.

It’s weird to look at a building for the first time and try to imagine yourself living there, but Sander does it anyway, staring at the entrance hall with growing curiosity as he and Robbe lock their bikes.

‘This place looks nice’

‘Yeah, the apartment is supposed to be great’

‘It’s even close to the museum!’ Robbe notices, eyes scanning the granite walls of the hall.

The elevator ride is quiet, mostly because Sander has the distinct feeling that, if he so much as opens his mouth, he’ll end up asking Robbe to move in with him before any of them can get a proper look at the apartment, so he takes a deep breath, smiling at his boyfriend and trying to compose himself.

Thankfully, the owner is already by the door when they reach the fifth floor, a small, quirky man with round glasses and loafers, who greets them with stiff handshakes before they are led into the flat. It’s not too big, but it has a spacious kitchen and the carpets don’t look so old. Sander knows he’s supposed to be inspecting the windows, checking the lights and the faucets like his mom did the other day, but he finds that it’s much more interesting to just watch Robbe as _he_ walks around the apartment, eyes hungry as the boy takes in the low ceiling and wooden doorframes.

‘The main bedroom has insulation and the flat next door is empty as well, so you won’t need to worry about noisy neighbours’

‘That’s good’

‘How old is the building?’ Robbe asks, fiddling with the light switch.

‘I’m not sure, why?’

‘Oh, it’s just that I live in a fairly old building myself, and sometimes we have electrical problems’ He explains, looking at Sander, and he’s sure they’re both remembering the day Zoe’s light exploded.

Now that Robbe’s here with him, it’s so easy to picture them living together; deciding what to cook for dinner, fighting with the washing machine every week and complaining about whose turn is it to fold and put away the clothes, getting to sleep together every night. Even though he’s not sure about the apartment, seeing that it’s too far from school and from Robbe’s work, just the _idea_ of them moving in together is enough to make him giddy with excitement.

Sander can hardly wait to see the look on Robbe’s face when he asks him.

‘I’ll have to check in with the property owner, but I don’t think we’ve ever had trouble with the electricity here’

‘That’s good’

‘Hmmm’ Sander replies, distracted.

It’s hard to fake enthusiasm about the place when Sander a) has fully decided he doesn’t plan on renting it and b) can only think about how in the hell he’s going to ask Robbe to move in with him.

‘It’s perfect for you, San’

‘I don’t know, I think we should look some more’

‘But it’s so close to the museum’

‘Yeah, but it’s far from your work and from the kollektiv’

They’re interrupted by the owner, who tells them he’ll just wait for them outside, _let me give you guys some privacy, I’ll be back soon._ Sander scratches his neck and nods, feeling as if he’s about to burst with tension. _Is it too soon to ask him? What if he says no? What if I’m being too forward?_

‘Well, that doesn’t matter too much, I’ll just catch the tram whenever I come to see you’

‘But it _does_ matter’

‘Sander, you’re being too picky, what’s going on?’

‘I want you to have as much say in this as me, okay?’ He insists, tugging Robbe by the hand.

‘Why?’

The air is stale around them, no breeze coming through the half-opened windows, and Sander adds that to his mental list of reasons _not_ to get this place. He feels Robbe’s slightly calloused hand against his own, taking a deep breath before finally giving in, body taut and shaky at the same time.

‘Because I want you to move in with me’

‘What?’ He asks, eyes wide, and Sander fights the urge to laugh, still jittery with nerves.

‘I want us to find a place together, because I want you to come live with me’

‘Are you serious?’

‘Of course I’m serious. I understand if you think maybe that’s a big step, or if you’d rather go back to living with your mama once things settle down for her, but I’d really, _really_ like for us to live together’

Robbe is silent, quiet, his mouth open in surprise, and Sander forces himself to remain silent, to give his boyfriend some time to think about this. _I’ve gone too far, he’s freaked out, it’s too soon._ Sander shouldn’t feel this nervous, they’ve literally been through some of the hardest things together, so why is this making him doubt himself? Robbe is looking at him with his big, beautiful eyes, shining like two moons as he stares at Sander, and he thinks, not for the first time, that Robbe is just _the best thing he’s ever seen in his life, even if he doesn’t wanna move in with me._

Before his boyfriend can reply, however, the owner returns, staring at them with inquisitive eyes.

‘So, what did you boys think?’

‘Uh, we still have some other places to visit today, but I don’t think this is the one’

‘Oh, that’s a bummer’

‘Yeah, sorry’ Sander apologizes, not missing the way Robbe tugs at his jacket.

‘Well, you have my number, call me if you change your mind’

‘I will, thank you anyway’

Sander shakes his hand again, and soon enough he’s walking out the door with Robbe trailing behind him, unusually quiet. Sander hears the _ping_ as he presses the elevator button, smiling to himself at the feeling of Robbe’s hand still pressed against his jacket, fingers reaching to touch inside, moving along his back. He feels on edge, eyes trained on the doors until Robbe pinches his waist, causing Sander to jump, startled.

It’s a good thing that the hallway is empty, because when he finally looks at Robbe, he finds that the boy is already staring at him. Robbe’s cheeks are flushed and he’s looking at Sander the same way he does when they’re in the middle of making out, Sander touching him everywhere. It’s a _hungry_ look, and it takes all of Sander’s strength to look away when another _ping_ signals that the elevator has arrived, the metallic sound of the doors opening registering faintly in his mind somewhere.

However, they barely enter the elevator before Robbe jumps on Sander, kissing him with intensity and pressing him against the elevator wall, causing it to sway lightly. Sander doesn’t have time to be surprised, humming in pleasure as their tongues slide together, and he can feel his bag digging into his hip now as he’s sandwiched between Robbe and the elevator wall, but he doesn’t really care. It’s hard to think about anything else when Robbe snakes one hand into his shirt again, and they’re getting out of breath now.

‘What’s this about?’ Sander asks when they break the kiss for a bit.

‘I really, really, _really_ fucking love you’

‘I love you too’ He laughs, ‘Did you have a sudden epiphany in there or something?’

‘You want us to live together’ Robbe replies, and it’s not a question, but a statement.

His smile is so big that it almost takes over his entire face, so Sander cannot resist, moving closer to kiss Robbe’s smile, peppering kisses all over his face as the boy laughs. He’s just _so fucking happy._

‘Of course I do’

‘Wow’

‘Do you wanna live with me?’ He finally asks, all hopes of not sounding _too desperate_ already thrown out the window.

‘I do, but I didn’t think you’d actually ask me to move in with you already’

‘Why?’

‘Dunno, you told your parents you wanted some independence, to figure out things for yourself, so I thought you’d want to _really_ live alone’ Robbe explains, arms still wrapped around Sander’s neck.

‘I prefer to be alone together with you’

It seems to be the right thing to say, because Robbe laughs and dives forward to kiss him again, causing the elevator to jostle a bit. They only break the kiss when the elevator pings and the doors open, reaching the hall again.

‘We still have time to check out another flat if you want’ He suggests as Robbe moves around him, hand still clasped tight on his jacket, but the boy shakes his head, nosing into Sander’s neck.

‘No, I have to be _alone together_ with you as soon as possible’

Robbe’s tone is so desperate that it startles a surprised laugh out of Sander, who feels a bit more relieved now that he knows he’s not the only one _stupidly happy and in love_ right now.

‘Okay’

-

The bike ride to Sander’s place is quick, mostly because they’re in a hurry to just get home and tear each other’s clothes off. Robbe barely talks to him on their way back, and Sander feels his neck prickling with the familiar sensation of being watched, knowing Robbe has kept his eyes on him as they take turns and waited on stop signs, cutting corners to avoid getting in the main roads.

Sander still feels a bit anxious, trying to process his emotions now that he knows for sure that Robbe _wants to move in with him_. It almost feels surreal, and Sander knows he probably looks crazy right now, smiling at the people and the cars passing by as he unlocks his bike, but that doesn’t matter. He’s so excited, even though they still haven’t found the right place, it already feels real in Sander’s mind.

They’ve barely closed the door in Sander’s bedroom before Robbe jumps on him, scrambling down and panting as he throws his backpack on the floor, toeing off his shoes in a hurry. It’s a bit messy, both of them trying to take off their clothes while kissing at the same time, and Sander almost trips on his own jeans when he walks back to toss his jacket over the chair.

It’s still early enough that the sunlight filters through Sander’s curtains, bathing the room in a soft orange glow, and Robbe looks like molten gold. Sander feels Robbe’s bare feet against his as he unzips Robbe’s pants, tugging them down in a quick motion, and he’s rewarded with a soft sigh from Robbe. Even though they have spent most of the afternoon touching in some way, Sander can’t get enough, _has_ to touch Robbe all over, to feel the boy’s skin against his own, like some kind of confirmation that he’s real, _they’re real and they’re together_.

He pushes Robbe gently until his boyfriend sits on the bed, and Sander is on top of him as fast as he can, spreading his legs so that he’s straddling Robbe’s lap, hands already reaching the boy’s hair for purchase. He’s so hard, has been hard ever since Robbe jumped on him in the elevator, and he can feel Robbe’s own hard dick beneath him.

‘I can’t believe you want us to live together’

‘Why not?’

‘Just feels too good to be true’ Robbe remarks, sucking a bruise in Sander’s neck.

The movement derails their conversation a bit, because Sander _has_ to grind against Robbe, causing both of them to moan in unison, a bit too desperate for a Thursday afternoon, but he’s too crazy about Robbe to care. Sander licks into his ear, feeling his body shiver as one of Robbe’s hands travels through his back and slides underneath his underwear, grabbing his ass to pull their bodies closer.

‘Well, it’s true’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, I can’t wait for us to have a place all for ourselves’ Sander replies, kissing Robbe’s neck, ‘So we can cuddle together every day’

Robbe moans at that, grinding back against Sander, and he laughs, startled.

‘What was that?’

‘Hmm?’ Robbe replies, distracted, but his cheeks are a deep shade of red as he looks at Sander from under his eyelashes.

‘Do my sappy, domestic dreams get you hot and bothered, Robin?’

‘Fuck, yes’

_This is the best day of my life_ , Sander thinks, drunk on happiness as he looks at Robbe’s perfect face, breath stuttering as he toys with the waistband of Sander’s underwear.

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, I love hearing you talk about our future together’

Sander is about to crack another joke, but Robbe moves fast, twisting their bodies together in that way Sander has done so many times, which makes him laugh again, now that his body is pinned in the bed beneath Robbe’s own.

‘Are you pulling my own moves on me, young man?’

‘I learned from the best’

He sucks in a sharp breath as Robbe slides one hand back into his underwear, cupping his cock with warm fingers. Sander opens his legs wider, trying to give Robbe better access, and cards his fingers through the boy’s hair, feeling sensitive already. His boyfriend just moves lower and lower, kissing Sander’s neck and chest, sucking one of his nipples and licking the fine hair on his stomach.

‘Keep talking’ Robbe asks, tongue darting to poke at his bellybutton, and Sander bucks his hips, searching some friction.

‘You’re being very distracting’

Robbe looks perfect, body sliding down on the bed between Sander’s legs, flushed and panting as he thumbs Sander’s cock, pulling it out from his underwear to touch him properly.

‘Well, I’ll be even more distracting in a while’

‘What do you m- oh, fuck’

He all but bucks into Robbe’s mouth as the boy licks a long stripe up his dick, from the base to the tip, all while looking straight into Sander’s eyes. _Who is this angel of a boy and what have I done to deserve him?_ Sander thinks, moaning low and sliding one hand into Robbe’s hair, petting it softly and trying to stave off his own orgasm.

‘I wanna see you when I wake up, and when I go to sleep’

Sander’s voice is high and shaky now, and it’s a struggle to keep talking while Robbe swirls his tongue around his cok, but he knows this is what gets Robbe going right now.

‘Mmmm’

‘I wanna go grocery shopping with you, and make you breakfast, and, _fuck,_ and cuddle you to sleep, and make love every day without worrying about when will be the next time we’ll be seeing each other’

Robbe moans around his cock again, making him shiver in pleasure, and Sander would laugh if he wasn’t so turned on, growing even harder when he sees that Robbe has moved one of his hands into his own pants, touching himself through the fabric, and _fuck, Robbe is so hard._

Seeing how wound up Robbe is just from sucking him and listening to him as he rambles about their future domestic life is driving Sander crazy, getting him even closer to orgasm than before. He strokes the damp hairs that are curling around the nape of Robbe’s neck, smiling when the boy looks up at him.

‘Robbe, I’m so close’

His stomach feels on fire where it’s being touched by Robbe’s hand, trailing the fine hairs under his bellybutton and moving to hold his waist. Robbe’s other hand is still under his pants, half-unzipped and tugged down in a way that reveals a sliver of skin and hair, making Sander groan, cock weeping precum. _I usually last longer than this_ , he thinks vaguely, but doesn’t dwell much more, especially when Robbe removes his mouth from Sander’s cock and dips his head lower, licking along his taint.

‘Fuck, Robbe, I’m gonna come’

‘Yeah?’ He teases, eyes twinkling as he takes one of Sander’s balls into his mouth.

‘Fuck, fuck’

Heat spreads through Sander’s body, his orgasm coiling along his spine and sending shivers along Sander’s legs until he’s coming, cock spurting over his stomach, and Robbe moves quickly to suck him back into his mouth. He feels heavy and overheated, ears rushing from the orgasm, and he just grips Robbe’s hair a bit tighter, trying not to get all soft and weak before he can touch his boyfriend.

Sander grabs Robbe’s sticky hand to pull him up and closer, and the boy kisses Sander immediately, sitting on his lap and pushing Sander’s own taste into his mouth, causing him to moan, his body still sensitive. He bats Robbe’s hand away from his cock, moving to hold it, and Sander smiles at the sigh that escapes Robbe’s lips.

‘You’re amazing’

‘So are you’

The air around them feels electrified as Sander jerks him off, fast and hard, while Robbe pants into his mouth, his big, beautiful eyes open and focused on him.

‘Keep talking’ Robbe moans against his lips, urging Sander to stroke him faster.

‘Huh?’

‘About us. About living together’

‘We’ll be together every day, doing things and arguing about who forgot to buy coffee until you get sick of me’

‘I’ll never get sick of you, stupid’ Robbe moans.

Sander laughs, delirious with pleasure and love and happiness, and increases his rhythm, holding Robbe’s waist to steady the boy. He loves how turned on Robbe is about the idea of them living together, mind reeling with all the possibilities. Ever since he met Robbe, all he ever wanted was to give him everything, _give him the world_ , and that’s exactly what he plans on doing. Robbe sucks in sharp breaths, and Sander ducks down to kiss the boy’s neck, covered by a thin layer of sweat, and sucks one nipple into his mouth, takes in his moans like music.

‘And this is just the first step, baby’

‘Fuck, San, I’m so close’ Robbe whines, but Sander just keeps talking.

‘After we move in together, it will be just a matter of time before I propose to you’

That seems to urge Robbe on, his hands moving to grab Sander’s hair, pulling it as he throws his head back in pleasure. It only takes a few more strokes and then Robbe is coming all over Sander’s chest, moaning high and pretty. His own chest is red and flushed as he bucks his hips on top of Sander, unable to control his body.

It’s over too fast, but Sander doesn’t mind, they were too strung up from the beginning, so he just strokes Robbe softly until the boy winces and bats his hand away, burying his face in Sander’s hair with a satisfied sigh.

‘God’

‘You can just call me Sander’

‘Dumbass’ Robbe slaps him playfully, voice tinged with laughter.

‘You know, at this rate, we’re never going to find an apartment’

‘What? Why?’

‘Because you’ll probably get turned on by the idea of us living together again and I won’t be able to pay attention to any of the places we see’

‘Fuck off’ Robbe laughs, scrubbing one hand over Sander’s face.

Despite his protests, Sander finds out that he doesn’t mind this arrangement, not one bit. In his mind, he can see his life unfolding before him, a nice job, a small apartment, soon his graduation. As he strokes Robbe’s back and listens to the soft sound of his breathing, Sander can see his future, and it looks better than anything he ever dreamed of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please leave a prayer for me as I try and finish writing the last two chapters of the fic tonight!


	28. twenty-eight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello kids, how is everyone doing? this last sliver of 2020 has been absolutely kicking my ass, there's just so much stuff to do! but we'll get through it <3 I'm adding the finishing touches to the epilogue tonight and then the fic is done for! Still can't believe I managed to write something this long and intricate, and thanks for sticking with me along this journey! anyways, here's the chapter, hope you like it! <3
> 
> link to Fleetwood Mac's The Chain: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDG2m5hN1vo&ab_channel=Raelsalmacis

Sometimes Robbe wishes he had a normal family.

Not only because he wanted his parents to be together and happy, doing normal things like go to the park or scold him if he got bad grades, but also because he doesn’t think his parents would be half as nosy as Milan, Zoe and Senne.

When he first joined the kollektiv, it was supposed to be a place to stay for a while, just until things got better at home, so Robbe didn’t expect to live there long enough to let himself be vulnerable, let people into his life. The world, however, seemed to have other plans, and threw him in a place where he found himself surrounded by three people just dying to show affection and care for him.

And also stick their noses into every single aspect of his existence.

However, it seemed like this was soon to be over, because Robbe and Sander finally found an apartment.

They took Sander’s parents, Milan and Senne with them in their quest, looking for apartments around their school area, interrogating landlords about every little detail in the buildings ( _How old is it? Does it have fire exits? What about the lift?_ ) and discussing rent prices and repairs ( _They’re just students, can’t you give them a discount?_ Sander’s dad had tried to argue one time, much to their embarrassment).

After walking and walking, and walking some more, and going through more flights of stairs than he ever thought possible, Sander and Robbe found a flat just three blocks away from the kollektiv. The place was cozy, despite its size, with a sizeable living room and kitchen space together, a tiny hallway that lead to a bedroom suite and a small storage room.

It was small and a bit old, and the building had no elevator, but the windows were wide, the flat had a small balcony and they had space to park their bikes. It wasn’t perfect, but the landlord had no problems with Sander possibly staining the floor with ink or inhaling paint fumes due to the old heating system, and the rent was reasonable for the area.

It was perfect for them.

Arranging the moving had been the hardest part, mostly because they had almost no furniture and Sander wanted to take _absolutely everything_ he owned to the flat. Lucky for them, almost all of their friends offered to help them with the process, and now Robbe was trying to do the worst (and weirdest) part: packing.

When Robbe first moved into the kollektiv, he barely had clothes and shoes, having left his house in a hurry due to all the bad stuff that was going on. With time, his dad would occasionally bring him more clothes, his childhood comforter, even the bedside lamp. He also started noticing some things in his room that weren’t there before, and that he hadn’t bought: a random scarf, two pairs of socks, one hand-knit beanie. Robbe never said anything, but he knew that Zoe, Senne and Milan were buying him things, trying to silently help him without seeming like they were, because they knew Robbe was too _stubborn and proud_ to accept.

It was no surprise to him when Zoe offered to help him pack up his things (but not before she teared up a bit and hugged him tight) when he announced that he’d probably be moving in with Sander soon. Milan had helped him for the most part of the day, and also offered for him to take the desk and chair from his room as a gift, which Robbe accepted, albeit conflicted.

Which is why Robbe’s currently sitting in bed, staring at his own feet and trying to understand exactly what Zoe meant when she said she ‘needed a word with him’ while they were folding some bedsheets to put away.

‘What’s this about?’

‘First of all, you know I love you and care about you, right?’

‘… Yes, Zoe’ He answered, dumbfounded.

‘And that I try not to interfere with your life as much as possible’

‘I’m not sure that’s correct, but go on’

‘I just… I mean, you’ll be moving out soon, but I feel like we need to talk about this’

‘Talk about what?’

‘Are you having nightmares again?’

‘What?’

Robbe remembers all too well those first nights at the kollektiv, the way he would wake up drenched in sweat, sheets tangled up from his thrashing around, usually with Milan giving him a deeply concerned look.

He never remembered the nightmares, only the insomnia, so he guessed it could be worse. However, the feeling of waking up with a jump, having Milan or Zoe help him change his sheets in the middle of the night in silence, _mortification and sadness creeping in_ , were things that would never leave his mind. With time, the nightmares stopped, and they never talked about it, although it wasn’t for lack of trying, but Robbe was deep in denial and anger, too wound up to admit his struggles, and, after a while, things more or less settled.

‘No, I’m not having nightmares’

‘Are you sure? You don’t have to lie to me, it’s okay if something is going on’

‘Zoe, why are you asking this?’ Robbe scratches his head, confused.

It’s not that he didn’t want to talk about it, but he _actually_ hadn’t had a nightmare in quite some time. Besides, he needed to finish packing soon before Milan walked past his door and scolded him for leaving the mattress bare _like some kind of cave creature,_ as he had said before. Zoe sighs, crossing her arms.

‘Robbe, this is the second pile of bedsheets I’ve seen you wash this week. Milan told me he’s heard you move around the flat in the middle of the night and _also_ saw your sheets in the washing machine’.

Oh.

_Oh, shit._

Robbe can feel heat creeping up his face, remembering the reason for the sudden change in his laundry habits. Even though he feels comfortable enough with his sexuality that almost nothing makes him ashamed or embarrassed anymore, Robbe believes that talking about _this_ with Zoe feels like the equivalent of having the sex talk with your parents.

‘I’m not having nightmares anymore’

‘Then what’s the problem? You know you can talk to me’

‘I know’

‘I even calmed Milan down when you told us about your new job’

She has a point; Milan had thrown a fit the day Robbe announced he had got the job at the sex shop, demanding to know the place and meet the owner to make sure he wasn’t a _creep who will take advantage of you and ask you for weird sexual favors,_ as he had put it. Robbe had flat out refused, firmly believing that the universe would implode if Milan and Eskild were ever to be in the same room together. It had taken a whole afternoon and a bottle of wine before Milan was able to drop the topic, and both Zoe and Senne had actually been very supportive, mainly by not asking him a million questions or begging for discounts at the shop (unlike Jens, Jana and Noor, who seemed _very_ interested in his line of work and would swing by at least once a week).

Still, there is just _no way_ he will ever tell her what’s really going on.

‘Zoe, I just spilled some soda in the bed, it’s not that bad’

He won’t, _can’t_ tell her that he didn’t spill any soda, far from it.

Instead, what had happened was, one night when Sander was sleeping over, they got carried away with the teasing, tight in each other’s arms and trying desperately to be quiet. It was hard not making any noise, both of them _too aware_ of Zoe and Senne watching a movie next door, the low sound of conversation and gunshots from the film drifting to Robbe’s bedroom.

Robbe was sitting on the bed with his back against the headboard, hair damp and curly with sweat as Sander rode him. He panted as Sander rocked on top of him, ass clenching around his cock with every movement, the tight, wet heat of him so good it was almost too much. Sander had been so wound up, storming off from home after an argument with his dad about changing his medication. Robbe barely had time to greet him before Sander was pawing at his clothes, begging him to take them off and just fuck him.

So that was exactly what he did.

He pulled Sander close and licked into his mouth, scrambling to touch him everywhere, to feel his boyfriend’s warm skin under his hands, eager to give him what he wanted. Soon enough he had Sander on his knees, trying to chase some friction as Robbe ate him out, planting sloppy kisses on his hole before pushing his tongue inside, tasting the boy and making him squirm.

‘Fuck, Robin, hurry up’

‘You need to relax first’

He was still curling just one finger inside Sander before the boy grew impatient, moving around the bed in a hurried motion to pick up the lube, and before Robbe could do anything else, his boyfriend had lubed up Robbe’s cock and slid one leg over his lap, lining himself on top of him.

‘San, you’re still too tight’ He warned, not wanting to hurt the boy.

‘I don’t mind’

They gasped in unison as Robbe slid Sander’s cock inside him, head pushing past the tight rim and into his _impossibly warm_ body. Sander impaled himself in a swift motion, fast enough that Robbe could tell it hurt a bit, but his boyfriend’s cock was hard, twitching against his hip while he waited, trying to stay still. The pressure was so strong, Sander was so _wet and tight_ , writhing on top of him.

‘You feel so good inside me’

‘Doesn’t it hurt?’

‘A bit, but I like it’

Robbe held Sander by the hips, grunting as Sander started moving, grinding against him, cock bouncing up and down. Few times he had seen Sander this desperate, trying to move things too quickly and almost _angry,_ bossy in a way that made him shudder. The whole situation was frantic, and Robbe had been completely unprepared for the fast pace Sander set from the start, moving on top of him and also stroking himself, desperate for release.

‘Slow down, I’m too close’

‘Then come’

‘No, I wanna last some more, San’ Robbe pleaded, but Sander just stared at him and increased his movements, the noise of skin slapping against skin echoing in the room.

One of Robbe’s hands tugged Sander’s own hand away from his cock, moving almost by muscle memory alone as his body writhed with pleasure. He used his other hand to tighten his grip on Sander’s hip for leverage, bucking his hips up in an attempt to thrust deeper into the boy. Sander hiccupped a moan, throwing his head back, and then he was coming, cock shooting ropes of cum on Robbe’s chest, ass clenching around his cock in a way that made his eyes roll back.

Sweat glistened on Sander’s chest and neck, making his boyfriend look like he was made of molten gold, shining in the afternoon light as he kept on moving on top of Robbe, face scrunched up in oversensitivity.

‘You close?’

‘Yes, fuck, so close’

As if he was spurred by Robbe’s words, Sander moved faster, bouncing on his cock until Robbe could feel his orgasm creeping up, building inside him, and they were sweating, bodies sliding together, and it only took a few more before Robbe was coming inside Sander with a grunt, ducking his head to bite the boy’s neck in an attempt to muffle his moans.

That day, his sheets got so sweaty and sticky that Robbe had decided to wash them before they dried up and the sweat and cum turned into a tacky, clumpy mess on his duvet.

So yeah, he couldn’t exactly tell Zoe _that_.

‘You spilled soda _four times,_ Robbe?’ Zoe inquires, arranging Robbe’s books in a neat stack inside one of the cardboard boxes.

‘Zoe, can we please drop this topic?’

‘I’m just trying to understand what’s happening!’

As much as Robbe understands her concerns, some things are better to keep private. He sighs again, throwing the last of his winter clothes inside his biggest suitcase, the memories of his _activities_ with Sander still roaming around his mind. On another occasion, he had the boys over to play videogames, and Sander had made Robbe drink so much water.

He had already drank a lot of beer, so Sander excused his behavior by saying _you have to keep yourself hydrated, babe,_ which earned them a side-eye from Jens, who turned a deep shade of red as he was visibly trying not to burst into laughter. Because of that, Robbe had spent almost the entire evening on edge, unable to stay quiet or pay attention to the game. Even though he was already used to being full, as the night went on, he just couldn’t catch a break, feeling the weight of Sander’s stare whenever he went to the hallway to try and compose himself, his boyfriend’s voice ringing inside his mind, begging _please, can you hold it until we get to bed? Will you be good for me?_

By the end of the night, Robbe didn’t even wait to hear the door clicking shut as the boys left, dragging Sander into the bedroom with an urgency and feeling equal parts of pain and arousement. He all but threw himself over Sander’s lap as the boy sat in his bed, and it only took one movement from Sander for him to just _let go._ Robbe would’ve laughed if he wasn’t so desperate, because they painted quite the picture; both of them still fully clothed, panting in each other’s mouths as Sander pressed one hand over his bladder.

‘Let go for me, Robin’

Relief flooded his body at those words, and Robbe exhaled shakily as he started peeing, the stream strong from the beginning, soaking the inside of his pants and running down until it leaked onto Sander’s lap, and then the bed. He had been _so full_ , and the stream never seemed to end, flowing out of him as Sander bit his neck, eyes staring straight at Robbe’s crotch, watching the boy make a mess out of them.

‘It’s so warm’

‘Mmmmm’ Robbe hummed in relief.

‘You did so well, I’m so proud, baby’

Robbe vaguely noticed that Sander was unzipping his pants, pulling his dick out while some pee still dribbled from the tip, and started stroking him, causing Robbe to moan. In the end, they slid their cocks together until they came, and the bedsheets (and their clothes) had been so utterly soaked and sticky that they had no other choice but to strip naked and use the bedsheets to clean themselves before promptly throwing them in the washer at almost one in the morning.

_God, I have to get new bedsheets._ Robbe thinks, scratching his head as he stares at the now almost empty bedroom.

‘Look, I’m not having nightmares, that’s all you need to know, okay?’

‘Are you sure? We can go to my doctor, you know she helps with things like this’ Zoe starts explaining, and Robbe blushes even further, wondering how he’ll ever be able to get out of this conversation.

‘Zoe!’

‘Okay, okay, fine’ She throws her hands up, resigned, and Robbe huffs.

‘I know you worry about me, and that things weren’t good before, but they’re good now. I’m in a good place, okay? I’m happy, I’ve got a job, mama is doing better, I’m gonna move in with Sander…’ He smiles, still in disbelief, ‘Things are good’

‘Okay. I’m happy for you’

‘Thank you. And thank you for worrying, too’

Robbe looks around the bare room, trying to picture himself living somewhere other than here, and it’s hard. It should be easier, especially because he spent less time living here than living with his parents, but the experiences were _wildly_ different. The kollektiv was the place that took him in when he was at his lowest, where he found people who allowed him to be himself, to just exist without demands, without judgement. It was something he’d cherish forever.

The sound of keys jingling gets his attention, and soon enough Milan appears at the door carrying more cardboard boxes.

‘Found some more, give me the shoes’

‘Milan, I don’t have enough shoes to fit in this box’ Robbe laughs, perplexed, but the man just waves a hand at him.

‘Nonsense, let me do it’

Milan saunters into the room and starts picking up Robbe’s shoes from the floor as if it’s the most normal thing ever, opening Robbe’s drawers and moving around with the ease of someone who’s _way_ too comfortable around someone else’s space. Surprisingly, Robbe finds that he doesn’t mind, is also comfortable with Milan’s presence in his room, in his life.

He’s crouching under the bed to try and fish some socks that had been stuck there forever when his phone rings, causing him to almost bump his head on the bed in his haste to get up. It’s Sander, so he picks it up and puts it on speaker mode.

‘Hey’

‘Hello yourself’

‘Hi Sander!’ Milan and Zoe scream in unison from different parts of the room, and Robbe can hear Sander’s low laugh through the phone.

‘Hi, guys, what are you up to?’

‘Just packing my stuff’

‘You’re taking my boy away from me!’ Milan screams dramatically, and Robbe chooses to ignore him.

‘What’s up?’

‘Just called to remind you that we still have to pick up the mattress from the store tomorrow’

‘Oh, you’re right’

‘Senne told me we can leave it at the kollektiv and then he takes it to the flat on the weekend’

Robbe’s mom insisted on giving them a new bed and mattress, saying something along the lines of _you boys need to have a good place to rest,_ which made him remember all the times she would either stay awake the entire day, pacing around the living room and rambling about everything, or refuse to leave her bed for weeks at a time, probably under the effect of heavy medication. It’s incredible how far they’ve come, how well she’s doing now, safe and happy.

Milan suddenly breaks his train of thought, picking up the phone from the bed.

‘Sander, please convince your boyfriend to let me give you a housewarming party. It’s the least you can do after stealing Robbe from his home’

‘I haven’t moved out yet, and you can come by anytime’ Robbe laughs at his friend’s dramatics.

‘Of course you can, my mom has also been bugging me about helping us move and organize the flat’

‘Great! Can you send me her phone number so that we can arrange things?’

‘You just wanted an excuse to throw a party, didn’t you?’

‘That is slander and I will not tolerate it’ He scoffs in faux offense, ‘But yes, you know I love a party’

‘Okay, fine’

‘Awesome. I gotta run, my break is almost over, but I’ll call you later, okay?’

‘Alright. Bye, San, love you’

‘I love you. Bye guys!’

‘Bye Sander!’ Zoe and Mila scream in unison again.

Soon, they go back to packing, moving on to Robbe’s drawers, and before he can warn Milan not to open his bottom sock drawer, the man is already rummaging through it with a sly smile on his lips. _Damn it, why are they so nosy?_

‘Robbe, you care to explain what is this?’

Robbe is pretty sure he’s blushing furiously right now, frozen in place as he watches Milan pull out a pair of handcuffs and dangle them in front of him.

‘Oh, this is from the, uh, the shop’

Zoe lets out a surprised laugh, eyes darting between the cuffs and Robbe’s embarrassed expression. It’s not that he’s ashamed of owning those things, or even talking about them, I mean, _he works at a sex shop_. He’s also not ashamed of Zoe and Milan finding them, knowing they have seen him in much worse positions and would never judge him.

But it suddenly hits him that, soon enough, they won’t be a permanent fixture in his life, that he won’t hear their voices every single day and do stupid stuff in the middle of the night with them in the kitchen, like cooking five packets of ramen noodles and eating straight from the pot as they watch _Gossip Girl_ on Milan’s computer. Ths realization makes him emotional in a way he wasn’t expecting right now, staring at the pair of blue fluffy handcuffs in Milan’s hand.

‘Good for you, honey’ He winks at Robbe, throwing the cuffs inside a small box tagged _socks/pants_.

‘Oh, Robbe, are you working tomorrow afternoon?’ Zoe asks.

‘Yeah, why?’

‘Senne wants to know when he can take your things to the flat, and if you’re planning to move this weekend already’

Lucky for them, Senne had offered to help them move most of the stuff, being the only one in their friend group with a car, which would make the process of moving much faster for Robbe. Sander’s parents will help them too, taking the heavier stuff in the back of Sander’s dad station wagon.

‘I think so, we’re just waiting for the landlord to confirm that he got our first payment and then we can start the moving’

‘Okay’

They’re quiet for a few minutes, moving in silence as they close the few boxes containing Robbe’s stuff and pile them in the corner of the room. He’s closing his suitcase and thinking about how they still need to make dinner when Robbe hears some sniffling, and, looking up, finds Milan quietly crying as he sits on the floor.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’

‘Nothing, it’s stupid’ Milan waves him off, trying to smile.

‘Milan, I didn’t think you’d get sappy on us!’ Zoe laughs, moving to sit beside him.

‘I just remember how scared and shy you were when Zoe first brought you here, you were so closed off to the world. I feel like a proud mom watching you grow’ He half-laughs, half-cries, ‘I’ll miss having you around’

‘Yeah, me too’

‘I’m not moving to another country, guys. I’ll miss you, too. And thank you for taking me in, and taking care of me when I needed’

‘It’s what I do, casa Milan will always be open for you’

‘I know. I’ll never forget it, you’re my family’ Robbe admits, trying not to cry himself.

‘Robbe!’

‘It’s true! I don’t know what I would’ve done if Zoe hadn’t told me about the spare room you had here’

‘I’m sure you would’ve turned out fine, honey’

‘Also, I’ll be just around the corner, the flat is very close by, I’m sure I’ll be coming here to pester you and ask for food or coffee when we forget to buy some’

The three of them start laughing in unison, sitting on the floor of Robbe’s almost empty bedroom, surrounded by clothes and boxes and quite a lot of dust.

Robbe feels a mixture of happiness and early nostalgia, a slight pang in his chest. Lately, he’s been going through so many changes, ending cycles and starting new ones, it almost feels as if he’s catching up with all the time he lost feeling sad and lonely and empty, just going through the world in a daze, living his live by half-truths and hiding his real self.

Robbe has never felt so _alive._

-

Later, after everyone has gone to bed, including him, Robbe is burrowed into his duvet, computer on his lap as he chats with Sander through a videocall. They were supposed to be sleeping already, but Sander begged him to stay online with him while he finished one of his college essays (and just to look at each other’s faces since it’s been a while since they last saw each other). It feels really comforting, just lying in bed, in his pajamas, staring silently at Sander while he’s _so focused_ on his work, some Fletwood Mac playing softly in the background.

‘When is this paper due?’

‘The day after tomorrow, but I have therapy tomorrow and I still have to finish packing’

‘I can come by to help you, if you want’ Robbe offers, and Sander flashes him a big smile, eyes glinting in the computer light.

‘Thank you, but we both know we’ll never get any packing done if you’re here’

‘Good point’

Even though he’s tired, Robbe finds himself entranced by Sander, utterly entertained by the way he sings _The Chain_ under his breath while typing, tongue peeking out from his lips in concentration.

‘Can you believe that soon we’ll be sleeping together every night?’

‘I know, I can’t wait’

After packing most of his things, Robbe only left his essential, everyday stuff outside in a duffel bag, along with his school backpack. The room feels strangely bare, without any posters, pictures or random papers lying around, but Robbe can’t wait to make new memories with Sander at their place, thinks about the decoration and their lifes together every day. He suddenly remembers a vital piece of information.

‘You’ll bring your teddy bear to our place, right?’

‘What?’ Sander furrows his brows, barking out a laugh.

‘C’mon’ Robbe teases, burrowing further into his duvet, ‘That dusty grey teddy bear that you try to _hide from me_ by shoving it deep into your wardrobe. You should move it to our place’

‘Why?’

‘Because. He’s cute and I know you love him too’

‘Should I be jealous?’

‘Dumbass’ Robbe laughs.

Sander quickly goes back to his essay, but Robbe is too anxious to stay still, body thrumming with anticipation at the thought of moving.

‘I miss you’

‘I miss you too, we’ll see each other on the weekend’ Sander replies distractedly.

‘And then we’ll move in together’

Both of them break into equally huge grins, staring at each other, and Robbe feels electrified, in a weird, almost scary way.

‘Still feels weird’

‘I know. Can you believe we won’t need to videochat anymore’

‘I mean, we can still do that when you go visit your mama or one of us has to travel’

‘I know, but I mean like we do now, having cybersex and stuff’

At that, Sander’s eyes move up from the screen and at the camera, a small smirk playing on his lips, causing Robbe to blush. Even through the computer, Sander still manages to make him blush.

‘You know we’ll have real, live sex, right?’

‘I know, stupid, but it’s also fun to do it like this, no?’

‘I guess’

‘You guess?’ He scoffs, moving his body to sit back in bed and cross his arms.

‘I mean, I prefer touching you, feeling your body close to me’ Sander muses, his homework apparently forgotten.

Robbe decides to take advantage of having Sander’s attention all to himself, sliding one hand inside his shirt before the boy goes back to his essay, and smiles as he watches Sander’s reactions, hoping his boyfriend can see how much Robbe likes this. Sander lets out a surprised laugh, lifting one finger to his mouth and keeping his eyes fixed at the screen.

Robbe takes off his shirt, moving a bit closer to the camera so that sander has a perfect view of his chest as he touches it, rubbing one nipple and trying not to moan at the sensation.

‘Fuck’

As he adjusts the camera angle, Robbe can see Sander scrambling to remove his own clothes in a haste, his shirt being thrown somewhere off-screen, and he’s already tugging his sweatpants down, kneeling on his own bed only in boxers. It’s such an amazing sight, knowing that Sander is so eager and ready to be with him like this, mouth wet and red as he bites his bottom lip, one hand already pressing over his own neck, _the way he like to press Robbe’s._

‘You’re so hot’

‘So are you. Take off your pants’

He drops the computer on the bed with a _thud_ , unfolding his legs so that he can slide his own sweatpants off, leaving them at the foot of the bed before sitting back so that Sander can see him a bit better.

Even though he’s comfortable with (and actually loves) having cybersex, Robbe still remembers their first clumsy attempts that always ended with him blushing furiously and being unable to do anything other than hide himself under the sheets, cheeks red with embarrassment.

With time, he found out that he actually doesn’t feel embarrassed when, during their videocalls, he gets to see Sander touching himself, like his own private porn video. He loved being able to watch Sander’s reactions in real time as he watched the boy jerk off, one finger inside his mouth while he moaned Robbe’s name. Eventually, he felt confident enough to show off himself, and it had only taken two minutes of him stroking himself on camera for Sander to come, grunting in surprise and never taking his eyes off Robbe.

Now, they’re both comfortable enough to do this when they’re unable to see each other (and when they have time and privacy enough), just touch and stare unabashedly through the screen, sharing something that feels so intimate, sometimes even more intimate than it would be if they were together in the same room.

Robbe can see Sander’s hand already moving a bit off-screen, up and down over the fabric of his underwear as he stares at Robbe, watching with rapt attention as he slowly tugs his own underwear down just enough to touch his cock. His body trembles at the feeling of cool air touching his skin, sensitive and overheated.

‘Fuck’

‘Touch your nipples first’ Sander asks, voice already raspy.

He complies, moving his other hand up to scratch his chest, feeling the way his skin pebbles with the contact of his short nails. Sander’s eyes are following the movement, watching with rapt attention as Robbe circles his nipple with one finger, a short sigh escaping his lips. He repeats the process with the other nipple, fighting the urge to moan a bit louder.

Sander’s hair is disheveled, creating a white halo around his head, lit only by the blue-white screen of his computer, eyes fixed in Robbe, making him squirm again.

‘Wish you were here with me’

‘Me too’

‘Oh, I thought you wanted us to have cybersex? That you liked this?’ Sander’s voice is strained, but still laced with that damn _teasing_ tone he uses sometimes.

‘I always want you with me’

‘Fuck’

Robbe can’t help it, finally moaning, low and whiny, when he sees Sander’s hand sliding down his underwear and tugging his cock out, his movements growing a bit erratic. Sander always looks amazing, like he’s ready for anything, ready to devour Robbe and to smother him in hugs at the same time, which shouldn’t be possible, but he does it, somehow. Robbe moves his own hand down, over his stomach and finally, _finally,_ touches his cock, stroking it from base to tip, feeling how the head is already slick with precum.

The bedsheets rustle beneath him as Robbe tries to accommodate himself a bit better, staring at Sander’s hand as the boy jerks off, already sounding out of breath. Most of his upper body is visible, looking soft and inviting in a way that makes Robbe’s mouth water.

‘Move the camera up a bit more’

‘Why?’

‘Wanna see your face better’ Sander asks, voice breaking as he thumbs the slit on his cock.

Robbe complies, heat rising to his cheeks at the thought that, even while they’re watching each other masturbate, Sander still wants to look at his _face_. He speeds up his movement, the slick noise of Sander’s hand coming loud through his earbuds and turning his whole body aflame. It’s amazing how much Sander arouses him, just by existing, and Robbe knows he’ll never get tired of seeing him like this.

‘You look so good’

‘You too, I’m close already’

‘Fuck’

‘I would suck you if we were together right now’

_Goddamnit._

The air seems to grow hotter inside Robbe’s room, and Sander just smiles at him, knows damn well what he’s done, what his words do to Robbe, how just a few sentences out of his mouth can make Robbe say and do pretty much anything. Biting his lip to muffle a moan, Robbe increases his pace, stroking his cock with long, sure movements, focusing on the head, shuddering as he imagines Sander swallowing him down.

‘What else?’

‘I would suck you so deep, until you’re buried in my throat, then I would lick your cock until you’re coming inside my mouth’

‘Fuck, Sander, I’m so close’

‘Yeah?’

‘Please keep talking’ Robbe pleads, greedy for his boyfriend’s words.

Sander moves his face closer to the camera, as if trying to reach out and touch Robbe through the screen as he talks, his arm still moving somewhere a bit off-camera, in a way that lets Robbe know he’s _definitely_ still touching himself, maybe even faster now.

‘I would keep staring at you as you came in my mouth, just waiting until you’re done’

Shivers run through Robbe’s body, now covered in a layer of sweat, legs sticking to the sheets as he jerks himself off. He can feel his orgasm creeping up already, too pent up from not seeing Sander for a while, and not having the time to do this sooner.

‘I wouldn’t swallow’

‘Huh?’

‘After you came, I wouldn’t swallow’

Robbe knows where Sander is going with this, knows exactly what he’s hinting at, his eyes twinkling mischeviously under the computer screen, and it’s almost like he’s building the tension, waiting for Robbe to ask so that he can lay all the cards in the table, _break_ Robbe in the best way.

‘Fuck’

‘Do you know why?’

‘Why?’ Robbe asks, tension coiling inside his gut, because he knows that’s what Sander wants.

‘Because I would want to spit in your mouth’

His ears start rushing from the built-up pleasure, every cell in Robbe’s body seems to be attuned to Sander and the way he’s staring at him with those big, beautiful, sinful eyes, waiting for the tension to become too much.

‘Do you want that?’

‘Sander, I’m gonna come’

‘Answer me’

‘Huh?’ Robbe can feel his orgasm close, so close, it will only take another push from Sander.

‘Do you want me to spit your cum inside your mouth?’

‘Yes! Yes, I want to, please, god’ Robbe moans, body taut with pleasure at Sander’s filthy words.

‘Come for me, baby’

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck’

Sander lifts his free hand and sucks on his thumb, and that’s what does it for Robbe. The tension building in his body finally snaps, and his whole body convulses as he comes, cock spurting ropes of cum over his chest. He can vaguely see Sander’s thumb sliding out as his mouth falls open in a silent moan, movements growing erratic and faster until he, too, comes, body sliding back until it hits the headboard.

‘Fuck’

‘God, you’re too much’ Robbe moans, still trembling with pleasure as he watches Sander, eyes shut tight as he comes over his stomach.

Even though his room is dark, Robbe can see enough of Sander’s body to smile when his boyfriend tilts his head back, lips shiny with spit as he fights to catch his breath. He looks so beautiful, so relaxed, that it startles a laugh out of Robbe. Sander opens his eyes just a little, sounding sleepy.

‘What are you laughing about?’

‘Nothing’

‘What?’

‘Nothing!’

Sander scrunches his eyes, making him laugh even more, which isn’t helping his case _at all._

‘You’re laughing at me?’

‘No, I’m just happy to see you like this’ Robbe explains, huge smile on his face, and Sander snorts.

‘I love you’

‘I love you too’

Neither of them say anything else, and Robbe just arranges himself on the bed, cleaning the come off his chest with his own underwear before tossing it to the side and snuggling further down the covers. He watches as Sander does the same, nose scrunching again as he wipes his stomach before discarding his own underwear.

After a while, the only sound Robbe can hear is of their own panting breaths, and he watches Sander as his chest expands and contracts, mimicking Sander’s own movement on the other side of the screen. This moment, the afterglow, when they’re feeling sweaty and sated, limbs heavy in a good way, is _almost_ as good as the sex itself, in Robbe’s opinion. Maybe he’s biased because Sander was the first (and only) person he’s ever had sex with, but Robbe feels that being this close, this intimate with Sander, is one of the best feelings in the whole world.

_Can’t believe this is my life,_ he thinks, still looking at Sander just before he drifts into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only two more chapters!! AAAAAAAH!


	29. twenty-nine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, kids, how is everybody doing? Well, I hope! we've finally reached the final chapter, even though technically the epilogue is the last chapter of the fic hahahaha I just wanted to thank each and every one of my readers, even the ones who never comment on the fic, because when I first started writing this I had no idea it would become something so big and complex, and I also had no idea so many people would read it and love it! Thank you for the encouragement, thank you for the kudos, the ideas, the inspiration, the laughs, thanks for sticking with me along this journey <3 next week we'll have the epilogue, but in the meantime, I hope you like the beggining of the end of the boys' story, let me know what you think! 
> 
> link to Foo Fighter's Everlong, one of my favorite love songs: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWU33fvPxd0&ab_channel=foofightersVEVO

Sweat drips down Sander’s back, neck straining with the activity, and he groans at the thought that it’s far from over. Robbe doesn’t look too different, covered in a layer of sweat and flexing his arms, bending forward to support his weight a little better. They stare at each other, out of breath, and exchange smiles. This is the most exercise Sander has ever done in his life, and he feels exhausted. But he also loves it.

‘Can you please remind me why did we agree to move to an apartment on the third floor in a place with no elevator?’ He complains, dropping another cardboard box on the floor beside the other things that already sat there.

‘Because this place has really big windows and we’re five minutes away from the subway station’ Robbe replies with a huff, using the box cutter to rip through the cardboard and inspect its contents, before dragging it across the tiny hallway and into their bedroom.

‘And it’s also close to the kollektiv’ Milan smiles as he walks towards the kitchen carrying a chair.

‘I know, I know’

‘Hey, where do we put this?’ Moyo pops up at the door with another box, and it looks like Jens is right behind him.

‘Uh, just leave it on the table, I think it’s the kitchen stuff my mom gave me’

The flat is still dusty and mostly empty, but at least it has running water and electricity, and Sander knows that his parents should be arriving sometime soon with more stuff. Sander was grateful for the weekend off from the museum (and Robbe’s change of shift with his coworker), otherwise they would have never been able to move in, too caught up with work and school, and their friends, even though they offered to help with the moving, were always _so busy._

Even though he signed the contract and already placed the keys to the apartment on his keychain, it still feels weird to be inside, to look around and know that this place is his and Robbe’s only. He has been experiencing so many mixed emotions that it takes a while for him to realize that Robbe is asking something, the sound of his voice growing louder as he walks from the kitchen and into the living room.

‘What? Sorry’

‘I asked what time does Senne come back?’

‘Oh, I think just later, why?’

‘It’s just that Zoe told me they have a surprise for us, but I couldn’t get her to crack’

‘A surprise?’

‘Yeah, and then she stopped answering my texts!’ Robbe huffs as he lies down, sprawled on the floor like a starfish. ‘Now I’m really curious’

‘I’m sure it’s something good’

Soon the boys join them, sitting on the floor in various states of disarray, panting and a bit grimy with dust. Jens stretches both arms above his head, wincing.

‘God, I can’t believe that was the last box’

‘C’mon, we don’t have that much stuff’

‘Well, no, but the bed made up for what little we had to carry’ Moyo groans, motioning in the general direction of their _still unassembled_ bed that sits by the hallway, along with the mattress that they had dragged upstairs, complaining the whole time (and almost dropping it, too).

Sander feels sweaty and gross himself, sitting on top of one of the many cardboard boxes they have dragged up the two flights of stairs, his shoes discarded in the corner. Still, he is happy. Disgustingly, incredibly, _unbelievably_ happy about moving in with Robbe.

The only reason Sander isn’t happier right now is because he still hasn’t been able to be alone in the apartment with Robbe. When they first came to see it, Sander’s parents were with them, checking every corner and inspecting the place like they did with every other apartment they visited. Once the deal was finished, Senne had come with them to sign the contract, making sure that he and Robbe read all the small words at the bottom of the pages and knew what they were getting themselves into. After that, Sander had been so busy with work and school and packing his things, that he could not find the time to go with Robbe when he took his mom to see the apartment, still empty and smelling like dust and old people (the landlord and owner of the flat is a weird, albeit quiet 75-year-old man named Serge).

And now, as they are in the process of moving in, the boys have offered to help them, carrying boxes up and down and making sure nothing was lost in the process (and also complaining a lot about being hungry, and making plans to stop by and play videogames _every single day_ , as soon as the boys settled in).

‘How long do you think it will take before the apartment looks disgusting?’

‘I give maybe a month’ Jens replies with a shrug.

‘What the fuck?’ Robbe asks, opening another box, and Jens snorts at him, ‘Why would the apartment be disgusting?’

‘Because both of you are too lazy to clean’

‘Or do the dishes’ Moyo explains, being followed by Aaron.

‘Or do the laundry’

‘Hey, we do the laundry quite often!’ Robbe defended them, throwing a stray piece of cardboard in the boys’ direction.

‘Also, my mom struck the fear of god in me for the past few weeks, so I’ll definitely clean’

For all the trouble that Sander has given his parents growing up, and the messed-up ways his mind worked, it would have been easy for anyone to believe that he wouldn’t know how to do things on his own, but his mom had other plans. Yes, she might hide the sharp objects around the house when he has a particularly bad depressive episode, but she also gave him responsibilities and expected him to be his own person.

Which is why she spent the past month training Sander by putting him in charge of cleaning their house every week. From doing the dishes, to sweeping the floors and scrubbing the toilets, she made Sander do it all, and then checked his progress. _There’s no way I’m letting you live by yourself if you don’t know how to take care of a house,_ she explained as she instructed him on which disinfectant was best to remove water stains from the sink.

She has also made him write _clean the flat_ on his whiteboard at almost every day of the week, which he promised to keep as they moved to the apartment, in plain sight so that he would always remember to sweep every so often. However, he knows it will take him a long time to explain to his friends why on earth he received a speed course in housekeeping at the age of 19, so the _fear of god_ explanation will have to do.

‘Let’s just say we’ll try and keep the place as tidy as possible’

‘Yeah, well, let’s wait and see’

Sander is done ordering some pizzas for them to eat when Milan reappears in the hallway, wiggling his finger towards the boys.

‘Alright, I’m almost done with the boxes, I think it’s time’

‘Time for what?’

‘For assembling the bed’

The five of them stare at the sturdy (and heavy) pieces of wood that rest against the wall. The bed is big and hard to assemble and it was quite expensive, but Sander can’t get himself to feel the tiniest bit of regret about buying it, especially since Robbe’s mom offered to pay for it. It had taken him and Robbe almost as much time to fins this bed than it took to find the apartment, because they both wanted something big, comfortable and resistant. Sander would never admit it out loud, but he had insisted that they get this specific bed because it looked _very_ similar to the bed at the penthouse he had rented at the beginning of their relationship. There was just something so magical and cozy about a big, spacious bed with lots of pillows and blankets for he and Robbe to roll around in.

‘Do we have to?’

‘Excuse me, we’re here to help the boys!’ Milan stands by the hallway, hands on his hips like an impatient mother. ‘So _yes,_ let’s get going’

Dragging the bed into the bedroom proves to be fairly easy, but assembling the bed is a nightmare. Robbe is still unpacking their things in the kitchen, so he survives for the moment, but it seems like the instructions keep saying different things whenever Sander glances at the paper.

‘Are you sure this piece goes there?’

‘Yes, that’s what I saw on the diagram’

‘No, no, give me that part, I think it fits here’

At one point, Sander notices that they ended up assembling the bed _upside down_ , which delays them even more. They’re almost done putting other things away when the doorbell rings, and soon enough Sander can hear his mom’s loud voice. His parents have already seen the apartment before, but still give him a wide, surprised look when he goes into the living room to greet them, surely not expecting to see so many people already inside their tiny flat. Robbe’s mama also came with them, and his boyfriend is absolutely _beaming_ at that, taking her by the hand to show her the place once more and get some help in the kitchen.

Whenever they see Robbe’s mom these days, she’s looking better and better, and it’s amazing to Sander how well they all get along, talking and joking as if they were one big family. Milan trails behind Sander, greeting Robbe’s mom with a hug, and that’s even more amazing, because Sander remembers how Robbe once told him that she had demanded to talk to Milan over the phone one night, around the time that he had moved into the kollektiv. Apparently, Milan grew quiet all of a sudden, eyes watering as he said a lot of _yes, of course_ and _thank yous_ over and over, clutching the phone with a teary smile.

‘How’s the unpacking going?’ Sander’s dad asks, hand patting his shoulder.

‘I’m not sure, actually’

‘How come?’

‘Well, we managed to bring everything here without breaking anything, but the bed has been a nightmare to assemble’

‘What about the shelves?’ His mom asks, looking ready for action.

‘We haven’t started on them yet’

‘Well, let’s get going, then’

-

Sander’s parents are still in his bedroom when Milan calls him from the kitchen, handing him and Robbe a piece of paper with a smile. They don’t even have time to take a shower before the man is sending them away with a grocery list, while he makes the flat look somewhat presentable for the housewarming party.

‘Do we even have money for this?’

‘Yes, we’ve talked about your budgeting for groceries last week, remember?’

‘Can’t we do this later? I wanted to unpack my clothes’

‘We’ll take care of it, honey’ Sander’s mom smiles at him.

‘But it’s _our_ apartment, aren’t we supposed to be the ones doing this?’ Robbe complains, but Milan just shoos him away with a smile.

The trip actually proves to be useful, because it gives them the perfect opportunity to check out the neighbourhood, getting lost before they find the supermarket (and another smaller, more secluded market that sells Asian stuff), the local café and some restaurants nearby. Even though Robbe already knew some parts of their surroundings, being that they were close to the kollektiv, Sander rarely ventured around here, so it all feels like a big adventure, exploring uncharted territory with Robbe as they go through narrow alleys and walk past half-abandoned buildings.

‘What do you think happened to this place?’ He asks as they stare at a dilapidated antique store, old chairs and magazines piling up at the front.

‘I don’t know, I’ve never noticed it before’

Sander loves walking through new places, holding Robbe’s hand and picturing the lives of the people that might live inside random houses, trying to peek through their windows, catch a glimpse at another universe. He even thought about breaking into some of those places with his camera, to try and capture the dilapidated looks and overall mysterious aura that abandoned places always seem to exude.

‘Maybe someone important lived there’

‘And died there, too?’

‘Why do you think that?’

‘Because the place looks haunted’ Robbe shrugs with a smile, pulling Sander by the hand.

‘That makes it even better!’

‘Really?’

‘Of course! Don’t you want proof of the supernatural, Robin?’

‘Not really’

_Of course Robbe would be skeptical,_ Sander thinks as they keep walking, getting closer to the supermarket now.

‘Why not? Aren’t you always talking about parallel universes and all that?’

‘Yeah, but I think there’s enough stuff on _this_ universe as it is’

‘ _Really?_ ’

‘Yes. I like it like this’

‘Yeah?’ Sander asks, biting his tongue before he can ask _don’t you wish you were in a different universe where things are easier for you?_ because he doesn’t wanna make Robbe sad with his overthinking.

‘Of course. There’s no other universe I’d rather be, San’

Heat spreads through Sander’s face at Robbe’s words, and he shouldn’t be surprised by his boyfriend’s ability to reduce him to a stuttering mess, but he gets surprised all the same, and Robbe seems to have caught on, because he tugs on Sander’s sleeve, huge grin on his face.

‘Are you _blushing?_ ’

‘Shut up’

Robbe is still laughing by the time they grab a cart and start walking through the supermarket, and Sander caughts himself smiling at nothing. He watches Robbe as the boy scans products now and then and mostly tries to follow Milan’s list, and the place, the moment, everything just brings him back to the first day they met.

Sander still remembers everything about that day; how he knew Robbe and his friends would be going to the beach house, and he’d finally have the opportunity to get a better look at the boy he saw back at the graffiti spot. Even though he was still with Britt, Sander already knew that there was something special about Robbe, something that made him curious, and he just _had_ to meet him, talk to the boy at least once.

Of course, everything at the beach house turned out to be both better and worse than he could have imagined. Worse, because Britt was still there, and Noor, and Robbe seemed to be really confused and scared, even though Sander had caught him staring many times. Better, of course, because he introduced himself and got to hang out with Robbe for a solid amount of time, dazzling him with his food and his Bowie knowledge before the girls interrupted. He still remembers their little adventure at the supermarket, just throwing whatever food they thought was good inside the cart, daring and adventurous. Sander was already _in love_.

It’s almost funny how it all seems to be coming to a full circle now, being inside a supermarket with Robbe again, but, this time, they’re buying stuff for _their_ party, a party that’s gonna happen in _their_ place. Before he notices, Sander’s smile turns into a laugh, and Robbe eyes him, confused.

‘What’s so funny?’

‘I was just remembering the day we met’

‘Oh’ Robbe blushes, smiling, ‘Yeah, I can never enter a supermarket without thinking about that day’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, you really pulled all the moves on me’

‘Of course I did! I had to make a good first impression’ Sander scoffs, picking a jar of pasta sauce and placing it inside the cart.

‘Um, excuse me, your first impression was very confusing, mr. _zero stars on booking.com’_

‘But it worked, right? Also, we need more chips’

‘I mean, you made fun of me and then dragged me to the supermarket, what was I supposed to do?’

Before Sander can reply, Sander’s phone rings inside his pocket, so he all but throws the five bags of chips he’d been holding on the cart before picking up.

‘Hello’

‘Honey, hi’

It’s Milan, and Sander has no ide why he decided to call him instead of Robbe, but he’s not about to complain.

‘Hey, what’s up?’

‘I just forgot to add some stuff to the list, I’ll send you now, okay?’

‘What kind of stuff?’

‘Oh, don’t worry about it, just some things’

‘Okay’ Sander laughs, a bit intrigued, and he listens some noise in the background, ‘What’s going on?’

‘Nothing, the boys are just trying to assemble your bed again but it’s not going so well – _no, this goes on the other side!_ ’ Milan seems to be scolding someone.

‘Who is it?’ Robbe asks, moving their cart along the corridor.

‘It’s Milan – hey, just send me the list, okay?’

‘Okay, see you soon’

The list turns out to be composed of breakfast foods and also some basic items, like flour, sugar and toilet paper.

‘I can’t believe Milan sent us to do our first grocery shopping!’

‘He’s sneaky like that’ Robbe laughs, picking up Sander’s phone to read the list. ‘Oh, at least we can find almost everything in here, and _actually_ stick to the list this time’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

Sander knows _exactly_ what Robbe means; ever since they first met, whenever he and Robbe go grocery shopping together, they are the absolute worst at following instructions. They could walk in to buy a packet of gum and end up leaving the store with deodorant, chocolate and dog food, and they don’t even have a dog. Even when they’re with other people, Sander still manages to get distracted by Robbe or vice-versa, and it gets even worse when they’re alone.

‘I mean that our place needs to have stuff that we need, not only stuff that we want’

‘Okay, so that makes it two categories, let’s take a look at the list and see where the items stand’

‘Great idea!’

Sander drags the cart along, listing items and trying to separate them into the different categories, which makes them realize that they’re really bad at picking stuff that they need, but they do it nonetheless.

‘Coffee’

‘We need it, we definitely need coffee’

‘Awesome, noted’

‘What about… instant ramen?’ Robbe asks, and Sander smiles at him.

‘I think we neither want _nor_ need ramen, baby’

‘Why not? It’s cheap and easy to do!’

‘It’s also unhealthy as fuck? C’mon, I taught you how to make croques, and they’re also cheap and easy to make, so there’s no excuse for you to eat cheap ramen, Robin’

‘But it tastes good’ As much as Sander loves Robbe’s whines, he knows that they need to eat a decent amount of healthy food if they want to survive together without his mom (or Zoe’s) food.

‘Sorry, no way. And you know I’m right’

‘I know nothing about it’

‘Robin!’

‘Ugh, fine’

Eventually, they decide that the best method is to divide and conquer; Sander goes after the things that they need, and Robbe goes after the things that they want, and they meet up at the cash register afterwards.

‘I’ll check your cart to see if you got any ramen!’ Sander half-screams at Robbe as the boy walks away, waving at him and blushing.

It isn’t much easier to pick up the items he has to without Robbe by his side, especially because Sander knows the boy is roaming around close by, so he’s still thinking about him, about the both of them. He thinks about how different his life would be right now if he hadn’t decided to photograph the graffiti crew that night, because that would mean he might have never seen Robbe. Also, if he hadn’t been bold enough to introduce himself and drag the boy to the supermarket with him that day at the beach.

Maybe they would have met eventually, through Britt and Noor, but nothing else would have happened. Or maybe they would have never met at all, which is terrifying and makes Sander walk a bit faster towards the cash register, sighing with relief when he spots Robbe there, reading the label of a chocolate bar.

_There’s my boy._

‘Hey’

‘Oh, you were faster than I thought’

‘So were you’

‘Excuse me, I’m the fastest shopper ever’

‘Oh, is that so?’

‘Yeah’ Robbe smiles, tilting his face in that way that _never_ fails to make Sander melt into a puddle. ‘Especially when there are no white-haired boys to distract me or throw me across the aisle and into some boxes’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’

‘Oh, so you don’t remember pushing me around in the cart back when we first met and then throwing me across the aisle?

‘Haven’t I told you? That’s my signature move’

‘Is it?’

‘Mhmm’ Sander hums, moving closer and closer to Robbe, until he can feel the boy’s breath against his cheek, body heat radiating between them. ‘It’s how I show affection’

‘You _do_ love to throw me around’ Robbe teases, and Sander scoffs at that, elbowing him lightly.

‘Dumbass’

‘C’mon, let’s scan these things and go home’

Both of them grin at each other at the mention of the word _home;_ it still feels surreal to think that now it actually means a real, physical place of their own. Sander had not thought that moving in with Robbe would be such an intense experience, especially since they’ve been together for quite some time now, butit’s a good kind of intense, the kind that keeps him at the edge of his seat, curious to know what’s going to happen next, even if it is packing groceries with his boyfriend on a Saturday afternoon.

-

Sander is trying to open one of the wine bottles when he hears the doorbell, followed by Robbe’s voice calling out to him, sounding a bit distressed.

‘San, come here’

‘What is it?’

When he steps into the living room, there are two men carrying a large, grey and purple couch while Robbe gives them a quizzical look, as confused as Sander feels right now.

‘Did you buy a couch?’

‘Uh, no, I didn’t’

‘Oh, the couch is here’ Milan casually mentions as he walks by, taking the bottle from Sander’s hand.

‘Did you buy this?’

‘What? No, I just knew that it was supposed to arrive tonight’

‘Well, then who bought it?’

‘I’m not allowed to say, honey, sorry’

_What the fuck,_ Sander thinks, bewildered. It is a beautiful couch, with grey cushions and fluffy seats, and it looks very soft and comfortable. It also fits very nicely on their (mostly empty) living room as the men place it against the wall, along with some purple velvety pillows. Still, that doesn’t explain how it got here, since apparently no one ordered it.

‘Excuse me, can you tell me who placed the order for the couch?’

Before any of the men speak, Senne and Zoe walk through their (still open) door with equal smiles on their faces.

‘Hey’

‘Hello! So, did you like it?’ Zoe motions in the direction of the couch, and Sander snorts, staring at them in disbelief.

‘You bought us a couch?’

Senne scratches his neck, face flushing as he stares at Zoe, and maybe Sander _did_ fell into an alternative reality, because his life keeps going crazier by the minute.

‘I mean, there was only so much I was able to do when you refused to let me help you with the actual moving, so…’

‘Yeah, we got you a couch’ Zoe finishes, smiling.

There was a time in his life when Sander genuinely thought he was all alone and would remain like that forever. His mind was constantly betraying him, making him do and say things he couldn’t control, pushing everyone away from him faster than he could believe, so he just… stopped trying. Stopped trying to make friends, stopped trying to be polite and engage in casual conversation on the hallways, stopped listening to people’s voices when he walked by, trying to ignore the way they would whisper about him, _did you see that he tried to jump into the river last week?_

Because of that, Sander got used to not expecting things from people, even if they were his friends. It was easier, simpler, and it meant that he would not get disappointed if things didn’t turn out like he expected. So, to see their friends going out of their way to help him, giving him stuff… It is almost more than he can handle.

‘What? Zoe, are you crazy?’ Robbe exclaims, jumping to give her a hug.

‘What were we supposed to do? Leave you without a couch for the housewarming party?’

‘Well, we could have bought one later’

‘Just let us give this to you, man’

‘I… Wow, I don’t even know what to say. Thank you’

‘Don’t worry about it’

The problem is that w _orrying about it_ is something Sander is quite good at doing, so he has to actively fight the urge to just burst out crying. He spent so much time training himself to have control over his emotions and actions, that it’s still a bit jarring letting someone else take control, especially when that someone isn’t Robbe.

However, before he can dwell too much over the matter, his parents come out from his bedroom, where they were fixing some shelves, and his mom almost shrieks at the sight of the couch, drawing the attention away from him for a while.

‘Hey, you okay?’ Robbe asks quietly, tugging him by the arm.

‘Yeah, ‘m fine. You?’

‘Great’

Robbe just seems to know when Sander’s getting restless, because he pulls him into a hug, caressing his hair softly and managing to calm him down for a while. Most of their friends will be arriving soon, and even though it’s for a happy occasion, and even though Sander _was the one_ who agreed on having this housewarming party, it doesn’t mean that he feels absolutely cool about it now.

‘Hey’ Robbe calls out, forcing him to look in his eyes, ‘We’ll be fine, okay?’

‘Okay’

‘Minute by minute’

‘Yeah, minute by minute’ Sander takes a deep breath, ‘Let’s do this’

-

Sooner than he thought, their friends are arriving at the flat, eager to see the place. Jens, Moyo and Aaron are the first ones, returning after taking much needed showers, and Jana arrives shortly after, bringing a bottle of wine as a housewarming gift.

‘Thank you so much!’

‘No problem, and the place looks so good!’

‘Well, it was mostly my parents, Milan and Robbe’s mom, they helped us all afternoon’

‘Your mom is here?’ Jana exclaims, tugging Robbe’s arm excitedly. ‘Well, take me to her, it’s been so long!’

Sander just smiles and watches as Jana drags Robbe across the living room, thinking about how strange it is to remember that there was a time when he and Robbe didn’t know each other. How, once upon a time, they had entirely separate, different lives away from one another. He never talked that much with Jana, and maybe he should have, because he knows that she was one of Robbe’s best friends for quite some time.

He's abruptly shaken out of his musings by Moyo, who playfully slaps him across the back.

‘Excuse me, have we done nothing?’

‘What?’

‘You just told Jana that everything about this place was fixed by your parents and Milan’

‘Yeah, man, what about our hard, hard work?’ Jens complains, and Aaron nods, taking a sip from his glass.

‘Our long hours of labor?’

‘Alright, you carried some boxes around, calm down’

‘ _And_ assembled your bed!’ Moyo shakes a finger at him, ‘Which is arguably the most important piece of furniture in this apartment’

‘What? Why?’

‘Because you and Robbe are two horny, disgusting teenagers, and I just _know_ you’ll spend the next month holed up inside this apartment, declining every invitation to go out in favor of having sex’

_I mean, you’re not wrong,_ Sander thinks with a smile, mind reeling with all the possibilities of having his own place, finally being able to be alone with Robbe for as long as he wanted.

‘Which I can’t blame you for, because I’d do the same thing if me and Amber were to move in together’

‘Okay, okay, thank you for your help. It was really cool of you guys to help us with the moving’

‘And?’ Jens wiggles his eyebrows, forcing Sander to keep talking.

‘ _And_ for assembling my bed’

‘That’s better’

‘Asshole’ Sander laughs, ‘Thank you, though, to all of you’

‘It’s cool, man’

Sander can hear his mom talking to someone in the kitchen, and he thinks they might be calling out his name, but he’s not too sure. He makes a mental list of all the things they still have to do, like throw the cardboard boxes away, put away some of their suitcases, and Sander still can’t find his medicine; he’s sure that he placed them in his backpack, but now he can’t find his backpack, and probably won’t have time to look for it until everyone has gone away.

All these thoughts are racing through his mind when Robbe finds him again, wrapping one arm around his waist.

‘Hey, can you help me in the kitchen?’

‘Sure’

They walk across the hallway in silence, and Sander tries to rearrange his mind, knowing that he can get overwhelmed and anxious _very_ quick if he doesn’t do something about it soon. He can hear Robbe opening the fridge, then closing it, and soon his boyfriend is waving a beer in front of him with a smile.

‘Really?’

‘Just today. It’s a special occasion’ He winks, and Sander can’t help but smile.

Having a flat so small means that they can still see their living room from the kitchen, so Sander tries to concentrate on pouring the chips inside big bowls (that Sander has no idea where they came from) to take them into the living room.

‘I hope you know our parents are plotting something over there’ Robbe whispers, one hand already moving to rest on Sander’s lower back.

They both look at the corner of the living room, only to find Sander’s parents calmly chatting with Robbe’s mom and Milan. Robbe had actually invited his dad, but he couldn’t make it, and maybe it was for the best; Sander knows how strained their relationship had gotten and how hard Robbe tries to be his own person, a better version of himself for his mom, and sometimes just talking with his dad on the phone can be enough to disrupt his day.

Now, however, Robbe’s smiling as Milan winks at them, obviously enjoying himself in the duty of Robbe’s _designated parent._ It had been fairly easy to distract them earlier so that Milan didn’t end up spilling too many details about their lives, but now that he and Robbe are busy doing other stuff, Sander finds himself somewhat nervous about seeing them all together.

‘Oh god, we shouldn’t have put them in the same place’

‘I bet Milan is telling my mom about the time I got sick after drinking for two days in a row’

‘Why would he tell her that?’

‘Because I threw up in his carpet and he gave me hell for almost a month’

‘Okay, fair’

Someone yells _finally!_ at the sound of the doorbell, so Sander figures the rest of their friends must have arrives. It’s Noor and Britt, holding hands and looking like they’re three seconds away from running in the opposite direction.

‘Hey’

‘Hi’

‘Hello’ Britt waves at him, smiling awkwardly.

‘Come in, Robbe must be talking to the boys somewhere’

‘Thanks for inviting us’ Noor smiles, taking off her coat.

‘The whole party was Milan’s idea, but I’m glad you girls made it’

‘Hey, idiot’

As Sander looks behind him to see who Noor is talking to, he finds Robbe already walking towards them with a smile.

‘Hey! You made it!’

‘I know, I’m surprised, too’

‘And what’s that?’ His boyfriend points at some flat packages under Noor’s arm, curious.

‘Just a little something for your place’

They both unwrap the silver paper quickly, finding out it’s a set of two framed posters; one of David Bowie, _of course,_ and the other one is the movie poster of _Romeo + Juliet_ , with Leonardo DiCaprio looking very dashing in his silver chainmail armor.

‘Wow, thank you so much!’ Robbe gives her a hug.

‘Yeah, this is very cool’

‘I just figured your walls shouldn’t be looking so bleak, and I found these for a good price, so…’

‘Thank you, really’

As Robbe moves to put the posters away, Noor grabs him by the arm with a smile.

‘Let me do it, I think Britt wants to have a word with you’

‘Uh, okay?’ Sander replies as he watches Noor and Britt exchange nervous smiles, and Robbe gives her the posters, now holding only the wrinkled wrapping paper in his hands.

Britt looks small and a little uncomfortable, but Sander and Robbe remain silent, waiting for her to speak, vaguely aware of their friends chatting in the background. She takes a deep breath, twisting her hands.

‘I just wanna apologize for… well, everything. I was a bitch when we were dating, Sander, and I had no right to treat you guys the way I did. I guess I was just worried about Sander, and angry that he _clearly_ liked you so much from the beginning, even while you were still pushing him away’

From the corner of his eye, Sander can see that Robbe is fidgeting in place, probably wanting to say something, but Britt just raises her hand to stop him.

‘No, let me finish. I know things are good now, and I’m very happy for the both of you, but it still felt weird to see you and just remember everything I said. I’ve been feeling guilty about it, even though Noor told me I shouldn’t, so I wanted to say I’m sorry. It wasn’t fair and I only made things worse for you’

Silence falls between the three of them, and Sander doesn’t even know what to say. Even though Britt hadn’t apologized to him back then, he quickly found out it wasn’t worth it to stay angry at her for too long, especially when he had more serious, important things to focus on. Still, it feels good to listen to her apology, almost like closure in a way. Sander is so distracted by his own thoughts that he gets startled when Robbe laces their fingers together, smiling before he speaks.

‘Thank you for apologizing, it means a lot to us. All is good now, okay?’

‘Yeah, don’t worry about it’

‘Okay’

‘Also, I’m glad to see you with someone you like, too’ Sander teases, watching Noor as she talks with Zoe and Jana by the window.

‘Thanks, it was a surprise for me’

‘You look cute together’ Robbe smiles, and Sander has to fight the urge to just grab his boyfriend and kiss the living daylights out of him right there, because _how can someone be so good?_

‘Thank you’

Before Sander can say anything else, the doorbell rings again, which is _very_ disorienting, because he’s not used to having this many people around, especially _because of him_ , unless it’s an emergency, but Robbe just smiles, planting a kiss on his cheek before walking towards the door.

It's Luca, Yasmina and Amber, and Sander moves closer to rest his chin on Robbe’s shoulder, noticing how each of them are carrying something different.

‘Sorry it took us so long, _someone_ couldn’t decide on what to get’ Amber gives a pointed stare at Yasmina’s direction.

‘Well, it had to be the perfect gift! This is a very important occasion, Amber’

‘Which is why I brought the best gift: alcohol!’ Luca waves a bottle of wine in front of them.

Robbe laughs as they walk in, dropping coats and shoes by the door, and their tiny flat is getting more crowded by the minute. Besides the girls (and Noor and Britt), Sander’s parents are already here, along with Milan, Zoe and Senne, and also Jens, Aaron and Moyo. It’s getting louder and busier, which Sander loves, but also finds it weird.

‘Guys, you didn’t have to bring anything’

‘Of course we had’ Yasmina smiles, handing them a small potted plant. ‘It’s a snake plant’

Although the vase is small, there are tall, dark green pointy leaves stemming up in a threatening way. They actually look a bit like swords, but Sander just smiles as Robbe thanks her.

‘Snake plants are supposed to bring good fortune into the house, and they ward off bad energy. Besides, they’re very easy to maintain’

‘It looks really cool, thank you’

‘Don’t forget to name them, it helps make them survive longer’ Yasmina winks, probably knowing fully well that two teenage boys are not the best people to be handed a living, half-breathing creature.

‘You want us to name the plant?’ Robbe asks, a bit incredulous.

‘Yeah, so you can learn how to take care of something beside yourselves’

_That’s actually a great idea,_ Sander thinks, eyeing the green leaves with amusement and trying to picture where it could fit in the apartment. Amber still has a package in her hand, bigger than the one Noor had brought, and she’s fidgeting a bit, like she used to do when they were kids and their parents caught them doing something they shouldn’t.

‘What’s going on?’

‘Okay, my gift is more of a _whole family_ gift, because you know my mom, and your mom made me promise not to tell that it was also her idea’

‘What is it?’

All of them dig in, unwrapping the package with curiosity, and Sander can already see his own face through the teared up paper, along with his parents, Robbe and some other people. As they’re done unwrapping, something tugs inside Sander. It’s a big picture board, already half-filled with photos of Sander and his family, and some photos of their parties at the kollektiv, but there’s still a lot of blank space.

‘So you can fill out the rest, put some new memories’ Amber explains.

It’s big and vibrant, and looks very much like something that their family would do, and Sander loves it. Most people don’t actually print photos anymore, but his family knows how much Sander loves photography, and he has several rolls of pictures just from messing with his camera during holidays and birthdays, capturing his family going about their lives.

‘Thank you, it’s amazing’

‘Yeah, no problem’

Robbe disappears in a flash of movement, returning with some nails and a hammer in hand, because apparently _they need to hang up the posters and the picture board tight now_ , and their friends start suggesting places around the flat. They walk around the living room, trying to find the perfect spot, and end up putting the posters right at the entrance and the picture board in the hallway, alongside Sander’s whiteboard and one of his paintings.

It's still a little strange to see his whiteboard being displayed like this, for everyone to see and know that he has to write his everyday routine in order to have a steady schedule. In Sander’s mind, the whiteboard almost feels like a diary, something intimate and personal that registers his life, _bad moments included._ Their friends walk by and see, but if they find it weird, they don’t comment on it.

After that, they all settle in the living room, drinkind and eating snacks, music blasting from Milan’s speakers somewhere. Robbe is deep in conversation with Zoe, and Sander’s mom moves closer to Sander in their tiny balcony.

‘Your friends brought so many gifts’

‘Yeah, this is too much’

‘The flat looks really good now, though’

‘That’s true’

‘How are you feeling, love?’ She runs her fingers through Sander’s hair in a soothing motion.

‘A bit tired’

‘Have you taken your medicine yet?’

‘No, I can’t find my backpack’

‘Just remember to set an alarm on your phone so that you don’t forget, okay?’

‘Yeah, okay’ Sander sighs, resting one arm on the railing. ‘I just have no idea how my bag could have disappeared inside such a small place’

‘You will find it, San’

‘I hope so’

He takes another swig of his beer, nodding along to the music and hoping the noise will be enough to distract him from the rising threat of anxiety in the pit of his stomach. _God, I had no idea moving in would be so intense._

-

The landlord must have lied to Sander about the size of the apartment, because there is just _no way_ this many people actually fit there right now. To be fair, the apartment _is_ still mostly void of furniture, so that also allowes more people to fit, but still. He’s standing by the window, having been quiet for a while as he scans the crowd, trying not to get overwhelmed, and sees that everyone seems to be busy chatting with each other and drinking, the music sounding lower now.

_Too much, this is too much._

It’s also getting very disorienting to see all of his friends moving around _his_ things; looking at one of his paintings (that Robbe insisted on hanging, right beside Sander’s whiteboard, because _you’re very talented and I want you to remember that_ ), humming the same exact songs Sander has been singing alone for so long. In a way, it almost feels like the apartment is a weird fusion of his and Robbe’s bedrooms together, and people are just walking around it, so maybe that’s why Sander is starting to hyperventilate a bit. Once he realizes that his hands are going numb, everything shifts inside his head.

_I need to get out of here_.

Before someone can notice him, Sander takes some bottles and walks into the kitchen to try and calm down a bit, feeling his chest expanding and retracting far too quickly, making him a bit dizzy now. He soon finds a spot between the fridge and the sink that’s just out of view, and sits down on the floor, both hands balled up into fists so that he doesn’t scratch himself.

_Deep breath in, hold it, deep breath out. Repeat. Deep breath in, hold it, deep breath out. C’mon, Sander, you know this, it’s like smelling a flower and blowing out a candle._

Even though Sander hates his therapist’s breathing techniques most of the time, he must admit that they work. He spends a couple of minutes repeating the exercise, inhaling through his nose as if he’s smelling a flower, and exhaling through his mouth as if he’s blowing out a candle, just like she taught him. Soon enough, his breathing returns to a regular pace, and the trembling in his legs subsides a little.

He's still a bit shaken when Robbe finds him, walking into the kitchen with an empty bowl in his hand.

‘Sander? What happened?’

Robbe crouches in front of him, face frowned with worry. He looks tired, but still beautiful, even under the white glow of the kitchen light, and his hands are warm when they cradle Sander’s face. Sander could cry from how reassuring his touch feels, as if he's silently saying _I’m here._

‘What are you feeling?’

‘What?’

‘Talk to me’

‘Just got a bit overwhelmed, ‘s fine’

‘Too many people in here, right?’

‘Yeah’

‘Yeah, I understand’ Robbe arranges himself, sitting cross-legged in front of Sander right there, in their kitchen floor, as if he did this every other day. ‘I can’t believe everyone is actually here, the flat is so small’

‘I know, maybe that’s the thing’

‘It’s okay, it’s _too much_ for me, too’

Robbe holds Sander’s hands between his own as they sit in silence, listening to the quiet chatter and music coming from the living room. His mind is drifting off to other places, and he knows he probably must take his medicine soon, but he tries not to think about that too much. He focuses his gaze on Robbe’s dirty sneakers instead, on the fine hairs coming from underneath his grey sock, on the soft, steady movement of his hands, making circles over his own hands.

‘Are you thirsty?’

‘Yeah, a bit’

‘Let me get you some water’

_Maybe I should get up too,_ Sander thinks as he watches Robbe rise to his feet and open the fridge. He’s still feeling a bit weak, so he waits until Robbe places his water bottle on the counter to call him.

‘Can you help me up, please?’

‘Sure, come here’

Moving slow, Robbe grabs Sander’s hands, using his body weight to hoist him up, and snakes one arm around his waist to support his wobbly legs. Sander lets himself be held by Robbe, enjoys having the boy enveloping him in a warm hug. Something shifts in the place, and Sander suddenly notices that the music is coming louder than before, which means that his ears were ringing, and he hadn’t noticed. _Foo Fighters_ plays, strong guitars and Dave Grohl’s raspy voice filtering through, now mixed with Robbe’s voice as he sings along quietly. _Hello, I’ve waited here for you, everlong…_

‘You like _Foo Fighters_?’

‘Yeah, they’re great, why?’

‘Nothing’

‘Oh, you think I only know rap and pop music?’ Robbe teases, still holding him by the waist, and Sander rests his head on the boy’s shoulder.

‘No, not at all’

The song goes on, and they’re laughing, so they start swaying. Before Sander realizes, they’re almost slow dancing in the middle of the kitchen, and Robbe must have noticed it, because he quickly grabs Sander’s hand and tries to waltz with him, half-singing, half-laughing now. _And I wonder, when I sing along with you, if everything could ever be this real forever, if everything could ever be this good again._

Now that he’s paying attention to the lyrics, Sander finds that they fit them very well; the song talks about being with someone in such a real, interconnected way that they’re inside each other’s heads, which he _does_ feel sometime with Robbe.

Like right now. He doesn’t care that they’re essentially hiding in the kitchen while all their friends are sitting in the living room, probably wondering where they went to. Robbe doesn’t care that Sander was on the verge of having a panic attack, and that they just spent a solid amount of time on the floor, waiting until he was feeling better. It’s like everything else seems to disappear when they’re together, as if they’re inside a bubble, protected from the rest of the world.

‘Hey’ Robbe whispers in his ear.

‘Hm?’

‘You feeling better?’

‘Yeah, thanks’

‘I know it’s too much, but it will be over soon, okay?’

‘Okay’ Sander replies, inhaling Robbe’s clean scent, ‘Sorry for hyperventilating’

‘There’s no need to apologize, San, it’s fine. I’m right here’

They’re still swaying together, gently, and this is everything Sander has ever wanted, for someone to tell him that it’s okay to feel what he feels, to want what he wants, and to still choose to stay with him.

‘It’s just, it almost doesn’t feel real’

‘What doesn’t feel real?’

‘This. Us, living together, all these people in the living room, in _our_ living room. It feels too good to be true’

‘Sander…’

‘I just don’t know how to deal with all this love’

It’s probably the scariest thing Sander has ever said, the words leave his mouth before he can think about them too much, and he regrets it immediately. Even though he’s been practicing being honest about his feelings, this is something he hadn’t even dared to think about before. Robbe lifts his head, moving away slightly so that he can look at Sander’s face, and the boy is smiling.

‘You accept it. You’re allowed to accept love, San, even if it doesn’t come from me’

‘It’s not that easy’

‘I know, but it will be’

‘When?’

‘In the next minute’

‘Really?’ Sander asks, suspicious.

‘Yes’

‘What are we doing in the next minute?’

Robbe moves his head closer to him, planting a quick kiss on his lips before tilting his head, eyes shining.

‘Do you trust me?’

‘Of course’ Sander doesn’t even have to think about it, and Robbe smiles at him.

‘Here’s the plan: you’re going to finish this bottle of water…’

‘… Okay?’

‘And then you’re gonna drink another one’

Oh.

_Oh, fuck._

Even though Sander wasn’t one to turn down Robbe’s suggestions, this seems a bit out of place. All of their friends and family are in their living room, probably waiting for them, and Sander’s mind is still reeling a bit, trying very hard to remain in the present and not overthink this moment. Robbe, on the other hand, looks very certain of his idea, smiling at him like he always does whenever they’re bickering, a smile that says _you love me so you can’t say no to me,_ which is actually very true. Still, Sander eyes him suspiciously.

‘I see where this is going’

‘Do you?’

‘You want me to get _full_ right now?’

‘Yes’ Robbe beams, hand scratching his waist, ‘It will help you’

‘How is drinking a lot of water and feeling like I have to pee at any second going to help me?’

‘Do you remember when we went to the bar one night, that time when you had to go to some formal event or something’

‘Hmmm’

‘And how you spent the night drinking and wanted to pee so bad?’

‘Yeah’ Sander replies, growing a bit more interested.

‘What else do you remember about that night?’

Now that he thinks about it, Sander can’t really say he remembers anything else about that night except for Robbe’s eyes on him, and how he had to practice a solid amount of self-control over his own body, having spent almost the whole night alert and hyperaware of himself, but not so much of the world around him. Robbe must notice his realization, because his smile grows wider, and Sander just _knows_ that Robbe is going to say _I told you so_ eventually.

‘Okay, I don’t remember much, but what does have to do with anything?’

‘San, you’re too worried about everything right now; about our parents, our friends, about people walking through our apartment, you’re probably worried about our future already’

_Holy shit, he’s reading my mind,_ Sander muses, can’t help but be amazed by his boyfriend as he keeps talking.

‘You want, no, you _need_ control over something, and this gives you the opportunity to have control over yourself’

‘I see’

‘Do you?’

‘Yeah, I get what you mean’

Despite his nervous state, Sander really does get what Robbe is proposing; by drinking a lot of water and having to control his urge to pee, Sander would be entirely focused on himself, using most of his mental strength to just maintain a casual conversation while being full, which doesn’t leave much room for overthinking. _God, this man is a genius._

‘Okay, let’s do this’

‘Great! Drink up’ Robbe hands him the bottle, and Sander opens it with still shaky hands, taking big gulps until it was empty.

Robbe disentangled himself from Sander’s arms, just enough to open the fridge again and pick up another bottle, trading it for the now empty one in his hands.

‘Again’

Not for the first time, Sander wonders when drinking water (drinking anything, actually) has become so weirdly arousing to him, but if he has to guess, it might have started when he was testing Robbe’s limits, staring at him like a hawk as the boy gave up his control for Sander. And now that the roles are reversed, and Sander can physically _feel_ Robbe’s eyes on him as he drinks more water, he likes it.

He _really, really_ likes it.

Sander can hear chatter coming from the living room, but his mind is already somewhere else, wondering about how long he will be able to go on before his bladder is tingling and he’s fidgeting on the couch. The bottle is still half full when he takes a break, catching his breath.

‘All done’

‘Good’

‘Now what?’

‘We’re going back into the living room, and we’re gonna thank everyone for helping us today’

‘Oh, fuck, I haven’t even taken my meds’

‘They’re in the bedroom, I took your backpack earlier and left it there’

_That’s it, I’m proposing tomorrow,_ Sander weirdly thinks, and he wraps his arms around Robbe, enveloping him in a strong hug, feeling grateful for having him in his life, for being able to share their lives together, thanking whoever in the universe decided that they should meet and fall in love.

‘God, you’re the best. Have I told you that you’re the best? I truly don’t know a better person than you, Robin’

‘Okay, calm down’

They laugh in unison at that, and Robbe moves his thumb across Sander’s cheek, wiping a stray drop of water.

‘I love you so much’

‘I love you, too, very, very much’

‘I can’t wait to fall asleep beside you every single night’ Robbe says, as if he’s commenting on the weather, and not pouring his heart out to Sander like a waterfall.

‘God, don’t start, or else we might spend the whole night here’

‘Alright, let’s go. Are you ready?’

‘I guess so’

Robbe pulls him by the hand, crossing the doorway and moving back into the living room, where their friends and family were gathered around, seemingly unaware of their escape.

-

Over the course of his life, Sander went to several different doctors, and has been taught many different techniques to deal with his anxiety and mood swings, from counting his fingers and toes to curling up on the floor. Some of them had been helpful, while others were just a waste of time, or worse, just serving to enhance his anxiety even further. However, this was by far the _weirdest_ coping mechanism ever.

Still, it works.

After the third bottle of water and the beer he had earlier, Sander spent the rest of the night almost entirely focused on the sensation of fullness in his bladder, causing him to squirm occasionally. Their friends come and go around the place, drinking beers and leaning on the balcony railing, drawing hearts and stick figures on the corners of his whiteboard, opening their cupboards and testing the new dish soap they have bought, which works surprisingly well, and Sander finds that he doesn’t mind.

In fact, he doesn’t pay that much attention to it, only managing to focus on the person that would be in front of him at the moment, body thrumming with tension from having his bladder full. Occasionally, Robbe would check on him, mouthing _green?_ And waiting until he replied _green_ to move on, making sure Sander wasn’t going out of it.

When it’s almost midnight, the party has dwindled down a bit, and some of their friends have already left. The flat looks surprisingly clean, which Sander believes has something to do with the boys not wanting to look lazy in front of Sander’s parents and Robbe’s mom, because he saw Jens carrying a large trash bag on his way out of the apartment.

Trying to walk slowly, Sander takes some empty glasses into the kitchen, silently thanking Milan for making them buy eggs, milk, coffee, cereal and bread earlier at the supermarket. He doesn’t think he’d be able to survive off cold pizza and potato chips the next day, and there was just _no way_ Sander would want to do anything but stay in bed as long as he could on his first official day alone with Robbe in their apartment.

Robbe is saying goodbye to his mom, who is the last one to leave along with Sander’s parents, but only after they give them enough precautions to last a lifetime.

‘Remember to check if the gas is turned off in the stove’

‘We will, mom’

‘And shut the windows, it might rain’ Robbe’s mom says, to which his own mother nods along.

‘Okay’

‘Also, don’t forget to turn off the lights before you go to bed’

‘Mama, we’ll be alright’

‘Call us if you boys need anything, okay?’

‘We will, don’t worry’ Sander smiles, trying to sound reassuring, but also wanting nothing more than to finally be alone with Robbe.

They finally bid their goodbyes, and Sander locks the door behind him with a sigh. Robbe wraps both arms around his waist, resting his cheek on Sander’s shoulder.

‘Finally’

‘I know’

‘How are you feeling?’

‘A bit better’

‘I’m gonna take a shower, will you join me?’

‘In a second, let me just check the stove’

‘Yeah, our parents sure know how to tranquilize us, huh?’ Robbe laughs, walking towards their bedroom.

‘Be right there’

Normally, listening to so many recommendations wouldn’t make Sander so anxious, but the day had been intense, so he checks the stove and the oven, making sure that it’s turned off, trying to avoid waking up in the middle of the night to check them _because he has to make sure._ The flat is strangely quiet, and now Sander can see the present people gave (and the overall appearance of the now furnished place) them a lot better. He notices how, even though a lot of the things they now own were gifts from other people, they don’t look like they belong to someone else; this place looks like them, _feels_ like them already.

He soon gets distracted by his bladder, though, that still tingles uncomfortably, so Sander turns off the lights and heads to the bedroom, feeling the need to pee growing by the second, now that there are no other things to get his attention. Robbe still hasn’t got in the shower, though, and Sander finds him sitting on the floor and rustling through his suitcase.

‘All done’

‘Thanks’

‘I thought you were already in the shower’ Sander notes, taking off his shoes and socks and throwing them in the corner.

‘I was looking for my toothbrush’

‘Oh, okay’

‘But you can go ahead, I’ll be right there’

Something stirs inside of him, and he’s fidgeting again, shifting his weight from one leg to the other and staring at Robbe. Earlier, the fullness of his bladder served to make him focused, but there were so many other things to do that the arousement subsided very soon. Now, however, with Robbe sitting shirtless in front of him, Sander can feel heat coiling in his belly again, spreading through his body slowly, simmering and threatening to take over.

Sander removes his own shirt in silence, still looking at Robbe and hoping that his boyfriend picks up what he’s feeling. Eventually he looks up, smiling lazily at him.

‘What’s up?’

‘What?’

‘You’re too quiet and staring at me’

‘I’m really full’

‘And how did it go?’

‘Weird. Good. It worked’

‘Yeah?’ Robbe smiles, that _I told you so_ smile.

‘Yeah, I got very focused on myself and kind of forgot to worry about everyone else, is that weird?’

‘It’s not weird, that was basically our plan’

‘I know, but I feel like maybe I should have paid more attention to our friends’

‘What, and worry that they were in our space, touching all of your stuff and helping us _way_ too much?’

‘You felt that too?’

Robbe just looks at him as if he’s saying _you never learn, do you?_ , lifting himself off the floor with his toothbrush in hand.

‘I know how intense it was for you today’

‘Yeah’

‘But it’s just you and me now, okay?’

‘Promise?’

The sensation of Robbe’s warm skin against his is very comforting, especially in contrast to the coldness of their bedroom, and Sander buries his face in Robbe’s neck, tired but also happy, humming when he feels soft hands caressing his hair.

‘I promise’

‘Good’

‘Now let’s get in the shower, I’m sure you’re really full’

‘I am, fuck’

They struggle with the shower setting for a while, twisting the faucet around until they figure out how to reach the perfect temperature (scolding hot, in Sander’s opinion) and hop in the shower. The sound of water only intensifies the tingling in his bladder, and he shivers when Robbe presses their bodies together, one hand sneaking to press over his lower stomach.

‘I hate you’

‘Sorry’ Robbe replies, not sounding sorry at all. ‘Does it hurt?’

‘A little’

‘Look at me’

Robbe moves his head to the side, touching Sander’s chin with one finger to press their faces together, kissing him softly. Sander can feel his body taut with tension, begging for release now, so he kisses back with intent, cradling Robbe’s head between his hands to lick into the boy’s mouth. The water splashes against his back, and Robbe slowly grabs him by the waist, the hot weight of his dick sending electricity through Sander as it touches his hip.

‘How do you wanna do it?’

‘Huh?’

‘Do you want me to suck you off? Or maybe let me fuck you while you pee?’ Robbe’s voice sounds like velvet in his ears, making his cock jump with interest against him.

‘I don’t think I can hold it long enough for you to fuck me’

‘Are you that close?’

‘Fuck, yeah I am’

Everything seems to shine around Sander, the white and blue tiles reflecting the glow of water and light in the bathroom, and Robbe’s hand moves around his chest, tweaking one of his nipples before dipping lower, touching his bellybutton and then the coarse hairs on his navel. All of Sander’s mental strength has been spent throughout the night, so he doesn’t even try to muffle the moan that escape his lips, feeling sensitive and _so desperate._

Robbe finally reaches Sander’s cock, half-hard and begging for release, and tugs at it, pulling his foreskin back to expose the pink head, making Sander squirm against him.

‘Robin, please’

‘It’s okay, you can let go’

Their bodies are slick against one another, and Sander loves how the water ripples on Robbe’s chest, making his boyfriend look like he’s made of gold. Sander takes a deep breath, feeling Robbe’s other hand tracing circles on his back, and finally lets go. It feels as if all of his pent-up tension is being released, bladder tingling as the first droplets of pee escape his dick, mixing with the shower water.

Maybe Robbe is saying something, but it’s hardly registering, because all Sander can feel is the sensation of his boyfriend holding him, moving his hand from the base to the tip of his cock, and then sliding his fingers down until his hand is under the warm stream of pee. He keeps his fingers still for a while before moving closer to him, angling Sander’s dick so that the stream of piss starts splashing against his stomach and groin, and _fuck_ if that isn’t one of the hottest things ever.

‘Fuck’

‘You’re doing amazing’

Sander looks down, and the sight takes his breath away; seeing their bodies this close together, his pee hitting Robbe’s half-hard cock and trickling down his leg, mixing with the water from the shower, is one of the filthiest, _hottest_ things he’s ever seen. He can’t decide what’s better: him peeing on Robbe, or seeing Robbe’s surprised, open-mouthed expression watching it happen.

‘How does it feel?’

‘You know how it feels’ Robbe replies, which is true, because Sander has done this before with him, but still.

‘I wanna hear you say it’

‘It feels really good. Warm’

‘Yeah?’

‘Mhmm’

Sander groans again as Robbe tugs on his cock, forcing the last dribbles of pee out. He doesn’t know how Robbe can do this as often as he does and not feel completely exhausted afterwards, but maybe that’s exactly it; Sander has absolutely _no practice_ with feeling full for more than an hour, while Robbe usually lasts longer than that. His body feels heavy and sated, and he all but slumps against Robbe, burying his face in the boy’s wet neck and wrapping his arms around him.

‘Whoa, easy there’

‘Sorry, ‘m just tired’

‘It’s okay, let’s finish the shower and go to bed, okay?’

‘But I wanna make love to you’ He whines, way past the point of playing it cool.

‘I know, I know, we will’ Robbe squeezes his waist affectionately, making Sander laugh, ‘But you need to be awake for that’

‘Yeah, I know’

Sander disentangles himself slowly, reaching for the shampoo at the same time as Robbe, both of them laughing inside their tiny shower. They end up using the same products because Robbe forgot to bring his stuff from the kollektiv, and Sander is in the middle of rinsing his hair when something hits him.

‘Oh shit’

‘What?’

‘I just realized that I’ll probably never take a shower at the kollektiv again’

‘Yeah, so?’ Robbe mumbles, scrubbing his body with a washcloth.

‘Zoe has some really good hair products’

‘What?’

‘Yeah, she also has bleached hair, remember? There’s one shampoo that she uses, it really helps moisturizing the hair, I mean, my hair is _fried_ from bleaching it so much’

‘Are you telling me you’ve been using Zoe’s stuff all this time?’

‘Well, not all the time!’ Sander defends himself, taking the soap from Robbe’s hand, ‘Only when I noticed that my hair was extra dry. Besides, it’s not like I was showering at the kollektiv every day!’

‘Sander!’

‘She told me it was fine!’

Robbe steps off the shower, reaching for the towel and gives Sander a bewildered look, laughing.

‘You’re impossible’

‘What? Why?’

‘You can buy your own hair products now, okay?

‘Robin, those products are expensive!’

‘Well, I can ask Zoe where she gets them, see if there’s a discount, I don’t know’

‘Okay, fine’

All their bickering makes Sander wake up a bit more, enough for him to poke Robbe in the ribs as they’re brushing their teeth together, eyes meeting in the mirror, and it just feels so right. It’s the weirdest thing, but it feels so right to be standing inside a small bathroom, brushing his teeth beside Robbe, knowing that they’re getting ready to sleep together in _their place._

They don’t even bother with putting on clothes, and Sander sighs as they slide under the covers, eyes adjusting to the darkness of the new room, Robbe’s bedside lamp casting the faintest glow over their things. Sander immediately pats the bed, hands reaching for Robbe until they touch his waist, pulling him closer.

‘There you are’

‘Where else would I be?’ Robbe laughs, planting a wet kiss on his ear.

Now that Sander is clean and relieved, enveloped in Robbe’s scent and the touch of his skin, it’s impossible to control his own movements, and he traces his fingers over the bumps of Robbe’s back, moving down until they reach his ass and then dipping lower, sliding his hand between his buttcheeks. Touching Robbe is always a surprising experience, his boyfriend’s body never fails to amaze him and make his blood boil with lust. Sander uses his leverage to throw one of Robbe’s legs over his own, pulling their bodies even closer together.

‘Nowhere else, you’re exactly where you belong’

‘God, you’re so cheesy’

‘You love it’ Maybe Sander is smiling like a maniac, hands roaming around to touch Robbe everywhere, but he can’t help it.

‘Yeah, I do’

Robbe’s hair is still damp and slick between his fingers, their breaths smelling of toothpaste as Sander opens his mouth a bit more, moaning at the feeling of Robbe’s tongue licking his own. His cock is trapped between their bodies, and Sander can feel Robbe’s hard cock twitching against it, begging to be touched.

‘Can you do the thing?’ Robbe whispers against Sander’s lips, soft and airy.

‘What thing?’

‘That thing you said you wanted to do’

‘Baby, I say lots of things’ Sander moves so that he’s lying on top of Robbe, resting between his legs, ‘You have to be more specific’

Instead of replying, Robbe pulls Sander’s face closer, kissing him again, and it shouldn’t surprise him that they’re already _so hard_ against each other, every sensation seemingly intensified by the voice in the back of Sander’s head that currently screams _you’re finally living together! You don’t have to be sneaky or keep quiet!_

Despite wanting nothing more than to just rut against Robbe until they’re both coming together, Sander manages to break the kiss again, nosing the boy’s jawline and peppering kisses along his neck.

‘What were you saying?’

‘Huh?’

‘You asked me to do something’

‘Oh’

Seeing Robbe blush was still something that took Sander’s breath away, so he suppressed a laugh, caressing the boy’s face and feeling himself about to burst with love; _how is it possible to love someone this much?_

‘Tell me, Robin’

‘Last week, when we were videochatting, you told me what you wanted to do with me if we were together’

‘I did. Want me to blow you?’

‘Yeah’ Robbe all but moans, hips canting up to grind against Sander’s.

Sander wastes no time before sliding his body down, placing wet kisses along Robbe’s chest and taking one nipple in his mouth, just to hear Robbe’s surprised groan, feel him twitch against him.

‘Also… The other thing’

‘Other thing?’

‘You said you wouldn’t swallow’

Robbe’s eyes are shining in the dark, looking like two moons staring at him, and it takes a beat before Sander registers what his boyfriend is asking, but then it hits him like a ton of bricks; is Robbe really asking him…?

‘Oh’

‘Yeah’

‘You want me to spit in your mouth, baby?’

‘Yes’ Sander doesn’t miss how Robbe’s cock juts, a bead of precum leaking from the tip and almost touching Sander’s chest.

‘Fuck’

Just like that, Sander feels so much closer to coming, and they haven’t even started yet. Moving frantically, he continues his path of kisses down Robbe’s torso, licking into his bellybutton and biting softly at his navel before reaching his cock.

The best part of sucking Robbe is how responsive his boyfriend is; Sander revels in the involuntary noises and movements that Robbe makes, how he gets hypersensitive and trembles under Sander’s touch. He could spend _hours_ just testing new angles and variations, kissing along the length of his cock, licking at the tip, nosing the soft skin of his balls, tracing the vein on the underside with his lips until Robbe was reduced to a bawling mess, eyes shiny with tears as the boy begs for release. On the days where his oral fixation was at its peak, Sander even craved just having the boy’s soft dick in his mouth, a comforting, warm weight to soothe him (which was weird to think about and _even weirder to ask, maybe later_ ).

Tonight, however, Sander is a man on a mission, so he knows that the teasing and tasting will have to wait. Moving his body down even further, Sander winces with sensitivity as his cock slides against the bedsheets, hard and probably leaking, too. Robbe’s breath hitches as Sander takes him in his mouth, moaning low at the tangy taste of precum on his tongue. He holds Robbe’s hips against the bed with both hands, so that the boy doesn’t move around too much, and Robbe lets out a low whine, lifting his head from the bed to watch.

Sander licks around the head of his cock before taking him into his mouth, sucking lightly at first, just because he loves how whiny Robbe gets, how he seems to want to bury himself in Sander and squirm away at the same time. One of his hands leave Robbe’s hips to hold his dick at the base, keep it steady as he takes the boy deeper into his mouth.

‘Fuck’

Soon enough, Robbe is moaning louder and louder, pulling Sander’s hair and arching his back off the bed. Sander himself feels very close to coming, cock trapped between his hip and the duvet underneath him, probably looking as hard and wet as Robbe’s does right now, just begging to be touched.

‘San, I’m really close’

Robbe’s cock bobs forward as Sander moves his head back, letting it slip from his mouth and earning himself a frustrated groan from his boyfriend.

‘Why did you stop?’

‘Are you sure that you want me to spit in your mouth, right?’

‘Yes, I’m sure’

‘Just checking’ Sander smiles, licking a stripe along the side of Robbe’s cock and causing the boy to shudder, ‘Tap my leg or tell me if you change your mind’

‘Sander, please, I want to’

‘Good’

Still, he doesn’t move, just rests the head of Robbe’s dick over his tongue, mouth open as he stares at his boyfriend, who looks like sin personified; his chest and neck are shiny with sweat, hair disheveled and mouth red from biting it, and Sander can see his big, beautiful eyes staring at him in the half-lit room.

‘Well, keep going!’ Robbe jostles him, impatient, and Sander can’t help but smile, probably looking ridiculous with his boyfriend’s dick halfway inside his mouth, but he doesn’t care.

‘I love you so much’

‘I love you, too, you sap’

Robbe sighs as Sander closes his mouth around his cock, mouth instantly watering as he bobs his head up and down, creating a fast pace again. He grinds his hips against the duvet, trying to relieve some of the pressure, while moving his hand a bit lower from Robbe’s dick, caressing the skin behind his balls, where Robbe is most sensitive.

The grip of Robbe’s hand tugging his hair immediately tightens, and Sander notices how he’s grown quiet all of a sudden, mouth open in a silent moan as his body goes rigid.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck’

Sander doesn’t slow down this, time, bobbing his head faster until he can feel Robbe spilling inside his mouth, a long, strained groan filling out their bedroom as his boyfriend shivers underneath him. The taste of Robbe spreading inside his mouth is almost enough to send him over the edge, but not quite, and Sander keeps sucking, tongue swirling around Robbe’s dick until he’s squirming away, oversensitive.

After a while, Sander sits back in his heels, his own cock _painfully hard_ and straining against his hip and his mouth full of Robbe’s come mixed with his own saliva, some of it dribbling from the corner of his mouth. Robbe is still trying to catch his breath when Sander kneels above him, impossibly hard, and stares at his eyes, silently asking _is this really what you want?_

His boyfriend smiles at him, one hand sneaking down to hold Sander’s cock, causing him to jump in surprise. Robbe stroked his dick in slow movements, whispering _yes, please do it_ before opening his mouth, tongue sticking out as a request, and who was Sander to deny such a request?

Both of them moan at the same time as Sander opens his mouth slightly, letting a long string of come and saliva drip down onto Robbe’s mouth, and it’s like every nerve ending of Sander’s body is completely attuned to Robbe; in a way, they really are.

Fighting the urge to buck his hips forward, Sander just lets himself be touched by Robbe, knows that his cock is probably leaking precum on the boy’s stomach, and that thought makes him even hotter. Before Sander is done spitting, Robbe lifts his head a bit, just enough to stick his tongue inside Sander’s mouth, giving him the filthiest of kisses, slick with spit and cum, and he moans _way_ too loud against Robbe’s mouth.

The kiss is fervent from the start, and Sander feels his body taut with tension as Robbe increases his pace, stroking Sander’s dick with more intent now. He feels like he’s about to melt outside of his own skin, sweaty and sticky against Robbe’s.

‘That was so hot’

‘Yeah?’

‘Mmm’ Robbe hums against his lips.

‘You taste good, right?’

‘Sanderrrr’

‘Tell me’

Sander doesn’t try to fight it anymore, and grinds his hips on top of Robbe, chasing his movements and burying his face in the boy’s neck, licking his sweaty skin.

‘Tell me how you taste, Robin’

‘I taste good’ His boyfriend mumbles, face incredibly flushed and beautiful.

‘Yeah, you do, you taste so fucking good’

Moving so that Sander is sitting on top of him, Robbe uses his free hand to circle the tip of Sander’s cock, causing the boy to curse under his breath, feeling even closer to the edge. Almost as if everything was happening in slow motion, Sander can only watch as Robbe brings two fingers to his mouth, smearing his own precum against his lips until Sander opens his mouth, allowing the boy to slide his fingers inside.

‘Tell me how you taste’ Robbe asks, smiling deviously at him.

_Holy shit, he’s going to kill me_ , Sander thinks, delirious, and sucks Robbe’s fingers with fervor. Robbe apparently has decided to torture him, because he slows his movements, dragging his hand over Sander’s cock while his other hand pushes the fingers deeper into Sander’s mouth.

‘Answer me, San’

‘I taste good’ Sander manages to moan around Robbe’s fingers, the taste of his own precum mixing with the remnants of Robbe’s and making heat pool at his groin.

‘Yes, you do’

Everything around Sander feels like it’s melting, and Robbe’s hands are the only thing tethering him to reality; one hand in his mouth and the other touching his cock, pulling him to the precipice, and _what a way to go._ Sander is vaguely aware that he might be drooling on Robbe’s hand, but that only spurs him on.

‘Fuck, I’m gonna come’

‘Look at me’ Robbe pleads, his movements more erratic, and Sander just stares at him, feeling his body going rigid with pleasure before he’s falling over the edge.

The orgasm takes over Sander’s body, making him groan loudly as he spills over his boyfriend’s hand and stomach, feeling everything that _isn’t_ Robbe disappearing. Still, he doesn’t look away, lets Robbe see his face, probably scrunched with pleasure, and moans at the sight of the boy’s equally surprised, happy face staring back at him. Robbe removes his fingers from Sander’s mouth, touching one nipple and making him jump with sensitivity and laugh, delirious, as his body still twitches in pleasure. He feels sticky and sated, panting against Robbe’s neck and still twitching with aftershocks.

They lie side by side, catching their breaths, and Sander is about to fish one of their shirts so that they can clean themselves when Robbe gets up and goes to the bathroom. _Oh, right, they have their own bathroom now_ , Sander remembers, watching silently as Robbe washes his chest over the sink and towels himself dry.

‘Come baaaack’

‘I’m going, I’m going’

Robbe bends back to turn off the bedside light, and Sander loves how his boyfriend’s slim torso seems to shine, tiny sparks of gold around his neck as the chain catches the light, and then Robbe flicks the switch, enveloping them in darkness. Sander rearranges himself beside Robbe, their feet tangling under the covers.

‘Our first night in the apartment’

‘I know, I can’t believe it’

‘Don’t you think this feels _important?_ ’ He asks, and Robbe moves closer to hug him, resting his face on Sander’s chest.

‘It does’

‘I almost expected Milan to make us give a speech’

‘Oh, he wanted to, I had to convince him otherwise’

‘Thanks, you’re a lifesaver’

‘I know’ Sander can hear his boyfriend smile. ‘Good night’

‘Good night’

They are tired but happy, tangled up in each other, and this is the best feeling in the world: being here with Robbe, in their own safe space, almost enveloped in warmth. There is nowhere else he would rather be. Robbe moves his hand to caress Sander’s face, a gesture so tender that it makes him smile in the dark, and he kisses Robbe’s palm.

Five minutes pass before Sander grows restless again, foot tapping on the bed.

‘Robbe’

‘Mmmm’

‘I need to pee again’

‘ _Already?’_

‘Yeah’

‘But I’m so comfortable’ Robbe whines, huffing against his neck.

‘Sorry’

He disentangles himself from Robbe, body heavy with sleep, and pats the wall until he finds the light switch, illuminating half of his boyfriend as he adjusts the covers around his body.

‘I would tell you to just pee right here, but I don’t wanna do the laundry this late at night’

Sander snorts at that, sighing with relief at the sensation of emptying his bladder. He washes his hands and walks back to their bed, jumping under the covers and being tugged close immediately by Robbe.

‘You know, I think we should invest in waterproof bedsheets’

‘Sander!’

‘What? It’s a good idea’

‘We can discuss this in the morning, okay?’

‘Sure’

‘Good night’

‘Good night, I love you’

‘Love you, too’

The yellow curtains that frame their window were already installed when they moved in, and were so thin that Sander could see a sliver of the moonlight shining through them, casting the room in a faint yellow tone. There are still some boxes on the floor, and their clothes are piled up on the chair Milan brought from the kollektiv, waiting to be folded and stored properly, but all of this quickly fades away from Sander’s mind. Robbe’s hair tickles his nose as the boy burrows his body closer to him, and Sander inhales his scent, sees the faint outline of his body in the darkness, glued against his own. He sighs, letting the body heat spread through and lull him to sleep, safe at last in Robbe’s embrace.

They are home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas in advance!!! Love you all, alt er love, Bowie <3


	30. thirty - epilogue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for the last time in this fic, hello kids, how are you? So, this is the end. I'll write more stuff at the end notes, but, as always, thank you for coming along with me on this journey, this fic started with a prompt and ended up filling six months of my life, and I'm thankful for everyone who has read, left kudos, comments or just came to my tumblr to scream at me hahahaha I'll be taking a small break from writing, but I'll see you all in 2021 with more stuff. Also, I'll be privating the fic to users only next year, now that it's done, mostly because of the controversial topics and to protect myself from getting further hate. Anyways, here's the epilogue, enjoy! <3
> 
> link to David Bowie's 'Let's Dance' : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbD_kBJc_gI&ab_channel=DavidBowie  
> link to Hemessen's 'The Surgeon' : https://www.wikiart.org/en/jan-van-hemessen/the-surgeon (note: this painting isn't currently located in Antwerp, but in the Museo del Prado, in Madrid, Spain)

Robbe’s legs feel like lead, almost trembling as he locks his bike on the railing with shaky hands. Cold wind bites his face as he takes a deep breath before walking up the steep path from the parking garage to the front of their building. It’s getting colder, and Robbe makes a mental note to wear a warmer coat tomorrow, not trying to get frostbite on his way to school or worse, get soaked on the way back home.

The metallic jingling of the keys is like music to his ears as Robbe pulls them from the backpack. He welcomes the warm, almost stale air that envelops him as he unlocks the door and steps into the building, stifling a yawn. Eyeing the mailbox, Robbe contemplates checking it to see if there is anything ( _they have a mailbox now!_ He thinks, still a bit incredulous), but quickly gets discouraged.

_Fuck no._

It might be a selfish thing, but Robbe makes a beeline for the stairs as soon as he spots one of his neighbours coming round and opening his own mailbox, humming some familiar tune. The last thing Robbe wants right now is to force himself to make some small talk, pretending not to be practically dead on his feet.

It’s actually a good thing that, even after four months of living here, Robbe still doesn’t know almost all of his neighbours (even though Sander has managed to charm them from the very first day), because it allows him to just wave his head in lieu of a greeting before climbing up the stairs. There’s just _no way_ he’s gonna waste another second outside when he has warm food in his hands and a loving boyfriend probably waiting for him inside _their apartment_.

The climb is slow, as he gets interrupted by a text from his mama, checking if they’re still going to have lunch with his aunt and uncle, to which he replies _yes, Friday is fine, you can bring them too <3._ Robbe knows his aunt has been dying to see the apartment, and Sander promised her he would make lasagna. Aaron also sent a flurry of texts on the _broerrs_ groupchat, asking about their History assignment and, half an hour later, sharing some funny videos, which probably means he gave up on the assignment at some point.

Robbe can hear music playing even before turning the doorknob, and he just _knows_ that Sander is already home; none of their neighbours would be listening to David Bowie at this time of the evening, not even the older lesbian couple that lives in the apartment across from them ( _’ I love how you kept the theme of living surrounded by gay people, babe’_ Milan texted him the day they moved in, after meeting their neighbours on his way out).

The apartment is surprisingly cold, but Robbe soon finds out why, as he spots Sander standing close to the open windows and working on a watercolor painting. He’s wearing the oldest, rattiest, most paint-splattered black sweatpants he owns (his _art pants_ , as Robbe likes to call them) and one of Robbe’s shirts (a recurring thing, which causes some of his customers at work to mention the paint stains, thinking that he’s the artistic one, and not his _shirt-stealing boyfriend_ ). He looks beautiful.

‘Hey, I’m home’ Robbe greets, throwing his keys on a ceramic bowl that was given by his mom.

‘Hi’

Sander flashes him a smile, and it’s the same smile Robbe has seen thousands of times by now, but it doesn’t mean his heart flutters any less at the sight of it. One of his shoes _thuds_ against the floor as he kicks them off, almost tripping on his skateboard (that he always forgets to put away properly and almost caused several accidents), and then drops his backpack and jacket.

‘Are you hungry? I stopped by that Chinese place down the street’

‘Yeah, a bit’

‘Great, go wash up so we can eat’

‘Just a second, I’m almost done’

‘I also picked up another box of your medicine, okay? That drugstore close to the tram station gave me a discount’ Robbe mutters, kissing Sander’s paint-stained cheek.

He’s about to turn around when Sander grabs him by the waist, pulling Robbe into a searing kiss. They hold each other loosely, Robbe’s free hand flying to pet Sander’s hair as he licks into his mouth, sweet and insistent. Robbe vaguely notices that Sander is probably spreading paint on his shirt, seeing that his hands were stained with purple and blue, but he soon forgets about it, more focused on the way they are holding on to him.

Sander hums into his mouth, one of his hands slowly trailing Robbe’s waistband and sliding inside his shirt, and Robbe breaks the kiss with a smile.

‘What’s this about?’

‘Nothing, I just missed you’

‘Sander, you saw me this morning. We see each other every day’ Robbe replies with a smile.

‘And everyday I miss you. I love when you come back, still can’t believe we’re finally living together’ Sander’s grip on his waist tightens a bit, making him laugh.

‘I know, me either. It’s amazing’

He can’t decipher what Sander is working on, mostly because the canvas still looks like a rough sketch with splashes of purple and blue paint scattered all over it, but also because Sander himself won’t explain it to him, saying something along the lines of _once it’s done, you’ll know what it is._ Robbe gave up trying to figure out a while ago, and just stares at Sander as the boy dips his brush into a mug filled with water.

‘You said something about food?’

‘Yeah, let me just get out of these clothes and we can eat’

‘Oh, get out of these clothes, you say?’ Sander is already tugging at his shirt, trying to pull it up, ‘I like your idea’

‘I bet you do’

‘Well, you’re the one who suggested it’

‘But close the window first, it’s cold in here’

Sander snorts as Robbe moves away from him, placing their food on the small wooden table before walking down in the direction of their room. He glances at Sander’s whiteboard on the hallway, smiling fondly. Somewhere along the way, maybe on their first week of living together, the whiteboard stopped being just a way of tracking Sander’s whereabouts and became something else entirely, a mix between a journal and a calendary, a place for them to trade notes and jokes, occasionally being wiped and drawn on by their friends.

Some days, their schedules would be completely different, and they’d only manage to see each other at breakfast and then late at night, when both of them would be exhausted and just collapse in bed together, so Sander started leaving small drawings and notes on the whiteboard, writing _good luck on your test! <3 _or drawing a caricature of Bowie with a balloon above his head, _you’re the babe with the power!_ In bold, capital letters, never failing to make Robbe smile. On other days, it ends up getting completely erased and then gradually filled with their grocery list, each of them adding new things every day until they run out of space and _have_ to go shopping.

Right now, the whiteboard has their work schedule written, halfway done with some stars and hearts scribbled along the margins, and _movie night!!_ Written down on their Friday night, courtesy of Jana, who had stopped by the week before and made sure to set the date for their friends to come over and have a marathon of Halloween movies. Robbe traces the board with one finger, and doesn’t have to wait too long before he hears the sound of Sander’s footsteps trailing behind, following him into the bedroom.

‘Yeah, I was trying to avoid making the whole apartment smell like paint fumes, don’t know if it helped’

‘It helped, but now it’s freezing’

‘Well, it’s a good thing I know just how to warm you up then’

‘Oh, yeah?’

‘Of course’

It has become a sort of routine: whenever one of them gets home from work and finds the other working or studying or doing something for too long, they take a break and try to do other things. At first, it was because Sander would spend the whole night awake trying to finish his work assignments if there was nobody to stop him, but then they made this pact, to take some time, _even a minute,_ to do anything else right there and then.

Of course, that also meant that they got easily distracted with each other, wandering hands and smiles, and, more often than not, they just ended up making out against the nearest surface, breathless and giddy until real life caught up. Still, Robbe loved it, loved seeing Sander as soon as he got home, his wild, half-bleached and half-brown hair askew and splattered with paint, always waiting for him.

Today is no exception, and Robbe smiles as he feels Sander’s arms circling his waist from behind, face already buried in his hair.

‘How was school today?’

‘Fine. I still have a French assignment to finish but it’s not too bad, Yasmina is my partner for the project’

‘Lucky you’

 _Lucky me, indeed,_ Robbe thinks, reveling in the warmth radiating from Sander’s body as they sway in place, standing in the middle of the bedroom.

‘San’

‘Mmmm’

‘I have to change my clothes’ Robbe tries, but Sander doesn’t move.

‘Mmmkay’

‘You have to let go of me so that I can do that’

‘But you’re so warm’

‘San…’

‘Okay, fine’ Sander groans, disentangling himself from Robbe, ‘But only because I’m hungry’

‘Okay’

‘Don’t think you will get away this easy, mister, I want my cuddles!’

‘I will give you cuddles after dinner, calm down’ Robbe couldn’t help but laugh at his boyfriend’s dramatics.

Robbe opens their dresser with a yawn, pulling out some sweatpants and one of Sander’s sweatshirts. Once they moved in together, Sander started making a habit of stealing some of Robbe’s shirts when he was painting, and Robbe loved wearing Sander’s clothes because they were just a size bigger than his own, making them extra comfortable. Of course, Sander was still weirdly possessive over his many band t-shirts, but other than that, they started sharing clothes quite often. Robbe had the distinct feeling that Sander just liked to see him wearing his clothes, and the way Sander had stared at him (and then promptly _jumped_ on him) when Robbe jokingly tried his leather jacket once certainly proved that.

The sleeves of Sander’s beige sweatshirt cover half of his hands in a really comforting way, especially while the flat is still pretty cold, and Sander tugs at it lightly before they move around the kitchen, grabbing plates and silverware before sitting on their tiny table to eat dinner, slurping down noodles and orange chicken while Bowie still plays in the background.

‘Which tour is this?’

‘The _Reality_ tour, it was filmed in the 90s, I think’ Sander replies absentmindedly, poking his food around with the fork. ‘I was looking for the _Hunky Dory_ video but then I got distracted’

‘This is good, I don’t think I’ve ever watched this concert’

‘Well, you’re not at the _master_ level of Bowie yet’

‘Guess I’ll have to bribe the teacher after all’ Robbe winks at him, smiling when he feels Sander’s bare foot resting on top of his own under the table.

They always end up talking about everything and nothing at the same time, just comfortable around each other, and Robbe stares at Sander for a beat before lifting his arm to touch the boy’s hair.

‘San, there’s paint in your hair again’

‘Oh, shit’

Dark streaks of purple and blue stain Sander’s half-bleached hair, more visible now that the boy tucked one side of the hair behind his ear.

‘I keep forgetting to not touch it while I’m painting’

‘It’s okay, just remember to wash it before bed, we don’t have money to buy another set of bedsheets’

‘I’ll try, this paint is a bitch to remove’

They eat some more, just enjoying the silence that falls between them, so natural that sometimes Robbe forgets that his life wasn’t always like this, good and _almost easy_. It wasn’t perfect, of course; they still bickered a lot, and forgot to buy toilet paper, and some days Robbe just wanted to curl up in bed, but he wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Robbe goes to the kitchen and grabs some water for him and tea for Sander, because the boy has been absolutely _wired up_ late at night and needs all the help he can get to fall asleep. They drink in silence, mindlessly scrolling on their phones.

‘How was work?’

‘It was alright, we got a new shipment of those flavored lubes, so I spent almost all afternoon organizing the storage room and then restocking the shelves’

‘Oh, fun’

Every once in a while, Robbe would take something from the shop for them to try out, taking advantage of his employee discount and Sander’s insistent begging ( _Robin, you should be able to tell your customers exactly what they’re getting!,_ he said after asking him to buy them a prostate massager).

‘Also, one of Eskild’s friends showed up today, I finally found out where he’s from’

‘Really? You managed to crack the mystery?’

Robbe had asked Eskild once where he was from, after noticing his accent and listening to him ramble in a different language on the phone occasionally, but the blonde man had just smiled, saying _oh, I’m from here and there_ with a wave of the hand, so Robbe never pressed it further. Besides that, whenever one of Eskild’s friends would call the shop looking for him, they would speak English, not really making casual conversation before requesting to talk to the owner, and Robbe would be too focused on his work to try and guess what language they were talking.

Today, however, Robbe was scrolling through their digital inventory when the bell jingled, and in walked _the prettiest girl Robbe had ever seen in his life_. She was tall and slim, wearing a bright red lipstick that contrasted with her platinum hair and looking _very_ out of place. She looked around, seemingly amused, and then walked straight in Robbe’s direction; a voice in the back of his head saying that she wasn’t at the shop for the products.

‘Good afternoon, how may I help you?’

‘Hi, is Eskild here?’ She asked in english with a strong accent.

‘I think he’s in the nurse’s office in the back, he’ll be here in a minute’ Robbe pointed at the door behind him, trying to convey his explanation in his own broken English. ‘Is there anything I can do for you?’

‘No, it’s okay, I’ll just wait’

‘Was she _really_ the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen?’ Sander interrupts his story with a snort.

‘Yeah’

‘And you’re _sure_ you are gay, right?’

‘Shut up’ Robbe laughs, ‘She looked like a model or something, it was very intimidating’

‘How so?’

‘Her hair was _so bright,_ and she just stared at me, like she knew who I was’

‘Just don’t let Noor or Jana _or_ Zoe listen to you talk about some random girl like this, they’ll never let you hear the end of it’

‘God, you’re right. Anyways…’

They had stared at each other awkwardly for a moment, long enough for Robbe to get the strong feeling that he knew this girl from somewhere, despite having never seen her before. Something about her just looked _so familiar,_ even more so as she smiled at him, conspiratorial.

‘I had no idea his business had grown so much’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, I thought he was still just selling stuff online and avoiding coming back to visit us’

While Robbe knew that the shop had its own profile on Instagram, he never updated it, didn’t even know the password, since Eskild wanted to manage that part by himself. This girl, however, seemed to know Eskild from other places, and Robbe couldn’t help but let his curiosity get the best of him.

‘So, how do you know Eskild?’

‘Oh, we used to live together back in Oslo’

‘He lived in Oslo??’ Robbe asked, bewildered, and the girl laughed at him.

‘Yeah, we’re from Norway’

‘That explains the accent’

‘Yeah’ She tilted her head, curious, ‘I thought he told you that’

‘No, sorry, he’s very secretive’

‘That’s hard to believe, Eskild is the nosiest person I know’

‘I know, but I only know about his friends when one of them calls the shop’

‘Oh, I bet that was Isak, he’s been pestering me for the past month about it’

‘Yeah, that’s the one! _Isak’_ Robbe repeated the name, testing the accent and entonation, a weird shiver running through his body.

They stared at each other in silence for a beat before she extended her arm towards him.

‘I’m Noora, by the way’

‘Robbe, nice to meet you’

The door opened behind him with a bang, and Eskild all but screamed at the sight of the girl, opening his arms and screaming.

‘There you are!’

Robbe watched, amused, Eskild almost running to go over the counter and greet Noora, lifting the girl off the ground in a tight hug and promptly talking to her in extremely fast Norwegian, sounding as if he was asking a million questions at once.

‘Eskild, calm down’

‘I can’t believe you finally came to see your guru!’

‘Okay, you’re not _my_ guru, I thought this title was reserved for Isak?’

‘Oh, shut up, I’m the guru for everyone who’s ever met me, even little Robbe here!’ Eskild pointed at Robbe with a flair of the hand, causing him to laugh. ‘So, she finally told you the truth, huh?’

‘Just some things here and there’

‘You never told me you’re from Oslo’

‘Well, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me, baby gay, but all in due time’

‘Oh no, he calls you _baby gay,_ too? Just wait until I tell Isak’ Noora poked Eskild’s ribs with a laugh.

‘Enough about me, when did you arrive?’

‘Yesterday, I’m just taking some time off after graduation, and William had some free time from work as well, so we thought it would be nice to have a little vacation’

‘Oh, William is here too?’ Eskild perked up.

‘Yeah, he’s still at the hotel sleeping, though’

Robbe just listened to the rest of their conversation in silence, greeting another customer who came to pay for their stuff and trying not to laugh at Eskild and Noora’s weird mix of English and Norwegian. Somehow, seeing glimpses of Eskild’s life always seems strange to Robbe, both new and familiar in a way that he cannot explain, and meeting Noora left him feeling even weirder throughout the day.

‘Anyways, now we know he’s from Norway’

‘Yeah, and that you have a crush on this Noora girl’

‘I don’t have a crush, what the fuck?’ Robbe splutters, taking a big gulp from his water bottle, and Sander smirks at him.

‘I know, I’m just teasing you, baby’

‘She just looked familiar, that’s all’

‘Yeah, and was also the _prettiest girl you’ve ever seen?_ ’

‘Shut up’

‘I bet you only think that because she also has bleached hair’

‘Maybe that’s my type’ Robbe winks, teasing him right back.

‘Oh, really?’

‘Yeah, bleached blondes who look intimidating when you first meet them, they just get me _going_ ’

‘You thought I looked intimidating?’ Sander smirks, grabbing their plates and walking towards the kitchen, and Robbe trails behind, keeping up their banter.

‘Just a bit. I mean, you _did_ threaten to call the manager on me and give me zero stars on _Booking.com_ ’

‘Yeah, but then I took you shopping and danced for you! I danced Bowie for you, Robin!’

‘Okay you have a point’

‘I know!’ Sander almost elbows him as they move around the tiny kitchen, hands full of soapy water as he washes the dishes. ‘Also, now that my hair is getting brown again, does that mean you think I’m less cute?’

‘Of course not, you idiot, you’re just as handsome’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yes, even with paint in your hair’ Robbe runs a hand through the boy’s hair, tugging lightly. ‘You’d look amazing even with no hair at all’

They finish washing the dishes in silence, and Robbe notices a dreamy, far away look in Sander’s eye, but his phone rings before he can mention it to Sander, and by the time he’s done talking to Milan, Robbe rememebers he’s still behind on his homework, making him forget about Sander’s thoughtful face, the kind of face he always makes when he’s _up to something._

-

Robbe is still finishing his homework, humming along to _Let’s Dance_ and tapping his bare feet on the couch when he hears Sander’s voice calling for him from their bedroom, a bit muffled by the loud music that’s also blasting.

‘Robbe, come here!’

‘What is it?’

‘I need your help, it’s urgent!’

As Robbe rushes to the bathroom, he’s surprised to see Sander facing the mirror with the hair clippers Senne gave them in his hand, _dangerously_ close to his head.

‘What are you doing?’

‘I’m gonna shave my head’

‘What?’ Robbe exclaims, baffled, and Sander gives him a smile.

‘Even better, I want _you_ to shave my hair off’

‘What the fuck, Sander’

‘I’m just sick of the bleaching, wanna cut it all off so it grows a bit better’

Sander is shirtless and still wearing the art pants, his golden skin shining under the white bathroom light. His phone is blasting David Bowie, of course, and he looks so excited, almost _too excited_ , bent over the sink to look at himself in the mirror.

‘Have you been taking your medication?’

‘Yes, I’m not manic, I swear!’

‘Why don’t you go to a barber shop?’

‘No, I want you to do it’

‘I don’t know…’ Robbe replies, still a bit uncertain, and Sander puts down the clippers to look at him.

‘C’mon, I held your hand when you got your ear pierced, didn’t I? I even helped you with the antiseptic and everything’

‘You did’ He concedes.

‘So… please? My hair will grow back, I promise’

‘That’s not the point, San’

‘I know you said bleached blonde is your type, but I’m just sick of this hair, okay?’

‘Okay’

‘Is that a yes?’ Sander smiles at him, that fucking brilliant, _brighter-than-the-sun_ smile, and Robbe cannot help but smile back.

‘Yes, I’ll shave your head, you dumbass’

 _And if you say run, I’ll run with you, and if you say hide, we’ll hide…_ Bowie sings, and Sander hands him the clippers, a wild grin on his face as Robbe turns it on, the low buzzing sound filling the bathroom. He moves closer to Sander, touching his soft, but dry strands of hair between his fingers for better access, and stares at him through the mirror.

‘Do I start from the back, from the sides, how do you wanna do this?’

‘Just go for it, don’t be afraid’

‘You’re sure about this?’ He asks one last time, just to _really_ be sure, which earns him a huff.

‘Yes!’

‘Okay, let’s do this’

Before Sander can protest any further or change his mind, Robbe’s trembling hand is already moving the clippers across Sander’s scalp, taking a huge chunk of hair out right from the side, and they both laugh in unison, incredulous.

‘Holy shit’

‘Keep going, keep going!’

He makes another movement, and another clump of hair falls on the sink, leaving a hole in Sander’s head. There is no turning back now, no way for them to give up halfway without making Sander look _absolutely ridiculous_ , so Robbe immediately runs the clippers along the other side, trying to remove as much hair as he can, while Sander steps on his feet in his haste to look at how his haircut is turning out.

‘Oh my god, we’re really doing this!’

‘Here, you do some of it’

Robbe offers him the clippers, now completely amused by how much Sander is loving this; he wastes no time before moving the clippers all the way to the back of his head, and the situation looks chaotic now, but Sander is smiling so much that Robbe just smiles back, smitten. He touches Sander’s neck, angling his head down so that the hair falls on the sink instead of the floor, and keeps his grip there, because Sander is moving too much.

‘Your mom is going to kill me for letting you do this’

‘No, she won’t’ Sander replies, taking another chunk of hair, his brown roots showing.

‘It will be even worse because I _helped_ you!’

‘My hair will grow back, Robin’

Now that he started, Sander moves with ease, more and more hair falling on the sink as he slides the clippers up and down, watching himself with attention.

‘I know’

‘Besides, she hated when I first bleached it, so I’m sure she’ll be relieved, mama was always complaining about how I was ruining my hair’

‘I’ve never seen you without bleached hair’

‘Don’t worry, I look just as handsome with dark hair’

Robbe’s snort can be heard through the noise of the clippers, and he takes them from Sander’s hand, going along his neck and the back of his head to shave the places Sander could not reach. His boyfriend is humming along to the music, and Robbe knows the only reason he isn’t bobbing his head right now is because he’s still holding his neck.

‘This is so weird’

‘I know, what if the shape of my head is ugly?’

‘I doubt that, San’

‘Or maybe I have a secret mole!’

‘You never shaved your head before?’ He asks, taking care around Sander’s ears.

‘No, never. You?’

‘No, my hair used to be really long back in first year, when Jens was still with Britt’

‘Really? Longer than it is now?’ Sander moves one hand up, trying to touch Robbe’s curls, which are growing again, almost past his ears and beginning to cover his neck in unruly curls.

‘Yeah, a bit longer’

‘You must have looked so hot’

‘I looked like a mess’ Robbe laughs, ‘Besides, my hair was always unkempt, it was the worst, even though Jana loved to play with it’

‘Yeah, I can see why she’d do that’

‘Maybe I’ll keep it growing some more’

‘Can I braid your hair if it grows really long?’

‘You know how to braid hair?’ Robbe snorts, surprised.

‘Yeah, I have a lot of young cousins, I sort of had to learn’

‘Then maybe I’ll let you do it’

‘Deal’

Bowie’s voice fills out the bathroom again as Robbe finishes shaving Sander’s head, humming under his breath _let’s sway under the moonlight, the serious moonlight._ Once there’s no more hair to remove, Robbe turns off the clippers, picking up the clumps of hair from the sink to throw them in the trash while Sander stares at himself in the mirror with a serious face. His head looks smaller, but smooth, and Robbe is amazed at the both of them for not doing such a bad job after all.

‘So, how do I look?’ Sander turns to face him, sounding almost unsure now, stray pieces of hair on his bare shoulders and chest, and Robbe can’t speak, _can hardly breathe._

‘Fuck you’

‘What?’

‘How can you look so hot with a shaved head? This is so unfair’ Robbe complains, running a hand through Sander’s head, loving how the almost completely shaved hairs scratch at his palm.

‘You flatter me, baby’ Sander replies, pulling him into a kiss, ‘Let me take a shower, I’m still covered in hair’

‘I’ll join you in a minute’

Robbe notices how there is still hair on the floor, and they will probably need to sweep the bathroom, but decides that’s a task for tomorrow. He removes his sweatshirt and pants, taking a few steps backwards to throw them across the bed, and stops in his tracks as soon as he steps into the bathroom again. Sander is already naked, pants and underwear thrown inside the laundry basket, and bends down to open the toilet lid.

Maybe it’s because he looks different without hair, but Robbe feels a tug in his stomach as he watches Sander, mouth watering when the boy groans softly, followed by the sound of pee hitting the porcelain. Even though this isn’t new to him, it never fails to make Robbe’s blood run hot, noticing the way Sander tilts his head back with relief, his hips bet slightly forward, and he _has to look_ , so he does.

Sander’s neck is littered with small strands of hair that tickle Robbe’s chin when he rests it there, pressing his naked body against Sander’s and watching the stream of piss leaving his boyfriend’s dick and splashing against the toilet bowl.

‘What are you doing?’ He can feel Sander’s smile.

‘Watching you’ Robbe replies, no longer afraid of voicing his desires.

‘You know, that was how this started’

‘What?’

‘I saw you staring at me while I pissed one day when we were at the kollektiv, right before I got in the shower’

‘Yeah?’ Robbe asks, and he can feel his cock growing harder by the second, but still doesn’t move.

‘It was really hot to notice you staring at me’

‘Oh’

‘Yes, you were still a bit shy around me, I don’t know, maybe reserved?’ Sander muses, bending down to flush the toilet and grinding against Robbe in the process, causing him to shudder. ‘It was good to know that you wanted me as much as I wanted you’

They move around in unison, like two parts of a puzzle, mostly because Robbe cannot stand to not touch Sander right now, body completely attuned to his, and trails behind the boy as he fiddles with the shower, adjusting the temperature.

‘Of course I wanted you’ Robbe replies, mouth looking for his under the hot water, ‘I’ll always want you’

Unable to resist any longer, Robbe kisses him, slowly and deeply, reveling in Sander’s familiar taste, his kisses feeling comforting yet still managing to make him go weak in the knees. Sander squeezes his hip with one hand, reassuring, and his touch makes Robbe let out a surprised squeak. Robbe’s hands travel across the expanse of his back, sliding up until they rest on his neck, getting scratched gently by the scattered hairs. He slowly guides Sander under the shower, breaking the kiss to touch his freshly shaved head.

‘Let’s wash your head, there’s hair everywhere’

‘Yeah, it’s getting scratchy’

It’s still such a strange sensation, to feel the tiny hairs tickling Robbe’s palm as he rubs shampoo on Sander’s scalp.

‘You know there’s no hair there, right?’

‘It helps to remove the hairs, dumbass’

‘Okay’

Sander sighs, closing his eyes when Robbe lathers his neck and shoulders with the leftover foam, and Robbe also spreads shampoo on his own hair, rubbing it until he deems it clean enough.

‘Let me rinse it’

‘My head is still itching a bit’

‘Try massaging it some more, there might be some leftover hair still’

The music changes in Sander’s phone, going from Bowie to _Gimme Danger_ , and Robbe hums along, now very familiar to his boyfriend’s taste in seventies rock music. He grabs the soap and changes places with Sander, their hips bumping inside the small shower as the boy rinses the shampoo from his head.

‘Let me see if there’s more hair’ Robbe comments, sliding the soap along Sander’s chest.

If he were still that shy, insecure boy from when he first met Sander, Robbe would probably admit that the soap was just an excuse to touch Sander, but now he doesn’t need that; touching Sander is something he loves to do at all times, especially to take care of him, and he smiles at the groan that escapes his boyfriend’s lips.

‘That feels really nice’

‘Oh, really?’

‘Yeah’

‘How’s the itching?’

‘A lot better, but the water feels weird on my head’

‘Well, you still look beautiful’ Robbe comments, and he’s not sure if Sander’s face is pink because of the hot water or his compliment.

The soap helps in the process of removing the hair, so Robbe slides it along Sander’s body, scrubbing extra hard when he finds some remaining smears of paint still coating the boy’s skin. Sander hums as Robbe moves, and his skin feels warm and slippery under his touch. _If you will be my lover, I will shiver and sing, but if you can be my master, then I’ll do anything…_ Iggy Pop’s moans echo inside the bathroom, and all the touching is clearly doing things to Sander, because Robbe soon notices how hard he’s getting, dick bumping against his hip.

‘Oh, hello’

‘Hi’

‘Getting happy, aren’t we?’ Robbe teases, running a soapy hand across Sander’s stomach and resting on his pubic hair.

‘I always get happy around you’

Robbe slides his hand down, cupping Sander’s dick gently, and smiles at the sigh that escapes Sander’s lips, feeling his own cock harden up again. He strokes the boy for a while, loving how Sander moves his own hands to Robbe’s neck to steady himself, swaying as he lets the water wash away the soap suds on his body. Once both of them are clean, Robbe kisses the side of his face, moving them slightly away from the water.

‘All good?’

‘Yeah, much better, thanks’

‘You know, we haven’t used the plug in a while’

‘Mmmm’

‘Maybe you could wear it tonight’

‘Mmhm’ Sander agrees distractedly, his eyes closed, so Robbe kisses him again with a smile, pushing their bodies closer.

‘And then you could fuck me’

At that, Sander opens his eyes, his small grin turning into a wide, bright-as-the-sun smile, so close to Robbe that he would be afraid of burning if he wasn’t so used to it already.

‘Yeah, we can do that’

‘Yeah?’

‘Mhmm’

Robbe sighs as Sander slides one hand down, moving between his cheeks to tap at his hole, teasing. Sander moves with ease, soapy fingers circling his rim in slow, gentle strokes before pushing the tip of one finger inside, causing him to clench involuntarily.

‘Shhh, relax’

‘Shouldn’t I be the one doing this to you?’ Robbe asks, voice already high, and Sander licks along the shell of his ear.

‘No, you just stay put and enjoy for now’

‘Mmkay’

He can’t help but hiss when Sander tugs him back under the shower, feeling his body run even hotter as his boyfriend uses both hands to spread his cheeks, leaving Robbe’s hole exposed and letting the hot water wash down his back and ass, rinsing the soap.

‘San, fuck’

‘Too much?’ Sander coos at him, twisting his body around and moving them until Robbe’s front hits the tiles.

‘Yeah’

‘I guess I’ll just have to kiss it better, then’

Robbe barely has time to think before Sander grabs his hips for purchase as he gets on his knees behind him, pulling his body back until only his face and chest are touching the shower wall.

_Oh, fuck._

His moans are muffled by the running shower and the music, but Robbe can feel his entire body vibrate when Sander spreads his cheeks again and plants a kiss over his hole. His mouth is hot against his skin, and he keeps on teasing Robbe with small kisses along his taint, massaging his ass with both hands.

‘Sanderrr’

‘What is it?’ He asks, lowering his face a bit closer to kiss his balls before moving back.

‘Stop teasing’

‘Why? It’s so good’

‘Fuck’

Sander moves as if they have all the time in the world, which _they do_ , now that there’s nobody to knock on their bedroom door or interrupt them if they ever get too loud. Still, it’s a torturous pace, and Robbe groans when he feels his boyfriend licking a broad stripe over his hole, wet tongue making circles around his rim before prodding at it.

‘It’s the best thing, to hear you moaning while I tease you’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, you taste so good’

Robbe curses again as Sander licks him with more intent, flicking his tongue over his hole again and again, causing him to squirm, overheating with sensations. Sander’s hands are firm over his ass, keeping him spread open while also holding him in place, and Robbe knows he probably sounds like he’s dying right now, hard and leaking and bent over while his boyfriend eats him out, but he _loves it._

One of his hands is still braced against the wall while the other moves down to pet Sander’s hair, and Robbe gasps in surprise when his hand meets Sander’s shaved head, caressing it all the same and making the boy moan, the sound vibrating through his body.

‘Fuck, Sander’

‘I love when you moan my name’

‘Don’t stop’

‘Aw, are you close already, Robin?’ Sander coos in a teasing voice, sending sparks through Robbe’s body, and kissing his hole again, sucking at it and prodding his tongue inside, fucking Robbe’s ass with his tongue.

‘Fuck, please touch me’

‘I thnk you can come like this, no?’

All coherent thought gets scrambled from Robbe’s brain as Sander uses both thumbs to spread Robbe’s hole further, dipping his tongue inside and curling it, and Robbe almost topples over, legs shaking with pleasure. _Fuck yes, I can definitely come like this,_ Robbe’s brain supplies, hazy in the best possible way. Sander is relentless, alternating between licking and kissing, moving his head to the side to occasionally bite the soft skin of Robbe’s ass, sucking a mark that will probably be bruised in the morning.

‘I wanna feel you shaking when you come, wanna eat this pretty hole until you can’t take it, baby’

‘Fuck, oh my god’

‘You’re so hot like this, spread open just for me, all mine to taste and to touch’ Sander’s voice is rough and strained, sending jolts of pleasure through Robbe’s body, ‘I bet you’d let me do anything I wanted, right?’

‘Yes, please, anything’

Robbe feels sticky and filthy and so, _so horny,_ moaning louder when he feels a string of saliva land on his hole, followed by Sander’s index finger, pushing it inside him and prodding, looking for his prostate. His whole body feels on fire, and they haven’t even started yet, if Sander is still willing to go along with the plan of putting the plug on him.

‘I’m gonna touch you, but you’re not allowed to grind on my hand, okay?’

‘What’s the point of, _fuck’_ Robbe moans, body tensing the moment Sander wraps one arm around his body to touch his cock, trapping it between his hand and Robbe’s hip, ‘The point of you touching me, then?’

‘ _The point_ is that I want you to come all over yourself’

‘Shit’

All the air seems to escape his lungs when Sander’s finger finds his prostate, massaging it firmly while his mouth sucks around the rim. His finger doesn’t stop moving, doesn’t even slow down, just keeps adding pressure and curling until Robbe is reduced to a babbling mess, desperately fighting the urge to buck his hips against both of his boyfriend’s hands, feeling so close to coming.

‘San, please, I’m so close’

‘You’re doing so good, baby, just like that’

‘Fuck, oh god’

‘I want you to come all over yourself, and then I’m gonna lick you clean, do you want that?’

‘Yes, yes, fuck, don’t stop’ Robbe all but screams, body taut with tension, like a string that’s about to snap.

Sander presses his tongue along his finger, licking Robbe’s walls and moaning around him, and that does it. Robbe gasps, trembling from head to toe, as his body convulses, clenching around Sander’s finger and tongue, cock shooting ropes of cum over his stomach and Sander’s hand, making them sticky and warm, and he can vaguely hear Sander talking to him, _yes, that’s it, so good, baby, you’re so hot, come for me_.

Everything around Robbe feels as if it’s underwater, his vision blurry with tears and ears rushing from the force of his orgasm, and he winces as Sander removes his finger from his ass and gently massages his hips, trying to turn him around.

‘Holy shit’

‘That was so hot, baby’

‘I can’t feel my legs’ Robbe whispers, still riding the last waves of his high, and moans again as Sander stares at him with sparkling eyes, looking at Robbe as if he was the best thing in the world.

‘I can’t believe you’re mine’

Because Sander is insatiable and _filthy like that,_ Robbe isn’t surprised when the boy immediately kisses his sticky hip, licking the cum off of Robbe’s body while the hand that was holding his dick moves down, tugging at his own cock, using Robbe’s semen to ease the glide.

‘Fuck, you’re impossible’

‘And you’re delicious’ Sander muses, sucking his now flaccid dick into his mouth to clean it.

Finally, after what seems like a lifetime, Robbe lifts one tired arm to turn off the shower, surprised at how the water is still hot, and grabs Sander’s neck, forcing him to look up.

‘Let’s go to bed’

‘But I haven’t come yet’

‘I’ll take care of it’

Sander winces as he gets up, his knees looking red, and Robbe dries them both quickly, rubbing the towel over his body while Sander presses insistent kisses on his neck, cock jutting against his hip, and Robbe’s mind is already reeling with ideas, eager to put them to the test and make Sander _beg for it._

-

And beg for it he does.

‘Robbe, please, do something’

‘Shhh, I will’

Sander squirms between Robbe’s legs, lube discarded on the corner of the bed, and Robbe already has two fingers inside Sander, but hasn’t moved them in almost a minute, just enjoying the way his boyfriend whines and writhes against the sheets, cock dripping a steady string of precum on his stomach, making Robbe want to just _lick it all up._ Instead, he uses his other hand to hold Sander’s hips against the mattress, driving him up the wall a bit more until the boy gets used to the sensation.

The fingering was supposed to just get Sander relaxed enough for Robbe to slide the plug inside him, but after all his teasing and licking in the shower, he’s unable to touch his boyfriend and _not_ make him squirm, especially when he knows they can be as loud as they want, do this for as long as they want, fuck with the lights on, the bedroom door open, because this was _their place, all theirs._

‘Just move, please, I’m dying here’

‘You’re not dying’ Robbe laughs, curling his fingers ever so slightly, causing the boy to jump.

‘I’m gonna come so fucking fast when you put this plug in me’

‘No, you won’t’

‘Are you sure?’

‘I’m very sure’ Robbe replies, removing his fingers and looking around the bed until he finds the vibrating plug, still turned off. He picks up the lube again, coating the toy thoroughly, and nudges the tip against Sander’s entrance, causing the boy to whine. ‘Because you still have to fuck me’

‘Shit’

They moan in unison as Robbe slides the toy inside Sander, gently but surely, loving the way he can see his hole clenching, trying to accommodate the plug inside, knowing that it’s resting against Sander’s prostate, probably driving him wild already.

He tugs at it, just because he can, and Sander slaps his thigh, moaning.

‘Stop’

‘How does it feel?’

‘Intense. Fuck, I need to get inside you _now_ ’

The mattress dips underneath them as Sander slowly rolls his body forward, resting his head against the headboard with Robbe still on top of him, holding the remote control because both of their phones are charging, and they _finally_ remembered that the plug came with a remote. Robbe presses one button, turning the plug on the lowest setting, and smiling at the way Sander’s mouth falls open in surprise.

‘You look so good like this’ He muses, picking up the lube again and spreading it around his fingers before he dips one inside his own ass, watching his boyfriend squirm.

Robbe is still relaxed from all the rimming earlier, but he still stretches himself slowly, savoring the feeling and sliding his fingers in and out before adding a third one, loving how the friction burns a bit, leaves him on the edge between pleasure and pain. He can see Sander gritting his teeth beneath him, one hand flying to grip his waist, and Robbe knows he’s getting impatient, desperate to just fuck him.

‘Can you move faster?’

‘What’s the hurry?’

‘Robbe, for fuck’s sake’

‘Would it help if you got to see me?’

Before Sander can reply, Robbe lifts his leg off from Sander’s lap, moving around the bed before throwing it across the boy’s legs again, wanting to give his boyfriend _a goddamn show_. Robbe sits back on Sander’s lap, facing his feet now, and lifts his ass up, fingering himself open and giving Sander the best view he ever got. Apparently, it’s worth it, because Sander mutters a quiet _fucking hell,_ lifting one hand to spread his cheeks further, not wanting to miss the way Robbe’s fingers are now curling inside his ass.

‘I can feel you vibrating’ Robbe comments, voice high, and tries not to blush at the wet squelching sound his fingers are making.

‘Fuck, you look so good’ sander grunts, confirming his thoughts.

‘Yeah?’

‘Just wanna bury myself inside you’

As if trying to prove his point, Sander slides one of his fingers along Robbe’s, pushing it inside his ass and massaging his walls. Robbe gasps at the intrusion, a surprised moan leaving his lips, amazed at how different and good Sander’s finger feels inside him, curling and prodding.

‘Fuck’

‘Hurry up’

Robbe finally gives in, sliding his fingers out and wiping them on the duvet before he picks up the remote again. He looks at Sander in warning, increasing the setting and being rewarded by Sander’s grunts, by the way his hands are gripping Robbe’s hips so tight now that it’s almost painful.

‘Robin, please’

‘I’m right here, it’s okay’

Twisting himself around to face Sander again, Robbe picks up the lube quickly, smiling at the sight of his boyfriend; his chest and face are flushed, pupils dilated as he looks at Robbe, looking restless, wrecked.

‘You wanna fuck me?’

‘So much’

‘Say it’ Robbe pleads, sitting on Sander’s lap and coating his boyfriend’s cock with lube.

‘I wanna fuck you so bad, wanna slide inside you again and again, until you’re shaking and crying and coming all over me, and then I’ll keep going, until I come so deep inside of you’

‘Fuck, jesus’

Robbe lifts his body slightly, the blunt pressure of Sander’s dick against his entrance causing him to moan. He loves the anticipation, the buildup of knowing how stretched he will be, how _full_ Sander can make him feel. Finally, _finally,_ he feels Sander’s cock sliding into him, the head breaching his hole, making him exhale as his body adjusts to the initial intrusion. Sander keeps sliding in, unforgiving, until Robbe feels himself surrounded by Sander, filled to the brim, ass clenching around him with white-hot pleasure, every sensation being intensified by the steady vibration that radiates from the plug and travels through their bodies.

‘I love you so much’ Sander finally exhales, kissing Robbe’s neck.

‘I love you too’

Robbe waits another couple of seconds before moving, raising his hips the tiniest bit before bouncing back again, feeling Sander’s cock moving inside him. Soon enough they’re grinding against each other, setting up a rhythm that causes Sander to groan whenever Robbe lifts his hips, hole clenching around his cock.

‘You’re so tight, baby’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, fuck, so good’

Sander sits up on the bed, cursing louder (which Robbe knows it’s probably because the vibrator must be right against his prostate now) and licking a stripe along Robbe’s neck, hands forcing his hips down as he pounds into him. Robbe runs one hand along Sander’s head, laughing in a delirious way because it’s still a new thing to look at, but he likes it.

‘Why are you laughing?’

‘Your head feels weird’

‘But good?’

‘Very good’

Robbe rubs his face against Sander’s shaved head for good measure, causing Sander to laugh in return, and it’s amazing to Robbe how everything is so good and easy with Sander, how he feels completely comfortable to do and say whatever he wants. Their laughter turns to moans again, though, as Sander bucks his hips forward, meeting Robbe at every thrust, and he knows they won’t last very long.

‘Can I increase the setting?’

‘Fuck, okay’

The vibration runs through Sander’s body and into Robbe’s, causing both of them to go silent for a while, mouths searching for each other and meeting in a searing kiss, nothing more than teeth and tongue and lips clashing against each other as they moan with pleasure. Sander moves one of his hands down and touches Robbe’s rim, feeling the stretched skin puffy around his cock, and Robbe can feel himself close to crying, tense and _desperate to come_.

He stops moving on top of Sander, staring at his boyfriend’s eyes while he taps at the place where they’re connected, smiling cruel and soft at the same time.

‘Please?’ He whispers, and Robbe knows exactly what he wants.

Robbe nods once, taking a deep breath before he moves again, sliding up on Sander’s cock and bracing himself. Sure enough, as he’s rolling his hips against Sander’s, Robbe grunts at the sensation of his boyfriend’s finger as he slowly slides it in alongside his dick. He feels so full, and Sander’s finger only adds to the pressure that is already building up inside of him, so it’s no surprise that Robbe tears up, eyes wet and feeling _so utterly overwhelmed and desperate_ that Sander lifts his other hand to caress his hair, almost as if he’s guessing that Robbe needs the comfort right now.

‘Color?’

‘Gr-green’ Robbe hiccups, moving on top of him again.

‘Is it too much?’

‘Yeah’

‘You’re doing so well, baby, you feel so good around me, so tight and perfect’

‘I’m close, San’

‘Me too, me too’

‘Please don’t stop touching me’ He pleads, chasing his release as he bounces on top of Sander, who is looking on the verge of orgasm himself.

‘I won’t, baby, I’ll never stop touching you’

His cock is still leaking, a string of precum linking it to Sander’s stomach, and Robbe just _has to touch it_ , so he scoops up a bit with his fingers, smearing it on his boyfriend’s warm skin before Sander grunts.

‘Give me your hand’

‘Huh?’

‘I wanna taste you’

Still bouncing on top of him, Robbe lifts his hand, pushing his thumb inside Sander’s mouth, and shivering when the boy moans louder, hips moving faster as he pounds into Robbe.

‘You taste so fucking good, baby’

‘Yeah?’

Sander sucks his thumb deeper into his mouth, the sensation of his boyfriend’s warm tongue lapping at his finger sending sparks through Robbe’s body, and their moves are growing erratic, uncoordinated as they both chase their orgasms.

‘I’m so close, Robin’

‘Me too, San, me too’

Robbe finally touches his own cock, almost crying with relief at the contact and friction, and vaguely thinks that they must make quite the sight right now: Sander, with his cock and finger inside Robbe, gripping his hair; and Robbe, with one finger inside Sander’s mouth and jerking himself off. Nothing else seems to matter besides the way they are connected.

They’re so entangled in each other, so woven together, that it’s hard to know _where one ends and the other begins_ , and the vibrations intensify everything so much more. Robbe doesn’t even know where the vibration is coming from anymore, as it seems to course through his body from every direction, and he uses his thumb to push Sander’s mouth open, so that he can lick inside, his orgasm creeping up and causing his legs to go numb.

‘Sander, I’m coming, fuck, fuck’

It’s almost more than he can take, and Robbe can’t remember anything besides Sander right now; his smell, his taste, his touch, Sander seems to be all around him, filling his _every sense_ until he spills over, cock spurting cum on Sander’s stomach, his ass clenching against Sander’s dick and finger inside him. His blood feels like lava running through his veins, and he holds Sander’s shoulders tight, thrumming with pleasure on top of him, still moving enough that his boyfriend’s noises grow louder.

‘Fuck, oh fuck’ Sander moans, and then he’s coming, too.

Even though Robbe can’t feel the exact sensation of being filled by Sander as he comes, there is no mistaking it; his boyfriend’s face scrunches up in pleasure, mouth open for Robbe to lick inside, and he _can_ feel Sander’s cock twitching as he empties himself inside Robbe, the grip on his hair growing a bit harder before easing up completely. Sander’s finger slips from his ass, and his whole body goes limp on the bed as they fight to catch their breaths together. Soon, the vibration starts to feel uncomfortable even for Robbe, and he’s about to reach for the remote when Sander pleads.

‘Robin, the plug, please’

‘I got it, it’s okay’

The room goes quiet all of a sudden, now that the vibration noise has stopped, and Robbe runs one hand across Sander’s head, caressing his shaved head with a smile.

‘Wow’

‘I know’

‘That was amazing’

‘It really was’ Robbe agrees, feeling Sander softening inside him and knowing he will probably need to get up soon.

‘Robbe’

‘Mmmm’

‘We forgot to turn off the lights’

‘I know’

‘In a minute’

‘Okay’ Robbe replies, still on top of Sander, feeling relaxed and sated and sleepy and happy, _so happy._

-

There’s a soft, insistent patting on the window, and when Robbe finds the strength to get up and lock their balcony, he finds out that it’s snowing, their street covered in a white dusting. Robbe adjusts the heating and turns off the lights, tapping on the wall in order not to trip into anything. Sander’s body is deliciously warm when he climbs under the covers, and Robbe sighs as the boy turns around to face him.

‘It’s snowing’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah, I already turned up the heating’

‘Mmmm’ Sander replies, hands reaching for him until they settled on his ribs, tracing a lazy pattern.

For the longest time, Robbe thought that his life would be all about people choosing for him, forcing him to go along with whatever they thought it was best without ever asking what he actually wanted. It was easy for him, too, to just go with the flow without questioning much, just existing. But it was also as if he’d been half-living, just dragging his body from place to place without intention and without desire.

It was such a stark contrast from how free he feels now.

Sure, it’s hard, and he struggles a lot, and somedays he feels tired from everything, but it’s also so good, because he’s choosing his life. When he’s at the supermarket with Sander, or arguing with Milan because he wants them to spend the night whenever they go to the kollektiv ( _we live three blocks away!_ ), or begging Noor to give him a discount when he’s at C&A buying a new hoodie because Sander accidentally stained his with ink remover, Robbe is in control of his own life.

And when he’s with Sander, this feeling only intensifies. Sander, who lets him set the pace of their lives, who allows him to know what he wants and actually get it, who, despite loving to control Robbe and boss him around, also checks constantly that this is what he wants, that they’re doing this together, _always._

He couldn’t ask for much else.

This is Robbe’s favorite time of the day; when they’re relaxed, cuddling and talking about everything and nothing, just enjoying each other’s company before falling asleep. Sander smells like soap with a hint of paint, still, as he keeps tracing his fingers along Robbe’s stomach, lulling him into a sleepy state and making him forget about his sore muscles.

‘What else did you do today?’

‘Not much. Went to work, had that weird instructing class, you know, to prepare myself for tomorrow’

‘Cannot believe they’re letting you host the excursion tour’ Robbe snorts, trying to picture Sander as he teaches a group of third graders about art.

‘It’s just on the right wing of the museum, it won’t take long. Besides, I’m good with kids’

‘Yeah?’

‘Of course, kids love gory stuff, and I’m gonna show them Hemessen’s _The Surgeon_ , they’re gonna love it’

‘Oh my god’ Robbe lets out a startled laugh, remembering how speechless he had gotten when Sander showed him the painting one afternoon. ‘Are you sure they’re allowed to see that painting?’

‘Yeah, I checked with my boss today’

‘Well, then I guess their visit will definitely be interesting’

‘Yeah, I’ll be the best tour guide ever!’ Sander confidently states. ‘What about you?’

‘Huh?’

‘Besides seeing Eskild’s friend, how was your day’

‘Oh, it was chill, nothing much happened’

‘Mmm’

Sander shimmies around until he’s resting on Robbe’s shoulder, his shaved head prickling Robbe’s chin when he moves, their legs intertwined. They should try and go to sleep, Robbe has school early in the morning, but it’s just _so good_ to lie beside Sander, just sharing body heat and being together. Sander rubs his nose on his chest, _almost like a cat_ , which brings a memory to Robbe’s mind.

‘Oh, I forgot to tell you, there’s a stray cat wandering around the shop lately’

‘What?’ Sander asks, sounding much more awake than before.

‘Yeah, Eskild thinks someone’s giving him food, because he just won’t go away’

‘Is he hurt?’

‘No, he just keeps meowing sadly whenever one of us goes behind the shop to take out the trash’

Sander almost wakes up completely at that, eyes wide open in the dark as he stares at Robbe, asking _is he small? What color is he? Have you tried petting him?_ and Robbe knows where this is going, he knows Sander too well _not to know_ what is going on inside his mind. Despite his edgy appearance and brooding demeanor, Sander is an _absolute softie_ , the one who wants to cuddle every single stray animal they see outside, who will spend days trying to pet a random dog he sees on his way to work. Robbe sighs, trying not sound firm but knowing it’s pointless.

‘Sander, we’re not adopting the cat’

‘But he’s small and alone, Robbe!’

‘We barely have time to water the plants!’ He argues, because, along with the snake plant Yasmina had given them when they first moved in (and that Sander named Nagini, of all things, because _it’s a snake plant, Robin, it should have a snake name!_ ), they had bought three other plants, that all sat beside the TV in a row, looking like a group of weird-looking creatures that swayed with the wind and needed to be watered every once in a while.

‘Baby, it’s getting cold lately, the cat is probably feeling scared’

‘Sander’

‘And now it’s snowing! What if he has no place to hide?’

‘Oh god, I shouldn’t have said anything’

‘I gotta see him, do you work on Monday?’

‘Yes’ Robbe answers, reluctant.

‘Perfect, I’ll go with you –‘

‘San…’

‘Just to look at him!’

‘Fine. Just one look!’

‘Deal’

Sander moves a bit closer to him, nosing his hair, voice tinged with laughter, and a small voice in the back of Robbe’s head is saying _you know he’s gonna bring this cat home, right?_ , but he chooses to ignore it for now. His boyfriend is staring at him in silence, a huge grin on his face as he no doubt tries to remain cool and composed.

‘Shut up’ Robbe grumbles.

‘I didn’t say anything!’

‘I just know what you’re thinking’

‘No, you don’t’

‘You’re probably already thinking about names for the cat, am I right?’

‘… Maybe’ Sander replies, burrowing deeper in Robbe’s arms.

Robbe is trying very hard not to laugh, not wanting to give in to Sander’s idea, and scrambles his mind for something else to talk about.

‘I saw one of our neighbors when I stopped by the mailbox’

‘Which one?’

‘Dunno, I didn’t stop to talk to them’

‘Robbe’

‘What? I’m not as social as you!’

‘Yeah, and that reminds me, Emma and Maria rang our doorbell earlier’

The casual tone in Sander’s voice makes Robbe laugh, amazed at how _domestic_ he is with their next-door neighbors, ms. Emma and ms. Maria Jones, two married women in their sixties.

‘Yeah?’

‘They asked if we liked cookies, because they will start baking for Christmas and wanted to give us some’

‘Oh, that’s nice’

‘Yeah, they’re really cool’

‘I can’t believe you’re friends with them already’ Robbe lifts his hand to scratch Sander’s freshly-shaven head, still not used to the sensation but liking it all the same.

‘Maybe we can make something for them at Christmas, too’

‘I guess’

‘Mama sent me some cake recipes, I think she wants me to try them’

‘Are we really going to be one of _those_ neighbors when we get married, the ones that make food for everyone?’ Robbe jokes.

Sander doesn’t answer him, and they lie in silence for a beat before the boy turns to him in the dark, his eyes enormous under the low lights, and he’s smiling again.

‘Once we get married, huh?’ Robbe doesn’t miss how Sander’s voice is trembling, hesitant.

‘Yeah’

‘That means we’ll get married’

‘Of course we’ll get married, Sander’ Robbe replies, trying not to laugh at how hard Sander is smiling. His voice is laced with emotion when he finally speaks.

‘Are you proposing to me right now, Robin?’

‘Maybe in the morning, okay?’

‘Okay’

‘Good’

‘But my answer is yes’

‘I know, baby. Mine, too’

Sander’s leg intertwines with his, and they’re almost sharing the same pillow now, breathing into each other’s space, Robbe’s hand on Sander’s waist like a lifeline. It feels grounding, comfortable, safe. It feels like _this is how it’s supposed to be_.

‘Good night, Robin’

‘Good night, Sander’

\- THE END -

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last thank you of the year, and of the fic! I probably won't be able to remember everyone, but I just wanted to thank: viarose99, TheRona, zaddy, snake, pasdesadieux, isakistheone, drowsyiris, nina, esther, trash, lana and everyone who followed me and the boys from the very beginning, I couldn't have done without you all! this fic is a labor of love and it became so much more than a smut AU somewhere along the way hahahaha still, I wouldn't change a thing.
> 
> Love, Bowie. xx

**Author's Note:**

> come scream with/at me on tumblr: https://bowiesmedusa.tumblr.com/


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